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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 13:49:20 GMT
Can you talk me through what they were like as toddlers pls?
My girls are starting nursery in sept, and im terrified of them turning round and asking why an earth i havnt i noticed there is smthing seriously wrong w them and got them dx
My girls (twins to boot) were fast developers as littles, rolled, crawled (relief!) and walked before their peers. They talked early, and have a huge vocab, but their speach is unusual. They dont realy talk to other people, their speach out of the house w me is limited, they use twin speak w each other, they cant speak through their feelings if upset, or after if calmed down, and they do a minimal amount of socialy normal speach (they normaly dont say bye to people leaving or if we leave smwhere for example) these differences seem currently more proniunced than previously.
Emotionaly my girls are v.senstive and v reactive. I have to be careful which directions we go out in.because certain ones they assosiate w certain.activities and are then devastated if we go past these w out going in, despite me expkaining before hand what we are doing. They have a limit to how much social time they can cope w, its like they have no filter and all of the outside stimulation jst overwhelms them.
I have highly senstive children, raising your spirited child and iv read sm of active alert children. They v obviously hit all the criteria for these, so maybe its jst a case they are much higher strung and things will balance out in time. Or maybe they are highly senstive and have adhd (like im both) or maybe they have further.developmental disorders also. While i dont mind if they have my adhd i realy dont want a dianosis pushed on them too young. While they are tough little whirlwinds of caos at hm i dont feel this is a problem, i dont feel like a dx at this stage wd be of benefit, plus i dont want them stuck w a label before getting a chance to jst develope normaly at.nursery and school. Plus my girls dont take well to new people and or situations/places and i dont want to drag them off to speach and language therapy etc when they will jst refuse to speak to.them anyways and be hysterical the whole time. They speak fine w their baby sitter when im not there, and w friends of mine if they have been left w them, and im hoping, once settled at.nursery, that the same will happen, but im jst worried that straight away they will try and push them to be refered to whoever deals w diagnosis. I intentionaly havnt told them i have adhd (i tell everyone, im quite proud of it and focus on the strengths it.brings) because i dont want them influenced by this.
I guess im posting.because my girls are suddenly much harder work than usual, they make exsorsist seem tame and smtimes i feel like 'what if theres smthing realy wrong w them and its all my fault', but i dont want our local judgemental hvs trying to 'fix' my girls or make them feel like theres smtjing wrong w them.
While friends notice my girls speach is unusal no one tjinks its anything to.worry over, a friend whose a montasory teacher says they are fine (she worried her eldest had adhd at the same age, he is now yr 1 and doing fine) we had a hmstart.volenteer (because of my joint problems) who never suggested anything was wrong. I think both my girls refusual to speak to others cms accross alittle flirty/babyish if that makes sence, as opposed to seeming like they actualy cant.
They have a tendancy to ignore other kids (they have each other after all) but they do love.playdates and ask for their little friends afterwards even if they dont interact that much w them. W each other they are v contained in their own little world, one minute fighting to the death and the next all hugs and kisses)
I jst allways feel like i am that mother everyone is tutting at as my kids decend into melt down frequently over every tiny thing others kids ta
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Post by blaze on Aug 5, 2014 13:52:59 GMT
I meant to say things others kids take in their stride, but my fone wont let me edit
Also they dont cope well w singing time or story time at groups at all, the transion plus stimulation seems to set them off.
If anyones toddlers have been the same turned out to have or not have adhd id like to hear. Also if there was anything people found particularly helpful.
Thanks if you got this far
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Post by .... on Aug 19, 2014 9:30:38 GMT
Hey Blaze, did you find information on this in the end? I read a few bits on the interweb that were interesting but there is not much of use.
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Post by danherts on Aug 20, 2014 13:54:04 GMT
I'm suprised nobody has answered this and I'd be interested to find out as well. It's always something at the back of my mind that my two girls will struggle in the same way as myself.
Before our eldest started nursery she seemed very shy and couldn't get her to say hello, bye, thanks etc either.
When she finished nursery this year we went in to see her teacher who I was expecting to say she was too quiet, instead it was the opposite. So she is like me, quiet in new situations but too loud in familiar ones.
She doesn't listen, especially when being told off and just ignores it continuing to talk about something else. Being our first and eldest it's hard to know what is 'normal' behaviour so I could just be looking for similarities and be more inclined to notice them amongst the rest.
I do feel the way she is now she' going to struggle and feel stiffles. It's just a shame education has no focus on the child's interests and the requirements on the kids are exactly what ADHDers struggle with.
I'm also not sure about whether I could medicate her, having used the meds myself I could see the potential to appear treated but not really be in a good state of mind, and kids might not be able to give the necessary feedback.
On speech therapy, it has worked amazingly for my autistic niece and I imagine a therapist would be quite used to not getting much conversation in the beginning. Although I don't think it's anything to worry about for a while as being around other kids in nursery seems to bring them out a lot more.
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Post by blaze on Aug 20, 2014 15:57:50 GMT
I dont think shy wd be the right term for my pair, although they certainly have their moments of shyness, and can cm across like that at times, but mostly they are ten times louder, busier, crazier and more dramatic than other kids. They do on occassion say bye etc, they know how to, but even at friends who we have been too 100times+ they will still tend to be too diszracted, hyperfocused, or jst slightly amazed by the kids who are saying bye. I wdnt want speach therapy etc because i know they wd hate being in a new setting like that, and.because while their speach patterns are highly unusual they are also highly advanced (50 words plus two word sentances at 1, full sentances at 18mths, 200+ words not inclueding their made up ones by two) i dont think they need any kind of intervention (atleast at present, if this doesnt even out of its own accord.then id be happy to take them in a couple of yrs or so) i was more woundering if this type of unusal language aquisition maybe an indicator of adhd or another developmental disorder, ofcourse being twins makes it all slightly different also. I also know enough.from other parents that hvs here tend to strongly advise.behaviour mod type techniques and thats v much at odds w our parenting choices, as i dont feel theres any kind of behaviour problem i wdnt want this kind of pressure, as the hvs have came accross badly here. My girls behavior is different, but not anything i see as unmanagable or out of line for a toddler, but i am aware that its different enough that as they hit school it may be a case of negotiating a way forward w their school. As long as they get into our local school we shd be lucky on that front, the nursery are v adaptable, and i am comfortable w how tgey address emotional andbehavioural difficulties. I jst worry that they might push for diagnosis early, when id rather gove it time, i dont see how a dx wd change anything right now, and wdnt want the wrong label attached too early. If they need meds in future id be fine w that, but itd definately be a last resort.
Im guessing not everyone uses the parenting.board as much as other sections
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Post by blaze on Aug 20, 2014 16:53:49 GMT
For example one.of the things that worries me jst happened, my first born jst flipped over me having to put a regular pull up on tonight instead of her usual t rex dry nite because we have run out, when i say flipped i mean screaming at top pitch threw h lerself around and inadvertantly headbutted me twice during this, i explained, she jst doesnt process that info in the same way iv seen friends kids do, theres no reasoning w her, no comfirting her (i try, she attacks) and while tonight i know its due to exhaustion (shes asleep already after two minutes alone screaming in her cot) she has done a gd two hrs worth of screaming on night this has happened before (w alot of aztempts to cuddle/comfort) to male it worse having twins it means her sis had to go to bed early too and miss out on our usual.several stories because the two have allways gone to bed at the same time for practicalyity and safety so neither will fall asleep w out the other.....
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Post by .... on Aug 20, 2014 22:19:11 GMT
I have 2 teenagers, one diagnosed ADHD combined type. And 1 very active toddler who has been very quick to learn to walk/climb/dismantle stuff etc. I worry about how he will turn out. I find myself watching for signs, and stressing myself out.
I read alot lately about ADHD indicators in younger children. But most useful thing I came across were some Russell Barkley videos on iTunes (Not sure I agree with him on every aspect but was interesting). Talked about development of brain regions. Apparently ADHD'ers have brain regions that mature less quickly than others in areas that help you inhibit distraction and stuff. But areas relating to motor development actually mature faster in ADHD'ers.
So I sit and watch the boy (no-one can believe he is only one- because of his dexterity and mobility)and I worry myself sick some more. But I have survived the journey through Infant, Junior and 3 years of High school with my teenage ADHD'er & really hope I could navigate it better if I had to do it again. Sometimes I feel convinced that he is bright enough not to be educationally impaired by any ADHD traits he carrys. And sometimes I wonder if he won't be diagnosed when older, and whether his nursery workers and members of family/friends will say 'oh well we always thought that & wondered why his mother couldn't see it clearly!' lol.
Our teenage ADHD'er had been interesting to raise from the word go. (The tantrum you mentioned about the wrong pants Blaze sounds familiar, our ADHD'er had real problems suppressing frustration or upset & this is commonly reported) School raised the ADHD issue at around 7 years old. They had been struggling considerably, and we couldn't see the problem. We knew nothing about ADHD, they knew nothing about ADHD. And lots of her difficult traits were mirrored through our extended family - so we were very used to finding coping strategies for things and could not understand why school weren't coping.
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Post by Brian on Aug 21, 2014 0:34:41 GMT
Hi blaze I think it's normal to be concerned about nursery and you have more to think about than most! Most of us are not blessed with a twin sibling. I doubt there's a stronger bond? I've been wondering what makes us conform. The need to fit in? Be part of something? I wonder if this is completely different for twins? ADHD twins? Why learn someone elses rules when your twin sis already completely understands you? Why play the social game at all? If your mind works anything like mine I would be envisaging their early years and looking for worst case scenarios. The worst I see is one twin succumbing to peer pressure before the other one. Peer pressure being positive in this instance, making new friends, pursuing new activities, etc. One twin is either left out in the cold or the other curbs their own social progress to comfort the other. No one wins but then I do have a penchant for seeing the worst, soz. How do you head this off at the pass? I've no idea. A quick google suggests encouraging an element of individualism in both early on. Separate beds not bunks suggests google. Separate rooms they individually decorate suggests google. Just like little bro looks up to and respects the endeavours of big bro, it must be possible to replicate similar in twins beyond 'we are twins and everyone else can FRO!' As an aside, I know of a mother who is raising her second girl. First was very introvert. The second is the complete opposite. ADHD on both sides of the family so there is little doubt in my mind the second is of the firey variety. Her smile gives it away. Most kids will smile-on-demand briefly with minimal facial contraction. This cutey uses every muscle in her face to grimace and it just screams I MUST USE THIS ENERGY SOMEHOW! Anyway, the point I was going to make is that the mother is very routine based. All meals, all snacks and all discipline. She says the second girl always wants to eat but even that is routinised. Both girls are very familiar with 'timeout' too. Ultra strict the *instant* they cross the line but ultra loving too. I'm not sure if any of this is helpful. ADHD twins is the most difficult scenario I can think of. I hope you are getting mountains of help! x
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Post by blaze on Aug 21, 2014 7:03:36 GMT
Id v much disagree w strict discipline (stupid term.anyways, discipline is a behaviour and behaviours are learned by modeling anyways, what most.people mean by discipline is actualy punishment which is a v different thing altogether)
I v much remember the effect of discipline on me, i strongly identify w the negative outcomes of.behaviour mod that unconditional parenting writers talk about, me and oh much prefer nvc style approach. I worked w kids in care, many of whom were dx w adhd, and nvc works much more effectively. crisis intervention models, sui.intervention.models, conciling etc all model this same form of communicating. im realy not looking for advise on how to parent anyways, like i.said i dont find tgeir behaviour problematic, i was jst asking if others have found similar behavious in their toddlers who later get dxbr] They are far too young to be in seperate rooms (its only is v strange westerners that leave children to sleep alone anyways, its entirely unnatural and many children still need contact at night also), they have seperate beds and allways have done since they moved out of our bed. few.special occassions and had different sounding names
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Post by blaze on Aug 21, 2014 7:16:42 GMT
My fone wont let me edit...
My girls have different.sounding names, i didnt want 'twiny' names and they almost allways wear different clothes. They have allwaya been their own people right from day one (if not.before actualy as my first born got head down early on and.never.budged, her sis flipped several times a wk until 35+ wks, which is v.like they are as people, one v v persistant stuborn determind girl, and one v adaptable and changable)
we dont do routines, i.bf ondemand so routines never had a place in our lives, we have set patterns of doing zhings, which sm they benefit from flexibility and sm they dont.cope w much varriation (bedtime for example, while not a set by the clock routine, is a v.standard pattern that they have needed to.be consistant/ where as meals, activities they need to be.adaptable to what they arw feeling). Its a.myth children.need routines, sm do sm dont jst like adults, its logical that parents who benefit from routines will be more likey to have children.who do and.vice versa, im alot like my girls, i.like predictable patterns,.especialy at the.end of the day when im tired, but i am stifeld.by an actual routine.based life and it makes my adhd much worse.
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Post by blaze on Aug 21, 2014 7:29:08 GMT
the movement thing is interesting, my girls never stopped moving as babies unless swaddled, and bf and held all night by me, one in each arm, v bad for my joints..... They held their heads up independantly at 2days old, adored tummy time from a coupke of wks, rolled/crawled etc v early and the.minute they did anything they jst straight away were trying for tge.next milestone. They used to flap about on their tums like seals trying to.crawl. I wounder where being more physicaly capable wd fit.in w crawling.though as not crawling is the first sign they will likely have one of any developmental disorder? Also most teens/adults w adhd are clumsy? Its interesting to here though as i have.hypermobile joint.syndrom so physicaly i have alot of pain/limitations, v poor coordination, yet i allways need to move also, until i hit my exhaustion limit, which is early these days..... Hmjs has a high rate of.comorbidity w adhd and otger developmental.disorders also, because its actuqly a neurological problem that means my brain doesnt send the right signals to tell my body how to make.collegen or how to use it. if lots of kids w dds also have hmjs then they may be v behind in terms of motor skills, and.ofcourse.lots of people w adhd also have dyspraxia etc that effects fine motar skills.... Interesting though, my girls.litteraly never stop moving, even when pregnant id be up at all hrs.because of them, even in labour id have them kicking away! quote author=" ...." source="/post/83108/thread" timestamp="1408573151"]I have 2 teenagers, one diagnosed ADHD combined type. And 1 very active toddler who has been very quick to learn to walk/climb/dismantle stuff etc. I worry about how he will turn out. I find myself watching for signs, and stressing myself out. I read alot lately about ADHD indicators in younger children. But most useful thing I came across were some Russell Barkley videos on iTunes (Not sure I agree with him on every aspect but was interesting). Talked about development of brain regions. Apparently ADHD'ers have brain regions that mature less quickly than others in areas that help you inhibit distraction and stuff. But areas relating to motor development actually mature faster in ADHD'ers. So I sit and watch the boy (no-one can believe he is only one- because of his dexterity and mobility)and I worry myself sick some more. But I have survived the journey through Infant, Junior and 3 years of High school with my teenage ADHD'er & really hope I could navigate it better if I had to do it again. Sometimes I feel convinced that he is bright enough not to be educationally impaired by any ADHD traits he carrys. And sometimes I wonder if he won't be diagnosed when older, and whether his nursery workers and members of family/friends will say 'oh well we always thought that & wondered why his mother couldn't see it clearly!' lol. Our teenage ADHD'er had been interesting to raise from the word go. (The tantrum you mentioned about the wrong pants Blaze sounds familiar, our ADHD'er had real problems suppressing frustration or upset & this is commonly reported) School raised the ADHD issue at around 7 years old. They had been struggling considerably, and we couldn't see the problem. We knew nothing about ADHD, they knew nothing about ADHD. And lots of her difficult traits were mirrored through our extended family - so we were very used to finding coping strategies for things and could not understand why school weren't coping. [/quote]
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