Post by lisablue on Jul 20, 2012 9:14:01 GMT
Good morning,
This post was going to be titled 'my patient partner' the other day but that passed and after that it was going to be 'why does he purposefully annoy me?'and then yesterday it was going to be 'How good am I?' I think a few users of the site will get that but I thought I might post about it to help spouses get their head around certain aspects of having a partner with ADHD.
I'll start with the first one, and why it was going to be my patient partner'
I CONSISTENTLY change my mind and perhaps my fella sometimes thinks he has two wives I change that much! A great example is that I am afraid of flying so holidays abroad are a no no....unless of course...suddenly...my fear has gone! That's the time I rush to the travel agents...Cyprus!!! Yeah Cyprus!! Booking that!! Deposit put down...rush home with the brochure, kids come back from school, husband back from work..."look where we're going...look...look...it's booked I can do it YAY!" Ohhhh the look on their faces..."Brilliant" my husband say's as he faithfully makes payments on the remaining balance and starts talking about the things we will need and such and such!
2-3 weeks go by....good amount of money paid on the villa...kids and husband come back from their day...I sit them all down and say, with much sadness (I know I have done wrong but REALLY can't help the way I feel)...and I say " Listen, you know I can't go don't you...I'm really sorry...but it will be fun at Haven...we always have fun at Haven" I have done this THREE times Cyprus...Majorca..and Canada (my bro lives there). I feel very very bad about it, and hope I don't do it again but can't say for sure
Another example of inconsistent!!
"Honey...I want to be a stay at home wife...I don't feel ready for work, I'll do you a pack up every day, I will keep the home spotless, bake cakes, dinner will be on the table when you come home. I'm not ready to work despite you waiting for me to complete my degree and me telling you as soon as I have done it I will get a good job so it will be worth while, I can't do it babe, Please can I stay home"?
"Ok, if that's what you want. We'll struggle for money though so you need to curb your spending" he say's. "yep, yep I will...awwww thank you sooo much I love you"......About two weeks later the house is a mess....he has had no pack up for the last week...I'm too tired to do dinner....but I have got us some ducks which of course I will take care of (yeah right for a week or two). Does he complain...you know what? Not a peep...but that's OK because I have started to look for a job!!! I get a job!!! OOhhhh I get a good job in the prison service as an assistant psychologist...the start day draws near...a few day's to go....hang on!!!! Just hang on there!!! I've changed my mind I have since applied to do a Phd at uni and have been accepted...oh dear...another 3 years of being poor...it's OK it will be worth it!! I KNOW (for now) it's the right thing to do!
You know what folks...that's ok with him MY PATIENT PARTNER
Hang on a mo.....just wait one cotton picking minute there...he's not that good...you know why? I reckon he PURPOSEFULLY tries to annoy me! Examples on the way:
a) Why don't he just GET TO THE POINT??? Why when he tells me something that's happened at work, or at the pub, or any damn where, does he go on and on. Why doe's he tell it as a story? Why does he not, for example, just say " today at work we did the job wrong, so took it down, and put it up correctly" JOB DONE!!! ENOUGH SAID!!! Noooo, he has to say every detail, how they spent all day on it, and how high the ceiling was, and how much money they would have lost. Yes, tell me WHY OH WHY doe's he have to make it into a NORMAL conversation? (yes I know it's me that's at fault not him...he is just making conversation). Oh Must add...It's OK for me to tell him the same story ten times over because I forgot I already told him!
b) Why...doe's he ask if I would like to go for a meal on Friday when it's gawd damn Monday now? How do I know if I will want to go for a meal on Friday now? TUT FFS!!!! Worse thing he's not booked anywhere...ohh he thought it would be nice just to get in the car and drive until we come across somewhere we have never been before!! What part of driving around in a bluming car not knowing where I am going is bluming fun?? FFS...it's torture!! Take me home!!! Why he has to ruin what could've been a nice evening I will NEVER know (yes I know that's a nice, lovely spontaneous thing to do, I know it's me being a tit).
c) Why does he park so far away from where we want to be?
d) Why does he talk so fast?
e) Why does he arrange for us to go out with his mates when he knows I don't do crowds?
f) Why isnt he as overly happy as me today? Is he trying to ruin my hyper good mood or what?
The list goes on as to WHY DOES HE PURPOSEFULLY ANNOY ME!! But I KNOW he isnt...really I do...just seems like it at the time!
Last but not leat HOW GOOD AM I?
You know two day's ago...I backed 8 individual crumbles...2 cherry, 3 rhubarb, 3 raspberry...just so I had everything covered...someone might want one flavour, and someone else another! I also backed an almond and cherry tray bake...and a sticky ginger cake...oh yes I baked alright! As my husband came in from work I yelled "quick, quick, go get some brown sugar, caster sugar, and eggs before I lose my flow...go now quick I'm, baking!! HOW GOOD AM I??? Well good!!
Hubby comes in from work...."Well" say I..."Notice anything?" He looks around....."nooo babe"
EH? What? NO? Bloody ell...I cleaned the bluming wall!!! Look gawd damn it...the wall near the door I cleaned it!! HOW GOOD AM I??
Guess what? I remembered to book my lad in with the nurse today, AND I walked into the village and got his prescription HOW GOOD AM I???
Shhhhh....shhhhhh...listen...I been practising all day long...I mean alllllllll daaaaayyyyyyy loooooonnngggg and I can just about play wish you were here on the guitar....HOW GOOD AM I??
Well....you can guess I'm not that good, my hubby does not purposefully annoy me, but yes yes...he is the most patient man in the world!!
I look at my family and truly count my blessings, I love them with everything I have for they are the greatest, most wonderful people whom I adore! I know what they put up with, I do I do, but they also know how much I love them...no matter how they annoy me ;D I know I can be hard work, and I thank them for thinking I worth the effort!!! ;D
Spouses and partners....do not despair!! We don't mean to do your heads in...and trust me when I say...WE LOVE YOU!!!
xxxxxxx
This post was going to be titled 'my patient partner' the other day but that passed and after that it was going to be 'why does he purposefully annoy me?'and then yesterday it was going to be 'How good am I?' I think a few users of the site will get that but I thought I might post about it to help spouses get their head around certain aspects of having a partner with ADHD.
I'll start with the first one, and why it was going to be my patient partner'
I CONSISTENTLY change my mind and perhaps my fella sometimes thinks he has two wives I change that much! A great example is that I am afraid of flying so holidays abroad are a no no....unless of course...suddenly...my fear has gone! That's the time I rush to the travel agents...Cyprus!!! Yeah Cyprus!! Booking that!! Deposit put down...rush home with the brochure, kids come back from school, husband back from work..."look where we're going...look...look...it's booked I can do it YAY!" Ohhhh the look on their faces..."Brilliant" my husband say's as he faithfully makes payments on the remaining balance and starts talking about the things we will need and such and such!
2-3 weeks go by....good amount of money paid on the villa...kids and husband come back from their day...I sit them all down and say, with much sadness (I know I have done wrong but REALLY can't help the way I feel)...and I say " Listen, you know I can't go don't you...I'm really sorry...but it will be fun at Haven...we always have fun at Haven" I have done this THREE times Cyprus...Majorca..and Canada (my bro lives there). I feel very very bad about it, and hope I don't do it again but can't say for sure
Another example of inconsistent!!
"Honey...I want to be a stay at home wife...I don't feel ready for work, I'll do you a pack up every day, I will keep the home spotless, bake cakes, dinner will be on the table when you come home. I'm not ready to work despite you waiting for me to complete my degree and me telling you as soon as I have done it I will get a good job so it will be worth while, I can't do it babe, Please can I stay home"?
"Ok, if that's what you want. We'll struggle for money though so you need to curb your spending" he say's. "yep, yep I will...awwww thank you sooo much I love you"......About two weeks later the house is a mess....he has had no pack up for the last week...I'm too tired to do dinner....but I have got us some ducks which of course I will take care of (yeah right for a week or two). Does he complain...you know what? Not a peep...but that's OK because I have started to look for a job!!! I get a job!!! OOhhhh I get a good job in the prison service as an assistant psychologist...the start day draws near...a few day's to go....hang on!!!! Just hang on there!!! I've changed my mind I have since applied to do a Phd at uni and have been accepted...oh dear...another 3 years of being poor...it's OK it will be worth it!! I KNOW (for now) it's the right thing to do!
You know what folks...that's ok with him MY PATIENT PARTNER
Hang on a mo.....just wait one cotton picking minute there...he's not that good...you know why? I reckon he PURPOSEFULLY tries to annoy me! Examples on the way:
a) Why don't he just GET TO THE POINT??? Why when he tells me something that's happened at work, or at the pub, or any damn where, does he go on and on. Why doe's he tell it as a story? Why does he not, for example, just say " today at work we did the job wrong, so took it down, and put it up correctly" JOB DONE!!! ENOUGH SAID!!! Noooo, he has to say every detail, how they spent all day on it, and how high the ceiling was, and how much money they would have lost. Yes, tell me WHY OH WHY doe's he have to make it into a NORMAL conversation? (yes I know it's me that's at fault not him...he is just making conversation). Oh Must add...It's OK for me to tell him the same story ten times over because I forgot I already told him!
b) Why...doe's he ask if I would like to go for a meal on Friday when it's gawd damn Monday now? How do I know if I will want to go for a meal on Friday now? TUT FFS!!!! Worse thing he's not booked anywhere...ohh he thought it would be nice just to get in the car and drive until we come across somewhere we have never been before!! What part of driving around in a bluming car not knowing where I am going is bluming fun?? FFS...it's torture!! Take me home!!! Why he has to ruin what could've been a nice evening I will NEVER know (yes I know that's a nice, lovely spontaneous thing to do, I know it's me being a tit).
c) Why does he park so far away from where we want to be?
d) Why does he talk so fast?
e) Why does he arrange for us to go out with his mates when he knows I don't do crowds?
f) Why isnt he as overly happy as me today? Is he trying to ruin my hyper good mood or what?
The list goes on as to WHY DOES HE PURPOSEFULLY ANNOY ME!! But I KNOW he isnt...really I do...just seems like it at the time!
Last but not leat HOW GOOD AM I?
You know two day's ago...I backed 8 individual crumbles...2 cherry, 3 rhubarb, 3 raspberry...just so I had everything covered...someone might want one flavour, and someone else another! I also backed an almond and cherry tray bake...and a sticky ginger cake...oh yes I baked alright! As my husband came in from work I yelled "quick, quick, go get some brown sugar, caster sugar, and eggs before I lose my flow...go now quick I'm, baking!! HOW GOOD AM I??? Well good!!
Hubby comes in from work...."Well" say I..."Notice anything?" He looks around....."nooo babe"
EH? What? NO? Bloody ell...I cleaned the bluming wall!!! Look gawd damn it...the wall near the door I cleaned it!! HOW GOOD AM I??
Guess what? I remembered to book my lad in with the nurse today, AND I walked into the village and got his prescription HOW GOOD AM I???
Shhhhh....shhhhhh...listen...I been practising all day long...I mean alllllllll daaaaayyyyyyy loooooonnngggg and I can just about play wish you were here on the guitar....HOW GOOD AM I??
Well....you can guess I'm not that good, my hubby does not purposefully annoy me, but yes yes...he is the most patient man in the world!!
I look at my family and truly count my blessings, I love them with everything I have for they are the greatest, most wonderful people whom I adore! I know what they put up with, I do I do, but they also know how much I love them...no matter how they annoy me ;D I know I can be hard work, and I thank them for thinking I worth the effort!!! ;D
Spouses and partners....do not despair!! We don't mean to do your heads in...and trust me when I say...WE LOVE YOU!!!
xxxxxxx