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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2011 3:39:00 GMT
Hi, Im new to this site. My partner of 3 years has just recently been diagnosed with ADD. She is inattentive, or at least she appears that way to others. She can however be very hyperactive with me. Im not sure what im here for, i just feel like I need to know as much as I can to help Jaynne deal with this and to be able to be more understanding for her. Im not the most patient of people, I have a tendency to correct people and I have a rather short fuse. Which as Im sure everyone knows isn't good for someone with ADD. I would be interested to know about anybody's experiences being an ADDers partner. Dont get me wrong she can be the most loving person in the world, but then 10mins later can say such hurtful and horrible things.... I just want to know how common this is and how other partners deal with it.
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Post by twix on May 19, 2011 5:14:59 GMT
It's common because living with adhd is difficult and we can get frustrated and lash out at the one we love also it takes me a long time to process emotional stuff and meanwhile my gob has run away with my first thought even if it is not that logical. I find it difficult to be tactful because things are how they are, this can be hurtful to some people but we think we are just being truthful and don't realise that its hurtful at the time. As for the hyper with you, sounds like she is having to suppress it the rest of the time, which is exhausting. Lots of exercise helps me, maybe the 2 of you could make it part of your routine to go for a nice walk together its a good way to spend time with an adhder. There is a good article I have linked before if you can find it, hope this helps
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Post by twix on May 19, 2011 5:18:31 GMT
My bf deals with it by telling me what he didn't like, but not in a nasty way, and usually not immediately so its not heated. Although immediately might be needed sometimes I'm forgetful
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2011 8:58:58 GMT
Hello and welcome Carig ADHDers are bloody impossible with their mood swings and violent outbursts. My mother has ADHD and most of my partners have been neuro diverse so I've had a lifetime of experience with this problem. As you said it's not a problem of not being loving - it's the disorder that's causing most of the problem and being able to step back and say to yourself 'that's not my partner, that's the ADHD talking' is a valuable tool. Always do that 1-2-3 count to give yourself time to think about it instead of insta-lash-back and meet fire with love. Things could change enormously when the medication kicks in - the biggest benefit to me was being able to see how much I hurt those around me and do something about it. Be optimistic.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 6, 2011 20:24:32 GMT
I bet my husband would love to chat with you...hes just coming to terms with the fact that my character is shaped the way it is because I have ADHD (i was recently and finally diagnosed!) My husband is always saying - 'why cant i just be normal like other women and not mouth off all the time?' 'why cant i keep a tidy house like all our friends?' 'why cant i do this or that or the other....like normal women?' When we went for the diagnosis and he found out the answer to his questions...he asked the shrink if there was a help site that would support him. He didnt mean it in a selfish way, its just I am the way I am and he constantly has to pick up the pieces and deal with the aftermath, and where he doesnt seem to know much about it, he also hasnt communicated the extent of our problems to other people as they are very quick to judge so he keeps it all bottled up and is incredibly frustrated with me on a day to day basis, his fuse is now short with me, he gets angry really quickly because it constantly feels like ground hog day (oops-ive burnt the dinner..again, oops Ive left his clothes in the tumble dryer for 3 days...again, oops Im late... again, etc etc etc) and hes soooooo bored of it. He has tried to help but again...over the years, I still f@ck things up consistantly with or without his help. Its really difficult for someone who doesnt have it to understand it. Years ago - I dated someone who had it, I didnt know at that time that I had it but he was the most similar person to me that I had ever met - we were 2 peas in a pod...I loved the fact that someone faffed as much as me in a supermarket, we could literally spend all evening doing a food shop but it was great fun! our conversations were fantastic as we sidetracked and sidetracked all the time, and we were never stuck doing the same thing as we would both want to move on quickly etc etc. I suddenly understood the term soulmates as he was me in a bloke! Anyway, when he told me about his symptons and it got to the point of moving countries, I couldnt further the relationship because on paper the things wrong with him (ie lateness, forgetfulness, abruptness, daydreaming, debt etc) were all things that I felt I couldnt handle and I thought I would be let down constantly by him. Yet the actual reality was, these things were the things that I loved him for because it was exactly my personality. It has taken me a long time to accept and acknowledge that whole episode of my life as it was the start of my journey and Ive had to take a long hard look at myself, but my point is, I completely understand how frustrating it is for my husband now as I guess Im that paper version, but for him. Hes constantly let down by me. Sorry Ive rambled alot....anyway - I will ask him if hes happy to sit down and email you with his frustrations about me and you two can compare notes (or as us girls say...bitch about us!!!) But as I always tell him - he would be bored shitless with a normal dull non-adhd girl!!!! (he tends to reply though that he'll take his chances..!!! ;D)
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