Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2009 10:37:36 GMT
Hi I know this is a personal touchy subject, so don't mind if anybody wants to personal message me. In fact id be more than grateful, of any comfort or advice: Right here goes
Basically I'm a complete failure! always was I tried so hard to have a career as a nurse then as a family support worker with many jobs in between. I wanted to be proud of self and my partner to be proud of me.
But it was all to much I've messed up every job Ive had, and only job could seem to do was a carer with learning difficulties or one to one work.
Ive found out this year i have adhd, its come to late for me as work and self agreed i should go down redeployment route. This means i take a massive drop of about £8.000 in wages, so we cant pay our debts off which we were trying to do.
Then we were going to try for a baby.
Ive let partner down family down self down and feel totally useless, like i shouldn't even be on this planet, Ive tried to end it before have no courage, and it frightens me i might not do it properly and ill end up brain damaged.
Since this has all happen with job Ive gone into a state of limbo, i cant motivate self to do nothing, i wake up in total fear and feel physically sick.
I wish i could have been diagnosed sooner and treated then i wouldn't have hurt the people i love or let them down like i have.
Ive binged eaten I'm over weight, disgusting to look at.
I don't think my partner will be able to cope with debt management this terrifies me, I'm wondering what it will be like.
I'm scared of living its a strange feeling.
I just want to know if anybody else had gone down this route or had similar problems.
Perhaps i shouldnt have posted this i just don't know any more.
Basically I'm a complete failure! always was I tried so hard to have a career as a nurse then as a family support worker with many jobs in between. I wanted to be proud of self and my partner to be proud of me.
But it was all to much I've messed up every job Ive had, and only job could seem to do was a carer with learning difficulties or one to one work.
Ive found out this year i have adhd, its come to late for me as work and self agreed i should go down redeployment route. This means i take a massive drop of about £8.000 in wages, so we cant pay our debts off which we were trying to do.
Then we were going to try for a baby.
Ive let partner down family down self down and feel totally useless, like i shouldn't even be on this planet, Ive tried to end it before have no courage, and it frightens me i might not do it properly and ill end up brain damaged.
Since this has all happen with job Ive gone into a state of limbo, i cant motivate self to do nothing, i wake up in total fear and feel physically sick.
I wish i could have been diagnosed sooner and treated then i wouldn't have hurt the people i love or let them down like i have.
Ive binged eaten I'm over weight, disgusting to look at.
I don't think my partner will be able to cope with debt management this terrifies me, I'm wondering what it will be like.
I'm scared of living its a strange feeling.
I just want to know if anybody else had gone down this route or had similar problems.
Perhaps i shouldnt have posted this i just don't know any more.