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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2009 18:12:00 GMT
I go back to work Monday after nearly six months off with adhd diagnosis.
Had back to work interview today, when discussed, how they could help me.
They said musnt use adhd as an excuse.
My manager thinks its best she tells th staff and asks sometime to be a buddy so they have an understanding and stop me flitting and help keep me focussed.
They asked me why i wasnt using dictaphone or wrtting notes the coping stratergies i told them about, I said cause i feel strange doing thks infront of other people. They said they want to see me using my timer dictaphone etc and using my coping stratergies and my manager is going to tell people what they are so they prompt me to use them.
I feel so embarassed ive only just come to terms with this my self and have only learnt coping statergies in last couple of weeks, noe i have to face people with it.
They said i have to speak up if having problems or feel panicky. Its like im laying self bare to people. Say if i forget some of the coping stratergies ive learnt? What if do somthing without thinking or say wrong thing? Ive got to change 33 years of behaviour or gonna lose second best job ever had. Talk about pressure, i cant just wave magic wand and make it gk away i wished i could. I hate being me i really really do. Im on no adhd meds im trying so hard i am really but i dont know wether its god enough. I so want to suceed. Please any words of wisdom appreciated, or if anyone had same experiences please share.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2009 18:35:03 GMT
They're over-reacting.
You need to make it clear that it is unacceptable to make an example of you
"my manager is going to tell people what they are so they prompt me to use them."
That would make you a target.
They need to know what the boundaries are - disclosing confidential knowledge about you is not allowed.
Sorry to be so negative - the positives will look after themselves.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2009 18:59:01 GMT
Thing is meggie once your meds kick in it might not be an issue anymore and all thoes people have a lable to put you down with "O well the project went wrong as Meggie was on it with me and she has ADHD" scape goat big time!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2009 21:45:38 GMT
I just feel down like cryin Ive only just had diagnosis im no different to what was before went off sickj, so i think gonna fail. Im all over place, will i ever be able to do job ive got high IQ but cant put into practice.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 9:51:32 GMT
Hi Meggie, (sorry for the long post!) I agree with PlanetDave that this is unacceptable behaviour from your managers. They should take on the fact that you are likely to feel very selfconscious about coming back to work with a diagnosis etc., and not make you feel further singled out. It does take time to adjust to new ways of working, and it can be difficult to use any strategies that set you out from others. It is difficult for anybody, not just for you. I can imagine it would be very very difficult to explain this to them. I don't know how good they are as managers - whether this is a blip, or whether they are typically poor at understanding others' points of view. I use a dictaphone to write fiction. I won't use it unless I'm sure no one can overhear me. I would like to use it more often, but yes, I am self conscious about it. I don't know what to suggest but that you distract yourself as much as possible outside of work, and have planned rewards and trips or anything at all to look forward to for getting through the day. A day at work feeling singled out may pass a litte quicker if you know you're going to see some cheery film like Up or something afterwards [haven't seen it yet, but hear it's good I think]. Otherwise you'll spend all your time thinking about the next day. Say if i forget some of the coping stratergies ive learnt? What if do somthing without thinking or say wrong thing? Whenever I start thinking about my ADHD/Asperger's I tend to start believeing I am nothing but my ADHD/Asperger's and that I do nothing normal, reasonable, explainable, understandable to anyone, and that I do nothing productive etc. This is a kind of hypervigilence. You worry about everything you do, and by worrying about it, make it more likely that you may make a mistake. This is normal. Undoubtedly, you are good at your job. That's why you got it. That's why you love it - a job doesn't become your 2nd best ever unless you were meant to be doing it! None of us love jobs we have no talent for. Maybe the reason your managers are being tough with you is because they know what you are capable of. This is often the case. You could maybe spend some time reminding yourself about what you do well in your job. Times you've done something well. You might have done it differently from somebody else, but you did it. When at first you sit down with your paper (or dictaphone etc), you will think of nothing else but how awful you are, your tendency to procrastinate and flit from one thing to another.. That's understandable because you have spent so much time thinking about your ADHD, which is only one side of you. This is not necessarily how others see you or how you come across. Keep thinking and encourage somebody to help you by asking questions or even reminding you of good days you talked about at work. There are some things I did in all of my jobs, for example, that nobody else could do. These balanced the things I did "wrong". Get your partner on the case. When you are stuck in the house stressing and thinking about work, get out for a walk - if the weather's ok - get out of the house any way you can. Bake a cake, anything to distract yourself. Sorry, big long post. I'm just brainstorming really to see if anything might help. Bottom line though, I have no doubt you'll do better than you tink you will. You're not the best person at the moment to be objective about your own best qualities - you have been thinking a lot recently about your own ADHD and apparent "inadequacies" etc. and it takes a while for all this to bed down into a rounded view of yourself. Good luck - I'm sure you'll do great!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 12:34:39 GMT
Thanx, im gonna give it best shot, thats all I can do, I do struggle to be consistant, and i beat self up over this, ,like i know is I should excercisr everyday and eat healthy cause its good for adhd and it is helping self which im trying to do for the first time in life, not just hoping it will go away and block it out.
I am so hard on self get angry if dont eat healthy or excercise or make mistake or house is a mess, and feel others are disappointed im me. I also find it hard to stand up for self, for example i should have said cant start till 11.30 on Monday cause oif counselling i instead cancellled counselling. But i know work want me to speak up and be assertive, its just never done it cause feel usless alot of time. I know its not gonna be easy at work i know ive got to really work hard and push self and thre hard part is coming up, changing 33 years of behaviour, all I can do is best, and if I falk down somedays i do. Everything in life seems hard . I dont know what do without this site and family and friends. Sorry dont know whats coing over me, ive changed in last six months froim a bubbly outgoing person to someone whos lost complete confidence and self esteem. I dont want to moan, its uncharacteristic, my head all over shop with racing thoughts. lol xx
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 12:54:29 GMT
I don't think u should have to broadcast it to everyone if you're not ready..Seems counterproductive to me, i find myslef worse if people know, feel like i'm being observed!! there could be a few areas you could use a buddy for, like i said before, 2 friends at work know, & double-check meds & paperwork , or remind me about something..So beneficial to tell someone u trust..Nothing wrong with using a dictaphone if it helps, don't feel embarrased?!
I'm catch u later x
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 12:58:00 GMT
Thanx Simone lolxx
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 13:00:42 GMT
Meg went without number yest!! DUHHHHHH
Off to work in a mo, doing late shift tonight followed by 6.30 am start tomorrow!! Will be good for nothing post wknd!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 13:07:23 GMT
Thata a killer, its knackering just chill out tommorow afternoon and chat to me. Im going out for lunch but be back about 3.00. I used to do those shits and i didnt sleep well after late shift, so i used to have a sleep in afternoon.
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Lame44
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Post by Lame44 on Nov 23, 2009 11:01:46 GMT
This kind of thing makes me so mad to read Meggie.
They tell you you're not to use ADHD as an excuse, but yet it seems they think they bloody well can use it to ridicule you and make you feel bad.
I think you'll find they are NOT allowed to disclose ANY of you medical history to everybody you work with without your say so, and to do so would be illegal. They can ask you if they could tell someone, but not all and sundry,a nd still, they need your permission. It's obvious one or two people would know as you have to disclose it to them anyway I would think, but for them to decide they are going to tell everyone without asking you is awfully wrong, and if I were you I'd go back to that manager right now and ask to talk to her and tell her your concerns, and tell her that you'd rather not the whole company know about your ADHD.
Just out of interest, how did you get on at the company before you went off sick? Were you coping ok, eg, up to thier standards of work? If so, then they have no right to tell you how to start doing tings either!
Grrr, I hope you can get this sorted Meggie, it's not fair on you at all.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2009 16:03:18 GMT
Hi i work as a family support worker in a childrens centre, i was making a couple of mistakes and things were getting to me I had a minor accident in the carwhen out withanother family support visit and this componded everything and i went off sick for 6 months. In this time ive had adhd diagnosis but no mrdication and talk theraphy. I went back yeaterday, it was shocking and a was another massive wake up call. Id been there two hours organsing desk, and putting some coping statergies in place, meetingd book etc. Then at 12.00 we had a staff meeting, in this i was told i cant use disability as an excuse, i shouldnt be treated any different to anyone else, I was asked if i really was suited to job as thet didnt think so. How could i change in 4 weeks (only had diagnosis) that long, tthen staff each took it in turns to tell me what i was doing wrong, flitting and not finishing tasks, asking people to help with jobs if was stressed, promising things to parents i couldnt deliver, report that didnt make sense etc. I really didnt have a clue, i knew i hadnt pass messages on a times and flitted a little but that was it. I thought i mad self ill because too much going on in personal life and this affected work and i was no longer coping. Reflecting now i realise, everthing had come to ahead with constant racing thoughts flitting and a generally chatic world and i broke down this had been coming on all my life and excalated in the last seven years. I just feel under so much pressure to perform, im frigtened to make a mistake or do the wrong thing my head is spinning, im binging, and i feel usless and life is always gonna be hard. I sometimes think i cant go on then i think i hope things will get better. Please help someone please.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2009 17:52:50 GMT
They did WHAT?
I don't know where to start - what you wrote contravenes just about every employment regulation going.
INVITING people to criticise someone openly? And when you have just returned from long term sickness? And with a new diagnosis?
It's completely and utterly out of order.
I don't know what state you are in - I'd have been either in tears or custody.
They have a duty of care.
To make reasonable adjustments so you can do your job.
To not disclose confidential information about you.
To not single you out in any way.
Some of this is DDA (which you come under) but most of it is just plain and ordinary employment law.
These are legal requirements and you cannot work there until they comply with the regulations.
Even then it's too late to take back what they have already done.
I cant see how you can consider working tomorrow - the only reason to go in is to lay an official grievance against them.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2009 18:04:59 GMT
How about; 'what can we do to help with you're transition back to work, etc etc??' EH? where's the constructive support here??
Jesus, i'm so angry...If there were mistakes in the past, due to stress, & i know you're in a very repsonsible position, so have to be careful, the 'buddy' idea 'could' have worked, in a discreet & helpful way.. full-stop
Now were talking bullying, no-way can they sit there & critisize like that? So unprofessional & nasty..I could say 'not like the caring profession', but i'd be lying, my boss (supposed friend is a nastly piece too..
Meg, what do you think you're going to do???
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2009 18:15:13 GMT
I cannot believe what I am reading here. I have been diagnosed 10 years, ADHD is not an excuse, FOR GODS SAKE, if you had downs and they could physically see your disability would they say that to you then? Err no, don't think so!!!
You have a learning disability just as we all do, if they tell other staff that they are breaking the law, it is up to you what you do or do not disclose. Your employer needs to tread very carefully.
When I was first diagnosed I cried for days and felt all confusing different emotions, but fear and anger and resentment were the main ones. You are going through enough without that bull poo.
You will not be able to manage coping strategies without the correct medication at the correct dosage, trust me I know, I have tried, you have no chance, zip, nada, none at all.
But your manager is the main issue here, how dare they make you tell everybody, what if you had bowel cancer and had to make frequent trips to toilet, would they make you tell your colleagues then?
You need to challenge your manager now, get this nipped in the bud before it gets out of hand.
As for your strategies, don't implememnt them all, try them one at a time, and then stick with the one that works best.
May be try the one you can do most discreetly first, i.e. note taking.
But you must get your meds, when they get them right you will feel like a light has been turned on and you can breathe, I didn't know it was possible to think like I do now, they are vital to you managing your day to day life at home and at work. Good luck hun.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2009 18:27:24 GMT
Unbelievable! I agree with all the of the above: your employer has a duty of care.
I would love to say I was shocked that this could happen in the care industry, but I know better. I worked in a college that specifically worked with asperger's and ADHD, and my treatment by all but one or two people was consistently appalling. But this is bullying, plain and simple, and to treat somebody like that who has just come back with a new diagnosis is inhuman.
I agree that you would need to implement one strategy at a time, focus on it, get it nailed, and then move on to the next. And you need to feel in control of what strategies you are putting in place. For somebody to advise you is one thing, but for people to tell you to do all this stuff when they have made so little effort to understand the condition, is appalling.
These people can't be allowed to treat you like this. If you can summon the strength to tell them in whatever way - on paper if it is easier - then they really do need to know how illegal their activity is, and how it is making you feel. It's sickening how they are treating you.
Also, Meggie, you are very hard on yourself. I was too for years and still can be. We can only do what we can do, but until you are medicated you are trying to fight against yourself and sometimes the ADHD is going to win.
Fingers crossed for you!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2009 21:26:02 GMT
Thanks everybody going to talk to manager and if no sucess will involve union and put grievence in. Ive also got appointment with posyciatrist brought forward from end jan to next wednsday, cause i cant wait till then i cant, beta blockers and anti depressants arent touchbing this Thanx
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Post by laura on Nov 26, 2009 16:13:27 GMT
Hi meggie im so sorry to hear about your teoubles at work, it too makes me mad and i hope things imporove
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 27, 2009 4:00:29 GMT
Bristol clinic closes Then I read this thread.
I think I'm going to lie down now.....before my brain goes into overdrive.
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Post by roland on Nov 27, 2009 9:09:35 GMT
Hi meggie, I'm really sorry that I'm only just catching up with things! Their behaviour sounds appallingly patronising I agree with what everyone else has suggested and would like to add that I think you should, on the quiet, start working on a CV and looking for another job at the same time you are filing the grievance. That way you've got time to find exactly the right position! You deserve better than them, and it will be their loss when you leave!!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2009 17:51:02 GMT
Thanx everybody, i am trying very hard,they arent really putting anything in placenotherbthan buddy system and telling everyone,and 27hrs for this and next week. Im in most sessions only thing not doing is home visits and planning so much for easing me in sink or swim, thats how it feels and im swimming at moment i just hope i can maintain it. Im really gonna try and keep i need money.
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