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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2011 22:40:44 GMT
Lots of people haev read my frist post but no replies. I ahev another request for help... Does anyone have any recommendations...? Seems there are no obvious therapsts with knoledge of realtionship issues and ADD. thanks
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Post by mavster on Feb 19, 2011 16:21:25 GMT
Have you tried getting him in a calm setting and talking to him . My mrs was simular to you and didn't talk to me about it , caused untold problems until I actually got her to talk about it . What sort of problems are you having , It is hard to open up but you are anomanous on here
sorry about the spelling but I've had a few beers
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Post by christvswarhol on Feb 19, 2011 19:27:53 GMT
I am going through a similar thing......it feels so frustrating......let us know if you find anything, in the mean time i might have a look as well, because i don't know what to do anymore...
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2011 22:38:02 GMT
Well i havn'et found anythng still looking. I have read a lot though & most of it is American but helopful despite some of the cultural differences. There's a good one called ADD & romance by Jonathan Halverstadt & one by Gina Pera called Is is you or is it me the ADHD rollercpaster...sorry haven't got them in front of me so these may not eb the exact titles. I do highly recommend both however.
What they both conclude/emphasise is the need for medication - got that, and a good therapist....for the person wht ADD (H) D and the couple. sigh. Back to square one.
Anyone got anything more to say?
thanks
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Post by christvswarhol on Mar 25, 2011 1:08:30 GMT
I'm new to all this amd so I'm not sure if anything I would say would be helpful. I am unsure of what the issues are or with whom, I would presume that there isn't relationship therapy directive of ADD/HD if most people aren't receiving after care of any sort singularly, but again I am unsure.
Thank for the book reccomendations, have been looking toget one of them myself. I can see how having relationship therapy specifically for the issues would be best, getting a therapist without knowledge of expected difficulties feels at times pointless and I've noteven started down the path properly yet personally nevermind relatonship wise.
I suppose what I was wondering (because I don't know any detailsi) is couples therapy (I would imagine?) would be based around communication/behaviour issues anyway and so I am wondering what issues you are hoping to address with your partner that isn't getting treated now that you hope to in the future?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2011 16:40:56 GMT
All i can say is read Gine Pera's book - it really is excellent -i'm on my 2nd read -it is more of a manual and i have a feeling i will keep going back to it.
unfortunatley she is either Canadian or American so everything she recommends is over there btu she insists that therpay whether CBT for those with ADHD or relationship therapy is only of use of the therapist has a particualr understanding of the issues that ADHD brings.
In my case in general we get on very well & my partner is on the face of it very successful in his life. Behind the scenes however i pick up the pieces with his struggle with time management, 'workaholicism', going to bed, reminding etc and i run the house/kids etc. As a consequence some of our relationship suffers - sometimes moer som,etimes less. I have educated myslef as much as i can and have a good understanding of the condition & am fully aware that it is not something he can do mcuh about alone.
i am aware i make things worse at times by blurring the helping/controlling roles and this is where we have conflict. That is where we need help.
From my reading i have learned (and truly understand & believe) Partners can be accused/confused with co-dependants, however people with ADHD do need support & help and understanding but it is navigating the path between taking over & supporting/helping appropriately whcih is for us ther tricky bit & for which i'd like some help from a therapist. Not least since people with ADHD can't alwys recognise or even see/appreciate the impact thier 'ways' have on thier parnters (even when told nicley) whcih means that being a partner can be an isoalting experience and a further source of conflic
All of this can be resolved i am sure but only really with the assistance of a objevtive third party who knows what they're dealing with.
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Post by Ravendarque on Mar 28, 2011 16:49:49 GMT
+1 to isam's comments. It's a great book and I can honestly say it's made me (the one with ADHD) realise that many of the things I was convinced were my wife's faults were actually my own. It's made me realise what a saint she is for sticking by me and it's made me appreciate her in a whole new light. I have a story I'd love to tell to illustrate this, but I have to run. Will try to remember to post tomorrow.
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Post by Dreamburo on Apr 1, 2011 9:09:39 GMT
Hi isam
Relationship counselling has never helped me in the past, but 10 years of personal therapy did. My husband is about to start his own therapy now, too. I think any therapist's understanding of their client is limited by their own viewpoint, so a therapist has to be right for someone at a particular time in their life. Much harder to find the right therapist if there's two of you! Just my personal perspective.
The best advice I ever got from a therapist was "don't use psychology against yourself." ie don't give yourself judgemental labels like 'co-dependent', 'controlling' etc etc It's like having a highly subtle and complex tool and using it to cut down trees because they're not symmetrical or something...
Hope to connect with you about the support group...
Luisetta
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2011 20:24:45 GMT
Hi there Luisetta
I sent you an email to gmail the other day - did you get it?
Thanks
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2011 12:42:31 GMT
Hi, I was wondering about this myself and after some googling found some therapists who deal with ADHD and relationship counseling so I'm assuming they'll do them at the same time. Www.talkmebetter.com looks quite reasonably priced and www.harleytherapy.com looked quite experienced. If you have already found someone I would be interested to know who went to and if you found it helpful at all?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2011 16:21:40 GMT
Contact your local Relate and see if there is anyone who has experience...
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