|
Post by Boston0413 on Jan 3, 2015 2:32:11 GMT
I'm in the totally wrong folder here, I know. I'm not a parent but this post is about my parents. I was 'diagnosed' with ADHD in August at the lovely age of 18. As I'm an adult and can go through the NHS on my own I made the whole journey by myself. When I finally told my parents the prognosis My mother said how disappointed she was and that she thought it was a load of rubbish. You get the gist. Anyway as we are now in 2015 it's been nearly six months and I'm still continuing the journey on my own. I've started on medication and I'll soon be going to support groups. I need the support seeing as I'm not getting it at home. The hard thing is that everyone knows but my own parents and family. Everyone, pretty much is accepting of it and deals with it. I count my blessings for being at college as it distracts me from what's going on at home. I have the support at college and within my friends but it hurts the most that I don't have it at home. That I'm lying to my parents. That I'm keeping something from them but most of all that they're not accepting of it. My mother can't even say ADHD. So my question to this forum is has anyone else had this type of experience. Do you think it might get easier? Should I tell them? What? What do I do? Thank you
|
|
|
Post by supine on Jan 3, 2015 16:10:03 GMT
Hi Boston0413, I'm not sure from reading your post if you have told your parents or not as I see you have written both scenario's Family is always the hardest thing to deal with. You are not only having to deal with your condition, but also their perceptions of you (which with family are almost impossible to change which is why the 'baby' of the family is still treated like a baby well into their middle-age!). There is a method of confrontation that you can try which is non-agressive (therefore not sufficient to provoke fight/flight in the other person) and might make them think a bit about what they are (or aren't) saying and doing. The trouble is, it takes practice and you have to let go of your own emotions about their responses - something which I still struggle with at 43, so I don't imagine it to be simple at 18 If we take your situation as an example.. You: Hi Mum, I've been having some tests to try and work out why I act/think/behave in the ways that I do and it turns out that I have ADHD. Mum: Why would you do that? It's all just a load of old rubbish! You: Are you aware that by dismissing my condition you are making my life more difficult? Mum: Don't be silly, what are you talking about? You: Perhaps if you learnt a bit more about what ADHD actually is and how it can affect people you might not be so dismissive and cause me so much pain. It could go various ways from here, but remember one thing - you cannot convince someone of something when they don't want to know (and this could be for many reasons - mostly feelings of guilt and possible recrimination from my experience - much easier for people to deny something than think about an issue that requires someone to feel unconfortable for a bit). All you can really do is calmly explain how their actions are affecting you, and leave it at that (i.e. without laying blame or getting angry etc.) If you do it this way, there is a good chance you may have sown the seeds of some understanding and they can then come at it at their own pace without feeling threatened. Of course, if you were to ask my wife she would just say to 'give them a bang on the snout!', ymmv
|
|