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Post by Hope on Apr 5, 2013 12:15:53 GMT
It’s been 4 long years for me to get my partner to understand that he needs help and that the problem is most likely adult ADHD. In that time he has lost 5 jobs. The main issue with each job appears to be him accepting authority from a ‘Line Manager’ who he feels doesn’t have as much experience & knowledge as he has and he won’t accept why he cannot do the job as he sees fit. My partner has a master’s degree, highly intelligent and is probably correct in his assumptions, but he refuses to meet any Manager half way. Needless to say money has been tight and I have had to be the consistent main bread winner.
The domestic front is very similar to other partner’s experience as outlined on this board, but I also have to cope with a hefty dose of laziness which he admits to and I find myself oscillating between being a parent communicating with a child. He resents it, I resent it and I find myself increasingly watching how & what I speak to him about as he can easily flare up at what he perceives as a look or inflection in my voice. This particular behaviour is always heightened when he is unemployed. It can be exhausting.
And in our pursuit for diagnosis and help, he has so far seen 3 Doctors at his practice. The first Doctor said (despite my partner having a teenage son with ADHD), didn’t believe that he had ADHD and said there was no funding for it where we live anyway. Three months later, the 2nd Doctor suggested that the only way that he thought my partner could get help was a referral to the local psychiatric hospital. He agreed to this, but came home adamant that he wasn’t ‘a mental case’ and had no intention of going. Ironically the hospital told the practice that they couldn’t help for ADHD, but for some reason forgot to inform my partner and he obviously never chased it up. Six months later after my suggestion to write to one of the professionals we had heard on the Radio 4 programme ‘ADHD & me’ he received an incredulous reply and armed with a printed copy took it back to another GP who said that he would try for funding, but warned that this had never been awarded for adult ADHD in the county where we live.
So there we have it, I think sometimes it would be nice to speak to somebody going through similar experiences, but at the same time, I’m not sure how I could cope with dealing with the enormity of the emotions that could be released from years of living with ADHD. I do think though once he gets the help and by the sound of it we are going to need a lottery win to go private, then there will be a light at the end of this particular tunnel.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2013 20:32:06 GMT
Did you diagnose him? Well done for putting up with him for four years too. What line of work is he in? Have you checked if there is a support group in your area? Apt name
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Post by Hope on Nov 26, 2013 17:36:28 GMT
Update from my previous post/-
Well my partner eventually got the funding and got the diagnosis of ADD, (he scored 87% in the tests) but no meds prescribed because of an underlying heart condition. Since receiving confirmation he has certainly embraced his ADHD without the H and where as before diagnosis he was in denial, he now declares this is who he is and tough to anyone who doesn't like it.
Can anyone suggest any treatment for ADD/ADHD compatible with a heart problem?
Thank you in anticipation
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Post by Kathymel on Nov 26, 2013 18:13:15 GMT
Hello Hope.
No idea about meds in relation to heart conditions but just wanted to say, well done for getting there.
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Post by Hope on Nov 26, 2013 19:58:36 GMT
thank you Kathymel yes it was a long road and we had to get funding for outside our region. Unfortunately we didn't anticipate no meds because of the heart issue. It was literally one huge high to get the funding and then a massive low for my partner when he was told there could be no drug treatment. After much deliberation he is going to try cognitive therapy, but the funding for this is very limited - only a couple of sessions. All in all a Very harsh result
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Post by contrarymary on Nov 26, 2013 20:25:28 GMT
hi hope well done in getting there to you and your partner. that is no mean feat i'm so sorry about the unsuitability of drug treatments. i wonder if there might be further funding available for non-drug treatments in view of the fact that he is not going to be able to have drug treatments. i recall reading that (eg) the Maudsley run a 3-day course for people with adhd using cognitive and other non-drug treatments (in conjunction with or instead of medication) and i wonder whether there might be something similar near to you or he could apply for that one? and is it possible to apply for funding for him to attend? contrarymary
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Post by Kathymel on Nov 26, 2013 20:37:47 GMT
I'm trying to find some of the threads that have had non-med tips for getting organised. So far, I've only found this one - Useful apps. JJ and I love the Epic Win app. I'll keep looking. jj, @jan, contrarymary, any idea where the other threads might be?
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Post by Hope on Nov 26, 2013 21:34:45 GMT
Hey thanks guys for your interest, I will certainly be looking into further funding, particularly as he currently has some focus on ct. With regard to tips on getting organised, i'm afraid short of a magic wand there is unlikely to be any cooperation on his part, past the first attempt. Believe me I've tried. Oh well onwards and upwards
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Post by contrarymary on Nov 26, 2013 22:10:30 GMT
there are some fantastic articles and resources in additude (US magazine, plus online forum) which has for example this guide to understanding adhd behaviour and this guide to drug and non-drug treatmentsthere was a thread here recently on hints and tips ... you never know what windows in the mind might be opened by having a diagnosis and some CBT! cm
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Post by Kathymel on Nov 26, 2013 22:44:05 GMT
I'd recommend that you get yourself a book on coping with your ADHD partner. I can't personally recommend one, but I'm sure someone on here can.
The reason I'm saying this is that, from a couple of things you've said, I'm not sure you really understand how ADHD is affecting your husband.
1. You called your husband lazy.
Some people with ADHD have been called that for their whole lives from every direction. It's not true. There are reasons why we don't get things done. Many of us, pre-diagnosis, have spent years hating ourselves for being this way, but not being able to change. If you can gain an understanding of these reasons, you might gain a better insight into how to help your husband to motivate himself.
2. You're husband has only just got the diagnosis, yet you are negative about the possibility that any of our tips might help.
Could it be that your negativity and the methods you use to try to get him moving are actually causing him to oppose you because they don't work for him?
My son and I both have ADHD, so I think I've got a pretty good handle on understanding how to treat him. I recently attended a lecture on managing ADHD in children. I went thinking I might learn something, but really believing that my methods of dealing with him were pretty good. I was wrong. I learned so much. I now deal with him in a completely different, much more positive way and this has changed our relationship significantly for the better. The most obvious result of this is that I can get him to do homework now, where before there were only battles that no one won.
I would love it if your husband came on the forum himself. We can offer so much in the way of understanding and support.
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Post by nic on Nov 26, 2013 22:57:52 GMT
Tell me about what you learnt re children - very interested please :0)
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Post by Kathymel on Nov 26, 2013 23:18:04 GMT
Hi Nic. I think the most basic thing was I needed to start praising him for every tiny little thing he managed to achieve, instead of always wishing he could do more. I've stopped nagging and have promised to never tell him again that I am disappointed. I learned that, no matter that he is 14 years old, his main driving motivator is pleasing his parents (which is kinda nice to know). I also learned that he will already have started worrying about his future after school, so I've started reassuring him that we will find a way for him, together. One of the things that has helped considerably is that I took a year off from my degree to concentrate on getting us both sorted. I realise, now that I have time, that I wasn't paying nearly enough attention to what was happening to him at school. The poor lad is now the focus of my considerable hyper-focus.
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Post by JJ on Nov 27, 2013 4:55:41 GMT
I'm sorry, I don't recall any other threads re getting organised - they don't stick in my mind cos I don't take them in cos I know I'm not capable of following through with any tips for longer than the first attempt - or the first shop to get all the accessories There is indeed a 3 day course at the Maudsley and they do do specialist adhd CBT. If you don't live anywhere near there, it may be worth giving them a call to see if they know of anywhere nearer that does something similar. Or Addiss might know. Or UKAAN. Or there are other places that are at the forefront of adhd treatment and research - Cambridge I think, Brighton... Probably a few more.... I definitely agree with Kathymel's suggestion that you read up on this yourself - something that explains it properly and the neurobiological differences that make it impossible to easily do things that other people take for granted. Professor Russell Barkley has 3 one hour lectures on You Tube - listening to those really helped me to be a bit less harsh on myself for all the things I couldn't do and blamed myself for. As far as medications compatible with heart conditions, I don't know really, although there definitely are medications beyond methylphenidate, dexamphetamine and atomoxetine - the main 3. NICE mentions others to try if the main 3 aren't viable - Clonidine (that decreases blood pressure as well, so might be ok for the heart), and buproprion are definitely on there. Others I know of are modanifil, guanfacine.... Further down the line of strong association with adhd, but mentioned nonetheless are carbamazepine, tricyclic antidepressants.... This isn't an exhaustive list - there are definitely things worth researching more. But, even if he were able to take the stimulants, nothing is a magic bullet and he'll still have difficulties being organised etc
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Post by JJ on Nov 27, 2013 4:57:50 GMT
Kathymel, I need to speak to you about these parenting tips, I wish I'd gone to that course....
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Post by Kathymel on Nov 27, 2013 11:54:45 GMT
The most useful lecture was not the parenting one, actually. I found that one a bit of a tip-free zone. The best one was the same man who did the 'ADHD in Women and Girls' talk. I'll dig out my notes (writes reminder in Epic Win ) and see what else there is in there. Also, I got given a series of pamphlets a couple of weeks ago that are very good. They're produced by Shire *sigh* under the title 'Pathfinder: A way forward. I'll get some more and bring them down.
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Post by Hope on Nov 27, 2013 13:44:29 GMT
Lazy and ADHD – now that could be an interesting debate/-
My partner is of the generation where women in the household did domestic stuff and there was not much expectation from any male input – he is 44. I think with the complication of his undiagnosed ADHD; he would have also been perceived as a clumsy, forgetful child where it was easier on his mum to just get on with the job herself rather than try to include him.
So is the perception of laziness, nature (ADHD) or nurture (upbringing) or a combination of both? My gut feeling is both. My partner will always go down the route of the path of least resistance eg: he would rather take a pill than put the effort into a course of CBT and he would rather wait for me to get in from work to do that day’s washing up, put the tea on for him and iron his clothes.
I have tried out many different ADHD approaches to the problems of a partner not showing any initiative, to think of other people other than himself and sharing just some of the household chores. The only approach that has worked is me withdrawing my labour on a particular task and surprise, surprise it has worked. If I don’t feed him he has to get his own dinner and guess what, he asks me whether I want some as well. He has to make 2 choices: an un-ironed shirt or an ironed one – his choice and his task if he wants an ironed one.
The net result to this approach is that he has become more self-reliant and confident and in his more candid moments he will admit that laziness was a huge factor in not attempting to do anything. He has told me why should he bother when in the past he has had a mum, girlfriends and an ex-wife more than happy to do it all for him.
Kathymel - I applaud your approach to your son and anything that he can learn from you now ie: social skills, communication etc. will set him up for a much easier life than generations of ADHD people before him, but please remember I have been talking about a late ADD diagnosed adult and this person has many in-grained behaviours and developed coping mechanisms that will take more than just a ‘positive’ approach from me to change his outlook . I am sure that if he had had you or someone with your experience in his early life then he would have a different approach to coping with what life throws at him now.
One thing that I have learned over the years from living with an adult with ADHD is that you can read all of the ADHD text books, tips and recommendations available to you as a lay person, but between 2 people in a relationship, you do have to find your own level of communication and acceptance. I am certainly not being negative towards the kind offers of tips and links, just showing a little cynicism perhaps remembering my past efforts to changing my approach and hoping to introduce new strategies for my partner, who as I have already mentioned prefers to put little effort into daily life as he can possibly get away with.
Best wishes to all, H
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Post by JJ on Nov 27, 2013 22:55:42 GMT
It wouldn't be a long debate if you brought evidenced based scientific knowledge into the equation and didn't rely on ignorant condemnation and yardsticks based entirely on neurotypical abilities. Your husband probably does concede it's all his fault for being lazy sometimes. He's been told it all his life, he's been judged alongside people without his disability and found lacking, he's being told the same at home - he's bound to have internalised it after 44 years. I'm putting in this link, Are People with ADHD Lazy? but could have chosen a zillion more of course. We've all had a lifetime of being called lazy, we've endured the raised eyebrows, the cynicism, the exasperation, the 'why can't you just.....' 's. The reason why we 'can't just' is adhd. This forum is a respite from that kind of soul-destroying attitude - or should be. You pay lip service to a nature / nurture contribution to behaviours and yet your words betray your underlying disbelief of the neurobiological reality of this condition. If you take the time to properly understand adhd, then it wouldn't strike you as comment-worthy that your husband doesn't like or easily regularly do tedious and mundane tasks. Nor would there be any shocks that when you don't provide an ironed shirt for him to wear, the absolute requirement to have it, that morning, provides the external motivational force, which makes him then do it himself. I would suggest you put aside your cynicism, learn properly about this with an open mind and then start working WITH him and WITH his adhd to make your household function more agreeably. Done properly, this will inevitably mean you having to readjust your benchmarks, because they've been founded on non-adhd expectations and abilities and they're not workable in the exact same way for someone with this condition. But if you take into account his strengths and weaknesses, encourage the former and accommodate the latter, you might just find a way to be content with him rather than frustrated. The resentment you talk of and the parent-child way of interacting are corrosive - to mental health and to relationships - no one wins. And when you find something that works (like not doing his ironing if that's a burning issue), then just go with it, there's nothing to be gained from further mention that it doesn't happen without the accommodations - it won't - ever - it is what it is. I would definitely encourage your husband to come onto this forum for support. I'd also encourage you to read on here more in order to gain a proper understanding of adhd - you will be surprised how many of your husband's 'intrinsic faults' and 'character flaws' and 'personality defects' are actually adhd traits, shared by all of us here - and it turns out they're not there because we're lacking in moral fibre, just lacking some dopamine and norepinephrine.
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Post by Kathymel on Nov 28, 2013 2:08:09 GMT
We've all had a lifetime of being called lazy, we've endured the raised eyebrows, the cynicism, the exasperation, the 'why can't you just.....' 's. The reason why we 'can't just' is adhd. This forum is a respite from that kind of soul-destroying attitude - or should be. Here, here.
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Post by Hope on Nov 28, 2013 16:35:23 GMT
In response to you JJ – ADHD people cannot be lazy?
Before you all throw your hands up in horror, I do know ADHD exists, I do understand that there are tasks he will struggle to do, can’t do. I am sure many people with ADHD have been called lazy throughout their lives and bear the scars of this accusation to a greater or lesser degree, but ADHD people are individuals and they will have individual strengths and weaknesses towards undertaking tasks and cannot be just ‘tarred’ with the same collective ADHD brush.
Your forum boards are littered with non-ADHD people having issues with their ADHD partners and many of these relationships will fail because the ADHD has overwhelmed and become corrosive within their partnership. My own relationship has had probably more downs than ups, but it has become a whole lot better since he started to take an active part in our day to day relationship and I am talking about the silly mundane tasks like the washing up or ironing. It might not be important to him or to the fellow ADHD’S who comment on this board, but it is to ME and only when I started to ensure that he took an active part in our day to day lives could I feel the resentment that had built up inside me over years start to subside. I didn’t realise until I wrote on here that many of the commentators on this board had ADHD/ADD and so I would like to correct you on how you have perceived some of my comments. I no longer nag my partner or am a negative person, or frustrated or disbelieve ADHD exists – that last comment could make me weep as I am the first person to stand up for ADHD when I hear any doubter’s. My partner and I regularly go to an unofficial small social group of people with ADHD and I think it is very sad that we are the only couple there and I am the only non-ADHD.
I know to make our partnership work I have had to be more accommodating because of his ADD, but I also know that if I had just accepted what the text books say without looking at my partner as an individual, warts and all, including addressing that lazy gene (his words not mine) then I can honestly say we would not be looking at a positive future together. And before you all jump out of your seats, I would not dream of labelling ADHD/ADD adults as lazy, but as I have yet to meet an unintelligent ADHD/ADD’r, it is not beyond the realms of possibility that some individuals who have some ability will sit back and let others take the strain.
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Post by shapes on Nov 28, 2013 20:13:19 GMT
"I would not dream of labelling ADHD/ADD adults as lazy, but as I have yet to meet an unintelligent ADHD/ADD’r, it is not beyond the realms of possibility that some individuals who have some ability will sit back and let others take the strain."
Is that not basically labelling ADHD adults as lazy?
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Post by contrarymary on Nov 28, 2013 22:21:15 GMT
here is a link to a good article on the subject from psychology today, which also has links for other articles and books as well as a discussion forum for couples...... it's an extract from a book called "the adhd impacted marriage" which is a resource book for couples where one has adhd/add. what adhd feels like, written for partnershope it's helpful contrarym
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Post by nic on Nov 28, 2013 22:45:57 GMT
Had a look at that and it gave me anxiety just reading it - some really powerful thoughts ... I haven't been diagnosed but waiting for funding so I can be seen but those descriptions sounded familiar ...., too much stuff, noise, panic .... Thinking - I get those feelings...... Been back into work today and started a new project being out for a mth has been hard to even get back through the door and pick it up again ... One day at a time! Could feel the stuff happening straight away had to ask the girl I work with to keep her eye on me and try and rain me into one thing to see if that helps me? ?
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Post by DKL - darkknightslover on Nov 29, 2013 9:11:28 GMT
"I would not dream of labelling ADHD/ADD adults as lazy, but as I have yet to meet an unintelligent ADHD/ADD’r, it is not beyond the realms of possibility that some individuals who have some ability will sit back and let others take the strain." Is that not basically labelling ADHD adults as lazy? As a married diagnosed ADDer, it's been interesting to read this thread. In my husband's opinion the laziness isn't the Not doing of something, it's the failure to find a way of getting around it/dealing with it. He puts it so much better than I do, but that is the essential gist. Positivity and reduced negativity from him really helps. I have to admit I often have the thoughts "I'll do it later" or "not now" and it will be because I've essentially taken the decision to be lazy in a way. I have it a lot less than I used to, especially since discovering adhd and even more since diagnosis. I don't think lazy is a good word to be using, as even writing this now I know that these instances occur when I'm unmedicated which confirms that it is more likely to be down to the ADHD. To my understanding Lazy is a moral failing that describes the omission of action in favor of an action that is more pleasant purely based on the difference of pleasantness. In ADHD this isn't the case, but looks like it is. It's confusing because the subject itself is subjective, and lazy will mean slightly different things to different people. E.g. Gender differences with the housework. Essentially it boils down to 1. Do you recognise that you have a problem with this task? 2. Have you thought of a way to make it less of a problem or more appealing to do (thinking of the epic win app here!) 3. Try it out. 4. Is it working? (long term?)If not, why not? Repeat steps 1 to 3. "task" in step 1 might need to be broken down into one of the parts of the task. E.g. Taking the rubbish out. Yes I don't take it out enough. I don't like getting my hands dirty. --> use thicker bin bags to prevent splitting, disposable gloves to wear while handling the rubbish to throw into the bin with the rubbish bag when done, use a smaller bin so you have to empty or more often so the smell and juices don't build up and you can turn it into a daily routine instead of "as and when". Try one at a time or all three. No Not working. Time of day? Not motivated enough. When are you most motivated? Etc etc. I haven't included financial considerations in this example but essentially it comes into the problem solving part. Can't afford disposable gloves? Use a nice soap you really like for your hands in the kitchen for afterwards. The kind of soap you'd want to make excuses for to use. Sounds stupid, but that's why I use fountain pens for my filofax, and that works! Sent from my C6603 using proboards
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Post by Kathymel on Nov 29, 2013 9:54:16 GMT
I was having a discussion with S. Ex the other day because he suggested that part of Genghis's problem is laziness. As far as I'm concerned, Genghis is never lazy as he is always doing something which seems important to him (at home at least).
Part of the problem is the difficulty in set-changing. He can't stop one thing he's interested in to start something else and hates being interrupted.
Another is the inability to prioritise.
Another is the time management issue, where he isn't aware how much time has passed since he has said he'll do something.
At school, there is a different set of issues.
Obviously, the main one is that he can't concentrate long enough to do things.
He has become oppositional to the teachers who have repeatedly criticised him and not tried to understand him or make adjustments for him.
He finds lots of the lessons boring.
He often can't see the point of doing some things and just refuses to engage. (More of an ASD thing.)
As far as Genghis is concerned, we have to change the circumstances around him in order to allow him to function at his best. Obviously, as adults we have to change our own circumstances. However, it can take a long time to become aware of what we are doing and realise that we have the power to change it ourselves. It can take even longer to work out what those changes need to be.
'Lazyness', as far as I am concerned is something that happens as a reaction to our environment and is a combination of many factors. I used to loath my inability to get things done. I have a constant dialogue in my head telling myself to do things, which I find very stressful, but often ignore anyway. I refuse to call this laziness. It doesn't affect anyone but myself, so there's no 'win' in not doing things. I still have to do them later. Now I realise the reasons and I am finding ways to get round them, but nothing is ever going to solve the problem completely and it is bloody hard work.
No one is born lazy.
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Post by contrarymary on Nov 29, 2013 10:00:19 GMT
that's brilliant DKL. and exactly the thought process that i go through for just about everything. and find that i am re-visiting steps 1-3 on a regular basis because whatever works only seems to work for a short time and then needs refreshing in some way.
i think that comes down to the inability to manage things/tasks that need repeating or to manage regular routines - i never knew about this, and only recently realised that this is a fundamental part of adhd.
i find it hard enough dealing with this stuff and being single; i can't imagine having to manage the expectations of a non-adhd adult too.
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Post by Kathymel on Nov 29, 2013 12:01:38 GMT
The main issue that Jock and I used to fall out about was paying bills. I really didn't (still don't) see why it's necessary to pay something the minute it comes through the door. That meant he would always sort them because he needed to get them out of the way. If I was in that situation again, I still wouldn't compromise I imagine.
He would quite often despair of my lack of organisation and lateness, but when it came to doing stuff around the house, he was as bad as me, so we just lived in it and occasionally had a mad blitz when it got too bad. Life is much less stressful when you realise that dusting just isn't important.
Things like cooking and shopping we did together. It's really much easier to motivate yourself when you're doing things with someone else. It helped that we always had fun doing things like that.
He was amused and interested, rather than frustrated by whatever I was obsessing about at any one time and was very patient when that meant I didn't notice him so much or forgot to come home/go to bed/walk the dog/eat etc.
All those things are the reasons why he is my Significant Ex. He got me enough to make it work and he's still my best friend.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2013 13:31:10 GMT
Well done on figuring out 'thresholds'.
It is so difficult to convey these feelings to an NT it is far easier to fall back to:
1. I am lazy 2. I feel no empathy 3. I'm just a bit shit
Ah... peace and quiet!
Imagine a world where every decision you try to make is an A to Z work flow instead of 1-2-3. Imagine getting to the end of that flow (Z) and looping back around to A and then forking at B1, C1, D1, etc. Imagine this for 2/3 'shit tasks' at a time. This goes some way to explaining the inertia, I hope. I don't know why this happens for shit tasks.
Brain = 100% and all you're doing is looping various ways to complete utterly menial tasks because they do not flick whatever switch in our brains that everyone else has by default. After a while, you simply ignore them completely to save yourself the stress. This is what YOU call laziness. By you, I mean everyone without this affliction. The 'NTs' of this world and often, our 'significant' others who we probably love dearly but run us into the ground for things we can't control.
I am trying to think what happens for interesting tasks... which is very difficult. I can't really remember what happens in either but I think what happens is that A - Z is started immediately (I'm thinking of work stuff in this instance as well as wiki-wanderings), instead of pondering it indefinitely. No idea why. Perhaps 'A' is interesting enough that it invokes the intense focus that will carry us through to the end. Only to the end of that instance though; quite often the novelty is gone once that period is broken. We (I) must believe the task to be novel enough or our knowledge in this area to not be enough so sponge-mod/hyperfocus gets enabled.
When you pop one of the 'magic' pills which floods the necessary areas of the brain with catecholamines, shit tasks become easier. It's that simple.
A, B, C, fuckit I'll just start the dishes.
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Post by contrarymary on Nov 29, 2013 15:19:27 GMT
that's really interesting way of looking at it @michael. (tho i had to google to remember what work flow was!)
this may be why i am always inventing new ways of doing routine things or new reasons to have to do them.... the actual reasons are no where near interesting enough to click my brain into gear. i find myself looking for external accountability any way i can, and over a huge range of things, and endlessly seeking (and indeed, asking) what "a normal person" would do.
i find it has even spilled over to quite unconnected but nonetheless routine parts of my life, such that i find myself asking "how much pain am i supposed to be in/put up with?" "how tired am i supposed to get?". "what more am i supposed to be doing in order to manage x better?"
and this because i am stuck with the impulsiveness and lack of perspective which after years of dead ends and disasters, or other people's shocked / disappointed / angry responses leads to the procrastination because of the inability to trust my judgements on .... many things, except that which is instinctive (and that is clearly often not "normal" instinct)... blah blah blah... and round the loop again.
(which is not really what this thread was about, perhaps. tho it led very neatly in my head. and perhaps contains the seeds of my singleness!)
BUT give me someone else's stuff to problem-solve, give me someone else's life to manage and i am the Queen of problem-solving, method-devising, attention to the small detail, magic ideas... so it's not about the lack of ability, just being able to do my own Stuff. and being able to explain to other people why i really struggle to do my own stuff and am not just lazy or weird.
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Post by supine on Nov 29, 2013 15:36:26 GMT
Bottom line for me is if I haven't made it part of a routine, it will be forgotten. If I have made it part of my routine, there is a *chance* I will remember it I was labelled lazy my whole life, when in reality I was just lacking direction for something interesting to do. I was diagnosed earlier this year, at 42, and it was an investigation into why I was always procrastinating that led me down the path to diagnosis. The meds just help me do things immediately that I think of them, or write them down. If I don't, it still won't get done because I will forget*. *When I say forget, I don't mean I have no idea that I have something to do, I often have a large list of things that I know I've forgotten and it causes me a great deal of stress. At least if I write them down I have gotten it out of my head!** **Doesn't mean I wrote it somewhere where I will find it again though
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2013 15:37:48 GMT
I do hope it is genuinely interesting otherwise I ask, nay, demand, that you tell me to STFU and provide an alternative
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