Thank you for replying. It's just good sometimes to know that I am not the only one feeling a certain way..
Yeah I met this man pre ADHD diagnoses. In fact it was he who encouraged me to get DX and he actually paid for the DX.. (prob gambling money!!) Mia-ow..
Since then I have had a lot of help and CBT and my life has become clearer more focused. I have a really good job and family and the future is exciting and not a place I am now scared to go..
Absolutely everything about my relationship with him was the way he wanted it to be. It was he who wanted me and persued me off the face of the earth to be in my life..It was not until after we were together I realised he had huge problems..He had fought at first to see his kids and then after about a year decided that he would not spend any more money on solicitors, and that fighting with his ex was not happening anymore and I was so shocked that anyone could give up and stop seeing their children. He maintained his ex was the devil incarnate and she was traumatising his kids and that stopping seeing them was the best thing for him and them... I told him we should sell the flat and keep fighting to have them in his life...I would never have trusted a man who abandoned his kids, he just did a good job on me and my family of convincing us the mother was a nutter who never stop hurting his kids 'cos he had another woman in his life..We all believed him as this was backed up with very dubious behavior from the mother and letters my partner received from her own mother about her behavior. He convinced us, she was crazy and he was being punished for meeting someone new and that he knew what was best and this situation was sad but unavoidable..
I remember asking him once why she hated him so so much and would hurt her children to punish him.. It was all a foreign language to me and my family who would never ever hurt our children in any way.. He still maintained she was mad at him for meeting someone new and it was she who had been unfaithful to him with his friend and had been seeing a local policeman behind his back..All sounded plausible to us..
Now I think I realise that his problems were massive..I used to kid him on and say that i thought he had ADHD as he was so all over the place.. The gambling wasn't all together a shock. i had had a wee glint of it a couple of years ago when he did something very devious and got caught. (by my son-in -law!!) He showed me an account then with a fortune in it and I said I was not interested in being with anyone who would get into debt to gamble and he had to sort it out.. He said he did..I thought that was it..I have been really ill this last year and prob not paying attention to a lot that's been going on. It was me who found out about it all this time round and I categorically gave him No choice but to come clean, get help for gambling and I would help him sort out the debt. He couldn't, (the debt is way worse than he wants me to know about.) In the end I gave him an ultimatum and he left..I was devastated but resigned to getting on with things for my children and family. I am surrounded by friends and family who ahve been through so much with me but are always there no matter what..
For 5 years I have been with a man who had a double life?? I know he cared for me, that part was real enough. He said we were the family he never had as a child and that he had never felt so loved or cared for.. He talked about his abusive marriage and how he was so lucky to have found someone so honest and he had never been happier in his life, even if he could not see his kids..He said to me once that he thought if he had to live with outbhis kids he could but that he could never live with out me??(we ahd been drinking and I though he was just was drunk on love!!).. With regard the gambling, he just didn't mean to get caught. He says he has always gambled. His dad died and alcoholic, his mother is an alcoholic and now lives with another alcoholic..) he said his sister drinks and is either or going that way too. His told me his brother gambles and hid money from his ex wife and they have split up too...
His ex wife comes from a family with massive mental health problems. Her sister is in a home somewhere 'cos of her HM problems, and the letters that came from the her own mother very very worrying..Regardless of what my partner did to his ex??. she too ( in my opinion!!) is not balanced in the least, as any mother who put her kids through what I witnessed is cleary in need of help!!
If any of you have got this far in this long and incoherent rant, you will be able to see that it was a hard and dif story to be in..
At most points, I felt that even with ADHD as my affliction, I was the most sensible person in this sorry sags!!!..
My mum keeps telling me that I am lucky to have got out of it when I did. We had been going to buy a house together in the future and it would have been all the more dif to get out of financial stuff like that..The debt is in his name and I will be fine..
His problems with his ex wife and kids are now just that, HIS problems. By all accounts since she heard we are not together she is allowing him to see his kids whenever he wants.!!!! What was the last 3 years about!!!!.All very sad and confusing (esp for his kids!!) but no longer my business what they do to their kids and how, with all the negative influences on them, how they turn out!!
My own son, ( training to be a Dr.) maintains that my parter has addiction problems that are not just specific to gambling and that his kids are just his latest obsession ( now that I don't want him in my life..)and that it will once again wear off at some point in the future...
Anyway, pretty good as far as fu**ed up relationships go eh???
How do i meet them Sheena?? And no way Sherry am I going through this 25 times!! haha!!!!
Anyway again, I am laughing now as it reads like a horror story and I realise I am LUCKY LUCKY to be out of it!!!
Well that's 3 marriages down the drain for me.. NO more!! haha. If the next one is not 90, a millionaire, has NO kids and NO NO NO crazy mad ex-wife .. I am not interested..
...but just out of interest does anyone know one???...
Thanks for reading (if you got this far!!) I am going to make my second lot of coffee and see if I can sort out my brain mash...
yours, Tequila..