101 Practical Tips for Impractical People
Feb 28, 2016 23:37:28 GMT
contrarymary, vagueandrandom, and 2 more like this
Post by anopheles on Feb 28, 2016 23:37:28 GMT
Ok, so this is thing anyone can add (ahHA!) to. I'll try to remember to update the OP so that people can see them in one place.
I'll start.
1) Always tell your employer you have ADHD. It is a recognised disability (as these things are described) and they have to make 'reasonable adjustments' to your workplace. What these are will depend on your workplace, but they may include; longer deadlines, easing of 'targets', 'brain rest', colleagues checking work (maybe on a mutual checking basis, I think we are better at spotting other's mistakes better than our own) and so on.
2; If using Public Transport and space is available, put your bags to the outside of you. This will make you lift the bag get it out of your way. If your bag has to go in the overhead compartment, then attach something like a scarf from it to dangle a little obtrusively (otherwise, what's the point?), but not in people's way. If the bag has to go in the end carriage luggage space, there is nothing for it but standing with it while you travel, or sitting with your eyes on it and forcing yourself to remember (maybe concoct a story about the contents, I dunno).
3: Get into the habit of counting your bags every time you leave a place. Better to go back 100 yards to the coffee shop then get home and have to ring every place you may have visited.
4: Get a gas cooker. The noise and the flames will tell you that it needs to be turned off (and the smell of unlit gas is something nobody ignores). If you have an electric cooker get into the habit of turning off the main power switch when you finish cooking. Before taking the food off the heat if you can remember. This is only one thing to remember (rather than hob dial, oven dial, temperature dial, etc). If you forget these, then it doesn't matter if the main switch is off and you can unnecessary dials to zero when you start to use it again.
5: Use the alarm function on your smart phone to help you with going to bed (as well as too many things to mention). Decide early on what time you need to be thinking of bed. Set an alarm for every 5 minutes for half an hour after that time. It can't make you go to bed, but it will be an irritant until you go. If you decide to turn off the alarms... well that's on you.
6: When using a atm; do one action at a time, even if it means re-entering your card. If that means someone has to wait, so be it. Alternatively, if you want cash, a statement and something else - do not look at the statement or receipt until you have put your cashcard away.
7; Have a 'station' at home. I use a mini treasure chest type box. I come in, I see it, I remember (eventually) that my keys, wallet and such go in the Station. Saves me a good deal of time looking for keys, and what have. Doesn't help with phones, which you tend to have on you, but it helps with the other things.
8: Always plan to get the train before the one you need or the bus 2 before you need. This way, if you are running late because you couldn't break from a fascinator... you still won't be late.
9: Ask anyone who gives you an appointment to send you a text reminder the day before your appointment and tell them why. It doesn't always work, but it's worth a try and you will feel you at least DID try.
10: (or 9a). If you have a reliable friend or don't live with a partner, ask that they be sent a copy of any appointment letters. Again, it may not work, but most of the time it will.
11: Carry a rucksack with everything you need. To avoid disasters, never take it off unless you have to and make sure you have a 'lose my back pack plan' such as extra keys, spare pills, etc.
12: Set an alarm x amount of minutes (ten to 20 as suits) before you leave and one for when you should leave.
13; Do your 'preflight checks' every time you're about to leave a locale. keys, wallets, glasses, phone, etc.
14: If you have to be somewhere new early in the morning, spend ten minutes collecting everything you need and putting in front of your front door meaning it has to be picked up before you go.
15: Similarly, if there is anything you are taking outside with you which is outside of routine (presents, for example), put them against the front door too.
16: Set alarms for medicine taking too.
17: Don't feel guilty about your first impulse, be it emotion, word or deed. There's a reason it's called an impulse. It's what you do afterwards that indicates how well you acted.
18: Let people know you sometimes think with your mouth open. You do this to slow down thoughts and you don't always mean what you say. Tell people to be relaxed about stupid ideas unless you repeat them or start to build on them.
19: Similarly, tell (those that need to know) that hyperfocus will make you seem quite 'intense' and maybe 'obsessive' to those who aren't in the know. The good news is that, unlike true obsession, when the stimulus is taken away there is a chance the hyperfocus will be broken.
20: Don't worry about being thought of as 'random'. It's not your fault you see connections others can't. It's literally the definition of what being intelligent is.
21: If in the tender, first days of a relationship, tell them that because of your condition you may revert to being daydreamy and seemingly distracted from your likely 'love hyperfocus'. Let them know that this is not an indication you 'have got bored with them' or 'have gone off them' (unless you actually have, of course!). This way they may not jump before pushed. The counter to this is that you must communicate honestly with them and you may have to give more reassurance that you're used to giving.
22: Be firm with your thoughts! If you have gone around the roundabout three or four times, tell yourself you are bored with it and make yourself think of something else. Feel free to shout 'For the love of God not this again!" or something (internally, you don't want to frighten the owls!). Try thinking of something relaxing. I think of travelling into movies and films I've seen and making myself part of the plot. You have to find your own way to grab hold of your mind if you want to sleep. I know it's a lot easier said than done.
23: Try to pay everything by Direct Debit/standing order and if you have a regular payment day or get PIP on a certain day, organise the payments to come out 4 days (for a bit of leeway in case of unforseen payment disasters) after you get paid (I think even the worst of us would not spend all our cash within 4 days (I Hope)). It's one less thing to worry about.
24: If running a bath, stay in the damn bathroom. It only takes 5-10 mins to run one. Take in a newspaper or something that doesn't require constant attention (or has plenty of natural breaks, like a joke book). This will stop you turning your house or flat into a mini mushroom farm.
25: Laugh at your screw ups unless someone is actually hurt. It's either that or cry.
26: Have a list of things that are always required before leaving house (have 'essentials' like purse, phone, keys, check heating is off, taps are off, cooker is off, etc) nad stick it to the front door. The final item on the list should be 'make a copy of this list every Sunday'. Why? To stop this list 'turning invisible' from that old devil Familiarity. Alternativey, use a flip board book to which you can add 'new things to remember this week' and is better than a wipe-board because you it's harder to wipe and forget.
27: Have a full length mirror you have to pass on the way out, to check for those 'wardrobe malfunctions' you may have missed.
28: Remember you are one of the cleverest people you know, even if you don't think so. It's just that everyone else has a brain that's a cardboard box full of hundreds of little cardboard boxes and your brain is a fish-bowl full of thousands of multicoloured glass balls.
29: In social situations try to sell (sic) jokes, anecdotes and stories on a one for one basis. They tell one joke, you tell one joke, they give one interesting fact, you give one interesting fact and try to let them have the last one. This will stop some of the glazing over and tired laughter you may be used to.
30: If you let someone down, don't lead the apology charge with your condition. It's better not to say 'Sorry, My ADHD..." Even though it's true, people will only hear 'I'm making an excuse'. Instead, apologise firmly and sincerely ONCE. If they press the matter or won't let it drop, then you can say that while you are sorry, you have a condition that makes organisation incredibly difficult. If they then ask what that condition is, then you can tell them if you want to.
31: If you are in, or considering, full time education (even part time in some cases - check the institution involved) in the UK (other countries may differ), then you count as 'disabled'. This means that you are entitled to a Mentor and to some educational aids, such as a laptop, dictation software and other aids. Don't be afraid to ask for these. They are there to make life easier and will increase your educational performance. You will not get extra credit for 'struggling through' without help.
32: Try to pay your utilities (Gas and Electric - Water if it isn't much more expensive) by monthly bill rather than meter. You can catch up with missed monthly payments and you won't suddenly lose power and have to shlep to your local card meter top up place.
33: If you attend seminars. lectures and meetings which are less than sparkling then try to find an 'Anchoring (in time and space)' technique. This should be something that only takes up part of your attention and shouldn't be overly distracting to others attending. Doodling and knitting are examples of good Anchoring techniques. Reading a book or watching youtube videos would be bad, bad, bad examples. It sounds counter-intuitive, but you will take in more information than if you try to nakedly ride it out, because you'll spend half the time looking for a distraction and the other time absorbed by the distraction. Or you'll fall asleep from trying to concentrate. Just make sure the Meeting leader or Lecturer is aware of why you are doing what your doing and assure them that you will be fully 'involved' in the meeting and it isn't done from rudeness or ignorance. If they get pissy and you are at work remember the magic LEGAL words 'Reasonable adjustments at work for the Disabled' and if your lecturer is pissy then speak to your Mentor and/or Student Union Rep and it WILL be cleared up.
34: Get used to the idea that you do not think in a straight line. We're not built for having an idea, working on that idea and finishing that project in one fluid movement over any length of time longer than a day, maybe a week or a month if you're super keen on it. Personally, three months is my extreme limit; your mileage may vary. Certainly if it is Solo project. Most times, if you are interested in the project, it will return on your personal Carousel of Interest sometime, depending on what other things are on your Carousel. You are not 'Inconsistent' or 'a failure' or 'doomed to never achieve'. You will achieve, it will just take longer. You have never 'abandoned' anything. You're just waiting for the spark to return.
35: You are a person with a condition attached. Not a condition with a person attached.
36: Nobody ever died of an untidy house.
37: Resist the urge to get cashback from self service tills. You may forget your shopping or leave something behind because the money (as it should be) is more fascinating that a tub of spread. Go to a cash machine or a human till operator who will, from experience, mention that you have forgotten your shopping or cash.
38: Try to develop a sense of 'True Scale' of your mistakes and cock ups. It's important that you don't go straight to Full Self Loathing for leaving your purse at home or saying something mildly inappropriate. Don't apologise the same amount for knocking over an empty cup as for causing a pile up on the M6. Say "Sorry!" once and take a deep breath while you (INTERNALLY, for the love of all that's holy!) give the situation a mark out of 10 and then you can decide if further grovelling is necessary. Resist, with all that you possess, the urge to explain your True Scale thing. Especially if you are mopping up coffee from someone's report.
39: Most Smartphones can be used as dictaphones.
40: Interruptions are the enemy. If you are interrupted whilst organizing your thoughts, there is nothing else for it but to start from the beginning. If it's a friend chattering, don't be afraid to ask politely for them hush for a moment. Once you're sure you have an handle on it, then let them continue.
41: If someone needs to tell you something you need to remember ask them to make sure you're are looking at them eye to eye while they tell you. It's odd, because it's something a child would be told, but we don't have any control over what we find interesting. We can understand it intellectually, of course, but that doesn't make it interesting.
42: Let (required) people know that your face is an open book and because of impulse control it will always react honestly to what you have just been told. Let them know that this doesn't make you 'sulky' or 'dismissive' or 'difficult'. Tell them that it takes you a little while (from a second to... name your price) for you to assess the request logically. If at work, let them know that you will do what is requested of you, even if your face appears to be sceptical or if you say so (impulse is a bugger). The longer you work with people, the more they will (should) get used to how you operate. People at work may even come to you for your first, honest, reaction to an idea.
43: Nothing that is everyday and mundane ('quotidian' if you want to sparkle at parties) comes naturally for us. That's OK. Most of the stuff we struggle with is fairly useless social convention designed not to cause a fuss (taking a biscuit when you're expected to refuse, giving an honest reply when a white lie is expected, etc). There are things we do need to find work-arounds for, but Fate takes away with one hand and gives with another. You have one of the most flexible minds on the planet, no joke. You will be able to find a way around the trickiest situation and there are many, many things we can do without thinking that others will never be able to do, regardless of work-arounds.
44: Resist the urge to let ADHD be an excuse for bad behaviour. Not only will you likely damage your own relationships, you'll make life harder for your fellow ADHD compadres.
That's all I can think of at the mo. I'm sure you have loads more.
I'll start.
1) Always tell your employer you have ADHD. It is a recognised disability (as these things are described) and they have to make 'reasonable adjustments' to your workplace. What these are will depend on your workplace, but they may include; longer deadlines, easing of 'targets', 'brain rest', colleagues checking work (maybe on a mutual checking basis, I think we are better at spotting other's mistakes better than our own) and so on.
2; If using Public Transport and space is available, put your bags to the outside of you. This will make you lift the bag get it out of your way. If your bag has to go in the overhead compartment, then attach something like a scarf from it to dangle a little obtrusively (otherwise, what's the point?), but not in people's way. If the bag has to go in the end carriage luggage space, there is nothing for it but standing with it while you travel, or sitting with your eyes on it and forcing yourself to remember (maybe concoct a story about the contents, I dunno).
3: Get into the habit of counting your bags every time you leave a place. Better to go back 100 yards to the coffee shop then get home and have to ring every place you may have visited.
4: Get a gas cooker. The noise and the flames will tell you that it needs to be turned off (and the smell of unlit gas is something nobody ignores). If you have an electric cooker get into the habit of turning off the main power switch when you finish cooking. Before taking the food off the heat if you can remember. This is only one thing to remember (rather than hob dial, oven dial, temperature dial, etc). If you forget these, then it doesn't matter if the main switch is off and you can unnecessary dials to zero when you start to use it again.
5: Use the alarm function on your smart phone to help you with going to bed (as well as too many things to mention). Decide early on what time you need to be thinking of bed. Set an alarm for every 5 minutes for half an hour after that time. It can't make you go to bed, but it will be an irritant until you go. If you decide to turn off the alarms... well that's on you.
6: When using a atm; do one action at a time, even if it means re-entering your card. If that means someone has to wait, so be it. Alternatively, if you want cash, a statement and something else - do not look at the statement or receipt until you have put your cashcard away.
7; Have a 'station' at home. I use a mini treasure chest type box. I come in, I see it, I remember (eventually) that my keys, wallet and such go in the Station. Saves me a good deal of time looking for keys, and what have. Doesn't help with phones, which you tend to have on you, but it helps with the other things.
8: Always plan to get the train before the one you need or the bus 2 before you need. This way, if you are running late because you couldn't break from a fascinator... you still won't be late.
9: Ask anyone who gives you an appointment to send you a text reminder the day before your appointment and tell them why. It doesn't always work, but it's worth a try and you will feel you at least DID try.
10: (or 9a). If you have a reliable friend or don't live with a partner, ask that they be sent a copy of any appointment letters. Again, it may not work, but most of the time it will.
11: Carry a rucksack with everything you need. To avoid disasters, never take it off unless you have to and make sure you have a 'lose my back pack plan' such as extra keys, spare pills, etc.
12: Set an alarm x amount of minutes (ten to 20 as suits) before you leave and one for when you should leave.
13; Do your 'preflight checks' every time you're about to leave a locale. keys, wallets, glasses, phone, etc.
14: If you have to be somewhere new early in the morning, spend ten minutes collecting everything you need and putting in front of your front door meaning it has to be picked up before you go.
15: Similarly, if there is anything you are taking outside with you which is outside of routine (presents, for example), put them against the front door too.
16: Set alarms for medicine taking too.
17: Don't feel guilty about your first impulse, be it emotion, word or deed. There's a reason it's called an impulse. It's what you do afterwards that indicates how well you acted.
18: Let people know you sometimes think with your mouth open. You do this to slow down thoughts and you don't always mean what you say. Tell people to be relaxed about stupid ideas unless you repeat them or start to build on them.
19: Similarly, tell (those that need to know) that hyperfocus will make you seem quite 'intense' and maybe 'obsessive' to those who aren't in the know. The good news is that, unlike true obsession, when the stimulus is taken away there is a chance the hyperfocus will be broken.
20: Don't worry about being thought of as 'random'. It's not your fault you see connections others can't. It's literally the definition of what being intelligent is.
21: If in the tender, first days of a relationship, tell them that because of your condition you may revert to being daydreamy and seemingly distracted from your likely 'love hyperfocus'. Let them know that this is not an indication you 'have got bored with them' or 'have gone off them' (unless you actually have, of course!). This way they may not jump before pushed. The counter to this is that you must communicate honestly with them and you may have to give more reassurance that you're used to giving.
22: Be firm with your thoughts! If you have gone around the roundabout three or four times, tell yourself you are bored with it and make yourself think of something else. Feel free to shout 'For the love of God not this again!" or something (internally, you don't want to frighten the owls!). Try thinking of something relaxing. I think of travelling into movies and films I've seen and making myself part of the plot. You have to find your own way to grab hold of your mind if you want to sleep. I know it's a lot easier said than done.
23: Try to pay everything by Direct Debit/standing order and if you have a regular payment day or get PIP on a certain day, organise the payments to come out 4 days (for a bit of leeway in case of unforseen payment disasters) after you get paid (I think even the worst of us would not spend all our cash within 4 days (I Hope)). It's one less thing to worry about.
24: If running a bath, stay in the damn bathroom. It only takes 5-10 mins to run one. Take in a newspaper or something that doesn't require constant attention (or has plenty of natural breaks, like a joke book). This will stop you turning your house or flat into a mini mushroom farm.
25: Laugh at your screw ups unless someone is actually hurt. It's either that or cry.
26: Have a list of things that are always required before leaving house (have 'essentials' like purse, phone, keys, check heating is off, taps are off, cooker is off, etc) nad stick it to the front door. The final item on the list should be 'make a copy of this list every Sunday'. Why? To stop this list 'turning invisible' from that old devil Familiarity. Alternativey, use a flip board book to which you can add 'new things to remember this week' and is better than a wipe-board because you it's harder to wipe and forget.
27: Have a full length mirror you have to pass on the way out, to check for those 'wardrobe malfunctions' you may have missed.
28: Remember you are one of the cleverest people you know, even if you don't think so. It's just that everyone else has a brain that's a cardboard box full of hundreds of little cardboard boxes and your brain is a fish-bowl full of thousands of multicoloured glass balls.
29: In social situations try to sell (sic) jokes, anecdotes and stories on a one for one basis. They tell one joke, you tell one joke, they give one interesting fact, you give one interesting fact and try to let them have the last one. This will stop some of the glazing over and tired laughter you may be used to.
30: If you let someone down, don't lead the apology charge with your condition. It's better not to say 'Sorry, My ADHD..." Even though it's true, people will only hear 'I'm making an excuse'. Instead, apologise firmly and sincerely ONCE. If they press the matter or won't let it drop, then you can say that while you are sorry, you have a condition that makes organisation incredibly difficult. If they then ask what that condition is, then you can tell them if you want to.
31: If you are in, or considering, full time education (even part time in some cases - check the institution involved) in the UK (other countries may differ), then you count as 'disabled'. This means that you are entitled to a Mentor and to some educational aids, such as a laptop, dictation software and other aids. Don't be afraid to ask for these. They are there to make life easier and will increase your educational performance. You will not get extra credit for 'struggling through' without help.
32: Try to pay your utilities (Gas and Electric - Water if it isn't much more expensive) by monthly bill rather than meter. You can catch up with missed monthly payments and you won't suddenly lose power and have to shlep to your local card meter top up place.
33: If you attend seminars. lectures and meetings which are less than sparkling then try to find an 'Anchoring (in time and space)' technique. This should be something that only takes up part of your attention and shouldn't be overly distracting to others attending. Doodling and knitting are examples of good Anchoring techniques. Reading a book or watching youtube videos would be bad, bad, bad examples. It sounds counter-intuitive, but you will take in more information than if you try to nakedly ride it out, because you'll spend half the time looking for a distraction and the other time absorbed by the distraction. Or you'll fall asleep from trying to concentrate. Just make sure the Meeting leader or Lecturer is aware of why you are doing what your doing and assure them that you will be fully 'involved' in the meeting and it isn't done from rudeness or ignorance. If they get pissy and you are at work remember the magic LEGAL words 'Reasonable adjustments at work for the Disabled' and if your lecturer is pissy then speak to your Mentor and/or Student Union Rep and it WILL be cleared up.
34: Get used to the idea that you do not think in a straight line. We're not built for having an idea, working on that idea and finishing that project in one fluid movement over any length of time longer than a day, maybe a week or a month if you're super keen on it. Personally, three months is my extreme limit; your mileage may vary. Certainly if it is Solo project. Most times, if you are interested in the project, it will return on your personal Carousel of Interest sometime, depending on what other things are on your Carousel. You are not 'Inconsistent' or 'a failure' or 'doomed to never achieve'. You will achieve, it will just take longer. You have never 'abandoned' anything. You're just waiting for the spark to return.
35: You are a person with a condition attached. Not a condition with a person attached.
36: Nobody ever died of an untidy house.
37: Resist the urge to get cashback from self service tills. You may forget your shopping or leave something behind because the money (as it should be) is more fascinating that a tub of spread. Go to a cash machine or a human till operator who will, from experience, mention that you have forgotten your shopping or cash.
38: Try to develop a sense of 'True Scale' of your mistakes and cock ups. It's important that you don't go straight to Full Self Loathing for leaving your purse at home or saying something mildly inappropriate. Don't apologise the same amount for knocking over an empty cup as for causing a pile up on the M6. Say "Sorry!" once and take a deep breath while you (INTERNALLY, for the love of all that's holy!) give the situation a mark out of 10 and then you can decide if further grovelling is necessary. Resist, with all that you possess, the urge to explain your True Scale thing. Especially if you are mopping up coffee from someone's report.
39: Most Smartphones can be used as dictaphones.
40: Interruptions are the enemy. If you are interrupted whilst organizing your thoughts, there is nothing else for it but to start from the beginning. If it's a friend chattering, don't be afraid to ask politely for them hush for a moment. Once you're sure you have an handle on it, then let them continue.
41: If someone needs to tell you something you need to remember ask them to make sure you're are looking at them eye to eye while they tell you. It's odd, because it's something a child would be told, but we don't have any control over what we find interesting. We can understand it intellectually, of course, but that doesn't make it interesting.
42: Let (required) people know that your face is an open book and because of impulse control it will always react honestly to what you have just been told. Let them know that this doesn't make you 'sulky' or 'dismissive' or 'difficult'. Tell them that it takes you a little while (from a second to... name your price) for you to assess the request logically. If at work, let them know that you will do what is requested of you, even if your face appears to be sceptical or if you say so (impulse is a bugger). The longer you work with people, the more they will (should) get used to how you operate. People at work may even come to you for your first, honest, reaction to an idea.
43: Nothing that is everyday and mundane ('quotidian' if you want to sparkle at parties) comes naturally for us. That's OK. Most of the stuff we struggle with is fairly useless social convention designed not to cause a fuss (taking a biscuit when you're expected to refuse, giving an honest reply when a white lie is expected, etc). There are things we do need to find work-arounds for, but Fate takes away with one hand and gives with another. You have one of the most flexible minds on the planet, no joke. You will be able to find a way around the trickiest situation and there are many, many things we can do without thinking that others will never be able to do, regardless of work-arounds.
44: Resist the urge to let ADHD be an excuse for bad behaviour. Not only will you likely damage your own relationships, you'll make life harder for your fellow ADHD compadres.
That's all I can think of at the mo. I'm sure you have loads more.