Post by Chocoholic91 on Nov 10, 2011 11:21:40 GMT
Hi guys,
New to the forum, this is going to be a massive post! Please do bear with me.
Background info:
I am convinced my boyfriend has adhd, and even possibly mild dyspraxia. So much that in less than 6 hours time, we have an appointment with our GP and I will be pushing for a referall to a specialist pyschologist in our area. DP is 23 and we are both in our 3rd year of university.
I have severe dyspraxia myself, and it took 17 years for the Drs to say that I wasn't going to "grow out of it" "she needs to socialize" "shes very intelligent"...and the one that drove my parents almost to tears "shes got you wrapped round her little finger". So I know how frustrating it is to suspect you have something but not have an answer.
Why I think he has ADhD[
1. A sense of underachievement or of not meeting your goals, regardless of how much you have actually accomplished.
• DP is really smart, but a perfectionist, will often spend time trying to achieve things at the expense of others which overwhelms him- can’t accept “that’s that” for a better word! (academically hates programming and will pour loads of time and effort into trying to understand it, at the expense of other work he is exceptional at). At home, cant stop playing a game until he has won, and cant stop mid game and leave it at that. At GCSE DPs teachers predicted he was capable of As/A*s but he got Ds/Cs/Bs. Will often become fixated and obsessive about the above and in the past if someone has interrupted him doing such activities will risk an outburst of explectives rather than dealing with it in “oh, that’s frustrating, but lets not blow out of proportion” if someone doesn’t agree will often become fixated tell them to put an value on it and excessively use metaphors to compare that relate to life and death situations and more socially acceptable activities.
2. Difficulty getting organised.
I think DP has almost developed an extreme coping mechanism for this as organization isn’t such a problem for him in the traditional sense, but has a tendency to postpone things that need doing by constantly justifying his behaviour which in the end causes almost a meltdown of stress due to bad time management, for example a couple of weeks ago we went down for a 21st birthday and DP was to join me 2days later- invited friends over for most of the time instead getting something or even starting a piece of work due in on the Tuesday done before he came up resulting him being extremely anxious about the event more than he would normally be and fixtated about going back as early as possible so he could try and start it that night with less than 36 hours until hand in, as opposed starting it two days before at least and having 84 hours to play with!
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Please read above!
4. Many projects going simultaneously, but trouble with follow through.
Again read above!
5. A tendency to say what comes to mind, without considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
DP has a massive habit of doing this, and will often not let people finish saying their side to their argument or considering the circumstances before almost having verbal diarreaha without thinking properly about the validity of his argument at that time.
DP brought me home by car at 2.30 am in May from Stafford to Northampton when I found out that my dog was detoriating (DP chose to go back 9.30pm at night due to a friend’s leaving do the next day) which I really appreciate and the next few paragraphs will make him sound like a knob but… 48 hours after my 13 year old Labrador had been put to sleep I felt awful, was obviously heartbroken, and didn’t sleep for almost 60 hours after the event despite being prescribed strong sleeping tablets and not eating for 30 hours and really didn’t feel too fab as you could imagine, I got the offer to go down to Hampshire by my godmother who I am extremely close to, and had warned DP about the lack of signal, that I would try to get on her netbook if the wifi wasn’t being dodgy and gave him the home telephone number should he feel the need to contact me urgently and to only ring at specific times of day due to her having young kids. The first morning I was there I awoke to a call at 4.30 in the morning saying he felt used like a spare tyre and was disappointed that I wasn’t coming back up to Stafford for a while and tried to use that unfortunately what I could describe as emotional blackmail at the time. When I rang him upset, back it was obvious that he had blurted it out and was severely regretting it and apologetic that he hadn’t thought things through.
6. Frequently searching for high stimulation.
Yes. Will often pick extreme thriller/horror movies to watch with flatmates, has to do at least 3 things at once nearly 80% of the time even when I’m trying to talk to him (example: running round the bedroom, whilst checking facebook and chucking a ball in the air. Will often make inappropriate noises and act “hyper” e.g. making engine noises whilst driving, chooses physically active jobs, always has to “GO OUT” although this has got a bit better recently (e.g. going cinema, bowling, to a restraunt, to a friends, and get drunk of a Friday night all in the same week). Finds behaving appropriately and sitting and listening in a still position very hard when at family gatherings, playing board games etc . relatively high sex drive!
7. Intolerance of boredom.
Will often be extremely blunt when bored, eg might want to wonder round a shop just “browsing” for 15 minutes and he will start complaining that he is bored, at family gatherings will often complain of boredom etc HAS TO DO SOMETHING ALL THE TIME!
8. Easy distractibility, trouble focusing attention or a tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or a conversation – often coupled with an ability to hyperfocus at times.
Huge yes. Will often be fidgety or want to move about a room when not socially acceptable to do so, as above will sometimes get fixtated on games, one thing that drives me mad is having to go on facebook on his phone whilst talking to me if we go out to eat!
9. Often creative, intuitive and highly intelligent.
Smartest person I know and a massive problem solver, but can become obsessive about problem solving and become fixtated comparing it to life or death situations. (e.g. trips over a stool , says he could of cracked his head open and shouts out explectives in very aggressive and intimidating way wheeas most people shout shit count to ten and try to look a bit carefully in the future where they are going. If an accident like this happens it often leads to him considering the layout of the room!
10. Trouble in going through established channels and following 'proper' procedure.
Not sure.
11. Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
I am severely dyspraxic and have mild ataxic cp as well (yes possible to have both…) so with my lack of co-ordination and spaciel awareness causes a lot of this. (i.e. breaking a glass combined with everything I say above…not good mi sometimes!)
12. Impulsiveness, either verbally or in action, eg impulsive spending of money, changing plans or enacting new schemes or career plans; hot-tempered.
Almost exceeded overdraft of over £1000 during summer despite getting £60 per week from parents and £1000 bursary and still thought it would be appropriate to spend nearly £400 on TV and 3D monitor despite not knowing if he would have a job over the summer. Doesn’t seem to be able to plan ahead and foresee consequences when circumstances are unknown. Also turned down opportunity on day 1 for £600 guaranteed that would involve working school hours for 10 days due to lack of stimulation within the first few hours.
13. A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with inattention or disregard for actual dangers.
Massively. Will become anxious due to past experiences with ex girlfriend when approaching safe new experiences, but will overthink WAYYY too much about everything and everything.
14. A sense of insecurity.
Low self confidence and poor body Image. Difficult relationship with dad and ex girlfriend.
15. Mood swings, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
Massively. If there is an interruption to one of his “patterns” he will get moody, completely overreact, accuse of many things and eat.
16. Physical or mental restlessness.
Please read everything else written above.
17. A tendency toward addictive behaviour.
Extremely unhealthy relationship with food, which he has sought specialist psychological help for and is in the process of addressing, which is greatly improving.
Used to be intensely addicted to games for 12hours+ a day according to parents whilst depressed for 3 years
Became addicted to codeine after accident and dr kept increasing dose
18. Chronic problems with self-esteem.
See above
19. Inaccurate self-observation.
When I first mentioned going to see you he said we can try but I don’t see it, now he is coming round to the idea!
20. Family history of ADHD or manic-depressive illness, depression, substance misuse or other mood disorders.
Was diagnosed with anxiety & depression when younger. Mum and teachers queried Aspegers syndrome when little but was told didn’t fufill full diagnostic criteria
Sister recently diagnosed with depression & anxiety, shows obsessive traits
Mum had postnatal depression and still on serotonin due to depressive tendencies and suffered severe panic attacks
Dad dyslexic
Cousion has mild Aspergers symdrome and ADHD
Other things worth noting
• Co-ordination not great but not as bad as mine (e.g. has driven with no problems, manual)
• Sensory issues (when younger would take labels out of clothes, get disoriented and anxious with noise, still has uber sensitive feet (used to tip toe walk), has very low pain tolerance (plus hypermobile)
• Obsessive tendencies
• 90% acts as though driven by a motor
• Didn’t make eye contact with people until starting uni
• In childhood videos ALWAYS RUNNING
• Hypermobile & flatfooted
• Tics- had loads when younger but has 2 that still remain (head nodding & eye flicking, hard to detect to the untrained eye) when overtired, overexcited, or stressed!
• Tendency to fall over and spill things quite a lot, although he hasn’t beaten my record for tripping over a single malteser!
• Little sense of time when stressed
• Short term memory not fab
• Talks over people
• Will sometimes blurt out things that are inappropriate or swear loudly in inappropriate situations
• Very impulsive
• Impatient sometimes
• Likes instant gratifications
• Gets stressed & anxious very easily due to overthinking
• Doesn’t always know when people are bored when he is talking to them
• Sometimes has difficulty controlling sleeping patterns
• Tendency to get locked into routines or repitive behaviour when “wired”
• Very sensitive stomach
Or am I guilty of overthinking things because of my dx? His mum has tried to get a diagnosis multiple times but never got as far as a referall to a specialist and he was given inappropiate counselling that actually made him worse. I just know how weird it can feel when you dont have a "name" for how your brain thinks, and unfortunatly it seems that you need a label to open doors and to understand how your partners brain works!
Any tips or advice anyone can give me?
New to the forum, this is going to be a massive post! Please do bear with me.
Background info:
I am convinced my boyfriend has adhd, and even possibly mild dyspraxia. So much that in less than 6 hours time, we have an appointment with our GP and I will be pushing for a referall to a specialist pyschologist in our area. DP is 23 and we are both in our 3rd year of university.
I have severe dyspraxia myself, and it took 17 years for the Drs to say that I wasn't going to "grow out of it" "she needs to socialize" "shes very intelligent"...and the one that drove my parents almost to tears "shes got you wrapped round her little finger". So I know how frustrating it is to suspect you have something but not have an answer.
Why I think he has ADhD[
1. A sense of underachievement or of not meeting your goals, regardless of how much you have actually accomplished.
• DP is really smart, but a perfectionist, will often spend time trying to achieve things at the expense of others which overwhelms him- can’t accept “that’s that” for a better word! (academically hates programming and will pour loads of time and effort into trying to understand it, at the expense of other work he is exceptional at). At home, cant stop playing a game until he has won, and cant stop mid game and leave it at that. At GCSE DPs teachers predicted he was capable of As/A*s but he got Ds/Cs/Bs. Will often become fixated and obsessive about the above and in the past if someone has interrupted him doing such activities will risk an outburst of explectives rather than dealing with it in “oh, that’s frustrating, but lets not blow out of proportion” if someone doesn’t agree will often become fixated tell them to put an value on it and excessively use metaphors to compare that relate to life and death situations and more socially acceptable activities.
2. Difficulty getting organised.
I think DP has almost developed an extreme coping mechanism for this as organization isn’t such a problem for him in the traditional sense, but has a tendency to postpone things that need doing by constantly justifying his behaviour which in the end causes almost a meltdown of stress due to bad time management, for example a couple of weeks ago we went down for a 21st birthday and DP was to join me 2days later- invited friends over for most of the time instead getting something or even starting a piece of work due in on the Tuesday done before he came up resulting him being extremely anxious about the event more than he would normally be and fixtated about going back as early as possible so he could try and start it that night with less than 36 hours until hand in, as opposed starting it two days before at least and having 84 hours to play with!
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Please read above!
4. Many projects going simultaneously, but trouble with follow through.
Again read above!
5. A tendency to say what comes to mind, without considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
DP has a massive habit of doing this, and will often not let people finish saying their side to their argument or considering the circumstances before almost having verbal diarreaha without thinking properly about the validity of his argument at that time.
DP brought me home by car at 2.30 am in May from Stafford to Northampton when I found out that my dog was detoriating (DP chose to go back 9.30pm at night due to a friend’s leaving do the next day) which I really appreciate and the next few paragraphs will make him sound like a knob but… 48 hours after my 13 year old Labrador had been put to sleep I felt awful, was obviously heartbroken, and didn’t sleep for almost 60 hours after the event despite being prescribed strong sleeping tablets and not eating for 30 hours and really didn’t feel too fab as you could imagine, I got the offer to go down to Hampshire by my godmother who I am extremely close to, and had warned DP about the lack of signal, that I would try to get on her netbook if the wifi wasn’t being dodgy and gave him the home telephone number should he feel the need to contact me urgently and to only ring at specific times of day due to her having young kids. The first morning I was there I awoke to a call at 4.30 in the morning saying he felt used like a spare tyre and was disappointed that I wasn’t coming back up to Stafford for a while and tried to use that unfortunately what I could describe as emotional blackmail at the time. When I rang him upset, back it was obvious that he had blurted it out and was severely regretting it and apologetic that he hadn’t thought things through.
6. Frequently searching for high stimulation.
Yes. Will often pick extreme thriller/horror movies to watch with flatmates, has to do at least 3 things at once nearly 80% of the time even when I’m trying to talk to him (example: running round the bedroom, whilst checking facebook and chucking a ball in the air. Will often make inappropriate noises and act “hyper” e.g. making engine noises whilst driving, chooses physically active jobs, always has to “GO OUT” although this has got a bit better recently (e.g. going cinema, bowling, to a restraunt, to a friends, and get drunk of a Friday night all in the same week). Finds behaving appropriately and sitting and listening in a still position very hard when at family gatherings, playing board games etc . relatively high sex drive!
7. Intolerance of boredom.
Will often be extremely blunt when bored, eg might want to wonder round a shop just “browsing” for 15 minutes and he will start complaining that he is bored, at family gatherings will often complain of boredom etc HAS TO DO SOMETHING ALL THE TIME!
8. Easy distractibility, trouble focusing attention or a tendency to tune out or drift away in the middle of a page or a conversation – often coupled with an ability to hyperfocus at times.
Huge yes. Will often be fidgety or want to move about a room when not socially acceptable to do so, as above will sometimes get fixtated on games, one thing that drives me mad is having to go on facebook on his phone whilst talking to me if we go out to eat!
9. Often creative, intuitive and highly intelligent.
Smartest person I know and a massive problem solver, but can become obsessive about problem solving and become fixtated comparing it to life or death situations. (e.g. trips over a stool , says he could of cracked his head open and shouts out explectives in very aggressive and intimidating way wheeas most people shout shit count to ten and try to look a bit carefully in the future where they are going. If an accident like this happens it often leads to him considering the layout of the room!
10. Trouble in going through established channels and following 'proper' procedure.
Not sure.
11. Impatient; low tolerance of frustration.
I am severely dyspraxic and have mild ataxic cp as well (yes possible to have both…) so with my lack of co-ordination and spaciel awareness causes a lot of this. (i.e. breaking a glass combined with everything I say above…not good mi sometimes!)
12. Impulsiveness, either verbally or in action, eg impulsive spending of money, changing plans or enacting new schemes or career plans; hot-tempered.
Almost exceeded overdraft of over £1000 during summer despite getting £60 per week from parents and £1000 bursary and still thought it would be appropriate to spend nearly £400 on TV and 3D monitor despite not knowing if he would have a job over the summer. Doesn’t seem to be able to plan ahead and foresee consequences when circumstances are unknown. Also turned down opportunity on day 1 for £600 guaranteed that would involve working school hours for 10 days due to lack of stimulation within the first few hours.
13. A tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; a tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with inattention or disregard for actual dangers.
Massively. Will become anxious due to past experiences with ex girlfriend when approaching safe new experiences, but will overthink WAYYY too much about everything and everything.
14. A sense of insecurity.
Low self confidence and poor body Image. Difficult relationship with dad and ex girlfriend.
15. Mood swings, especially when disengaged from a person or a project.
Massively. If there is an interruption to one of his “patterns” he will get moody, completely overreact, accuse of many things and eat.
16. Physical or mental restlessness.
Please read everything else written above.
17. A tendency toward addictive behaviour.
Extremely unhealthy relationship with food, which he has sought specialist psychological help for and is in the process of addressing, which is greatly improving.
Used to be intensely addicted to games for 12hours+ a day according to parents whilst depressed for 3 years
Became addicted to codeine after accident and dr kept increasing dose
18. Chronic problems with self-esteem.
See above
19. Inaccurate self-observation.
When I first mentioned going to see you he said we can try but I don’t see it, now he is coming round to the idea!
20. Family history of ADHD or manic-depressive illness, depression, substance misuse or other mood disorders.
Was diagnosed with anxiety & depression when younger. Mum and teachers queried Aspegers syndrome when little but was told didn’t fufill full diagnostic criteria
Sister recently diagnosed with depression & anxiety, shows obsessive traits
Mum had postnatal depression and still on serotonin due to depressive tendencies and suffered severe panic attacks
Dad dyslexic
Cousion has mild Aspergers symdrome and ADHD
Other things worth noting
• Co-ordination not great but not as bad as mine (e.g. has driven with no problems, manual)
• Sensory issues (when younger would take labels out of clothes, get disoriented and anxious with noise, still has uber sensitive feet (used to tip toe walk), has very low pain tolerance (plus hypermobile)
• Obsessive tendencies
• 90% acts as though driven by a motor
• Didn’t make eye contact with people until starting uni
• In childhood videos ALWAYS RUNNING
• Hypermobile & flatfooted
• Tics- had loads when younger but has 2 that still remain (head nodding & eye flicking, hard to detect to the untrained eye) when overtired, overexcited, or stressed!
• Tendency to fall over and spill things quite a lot, although he hasn’t beaten my record for tripping over a single malteser!
• Little sense of time when stressed
• Short term memory not fab
• Talks over people
• Will sometimes blurt out things that are inappropriate or swear loudly in inappropriate situations
• Very impulsive
• Impatient sometimes
• Likes instant gratifications
• Gets stressed & anxious very easily due to overthinking
• Doesn’t always know when people are bored when he is talking to them
• Sometimes has difficulty controlling sleeping patterns
• Tendency to get locked into routines or repitive behaviour when “wired”
• Very sensitive stomach
Or am I guilty of overthinking things because of my dx? His mum has tried to get a diagnosis multiple times but never got as far as a referall to a specialist and he was given inappropiate counselling that actually made him worse. I just know how weird it can feel when you dont have a "name" for how your brain thinks, and unfortunatly it seems that you need a label to open doors and to understand how your partners brain works!
Any tips or advice anyone can give me?