azz
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 131
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Post by azz on Mar 11, 2013 23:43:27 GMT
2 years ago, almost to the day, I had finally got so angry with myself and my situation and my constant under-achievements and being fobbed off with experts who weren't experts that I rustled up £500 for a private diagnosis and saw Dr Sally Cubbin for a diagnosis. She said she knew I was ADHD before I'd even sat down.
At that time, I was pissing about with a part-time law degree, just about to fail the whole thing and watch yet another 'project' fall apart. I lived in a stinking house in a shit area, my wife was depressed, I was depressed and I was on the verge of giving up my dreams.
It has not been easy and it is not over. I still am not where I want to be. The medication is not perfect and sometimes it gets too much and I need to step away from it for a while. But it has shown me how calm I can be and to strive towards controlling myself a bit more. Understanding the ADHD part of me has helped immensely and I really feel that this year, some of the things I have been trying for I will finally have achieved.
But the icing on the cake for me, someone who only ever did two pieces of homework in his later school life, who spent whole days just avoiding teachers because he couldn't explain why he wasn't doing their work, who told himself he didn't want to go to university but really knew he would just be wasting his parents' money on something he somehow couldn't do, the kid who everyone thought would amount to something massive but who never did, and who watched the years whir past characterised most notably for the decline in other people's respect for him and the gradual appearance of their pity... well, this Friday I got an unconditional offer to study a Master's degree at Oxford University.
I got my shit together, I dragged myself through a preparatory course, I did the goddamn application (okay, I still handed it in 6 minutes after the deadline but the electronic gods were smiling on me) and I finally lived up to the potential which has been simmering within me since I was a kid.
God knows how I will manage it. I am convinced I will fuck this up, but what I have got now, no-one can take away.
I am grateful for the sound advice and help I got on this forum while I was trying to figure out why the hell I couldn't do the things that I wanted more than anything to do. To anyone just seeking a diagnosis, I would say, do it. It's not a magic wand and nor is the medication, but I definitely would not be at this point right now without them.
I long ago gave up on dreams of studying at somewhere like Oxford, but it is possible, and in two years, with a little bit of ritalin and a shit-load of effort, I was able to turn it around.
I just thought I'd share that. I don't want to inspire jealousy or boast or anything like that (well, maybe to my family, but not here!) I just know that when I was at my lowest, it was really inspiring to see that it was at least possible to turn things around. That it was at least happening, that some people were like me and had not given up and that ADHD can be something you live with, or in spite of, not something that kills your dreams and ends your life.
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Post by Kathymel on Mar 11, 2013 23:52:42 GMT
Thank you SO much for sharing that with us. It is fabulous to read that someone with ADHD can turn themselves around like that. And Oxford! That's just gobsmackingly awesome! Well done. Bloody well done.
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Post by prunesquallor on Mar 12, 2013 0:04:19 GMT
Thanks for this post. Glad you are doing well.
It really does help to identify the problem.
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Post by nasir on Mar 12, 2013 0:46:43 GMT
Thank you for posting this. It's good to know it can happen with hard work. Congratulations on your successes.
By the way, you basically described me in your fourth paragraph (minus the Oxford bit, lol).
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Post by shinjiikari on Mar 12, 2013 11:46:56 GMT
Success is the best revenge. Love it.
Hope things continue to go well for you.
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Post by li0nberries on Mar 12, 2013 11:53:08 GMT
Wow!!!
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pal
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 15
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Post by pal on Mar 12, 2013 16:16:24 GMT
2 years ago, almost to the day, I had finally got so angry with myself and my situation and my constant under-achievements and being fobbed off with experts who weren't experts that I rustled up £500 for a private diagnosis and saw Dr Sally Cubbin for a diagnosis. She said she knew I was ADHD before I'd even sat down. At that time, I was pissing about with a part-time law degree, just about to fail the whole thing and watch yet another 'project' fall apart. I lived in a stinking house in a shit area, my wife was depressed, I was depressed and I was on the verge of giving up my dreams. It has not been easy and it is not over. I still am not where I want to be. The medication is not perfect and sometimes it gets too much and I need to step away from it for a while. But it has shown me how calm I can be and to strive towards controlling myself a bit more. Understanding the ADHD part of me has helped immensely and I really feel that this year, some of the things I have been trying for I will finally have achieved. But the icing on the cake for me, someone who only ever did two pieces of homework in his later school life, who spent whole days just avoiding teachers because he couldn't explain why he wasn't doing their work, who told himself he didn't want to go to university but really knew he would just be wasting his parents' money on something he somehow couldn't do, the kid who everyone thought would amount to something massive but who never did, and who watched the years whir past characterised most notably for the decline in other people's respect for him and the gradual appearance of their pity... well, this Friday I got an unconditional offer to study a Master's degree at Oxford University. I got my shit together, I dragged myself through a preparatory course, I did the goddamn application (okay, I still handed it in 6 minutes after the deadline but the electronic gods were smiling on me) and I finally lived up to the potential which has been simmering within me since I was a kid. God knows how I will manage it. I am convinced I will fuck this up, but what I have got now, no-one can take away. I am grateful for the sound advice and help I got on this forum while I was trying to figure out why the hell I couldn't do the things that I wanted more than anything to do. To anyone just seeking a diagnosis, I would say, do it. It's not a magic wand and nor is the medication, but I definitely would not be at this point right now without them. I long ago gave up on dreams of studying at somewhere like Oxford, but it is possible, and in two years, with a little bit of ritalin and a shit-load of effort, I was able to turn it around. I just thought I'd share that. I don't want to inspire jealousy or boast or anything like that (well, maybe to my family, but not here!) I just know that when I was at my lowest, it was really inspiring to see that it was at least possible to turn things around. That it was at least happening, that some people were like me and had not given up and that ADHD can be something you live with, or in spite of, not something that kills your dreams and ends your life. It was Dr Cubbin who diagnosed me. Just out of interest what where you doing for her to say that she knew you had ADHD before you even sat down? I'd love to do a masters but I doubt I'd even manage a degree thanks to ADHD. I had to quit a GCSE English a couple of years ago because of it.
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azz
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 131
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Post by azz on Mar 12, 2013 16:40:26 GMT
Thanks guys. pal: Well, she was half-joking. What she explained she meant was that, after doing this for a while, she sometimes gets a feel for who she thinks will or won't turn out to be ADHD, according to her various tests. So, that's not to say that she decided on the spot, more that she had a hunch which way it would turn out. As for what I was doing– dunno, just being me. My wife calls it 'doing my circles'. I travel everywhere in a kind of spiral, doubling back on myself cos I left my wallet or phone or need to hang up my jacket, and I get up and down a lot. I never even noticed I did that until I discovered ADHD.
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Post by Lesley on Mar 12, 2013 17:10:31 GMT
Hey, that brought tears to my eyes. Massively well done! And thank you for sharing it with us.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2013 17:24:05 GMT
gratz!
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pal
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 15
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Post by pal on Mar 12, 2013 18:19:22 GMT
Thanks guys. pal: Well, she was half-joking. What she explained she meant was that, after doing this for a while, she sometimes gets a feel for who she thinks will or won't turn out to be ADHD, according to her various tests. So, that's not to say that she decided on the spot, more that she had a hunch which way it would turn out. As for what I was doing– dunno, just being me. My wife calls it 'doing my circles'. I travel everywhere in a kind of spiral, doubling back on myself cos I left my wallet or phone or need to hang up my jacket, and I get up and down a lot. I never even noticed I did that until I discovered ADHD. Oh OK. I remember someone I know whose son has ADHD once saying they got a "vibe" from me. I've also noticed a few people over the years who've made me wonder after observing their habits. How on earth have you managed to get through doing a degree and how will you manage the masters? I've always wondered what ADHDers who have degrees have managed to manage the condition enough to study and learn effectively.
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Post by Kathymel on Mar 12, 2013 19:22:06 GMT
How on earth have you managed to get through doing a degree and how will you manage the masters? I've always wondered what ADHDers who have degrees have managed to manage the condition enough to study and learn effectively. Personally, I ignore everything else in my life for several weeks before every submission date. Then I sit on my sofa for 12 hours a day trying to write between distractions. I manage about 200 words a day. It's the most excruciating thing I've ever done.
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nytol
Member's not posted much yet
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Post by nytol on Mar 13, 2013 8:40:30 GMT
That is awesome and inspiring!
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azz
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 131
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Post by azz on Mar 13, 2013 21:17:10 GMT
Thanks guys. pal: Well, she was half-joking. What she explained she meant was that, after doing this for a while, she sometimes gets a feel for who she thinks will or won't turn out to be ADHD, according to her various tests. So, that's not to say that she decided on the spot, more that she had a hunch which way it would turn out. As for what I was doing– dunno, just being me. My wife calls it 'doing my circles'. I travel everywhere in a kind of spiral, doubling back on myself cos I left my wallet or phone or need to hang up my jacket, and I get up and down a lot. I never even noticed I did that until I discovered ADHD. Oh OK. I remember someone I know whose son has ADHD once saying they got a "vibe" from me. I've also noticed a few people over the years who've made me wonder after observing their habits. How on earth have you managed to get through doing a degree and how will you manage the masters? I've always wondered what ADHDers who have degrees have managed to manage the condition enough to study and learn effectively. Since being diagnosed, I have 'diagnosed' three people who I absolutely know have it and who agree to varying extents but none of them have got off their arse to do anything about it. As for getting through a degree, well, I still haven't. I finish two Diplomas (equal to second year of degree) this year and I got the Master's interview off the back of those, a fairly ballsy statement of purpose and presumably the merit of my submitted work. The interview wasn't perfect but I had managed to do a reasonable amount of groundwork so I did okay on the questions and to be honest, was totally fucking baffled when I got an acceptance letter four days later. I would have thought it would be a total impossibility for someone without a full undergrad to get into a uni like that (and on most courses it is). Nonetheless, I have been working hard at it and to be honest, it has been, as the last poster said, excruciating. Some weeks I can get over forty hours of work done, others it's more like ten. But pre-meds, I think twenty was my limit and that was pretty rare.
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Post by claudhopper on Mar 13, 2013 22:17:37 GMT
well done!
Law isn't a pushover. I got through it by sticking to the interesting stuff and keeping an eye on public policy rather than detailed rules, it just made sense even though I didn't know about ADHD
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Post by dizzydee on Mar 13, 2013 22:28:22 GMT
wow well done and thanks for inspiration!!!!
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Post by haydreamer on Mar 13, 2013 22:28:55 GMT
well done this is inspiring!
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Post by jan on Mar 14, 2013 7:59:26 GMT
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D WOW WOW WOW (excuse my language but no other way to convey my awe) FUCKING WELL DONE YOU!!!!!!! ;D ;D ;D you must be so proud, and rightly so, brag away - i would. ;D - - - i have an 18 yr old daughter who wasn't diagnosed till she was 14 and she has had a tortuous nightmare experience all the way through school (eventually excluded )and its scarred her! she's in college now doing childcare and is still having huge difficulties with the teachers and with getting the work done and she is so frustrated as she knows she's well intelligent enough to be doing a much more challenging course - she's just coming out of a severe 2 year depression and has stopped smoking skunk for 6 and half weeks now and struggles with life on every level - big time (so do I) i just read your post to her with tears streaming down my face thank you for taking the time to post your success, its inspiring and is the kind of message she really needs at moment - every time she feels she's losing the battle i'm going to dig it out - in fact i may even print it out and put it on the fridge!!!! wishing you peace and strength and top marks ;D xx
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bibbles
Member's not posted much yet
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Post by bibbles on Mar 27, 2013 19:35:31 GMT
well done man, that goes to show we can do it i keep saying ADHD isn't a disability, its a Diffability (Different). we dont see the world the way everyone else does so we do things different. but systematically, we will get it done. i dropped out of uni twice in the third year, and since being diagnosed at the age of 25 in the last few months, i am now looking at completing my degree and getting into some proper work. (without trying to hogg the post) im trying to get more finance for university to complete a final year, and since i got nothing from the 3rd and 4th year, is it possible to do this? it is a pretty strange and specific case Jonathan
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