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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 6, 2016 1:07:56 GMT
I just want to scream! I need to sleep because my parents are coming in the morning, but I know I won't because my brain's in overdrive and I'm twitchy and tearful.
What I really wanted to do tonight was to get very drunk. . .but I didn't. . I'm sober because of the parental visit.
I'm feeling very self-destructive and negative and worthless and like I don't exist.
I'm not happy with the concerta because it makes me like this at night when it's worn off.
The fact that it wears off must mean that it's doing something, but it's incredibly minimal.
I think I've started sleepwalking again.
My shoulders are causing me big problems.
I'm very lonely. So I'm wallowing in self-pity here instead of sleeping or having fun. I really need some fun.
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Post by clubby on Feb 6, 2016 14:04:38 GMT
I wish I could help, vagueandrandom. Sounds like your executive processor is dancing a wild jig. I know that feeling. I don't take meds because I am determined to use the brain to balance the brain. I was inspired by the title of a book "The Brain that Changes Itself". You sound like a very clever person and from what you have said in previous posts - you are very self aware. I think this is the key - to be aware of when the executive function has you "by the short and curlies". Then to be able to chose whether to accept or say no. I hope you feel better soon and get a good nights sleep.
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Post by vagueandrandom on Feb 6, 2016 16:13:55 GMT
Thanks clubby I'd really like to be able to 'use the brain to balance the brain' and I think that it might be my preferred long-term goal. I need to work out what is me and what is ADHD, how they overlap and fight and to de-tangle and work with the good bits and find ways of making the less welcome traits fade a little. But first I need to get some support networks in place and get to see a psych again. It's all very well having you and all my other lovely friends on here to understand and support me, but I also need to interact with people in the physical world. I know you've just moved too and it takes some time to re-establish yourself and I have to do everything on my own, which gets me down. Sometimes I wish there was someone who could take over and get my stuff done and tell me what to do BUT, like you, I don't like being told what to do and will fight against it wildly. . . However much I often hate myself, I wouldn't want to be anyone else, just a better version of me, more productive, less destructive. Thanks again for your support and to anyone else who's taken the time to read this x
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