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Post by cougar67 on Feb 11, 2013 21:06:14 GMT
Hi I was at my partner's one night and I said something that unintentionally peed him off. Instead of coming out and saying what had upset him,he said he wanted things to go back to the way they were before. I asked him him to explain and he said it didn't matter. I left feeling hurt and confused. Last time I saw him he was really cold and abrupt towards me and he couldn't understand y I had left that night and he said he didn't think things would work out between us and that he was too selfish to have a relationship. he then proceeded to tell me what had peed him off but couldnt answer as to why he didn't just tell me that night instead,not sure if this was said as a defense mechanism as he has been hurt before. Feeling hurt and rejected I then sent him some nasty emails afterwards that I instantly regretted and I have emailed him countless times to apologise but I am getting the cold shoulder. He lives nearby and when I see him, he rides by on his motorbike staring at me and then looks away although not angrily. The other night I couldn't sleep and I got up and peeped out of my window,he gets up for work and leaves just after 5 am and I saw him sitting on his motorbike looking over at my window for a few seconds before riding off, he didn't see me as the lights were off. Can anyone shed some light with regards to communication issues,if any and what might be going on here
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Post by li0nberries on Feb 11, 2013 22:25:06 GMT
Hi, I read your last lot of posts starting Jan 15 about this guy. If you have emailed him countless times apologising then you have more than opened a window for him. If he's told you it's over and he hasn't responded to your " countless emails ", then the chances are that the previous nasty emails and things you said we're the final nails in the coffin for your relationship, which he said he'd already wanted to go back on. Sending lots of emails and not backing off when asked is the kind of thing that really freaks me out, my view ( and this is only that ) is that he was looking up at your window because he's feeling paranoid about you by now.
I know that sounds really harsh but what your doing could be really messing with his head.
You said in your previous thread that you'd had troubled relationships in the past and the mere fact you still want to be with someone that could ignore you for this long, makes me think you need to be looking after you a bit more. Have you got any friends or family near by because if you were my sister I would really be hoping that life offered more to you than you are looking for yourself. Also the nasty things you said at separate times? You obviously feel rubbish about it, is this something that happens often or is it something you don't like that your relationship with him bought out?
It sounds to me ( and I may have got it completely wrong,) that you need someone, not necessarily a boyfriend, who can give you a bit of love and support before you even consider going into a relationship that would be so demanding.
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Post by Cougar on Feb 12, 2013 6:13:13 GMT
Thanks fo the reply. No it's not something I do as I was married for 9yrs and hve been on my own for 4yrs but my ex husband was having an affair for 3yrs. I haven't emailed him for a while either. It still doesn't explain why he looks over at my window when I am not looking or stares at me when he sees me either. And personally I don't think it's down to him being paranoid either otherwise he would look the other way and completely blank me rather than stare. And personally ADHD or not if you are pisxed off about something then surely relationships should be about open communication.if he had said this to me at the time in a direct way I could of said I was sorry for making him feel like that and the problem could of been easily resolved. Lastly,yesterday he passed his bike test but normally he would park his bike that had L plates outside his front door or in his back garden,but I got the impression he was indirectly letting me know he had passed because for the first time in weeks he had parked it outside on the road opposite my window and I got the distinct impression he was letting me know. Lastly, I was in love with him and thats why I hurt so badly so although I appreciate the reply I don't think I should be judged so harshly as I have come on here for some impartial comments.
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Post by mizmog on Feb 12, 2013 16:00:09 GMT
Ok shot in the dark... He still cares about u! Leave it be for a while if u see him smile sweetly but don't react and give him time... Your'll either get bored and find ur over him or you might find u can at least become friends! Good luck Hunni xx
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Post by cougar67 on Feb 12, 2013 18:51:10 GMT
Thanks Mizmog,
I needed that,my gut feeling tells me there is still something even though I am not sure what that is right now and yes I agree I need to give it time. He was definately smitten as he had liked me for several years now but I was with my ex husband back then and he didn't know that we had spilt up 4yrs ago because he said he would of been around alot sooner. he was even go to pay for me to go to South Africa with him to meet his family. He definately has some trust issues but not sure what those were as I was not one for prying, but I have hurt his pride I guess only because I was hurting sooo much and just lashed out without thinking of the repercussions. No excuses but we are all human after all and I have been through so much of late with my health as I have recently been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and when I met him I was still coming to terms with it, so was not really in a good place myself and I wasn't even looking for a relationship xx
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Post by mizmog on Feb 13, 2013 7:56:06 GMT
I hv always has my 'gut' feelings and ignored them for years only to find out I was right! I've definitely been in your shoes but didn't trust myself to go with my instinct (although happily married now) .... Take a deep breath and get on with your life, he might be waiting to see if you are dealing with things and not turning into a wreck
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Post by cougar67 on Feb 13, 2013 10:13:44 GMT
Yep I have always had my gut feeling and I use to ignore it only to realise much later I should of listened to it. Will listen to it this time, I defintely will not become a wreck,no person is worth that and I am too strong for that, if you knew what I had been through regarding my health, last week I had a job interview and the next day I had a bad flare up with my condition and became housebound for 5dys :) and that gets me down more and then it improved and yesterday I had another job interview,so not doing too badly considering and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction,being a Leo I am not a quitter :) xx
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Post by mizmog on Feb 13, 2013 14:13:06 GMT
Absolutely!! Times like that u realise how strong you really are Do u know how u did on the interview?
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Post by cougar67 on Feb 13, 2013 14:45:08 GMT
Hiya Mizmog, last weeks interview I got feed back from and they said it was really good but I just needed to give some more info on a couple of areas,hence didn't get but I am down on their waiting list because some more vacancies could be coming up later in the year. Yesterday, was shite, I felt, I did better on the test and I nearly burst into tears during the interview ,which is really not like me at all,but I am finding it hard to remember things or give scenarios especially when I have a long career history behind me, I am getting more senior moments as I am getting older x
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Post by mizmog on Feb 13, 2013 16:13:55 GMT
But that's also very ADHD! Being put on the spot I can forget my own name lol Make notes if u can, when ur able to think, and use something as a reference like pen = scenario blah blah ... It doesn't always work but it might just when u need it to!
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Post by Cougar67 on Feb 13, 2013 17:50:03 GMT
Lol, tell me about it, they wanted me to give an example of when a customer might have complained about a service and how it was resolved, I really struggled with that one seen as I have been out of work for 3yrs now and prior to that I worked in the advice field, and some of the organisations I worked for I left one of them 10yrs ago and another one 7yrs ago, seriously they want your blood now days and it has no relevance to whether you can do the job or not I can just about remember last week, let alone ten yrs ago.
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Post by mizmog on Feb 17, 2013 9:16:32 GMT
I hear ya! Lol! I will admit, I used scenarios that were not exactly mine but I knew I had experience like that and was confident that's how I would hv dealt with things but just couldn't remember the details of it... I was fortunate with this last job because I didn't actually expect to get it and had only gob for the experience ... The (now MD) woman that interviewed me I am sure is also ADHD and asked me about my kids more than anything and didn't seem interested in my experience... That person promoted me to Manager after 18 months!
Have you heard anything yet?
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