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Post by magicnick1990 on Nov 12, 2009 0:57:45 GMT
It's the memorial for my dead mate today. He died when he was 17, two years to this day.
A bunch of friends and half-friends are going out obviously to like... You know, just drink in his memory. Excuse for a big piss-up obviously.
Not to sound blunt but that's the truth of the matter. But not to say it's not genuine, obviously it's genuine in meaning. But, my best mate actually just tried to get me out. I'm broke atm so he said it's on him.
Reason I am not going out is because, mainly, I can't dance lol and just feel awkward in clubs in town. They're going to town. I almost forced myself to go out but just the thought of the night. Happens everytime. Me just stood in the corner, awkward, going out for fags as much as possible.
Only good parts are when I'm actually chatting to my mate outside.
Pretty ridiculous reason not to go out. That sort of social self-paranoia is mentally crippling. And now I just feel pathetic for not going out and also pissed off because part of me does wanna go out and get drunk and laugh with friends you know.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2009 2:27:01 GMT
Jon thats shit mate, I have the same thing for diffrent reasons not much use other than that.
All I can say is try and find other ways of socialising like football teams etc, my bro is your age and he hates clubs as cant hear anyone, suppose they do that so stand round just drinkin and buying booze. I like going to places more chilled out but am old like a residents lounge and listen to some groovy jazz, NICE. Feel a fast show clip coming on but to late need me bed.
And my brothers in a band so always stuck in pubs poor barsteward.
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Post by magicnick1990 on Nov 12, 2009 2:34:33 GMT
Yeah I actually wouldn't mind that jazz idea lol. GREEEAT.
It's not like I haven't been out lol. I've had my fair share of like occasional clubbing but never properly embraced the dancing aspect. Just can't let go of social self-consciousness.
I mean, I was even in a another World, off my head in Ibiza - 14 pills (SERIOUSLY) - I nearly died and I STILL couldn't dance in the clubs because of that.
I mean... It couldn't be a... More fucked up position to let go lmao. I mean some people have a few pints and do it and I was off my face on an stupid amount of A class narcotics and alcohol and still was too self-conscious not to care lmao.
And I don't care about other things, I'm not some... Well like, I like having a laugh and used to make a fool of myself on purpose with friends, be the clown... Erm. Just this dancing thing lol. I don't even enjoy it anyway.
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 12, 2009 3:25:12 GMT
Remember, its not your fault. It's just your current personality. ADHD consultation required.........
What's so wonderful about getting drunk? I have never been drunk in my life and I don't intend to let myself lose control that way. Who knows what will happen? I might kill myself.
I hate alcohol personally. Its one of the most destructive influencing forces on the planet, responsible for so much pain and suffering. That said, from the NICE guidelines etc, substance abuse is very much higher in ADHD and other psychological issues, so what can you do?
Everything in moderation is certainly a good rule.
Good luck whatever you do.
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Post by magicnick1990 on Nov 12, 2009 5:34:05 GMT
Lol it's not that I don't like drinking. I've grown up drinking.
I mean I don't particularly anymore, I prefer 'other'. But I like getting drunk with friends, it's just the dancing and loud clubs.
I just don't find them fun lol.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2009 8:47:43 GMT
I like dancing alot am sorry you dont suppose just one of thoes things alot of guys dont dance as like dead ard like and would make them look a bit daft so maybe you can be the ard one looking for the honeys!
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Post by laura on Nov 12, 2009 9:30:10 GMT
i know what you mean, even tho i do go out im usually used for holding the coats ;D when i go out with new friends that im comfortable with im fine its like i have no shame ;D but because i have never danced with my old friends they make such a fuss when i do dance it makes me feel uncomfortable i have to say tho class a's used to get me through, but i dont really like alchohol it just makes me tierd, you just have to find the elusive comfortable place (people/ and location)
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2009 12:29:34 GMT
Really sorry about your friend, horrible experience to go through...Don't beat yourself up about not wanting to go out..
Tho.. do you 'have' to dance?? It is obligatory?? Can't you do what i do & find a pillar to dance behind, til i've had a few, then dont care & throw some shapes!!
Just do whatever you're comfortable with right now? x
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2009 12:30:45 GMT
She says (being the disco expert) who's only been out twice this year lol!!! Thinking back to the good old days again!!
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Post by magicnick1990 on Nov 13, 2009 12:27:40 GMT
Thanks, yeah wasn't too nice.
Erm, yeah well I usually do just go sit down but the thing is. I don't mind that lol. Some clubs have couches etc. I seriously don't mind / like just sitting back and absorbing the atmosphere, chatting now n then, going for a smoke. More chatting etc.
I just don't actually enjoy dancing but everyone always wants to fucking make you dance.
When I'm by myself too aka in my house, I have a cool natural rhythm lol. Obviously because nobody is watching. I'm sure many are like this.
I'm also a very logical and rational person, so, I know that other people aren't watching me as closely as I presume or imagine that they are when I'm there. I know that due to human nature, many of them, infact, nearly all of them - Will be so worried about their own self-image, they couldn't give two shits about mine.
Unless you're making a total and utter twat of yourself. Nobody cares. I've seen people dance pretty pretty badly and even that didn't bother me one bit and I'm not THAT bad. I mean I am pretty bad in front of other people because I'm so awkward.
I just can't forget other people are there because I know they are there lmao. If I could forget people were there I'm sure I'd be good. I don't wanna dance anyway dam it haha.
I'm seeing this girl now though and I'm from this environment like, if I went out to town with her, she just expects me to dance you know. I actually met her in a club, we've known 'of' each other for years though. I told her I don't dance though, she seems to not care much.
But I know if we go out to town, I mean, you just look boring if you don't and girls like to dance with guys so if I don't she will with someone lol. And that will just make me feel horrible.
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