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Post by laura on Jan 20, 2010 13:15:13 GMT
Hello has anyone got any homework tips they could share please. everynight its like a full blown battle, something that could be done in 20mins taking at least an hour! my son is 6, he used to have hmwk once a week just simple things like couloring in, telling me about his week and a bit of reading and writing practice, it was never all 4 at once just a couple of things to do over the weekend. that was hard enough, just getting him to sit down long enough and to concentrate enough to get started was a nightmare, then sustaining his focus was another battle. for the past couple of months he has been put into a group of 6 from his class for litreacy support as he wasnt progressing as well as the others and now he has homework for that every night! just 1 excercise of writing and reading simple words that he is quite capable of doing, because he does eventually do it. but its a nightmare, i often forget to do it until its too late so it isnt even everynight hes been having to do it but by the time hes finished hes usually in tears, im very close to or am, we are both frustrated, its just so arghhh! we do it at the coffee table, with no tv on to distract him (or me , but it doesnt matter which room we are in its never going to be completely distraction free as i have soo much clutter, but we do it in the quietist distraction free place possible. so any tips would be great, thanx
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Post by andy12345 on Jan 20, 2010 16:47:52 GMT
Practice harmony and tranquility.
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Post by Atticus on Jan 20, 2010 20:12:11 GMT
Have you had you son 'statemented' (I think that's the right word)?
You mention clutter, forgetting to do things, etc. Is it possible you have ADD too? (Don't be shy - I have it!)
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Post by laura on Jan 20, 2010 22:03:15 GMT
hello atticus, ive finally got an appointment with an adhd specialist in march ;D
what do you mean statemented?
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Post by .... on Jan 21, 2010 0:27:15 GMT
Do you have a library local to you? Maybe you could both go there once a week or so for a change of scene? Do you get horrid worksheets like we do? My daughter never would do them with me! She used to compartmentalize school and home and didn't like the two to mix? I think she was like that because she associated school with struggling, and being reprimanded constantly.......So we use plain paper to work through stuff together, and then she transfers it to the sheet on her own.
I'm dreadful for not reminding her, and leaving it all last minute. (decided a while back to ask for referral for me when I see Doc next, but need to break a lifetimes habit of avoiding the Doc). Try now to slot homework in either side of dinner, because its a fixed point. Eat at different times each day, but obv have to eat etc so its harder to forget.
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Post by laura on Jan 21, 2010 11:34:00 GMT
thanx chrysalis, we do have a library but weve got books that were due back about a year ago so i dont like going there. ill have to sooner or later tho god knows how big my fine will be we do have the horrible work sheets and my son also seems to compartmentalise school and home and doesnt like them to mix thanx again ill try the plain paper thing and doing it either side of dinner hopefully that will help i started a triple p parenting course today aswell so im hoping ill learn some other ways to help too
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Post by .... on Jan 21, 2010 14:42:04 GMT
Ooh I'd love to hear how that all goes. Have seen some '123 magic' parenting courses near here (well miles away technically ) starting to think going on one might be quite useful. Let me know how yours goes if you get chance ?
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Post by .... on Jan 21, 2010 14:47:03 GMT
PS. My library fine is only £15 but I haven't been back in years because the librarian shouts at me and she doesn't care if its 5p or £500. Wonder if ADHD'ers could get altered penalty conditions ;D
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Post by annie on Jan 21, 2010 16:33:27 GMT
Hi Laura
Here's my pennyworth based on my own experience.
Our daugh. has dyslexia and 2x week I used to take her for 1-1 tuition at the Dyslexia Inst- she was aged 9. I then had to help her practice her work, half an hour at a time, 3-4x week. She really didn't like this and sometimes it became a bit of a battle.
When I look back, now that she's in her 20's, I think this level of extra work got in the way of me being a mum rather than a quasi teacher and did affect our relationship. Don't get me wrong Parents should be there to help their children with homework but having to do this remedial type work and play "teacher" impacts on your Mum role.
It's good the school have picked up he needs extra help and are doing something about it. However he's only six!! At his age school should be school and being asked to do homework 4x week is way over the top. If he needs this level of input then it should be done in school - home should be where he can be a little boy - not an extended pupil!
In many European countries children don't start school until they're 6 and then only for part of the day. I know the school might interpret you not doing this homework an an unsupportive parent but I would wan't to say " When his learning becomes a battleground at home then I need to weigh up what's in his best interest - a distressed child at home because of additional homework, compromises my role as his mum, which is to protect his self esteem and emotional wellbeing so can we find another way of supporting his educational needs"
I know it isn't easy to feel confident to stand up to schools but in this instant they are way out of order!! Is he on Scool Action+ and have you helped draw up his Individual Education Plan?
Take care
annie
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Post by Deleted on Jan 24, 2010 23:23:03 GMT
I think you should tell the school the problems you are having and that your child cannot do the work. After all he is only 6 and he spends all day at school. My son who is seven, has adhd, and he only gets homework at the weekends and that is bad enough. Sometimes I just write a note to say he won't do it and the teachers say 'ok, fine'. I have even spoke to the head about it and she said just let us know if he doesn't want to do it. Homework every night for a six year old is just not on. I used to worry about homework but try not to as much now. hth xx
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Post by phil on Jan 25, 2010 10:27:56 GMT
thats not a bad idea you know make it discrimination to charge folks with ADHD late fee's! ;D you just know everyone will be floking to blockbusters hiring video games ;D this is a long shot but have you tried sticker charts? or brib him with a treat? Phil
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Post by laura on Jan 25, 2010 10:30:21 GMT
thankyou everyone i do personanly think he is too young for this, i was considering putting him in a steiner school where they dont start writing till 7. unfurtunately i didnt like the school. but i did like how they taught reading and writing, through stories using different coloured pencils im going to have a word with the school again and i think theyl be ok with it, i just feel nervous about talking to them, theyve stopped going on about my lateness and seemed to have just accepted we dont get to school on time but that i do try my best. weve stopped having the nightly battle now by just not doing it every night as long as he does some once or twice a week im happy and hes happier crhys ill let you know how the parenting course goes
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Post by laura on Jan 25, 2010 10:33:18 GMT
phil i did try bribing him, but that doesnt work, ;D i usually say he can have breaks where he can run wild, do headstands ect and that works sometimes but others he doesnt want to sit back down again. ive been meaning to do a sticker chart for months now but havnt got round to it yet
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Post by .... on Jan 25, 2010 13:37:51 GMT
Wicked. Thank you Laura. I want to go on one but am nervous.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2010 11:59:07 GMT
Hi Laura
I have 3 children 6,8 and 11. My son the oldest has been diagnosed with adhd, and homework is a nightmare especially ongoing things like school projects. I strongly suspect that my youngest a girl has adhd although milder, I find that providing small regular incentives for even the tiniest stage of homework completed helps a lot because it is instant gratification! It does take a lot of dedication on my part because I am totally crap at it if I am doing other things like cooking meals or anything really. So one to one is good, as little distraction for both of you as possible and maybe a large box of second hand lego pieces that your son likes or credits markers to see a tv program or extra story is good.
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Post by laura on Feb 17, 2010 14:50:30 GMT
thanx bart, i will give it a go, im trying sticker charts at the mo and its working ok most days. parnets evening next week so im going to talk to his teacher then, im going to do a list of q's to take with me because i never remember what i was going to ask ;D chrys i went to the parenting class for 2 weeks, but found the group classes too much to take in and found myself looking at the displays on the wall and out the window when i was supposed to be listnening, it also involved keeping a diary of childs behaviour and mine was, well i forgot to do it most days. so im going to try one to one instead. the parenting advisor woman at the school has said id be able to start them with her in the next couple of months. so hopefully that will go better
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2010 14:25:10 GMT
I can picture myself in that classroom doing just what you described! Blah, blah, blah somewhere in the background, with occasional retention of information.....my attention going off into every poster or some small detail of the teachers appearance. Every now and again making a comment myself but then being suddenly aware of the blank face listening to me as I veer off suject and make some sort of obscure joke.....thank god I am not on my own. Well done for being organised and thinking about questions before hand........just remember to take it with you!
The problem with people without experience of ADHD trying to help especially healthcare profs is that they have no idea how hard it is for you or I to keep a journal. Just the mention of it makes me feel physically sick and legs go wobbly...that and form filling, but that's another story!
Please let me know how you get on, just remember this it has nothing to do with how hard you try and how committed you are, it is like telling a criple to dance saying if you try hard enough you can do it! We are all doing our best for our families so saying I can't do this right now or even at all is the best way of doing our best and being kinder to ourselves. I know I put my needs at the back of the queue I suspect that is a common trait in ADHDers because we always feel that we are not up to scratch.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2010 13:08:40 GMT
DONT DO IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by laura on Mar 21, 2010 14:32:43 GMT
dont do what?
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Post by sherry on Mar 22, 2010 20:13:48 GMT
If I get late fees I phone/write and tell them I have a neurological condition that affects my memory, usually get them reduced by 50% (if its the bank) or cancelled altogether. If they tell me I need someone to act on my behalf I have a fit and tell them I am very intelligent I just can't remember. Its always worked up till now, give it a try folks.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2010 11:41:31 GMT
Hi.. Yea tell me about it, I'm a parent with adhd and my 2 sons also have it, although they may not have the hyperactive element.
Homework has to be made fun, also try to keep distractions to a minimum. i started by dictating while my youngest (11) son copied, this got him to focus. we then counted jam jars and money.
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Post by mizmog on Oct 5, 2010 11:59:55 GMT
I hv a now 17 yr old son with ADHD and am also adhd myself, and my advice might not be very usefull but i will say it anyway... When i had all of that with my son at 5/6/7 trying to get him to read/write it was terrible... I really thought it was me that couldn't teach him... cut a long story short, it suddenly dawned on me that when someone asks me a to read something out its like they hv asked me to turn my head 360degrees and i just cant do it... so bearing this in mind, I started to get him to help me in things like reading a recipe whilst i had my hands full or sending him off in the shops for ONE item at a time but knowing he would hv to read them to get it right... it worked a treat but like me, he still cant do it even at 17 if asked too yet is very bright and quite able to finish a noval in days!! I think by simply asking them to read or write its put the barrier up straight away and a little man in their head says NO!!... I had no luck with the schools either because unless u actualy understand ADD or ADHD then u just dont understand how to help them.. and most schools defianetly do not understand!!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2010 4:40:11 GMT
When i was at school I was exempt from homwork. My mum had to fight her argument was that it was so much harder for me to sit in a classroom all day than other children so when i got home it was my time to be me and to make me do homework was putting me under too much stress. I have a brother who do not have ADHD and he did his homework. I know that there are argument for and against this but at the time this for me was the best way for me to get through school kate
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Post by kakema on Oct 13, 2010 7:55:00 GMT
It's very tricky to avoid making homework a battleground. I identify with so many posts here. Too much too early, complicated by dyslexia, screaming, stress. Found that being straight w school helped - they advised that she should spend no more than 30 mins doing what she could manage. SENCO also advised splitting it into two chunks w a 15 min break in between and that seemed to help a lot. She now manages herself on that basis. Having ADHD myself doesn't help as I often forget to organise what's needed (as I write, I realise that i've taken her in without her oboe again - and I've also just realised I'm on the wrong train AGAIN!!). Oh dear, time for corrective action...
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