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Post by laura on Dec 12, 2010 14:47:09 GMT
hello, i was hoping somebody who has been through the diagnosis proccess with their child would be able to help me or give me some tips on what to take with me to my sons first appointment with the paediatrician. it was by googling his behavior a year and a half ago that led me to adhd in the first place, having read the adult symptoms i went on to get diagnosed with innatentive adhd in march this year. i have always felt that there was something not quite right with my son since he was a baby. he is a lovely boy and i love him to pieces but would really like him to get the help that he needs. he is now 6 (7 in January) and his teacher this year has confirmed that he is struggling at school mostly due to his innability to pay attention. he hardly ever completes the tasks she sets and finds it particulaly hard to concentrate when in a group. the way she put it was that when speaking to him he comes across really bright and has fantastic ideas but his hand cant keep up with his brain and struggles to get down what he wants to say on paper. she said he is not hyper at school but he is at home, its like he keeps it all in at school and when he gets home just lets it all out. hes very sensitive and is easily upset and angered which doesnt go down too well with his peers, he seems quite shy at times but it seems thats more to do with him being in his own little world and doesnt quite know how to interact with his friends (although if you ask him hel say he doesnt have any friends ). he has had a dyslexic assesment through the school and although they cant diagnose dyslexia it has shown he has dyslexic tendancies with problems in reading and spelling words processing speed phonological processing working memory and writing i was going to take the report i got from the dyslexia assesment, school reports, try to get his teacher to write down what she thinks his main problems are and a list of his behaviours at home. im very uncimfortable about talking about him while he is in the room as he is very sensitive and dont want him to think that there is anything wrong with him as his self-esteem is already low, but i really want him to get some help so he can fulfill his potential as he is clever. any pointers or tips would be greatly appreciated as im worried theyl just think im an overbearing parent, as when i took him to the drs for a refferal it was a struggle as the dr said if he can concentrate on things he enjoys then it cant be adhd? which i know is not true but still made me doubt myself. thankyou for reading sorry about the long post Laura
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2010 18:26:05 GMT
Hi Laura, Having been through all this with my 3 children and seen many professionals in the process some terriffic and others less so. What I would be inclined to do is: 1) photo copy all school reports 2)copy any examples of school work 3) photo copy the dyslexia evaluation 4) copy any of the information for childs developement that health visitors fill out ( regarding to mile stones etc) 5) summarise the concerns on paper before goin ( as sometimes when in a time frame apt some things can be forgotten to mention) 6) I take it the Gp will have sent a referal letter to the pead ?? 7) Find out what arreas this pead specialises in Perhaps send the paper work to the pead before the apt. ( in the hope that they will have had time to have a brief look through. Take a copy of the paperwork with you to the apt. and ask if some of the time can be spent having a chat to the pead with out child in the room ? good luck x
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Post by laura on Dec 12, 2010 18:32:59 GMT
thankyou yes gp has reffered us and have an appontment at the end of december, its a really helpful list ill start gathering all the info, i think it may be just a general appointment so photocopying everything to leave with him is a great idea as im sure there wont be enough time to discuss everything thanx again
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Post by kakema on Dec 12, 2010 21:33:46 GMT
Hi, Laura - your son sounds so like my daughter! And I was worried about seeming like a pushy (nutty) mum, because I spotted her ADHD long before anyone else - she kept her 'H' for home, but her 'AD' was turning up in her school reports, her homework, the way she played - then when I started to read, I connected the self-esteem issues, the social ineptitude, all the rest.
I've spoken to the people who will be assessing her at CAMHS, and although they've apologised for the fact it will take her 6 months to rise to the top of the pile, they've asked me to send in the sort of material that mahikki listed above - so it sounds as though you are on the right track.
I do think it's important that you find a way of talking to him about the issue, though. I've found it helpful to talk honestly about how I feel about my own difficulties (I'm trying to get dxd myself) so that she can see that a grown up can make mistakes, but it doesn't make you stupid or bad etc. I try to keep it as light as possible (although yesterday was pretty tough as I'd made a major planning cock-up that threatened to really upset her and we both ended up in tears). At the same time, I try to show her that although we have a difficulty, we have to try to deal with it as much as we can, rather than just throwing up our hands and saying 'meh, what do you expect, I'm ADHD'. We try to evolve strategies together for remembering things that affect her, like stuff she has to bring to school, or getting out of the house on time in the mornings - she polices me and I police her.
The big thing is for you to be cool with your own condition - kids pick up so much of the unspoken stuff, if you are beating yourself up all the time, he'll start to judge himself in the same way. Hopes that makes sense?
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Post by laura on Dec 13, 2010 9:00:16 GMT
thankyou that makes so much sense he calls me a crazy mummy and knows that its ok to make mistakes ive always tried to instil that into him as i make enough myself and he realises that i do too. ive managed to change my sweary out bursts to frick frick frick instead but now he walks round going frick everytime he makes a mistake, oops, better than swearing tho i totally understand about the planning issues, he likes to know what hes doing and when hes doing it and doesnt like it when it changes, we have a huge white board on the kitchen wall with both our week plans on it, i dont remember to update it as much as id like but it has all the weekly things on it that dont change week to week im much more accepting of myself since diagnosis and alot happier and i think its rubbing off on him but as you say i do need to talk about it to him, ive managed to get across to him that he learns differently to some other people and thats not a bad thing and have always complimented him alot on a daily basis to try and get his self esteem up, its wierd but from a young age (3-4) before i knew anything about adhd hes said his brain is funny? although he cant explain it beyond that as for getting out of the house in the morning its still a battle im fighting, he does tell me off but hes as bad as i am, if i dont watch him get dressed i come back 10mins after giving him his clothes and find him looking for something wearing a sock and vest compltelely off track, bless him, he reminds me so much of myself thankyou, its so releiving to find im in a similar situation to others. how old is your daughter?
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Post by kakema on Dec 13, 2010 9:39:52 GMT
She's 10. The getting dressed thing made me laugh - she usually dresses in my room while I put my face on and we chat away, so every so often I look at her and realise she's stalled and zoned out with her tights half pulled up, or she's dancing around in front of the mirror, wearing them on her head. Great fun most days as I can flex when I arrive at work, but if I have an early meeting or she looks like being late to school it can get v stressy and shouty. Hey ho!
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Post by kakema on Dec 13, 2010 9:41:26 GMT
The self esteem thing is also v tricky - I try to big her up at every opportunity but she won't believe me. One of the reasons I decided to get her diagnosed.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2010 11:40:31 GMT
Hi, After reading what you say about you son it reminds me of some of the difficulties my son had at school (he is 14 now and has been home educated for 4 years). My son is not an ADHD sufferer, but has Aspergers, a form of autism.
Has your son been seen by an educational psychologist? If not I would push for this as soon as possible so he can get a statement of educational needs. Having a statement will help provide him with the support he needs at school. The school should be doing this, but they generally need a big push.
When you go to see the paed can someone else come with you? That way your son can be with that person while you chat with the paed in peace once he/she has seen your son. Just tell the paed it is easier to talk without him in the room, as being talked about upsets him. It is something we do on a frequent basis and even have appointments that the children do not attend at all.
The other thing is to go armed with questions and any reports and make notes of answers. It can be a lot to take in and I find it easier if I can go over it afterwards.
Good Luck Keep smilin Elly
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Post by laura on Dec 14, 2010 17:14:44 GMT
thankyou for the replies im feeling alot calmer about the appointment now after my mini panic. ive asked his teacher for a bit of writing about how he is at school and asked the reception for copies of his school reports as i have lost the originals and will take with me the dyslexia assesment findings and write down a list of his behaviour at home from when he was younger aswell. ill have to ask about the educational psychologist as the school just suggested i go to the gp. ive spoke to him and explained that we are going to see another dr and he just seemed releived that i wasnt keeping secrets from him i also explained about the difficulties ive had. im going to take my mum with me so she can sit with him and she also remembers alot more than me about his firsts years unfortunately as i had post natal deppression till he was nearly 4. im not set on adhd and i need to make sure i make that clear to the paed, i just want to see what they think as i cant differenciate between the many disorders and sydromes that appear to me as having overlapping symptoms thankyou again for your replies they have been very helpful and made me less stressy about the appointment
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2010 21:41:20 GMT
Hi Laura, You are right there is much neuro diversity and crossing over of symptoms. Remember as his mother your intuition is correct ........you may see that certain areas of developement may not be like other kids or slightly unusual . What you need is the appropriate qualified professional to sieve out all the bits and pieces and fit the puzzle together . This will be very important for helping your child as different conditions are treated very differently. Its great you taking along you mum as her perspective will be very helpful for the pead also to hear. Try not to be to stressed. What a terrific mum you are helping your little boy to be able to reach his potential tc x
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2010 9:56:01 GMT
Your sons school should have a special educational needs co-ordinator and he/she should be arranging for Ed Psyc and assessments of need. Don't let the school pass the buck here as GP's have limited areas of access as far as education goes. I hope the paed you are seeing is a community paediatrician, as these are the ones who can back you getting the right support for your son. Not sure what area you are in, but it does vary and you need to be prepared to do battle. Sorry if that sounds pessimistic, but I have been there several times and it is a continuous fight. Remember, Mum knows best and don't let the powers that be forget that Keep smilin Elly
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Post by laura on Dec 16, 2010 12:48:57 GMT
thankyou for the encouragement thanx i will speak to the senco in the new year and see about getting him to see a educational psychologist as they havent even mentioned the possibility to me. yes it is the community paed so hopefully we will get somewhere from this appointment. ive been asking my family and my intuition is being backed by all of them so im just going to be persistant as i was for my diagnosis so he can get some help. thanx again Laura
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