I have a 14 yrs son who when he was young was very hyper. I noticed quite a change when he was around 11 and half 12 years old where he seemed to switch from hyper to almost a depressed state, .much quieter and mellow, although at the same time was beginning to get into more and more trouble at school.
Im just wondering if anyone else on here can relate to this?
I think I have been battling to get him diagnosed because of the switch and his current school does not believe there is too much to worry about but i'm going with my mummy instinct to get him assest .
I've read loads that adhd children seem to get a bit better while going through puberty..... For me was the complete opposite and that's when it was worst.... Also I think it's pretty well documented that, for the majority, hyperactivity diminishes with age....
Mummy instinct is something you should have complete faith in - mine told me from aged 8 months that there was something wrong with my now 14 yr old boy, I had to battle to be acknowledged, but I was proved right in the end - he was on the autistic spectrum, and he got help a lot sooner than he would have, had I listened to the professionals.
That all notwithstanding, I would make sure that I 'attacked' at the right time in this case - because he's older and because we're talking about adhd (with all its 'not-really-real' connotations), I would make a diary for the next month and list everything that he does to make you suspect he has it.
My middle son has showed signs of depression on and off since aged 4, I've suffered severely with depression and can show a strong family link everywhere - I know what the term means. My boy told me over and over that he was a loser and wished he was just dead at age 4, for weeks/months on end. I told the dr and was just dismissed about it. It went away after a while and reappeared every so often (completely the same life pattern as my own depression).
The last time it was bad I told his paediatrician (he has epilepsy and it's more prevalent in epilepsy anyway, aside from the family history) and again was dismissed, tried to get help at the GP - it was dismissed.... I think, aside from just not wanting to acknowledge it, they also thought that I was projecting my own issues onto my son....
Last time I saw paediatrician about epilepsy, I mentioned something about his depression in passing in relation to his presentation after seizures, and mentioned it as though this had been thoroughly discussed, investigated and found valid - and he just took it on board as though we had both always known that he was prone to depression and spoke about it as fact in his assessment report - even though he'd always assured me that it was just impossible for him to be depressed with the epilepsy medication he's on....
The reason I've gone off at that tangent is to highlight how the medical professionals, even those acting within their specialities, are not all-knowing and you, as a mum with their best interests at heart and the most intimate knowledge of them, know them best but you also need to be tactical in how you approach things (unfortunately).
I think my middle one has adhd. I'm not sure he should have anything done just yet anyway cos of his seizures but I've started making a diary, which will be contemporaneous written evidence to be used for the time that I do think it's too much for him to handle. When the time comes, I can present them with a million examples across multiple settings that they won't be able to ignore because a) it's written and b) the written evidence will give me more conviction to press the point.
My son's school are all 'lah lah lah, everything's fab, nothing's wrong, he's going to get through the sats and give us a good grade so why would we delve any further'. I think everything's going to go tits up when he gets to secondary school and, if/when it does, I'll be able to give multiple examples, across time, to back up what I'm saying. And I think you should consider biding your time for another month to get you some proper ammunition. There's nothing like 'written' stuff - it adds a whole authenticity that 'mental mum with her ramblings' just doesn't hold up to....
I sound all organised and 'yummy mummy' about it - all I do is type a quick note into notes on my iphone and email it to myself - there's no big diary with pictures and annotations! At some stage I'll have to collate it (stress) but at the moment it's doable....
Sorry for the mental long post - getting drs to recognise stuff in yr kids just hits all the buttons for me, it's been 14 years so far and new battles keep presenting ....
wow jj that was such a good post wish you'd been around when my daughter was young xx completely agree with everything you've said and had same experiences with school and professionals
and brainfog yes stick with your instincts and sorry know am always going on about it but could be hormones kicking in with your son (and depression) as boys are different to girls they go into their caves and just grunt and become uncommunicative whereas with girls everything starts to get worse!
good luck with sorting it - its so hard i know trying to advocate for them whilst things not ok with yourself at the same time thank god we are such fighters eh! or there would be no chance for any of us
xx
The beginning of love, is to allow those we know to be perfectly themselves and not trust them to fit our own image - otherwise,
we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
Yee great post, I remember I went for a trip to my local library when my son was 6 months old to get a book out on adhd and the women behind the desk said 'that's not for him!! is it?' meaning my cute white hair big blue eyed son in his buggy. but I knew then all those years ago something wasn't right, I was just too scared to get help from anyone but now just want to sort it so we can get on with our lives as best we can, and meet some warm hearted people along the way who can relate to our everyday struggles.
Im going to do some more research into the hormone thing, I too have a long family history of depression and probably other conditions undiagnosed too.
That must have been a hellish time for you when your son was 4, cos all you want to is make them better xx and I hear you about others thinking your projecting your stuff onto your kids, that's how ive been made to feel along the way, but my instinct will not let it go, im driven to get to the bottom of it.
I agree with differences in girls and boys. x
I will defo do a diary that's a great idea thank you xx
Just wondered whether it had ever crossed your mind that it might be dual diagnosis of ADHD with bipolar disorder. I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and am pursuing an ADHD diagnosis......being referred to Maudsley.....in contrast my 9 year old has been diagnosed with ADHD and I have asked for a referral to Guy's Hospital for an assessment of paediatric bipolar disorder. Just a thought..... They frequently go hand in hand ..........with the youngster having more hypo/manic symptoms whilst pre-puberty which typically turn to a more 'depressed' state in adolescence.....
I know exactly what you mean.....they make you feel like you actually WANT them to have it......when you would give your life for them not to have it...and do anything to save them the troubles that we've experienced.
soooo agree about trusting your instincts......I know so many parents with kids who have autism or ADHD who would still be flailing about had the parents not had such brilliant insight.....we are experts through experience
. hi boo i have just been diagnosed and got a bogof - adhd and bipolar 2 my daughter was diagnosed with adhd when she was 14 but i am beginning to wonder about duel diagnosis for her now - she was diagnosed by an ordinary physc at cahms who didn't have a clue about it in the next 4 years she was under her.
only reading your post has given me courage to say it out loud (so to speak) one as i really , really don't want that to be the case two as you say feel like people think i am projecting my issues on to her
am fighting for maudsley for her at mo so hopefully she'l get expert treatment /further dx there.
The beginning of love, is to allow those we know to be perfectly themselves and not trust them to fit our own image - otherwise,
we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
That is a possibility I will look into it also, how it presents itself in teen's. Also things might become a lot clearer once I have had my assessment done, hopefully very soon. x
Someone at SNAP said my son also sounds like autistic spectrum disorder could also be possible, there seems to be so many cross over conditions.
Can I ask you what delightful concoction of medication they put you on?? And what amounts??
Really curious as I'm on Lamictal now but want Ritalin and understand that I can have both
Will start to rattle soon!!!!
To all......the apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it?! It's not exactly rocket science is it........how come these flipping experts are so dumb......or blind......we should definitely be in charge of diagnosing..............and in charge of the world in general of course x
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realisation: This is my first post. I believe a close relative of mine may have ADHD and I've never realised or understood the condition until I have started to look at the symptoms. I have joined because it would be good to hear opinions and experiences of others...
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