Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2012 20:58:37 GMT
Hi
I am new here. My hubby is 36 and has had adhd all his life. However he has never had an official diagnosis. He grew up in another english speaking country and his parents didnt want him to go on medication or even acknowledge it! They are very much brush it under the carpet and ignore it types! So he learnt his own ways of dealing with his behaviour/adhd/he went back a year at school etc.
We have been together 10 yrs and married 3 and we have two boys aged 7 and 4.
The problem is that my hubby took voluntary redundancy nearly 3 years ago and he has been unable to get a job since. He is a very intelligent guy. He has 15 yrs experience in his career field plus he recently finished a degree in the same field which cost us £10,000 for him to get. But even with all this he cannot get a job!
He has been told after interviews that there was a lot of "unchanneled energy" in the room etc and basically he doesnt come across at all well during an interview. He also has elements of aspergers. So he doesn't read people's body language and will talk and talk at someone about a subject and not see when they are wanting to change the subject etc. So this obviously doesnt go down well during a job interview!
I work pt and am the breadwinner, paying the mortgage and all the bills. We don't actually have enough money to live on, buy food and pay all our bills at the moment. So its crucial that he gets a job. He applies for all jobs including minimum wage ones.
I recently went to the docs for antidepressants due to 3 yrs of financial worry and stress, and am feeling much better as a result. My hubby has seen the positive change in me and I finally persuaded him to go to the docs to discuss either going on medication for adhd or depression. The doc informed us that he would have to go for an official diagnosis of adhd and aspergers. She also prescribed him antidepressants. She said for him to come back in three weeks and she will have all the info together for a referral for adhd diagnosis.
But.......my husband doesnt want to go for the diagnosis/assessment. He also spoke to his mum and she doesnt want him to go for it either! I really want him to go. I am happy with the person who he is. But it is affecting our whole lives as he can't get a job and I really think the main reason is the adhd/aspergers. If he could get some medication then he could take it leading up to interviews and when he first starts a job etc. He doesnt have to be on it permanently if he doesnt want to!
He says his self esteem will be even more low if he gets diagnosed with adhd or aspergers and he doesnt want to be stigmatised. He is also worried about having adhd on his medical notes and what future implications this might have for jobs eg. when you apply for a job and they ask you if you have a disability etc and you should declare it. What are people's experiences of this?
I also just wondered if anyone had an tips of how to encourage him to go along for the diagnosis? I will be really upset/angry if he doesnt go. I want to support him but at the same time I feel he can be so closed minded about this sort of thing. He just wants to ignore there is a problem, but in the meantime we will end up losing our home!
Thanks xx
I am new here. My hubby is 36 and has had adhd all his life. However he has never had an official diagnosis. He grew up in another english speaking country and his parents didnt want him to go on medication or even acknowledge it! They are very much brush it under the carpet and ignore it types! So he learnt his own ways of dealing with his behaviour/adhd/he went back a year at school etc.
We have been together 10 yrs and married 3 and we have two boys aged 7 and 4.
The problem is that my hubby took voluntary redundancy nearly 3 years ago and he has been unable to get a job since. He is a very intelligent guy. He has 15 yrs experience in his career field plus he recently finished a degree in the same field which cost us £10,000 for him to get. But even with all this he cannot get a job!
He has been told after interviews that there was a lot of "unchanneled energy" in the room etc and basically he doesnt come across at all well during an interview. He also has elements of aspergers. So he doesn't read people's body language and will talk and talk at someone about a subject and not see when they are wanting to change the subject etc. So this obviously doesnt go down well during a job interview!
I work pt and am the breadwinner, paying the mortgage and all the bills. We don't actually have enough money to live on, buy food and pay all our bills at the moment. So its crucial that he gets a job. He applies for all jobs including minimum wage ones.
I recently went to the docs for antidepressants due to 3 yrs of financial worry and stress, and am feeling much better as a result. My hubby has seen the positive change in me and I finally persuaded him to go to the docs to discuss either going on medication for adhd or depression. The doc informed us that he would have to go for an official diagnosis of adhd and aspergers. She also prescribed him antidepressants. She said for him to come back in three weeks and she will have all the info together for a referral for adhd diagnosis.
But.......my husband doesnt want to go for the diagnosis/assessment. He also spoke to his mum and she doesnt want him to go for it either! I really want him to go. I am happy with the person who he is. But it is affecting our whole lives as he can't get a job and I really think the main reason is the adhd/aspergers. If he could get some medication then he could take it leading up to interviews and when he first starts a job etc. He doesnt have to be on it permanently if he doesnt want to!
He says his self esteem will be even more low if he gets diagnosed with adhd or aspergers and he doesnt want to be stigmatised. He is also worried about having adhd on his medical notes and what future implications this might have for jobs eg. when you apply for a job and they ask you if you have a disability etc and you should declare it. What are people's experiences of this?
I also just wondered if anyone had an tips of how to encourage him to go along for the diagnosis? I will be really upset/angry if he doesnt go. I want to support him but at the same time I feel he can be so closed minded about this sort of thing. He just wants to ignore there is a problem, but in the meantime we will end up losing our home!
Thanks xx