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Post by pixieriot on Aug 16, 2013 17:37:20 GMT
I'm feeling really isolated with my experience of ADHD. I am a lone parent who hasn't been able to work in 6 years or more. I have other mental health issues such as social anxiety and OCD. I don't have family around so don't get to have nights out, let alone date. I've just started and then quit another OU course...and quite frankly feel like my life is unbearable. I love my child but everyday is so incredibly dull. People always say to me that I should be happy about being a mum, it's a reason to my life etc etc ..but it's just not enough. Can anyone else relate?
I feel like my life is slipping away and I'm just standing here not going anywhere...
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Post by Kathymel on Aug 16, 2013 19:27:09 GMT
Welcome Pixie. You're in fabulous company. Lots of single parents on here with ADHD kids. Some with OCD, some with other co-morbidities and we pretty much all have social anxiety to a greater or lesser extent. I don't think just being a mum is enough and no one can tell you what you should be happy with. We are all multi-faceted beings and most of us need more than one role to keep us happy. No one would be content having a work role and nothing else. Why should you be content having only a caring role? I would be climbing the wall in minutes if I thought there was nothing else.
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Post by cheekybuddha on Aug 17, 2013 7:40:45 GMT
Hi a pixie
YOur in a tough position, single parenting is way harder than anyone can imagine! My son is three and a half and has started nursery, things have got quite a bit better since, his energy levels are partially reduced from going and mine are partially raised win/- win! How old is your child/ren?
It's very isolating and hard work, can easily lead to depression and social isolation- with young kids even if you meet others you can't engage in conversation let alone enjoy yourself You are getting the signs you need more, my solution was to start a small market stall, although not everyone has the means to do so. It's given me a seperate intensity, I enjoy the chat on the market and make a few pounds too...although literally a few pounds!
Voluntary work is good for lower levels of commitment if you explain that, working in community gardens, anything you are drawn too.
Being a mum is great but all consumming, ESP on your own Your not mad at all to need more/ variety
From another single mum with ADHD and boy showing all signs too- feisty, energetic, low impulse control etc! Heck
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Post by JJ on Aug 17, 2013 14:05:17 GMT
Hi pixieriot I'd echo what's already been said... I'm a single mum and it can be lonely, isolating and dull... To the people who say you should be happy about being a mum etc and that's enough - I'd say that chocolate cake is amazing and I'm always happy when I have some - but I'd be sick of it if that was all I ever had - it's not enough on its own... Keep coming back here - there's lot of support and lots of people who know how you're feeling xxxxx
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2013 15:27:29 GMT
I bet there's many with less difficulties than that have given up waaay before 6 years
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Post by Pixieriot on Sept 3, 2013 10:57:49 GMT
Thank you for all of your replies. I'm glad to have some reassurance that I'm not a bad person for feeling like I do! My child is back at school now which will give me some space to get my life together. I'm starting CBT for the OCD/Social anxiety stuff next week as well, so hopefully that will help move my life forward a bit. I'm still learning about ADHD and trying to find ways to help myself. It's certainly hard without any support. I wish there was coaching on the NHS!
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Post by jan on Sept 3, 2013 15:18:49 GMT
hi p ixieriot (loving your user name ) missed your post the first time around - think it must of been when I was away. good that you've come back to see your replies - I too am a single mum an I completely understand where your coming from. I have brought my daughter up single - handedly with no support from anywhere most of the time as I don't have any family around me and for many years no close friends either and she has never met her dad. I remember when my daughter used to go back to school in sept I used to practically sleep all day for the following 7 to 10 days and much as I loved her it was heaven having the house to myself for 6 hours a day and I used to dread picking her up at the end of the day cos she just had sooooo much energy . I never managed to have a social life while she was growing up and also had social anxiety and tried to finish my degree and gave up on that as well. she's 19 now and the past few years - much more this year I have been getting out and about again and it feels so liberating to feel like a person again and not just a mum. however way you can you really need to try and make time for you - doing something you like or having some kind of pampering for yourself at least once a week if you can - try and make it a priority - even if its just having your hair done or reading a really good book in the park - having some mates over to watch a soppy movie - whatever you like doing - think of yourself like a petrol tank - to keep giving to your daughter you need to be putting something in as well or you are running on empty - and then you can't give what you havn't got the happier and more content you are the happier she's going to be. remember we teach our kids by example - they do as we do not what we say and we want our girls to grow up and know that its good to have a life as well as being a mum we are 'more' than just mums - but I know its hard the course your starting sounds a great start - hopefully you'll meet some other single mums there but if not see whats going on in your area - the library is a good place to start - and also look up gingerbread web site - they have groups all over the place. there's a new website in my area called streetlife.com don't know if its nationwide yet but its good if you have it - i'm starting a digital photography class soon and its free - its a site for getting to know whats happening in your community and networking with like minded people - its not a dating site or anything like that (not that theres anything wrong with dating sites if you fancy that - but i'm thinking prob not - at mo cos of social anxiety ) and as for finding out more about adhd - then you couldn't have come to a better place - the people on this site are fab and very supportive as well as all being bonkers and we all laugh at ourselves a lot and its a place you can bring your worries or questions and get loads of feedback and understanding while still staying anonymous if you want to. hope to hear how the cbt is going in another post soon good luck bye for now jan x ps depending where you live - I wouldn't hold my breath for help from the nhs
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Post by JJ on Sept 4, 2013 22:47:46 GMT
I'm still learning about ADHD and trying to find ways to help myself. It's certainly hard without any support. I wish there was coaching on the NHS! Are you in or v near South London by any chance? Asking cos the Maudsley has specialist CBT for adhd (so you'd need to be near enough to get there every week) and / or it also has a 3 day course (1 day, once a month, over 3 months) for adhd - to learn about it, coping strategies etc. NICE guidelines say that you should be offered a psychological package - especially if yr given meds. So if London anywhere near enough for you to get to for 3 days, you could ask your GP to refer you. I don't know (and not looked) but I have the impression that Brighton, Bristol and Manchester have a relatively better adult adhd service compared to everywhere else - so if you're near any of these it might be worth googling to see if something similar is available (www.aadduk.org.uk front page has contact details for Brighton adhd group - who you could email to ask) Xxxxx
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