ishara
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Post by ishara on May 1, 2016 7:01:04 GMT
Well, I was supposed to take 5 mg twice a day for two days and then progressed to 10 mg… it is day two today, But guess what? I am impatient!
I am usually so good at following doctors orders, but in this instance, I am so desperate to see if the Ritalin makes a difference, that I have found myself skipping the two days slowly slowly introduction. My 5 mg this morning didn't make any difference after half an hour, so I took another 5 mg as I am supposed to be taking 10 mg tomorrow. Anyway, I want to see what it is like before my kids come back tomorrow because, whilst they are used to me bouncing off the walls from time to time, I would feel weird about being like that, because I was taking something, rather than because that's how I'm wired.
Well, I suppose I just have to wait and see.
One of the really nice things I have found about going for a diagnosis and talking to people who are familiar with ADHD, is that I can let it all hang out! I realise I spend an awful lot of time and energy if not actually trying not to be me, then at least trying really hard to moderate what I have always seen as my personality. Don't get me wrong, I like me – I just know that employers don't tend to.
I was thinking that I should have written a coherent introduction to this thread – but you guys know what it's like – I got a bit distracted in my head. I spend bloody hours at work writing emails. Long, long, emails and then hours editing them down to a normal length. I wrote a referral letter for myself to the private ADHD consultant - it runs for 12 pages, but as I said to her, I'm verbose, go figure. For once, I didn't have to pretend otherwise. It's actually really nice.
I still think my close friends reaction to the diagnosis has been amusing. They are all so unsurprised it's untrue. I think I am more surprised at their lack of surprise, if you follow me. It's rather nice.
Oh well, I could obviously ramble on for hours, but I probably need to actually do something. 10mg not making me focus as yet...
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Post by vagueandrandom on May 1, 2016 11:23:02 GMT
Hi. ishara . . Welcome to the forum I've read your other posts. . I'll try to remember what I wanted to reply, so I can do it in one. I was also surprised by the H in my dx . . with absolutely no surprise from my oldest friend. . I have 2 degrees, but not top grades because I can't seem to finish exams in time. . I know the answers, but can't seem to get it into the right words and end up writing too much. . I've been working on making things more concise for years. . You don't realise how much energy you've been expending in policing your behaviour around others, so you don't make a fool of yourself, or say/do something inappropriate. . It's a joy to meet other people like us on this forum, I feel so much at home. . Recently, I've even met a couple of of members IRL and it's amazing to be free to just 'be' and lose the brain police for a while. . Medication. . you're still on a low dose. . sleeping better was the best thing for me when I first started mph. . but it soon wore off. . It's never made me more focused. . I won't go into it anymore because I've written all over the forum about my current situation. . There were probably more things that I meant to say, but didn't want to make multiple posts. . This has taken me nearly half an hour to write. . Keep us posted
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 1, 2016 12:00:33 GMT
Thank you very much for that vague and random – loving the name. There is so much in what you wrote that I found helpful and resonant. Only I didn't copy it, so now I can't remember, obviously!
Oh yes – the brain police – how much did I love that?! God yes, I am going through a process of being a lot more aware of all of that. When I was asked what I wanted out of a diagnosis and all medication, I had a long. Wish list - Most of which I felt was probably impossible, but the biggest thing was realising just how exhausting it is being me and keeping up appearances . As I commented in my referral letter, I try really hard at work to seem as normal as possible and my secretary, who really likes me, refered to me as being mad as a box of frogs. And that's me trying.
I appreciate your thoughts on meds too – my partner says that I am being impatient. I am. In fact I have kind of skipped the two days at 5 mg twice a day introduction and jumped to see you 10 mg twice a day I was supposed to start on Monday. Someone else said that Rittling was as reliable as a chocolate. It made me laugh because I presumed that they were saying chocolate wasn't very reliable. I certainly seem to be having a mixed response. I've taken 20 mg today and seem to be as distractible as usual I suspect that I was bouncing off the walls yesterday at least in part because I was excited – and I am very easily excited. It's one of the things I really enjoy.
Oh dear. I have guests coming and they were supposed to be here around now, but rang to say that they would be late. Predictably, rather than finishing tidying up the caravan so it's prepared for them, I have done loads of other random things like hang on the forum instead.
At least I now have an explanation for this stuff and don't have to spend my whole life beating myself up for being amazingly incompetent in places .
Oh yes, what you said about degrees – that would have been me, were it not for the fact that a) I am a deadline junkie for coursework, B I have always been very creative about circumventing deadlines – and word counts and C) odd things often happened around exams for me that meant that I had extensions for revision all didn't have to do some exams et cetera et cetera et cetera . I only finally got my shit together for my 3rd degree and that was at least in part because are used this awesome software, recall plus.
I realise in hindsight that what it did for me was not only enable me to assemble my revision in mind maps in a coherent form but, much more importantly, it did the executive functioning bit for me.
I just had to put all the information in, test myself, Mark myself right or wrong and tell it when my exam was and how much revision I was prepared to do a day and it would then calculate what I needed to revise when and, when I have done this for a while, keep calculating my final score on the exam as motivation.
Of course, my final score depended on how I wrote the essay in the topics that I was studying, but to have a prediction of how much I was likely to remember was bloody helpful and to have a computer telling me oi you you need to revise this topic today, rather than me trying to work out what I fancied doing and then like as not going completely off piste, was amazing.
Sorry, talking of off piste, I have rambled on, haven't I? Ah well, I am sure that this is a familiar feeling to us all. Such a relief not to have to engage the brain police. I can't tell you how much I like that phrase. It is going to inform a lot of my thinking from here on in
Oh yes, there was one more thing – being pretty high functioning in places and not others has its own perils I suspect. Not unreasonably, everyone thinks if you can say, managed to pass the doctorate successfully, Then surely you should be able to work out a sensible plan for the day? Haha! Talking to the psychiatrist with my partner made me realise that probably most people don't ask a partner what they should do as much as I do. Especially if I'm alone with two kids needing homework and feeding.
Oh God, I really had better get on! Thanks for your comments, really appreciated them.
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 1, 2016 15:55:20 GMT
Well I took 20 mg today and didn't touch the sides. As far as I am aware, it made no difference at all whatsoever in the tiniest bit. Oh well. Obviously I am going to try it for longer and see what happens – especially at work – but as I am always really busy at home too (funnily enough), I think I would have noticed a difference in concentration and distractibility here anyway. It's not like Ritalin has to build up in your system or anything either . According to the stuff I'm reading, around 60 mg is the max for my weight. I suppose if I tried 20 mg at once that might make a difference. I am supposed to be staying on 10 mg twice a day until I speak to my psychiatrist in two weeks, and then consider changing to 15 or 20 mg doses. I suppose I had better be good. ... But I can't really see the point right now. Any expertise in taking minutes much appreciated – you can tell me to stick with it a bit longer exactly exactly. I know I'm being really impatient . It's just, you know, you wait decades to find out that it really isn't your fault and that there is something that can be done – and then the first thing you try doesn't work. Mind you, I suppose this is all information. I thought that stimulants would send me whizzy like yesterday. My consultant did ask me about my experiences of speed. There was only one. I was at a wedding and I snogged the bride, importuned my Best friend and went home with someone I wasn't planning on going home with . It was a long time ago, but it did make me think that perhaps it was best to avoid things like that with my personality . In hindsight, I suspect it was just my personality – that on the alcohol *lol*
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 1, 2016 15:56:37 GMT
No, not expertise in taking minutes - Expertise in taking Ritalin . Or any other ADHD meds for that matter . Bloody dictation!
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 1, 2016 15:58:15 GMT
Oh, and I do have a headache. I never have headaches – except when I've drunk too much caffeine, which I did do this morning quite deliberately in the vague hope that it might interact in some way with the Ritalin to make it work. But are headaches a thing on Ritalin? I had a feeling that they might be?
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Post by Ishara forgot to log on on May 1, 2016 16:31:50 GMT
Oh and top example of nothing changing. I attempt to clean the toilet by covering it in tomato ketchup and leaving it. Ok, so I'm not sure if this is a thing, but there is logic to it, honest. It's only when I dash to the Loo because I've got to get to the station to pick up guests (and I'm late anyway), that I realise that I've completely forgotten to go back and clean it off and that the Loo looks like some kind of gynaecological crisis has occurred...yup, situation normal here.
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 1, 2016 21:22:17 GMT
Ok still got a headache at 10pm. Def not too much caffienated tea cos I knocked that on the head at 11am. As I rarely get headaches, I'm blaming the Ritalin; or my inability to stick to the rules and 10mg total today anyway. If this happens every time I won't be taking it for very long. Feel pretty rough. I had a glass of wine around four, but I can't see that would account for it?
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Post by vagueandrandom on May 2, 2016 10:55:10 GMT
Yes, headaches. . I'm on concerta now and every time I increase the dose, I get terrible headaches. . and I also never used to get them. . Although mph in all forms doesn't need to build up (like antidepressants) it can take some time for your body to learn how to metabolise it, which is why a slow titration is recommended. . after a lifetime of understimulation, your neurons are being switched on and it takes a while for the rest of your brain to get used to it. . it's been overcompensating for the gap in efficiency and needs to learn that it can chill out a bit. . .
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 2, 2016 11:55:16 GMT
Oh thanks vague and random, I really appreciate that advice. I don't get headaches usually and my head is splitting again (now on 10mg X 2). Given some of the scary things written about Ritalin and the fact that my bp is a bit high 142/82 today - oh, and the fact that I was so desperate to try meds that I didn't mention that I'd had a few high readings recently to my consultant (it was ok when they took it), I was beginning to think that I should just stop taking them.
I'll try and engage what passes for patience in my world - and hit the ibuprofen
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Post by smogz101 on May 2, 2016 21:06:11 GMT
Hi ! I'd slow down a bit with increasing the doses, just so your body can have a chance to catch up if anything! I found I had fluey symptoms each time my dose was increased which I think along with headaches is a pretty common side effect but should get better after a week or so! I was told to take paracetamol but not ibroprufen if I got headaches. I was lucky and saw a few improvements on the lower doses but wasn't until I reached 60mg until I had that 'lightbulb' moment, mainly with the concentration/listening I think some of the others still drink, but personally I've had to cut out both coffee and alcohol if I'm taking the meds! For one the MPH dehydrates you which could be making that headache even worse. Make sure you keep well hydrated and eat properly which is what I wish I had done at the very beginning, maybe would have prevented me losing 2 stone
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 3, 2016 10:18:01 GMT
Thanks Smogz, that was *so* helpful! No headache today, but no difference either - really useful to know about headaches, paracetamol, dehydration, your thoughts on alcohol and caffeine and very especially the lightbulb moment...gives me hope. Is that three doses of 20mg then? I suppose the max I've taken is around 15 so... Yep, I'm now committed to persisting and being patient on 20 mg/day and not necessarily expecting anything anytime soon, but letting my body adjust with a view to upping the dose when I speak to my psychiatrist again. It's been a lot easier getting to that point with help like yours on the forum- thanks so much :-) quote author=" smogz101" source="/post/98867/thread" timestamp="1462223171"]Hi ! I'd slow down a bit with increasing the doses, just so your body can have a chance to catch up if anything! I found I had fluey symptoms each time my dose was increased which I think along with headaches is a pretty common side effect but should get better after a week or so! I was told to take paracetamol but not ibroprufen if I got headaches. I was lucky and saw a few improvements on the lower doses but wasn't until I reached 60mg until I had that 'lightbulb' moment, mainly with the concentration/listening I think some of the others still drink, but personally I've had to cut out both coffee and alcohol if I'm taking the meds! For one the MPH dehydrates you which could be making that headache even worse. Make sure you keep well hydrated and eat properly which is what I wish I had done at the very beginning, maybe would have prevented me losing 2 stone [/quote]
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Post by vagueandrandom on May 3, 2016 11:20:06 GMT
People seem to be given different instructions for the frequency of taking IR mph.
I was told 3 times a day. . so usually missed one. .
I don't think that many people get much from the smaller doses. . .that's not really the point. .
it's to see if you can tolerate it . . I've also read that side effects can be worse on initial doses.
As I said before, I think that your body and brain needs time to get used to the previously
unstimulated parts of your brain being regularly stimulated. . .
Then you'll be titrated to a therapeutic dose.
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Post by smogz101 on May 3, 2016 11:43:24 GMT
No probs at all! Glad I could b of some help I started off on 2 x 5mg ... Then after a month went up to 3x10 which seemed to be working quite well, calmer and less impulsive but no improvements in concentration .. So then went up to 20mg , 3x a day (every four hours) .. And had to be pretty precise with the times as taking it too early or late had an impact on how well it worked. Biggest improvement - auditory processing .. For the first time in my life I could retain information and follow conversations properly. Unfortunately it's been reduced back to 30mg last week for the time being as I've been having some issues with my heart rate! I also need to put some weight back on. So until I've sorted that I can't go above 30- I have a diary thread so won't hijack this one ? I've also heard that citrus can effect how well it's absorbed so don't drink orange juice or anything like that ... Lots and lots of water! It's a long windy road full of ups and downs but this forums been a life saver! So just keep firing away with questions and we'll do our best to help haha
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 3, 2016 12:58:51 GMT
Thanks so much both of you!
To be honest, I was just sitting here, making lucid notes on medication side-effects et cetera for when I talk to my consultant – and obviously I won't be able to remember what happened unless I write it down – and feeling really really really impatient and struggling with the idea that I would have to wait until I had spoken to her to up the dose - even though I was reminding myself of what you said earlier about all of that. So, it's really helpful to hear it again and reinforce the idea that no, maybe nothing will happen, and that probably is okay. I tend to think that my incredibly impulsive and impatient days are over now, but how I feel at the moment with regard to what is, let's face it, a controlled substance with potentially dodgy side effects, suggests perhaps not.
I just want to up the dose and get on with it and see if it works. I won't. I will tell my partner I am feeling very impatient - and get him to remind me to be patient. And maybe ramble on about how frustrated I feel here. And if it all feels too impossible, email the consultants PA and ask her if I can up it.
Oh, actually my appointments is only next Monday – less than a week. Smugz, you were on 10 mg for a month, didn't you? I can see that if it has an impact, that would be okay. As I cannot see any difference, a month on 10 mg would drive me crazy. I think I might be a bit moany about a week!
You have to see the funny side though – I haven't felt quite so impatient and potentially impulsive for a long time (Not that I've noticed anyway *lol*). Kind of suggests that 10 mg X 2 really isn't touching the sides, eh?
Still, as I said, interesting. I did suspect it might make me more whizzy and overall, I don't think it's doing that. I don't think it's doing anything.
On the bright side, there is a bit of me that is telling me that, if my brain worked like normal brains, surely 10 mg of Ritalin twice a day should have an impact? As it does not appear to be doing anything, that might suggest that my diagnosis is correct. I want it to be correct – but there is still a part of me that thinks that its all my fault and this is just an excuse. I am guessing that this is familiar territory for people?
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 3, 2016 13:45:48 GMT
Ha ha! Spoke too soon – got to 2 PM and developed a banging headache. last 10 mg at 11 AM but Can't be a coincidence - I think I rest your case;-) it is incredibly helpful to know that firstly this is not a sign of something dreadful and is relatively normal, secondly that it is likely to pass and thirdly the overall idea of just getting used to meds and giving your body a chance to adjust – thanks so much for your input Smugz and vague & random – really appreciated!
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Post by smogz101 on May 3, 2016 15:34:35 GMT
Yeah alot of people either don't see improvements on the lower doses or in a lot of cases even sleepy/tired! See how this week goes and then speak to the psych, good idea making notes!
I've been relatively lucky up until the last month with the meds as far as seeing results, so was quite happy to be on 10mg for the first few weeks cos just the fact I was calmer was a major improvement At the time!
Have you had any side effects like dry mouth, lack of appetite etc or is it just the headaches?
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Post by smogz101 on May 3, 2016 15:42:33 GMT
Just to add..... I've just had a flick through my diary...... I was also impatient and thinking about ringing up to increase! And i also was headaches on day 2... As you can see my memory hasn't improved!!! ?Haha from what i remember tho it was at least 2 weeks on 2x 5 a day
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 3, 2016 17:29:56 GMT
2x5 for a week? It always amuses me how Random medication titration can seem to be. I was told 2×5 for two days and then up to 10 mg . Just as well really because headache all know, I would be Chafing at the bit if I was still on 2×5.
Headache went for an hour and is now thinking about coming back. I am going to resign myself to headachy no difference week and see how I feel on Monday.
Thanks again this is just so useful.
Oh, and memory… Memory, memory, memory!!! My consultant asked about my hopes for medication and I said that's what I wanted more than anything was to have some sort of normal memory – but I thought that that would take a miracle so I wasn't even going to hope for it.
More evidence of no difference today. Found letter signed by me that I completely did not recall writing whatsoever at work. I wrote it in February, but even so – it was obviously something I have spent a lot of time thinking about – no recognition. Came out of work running late for appointment. Couldn't find the car in the car park because I had no memory whatsoever of where I had parked it – I try and park in roughly the same place every day for that reason but the car park was full this morning Eventually found car – having no memory of leaving it there. Then realised that I had no idea where the chiropractor actually was – I have only been there twice before – moreover, I couldn't actually remember her name for a while .
I think I'm probably a bit less frustrated with myself over stuff like this now. I do try and laugh about it - as well as always and for ever trying to devise new and more cunning strategies to overcome it all
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Post by smogz101 on May 3, 2016 18:09:10 GMT
You could literally have been writing about my life there! Car parks - what a nightmare! but you do have to laugh don't you. When I was on 60mg I did feel my memory was better, but I think this was actually due to the fact I was actually listening/processing properly. If you devise a strategy for the car park thing please share! haha. The recognition thing is a little bit scary at times isn't it! I sometimes swear I'm losing the plot. Mornings are particularly bad for me as I dont take my meds until 8.30am so they last the whole day. So there are times where Im in the shower and just simply cannot remember whether I've used the shampoo already etc - on a positive note my hair is always super shiny. Theres a thread on here "you know you have adhd when...." have a read through, it will make you laugh. Really hope the side effects settle down for you and you start to see an improvement soon! It's difficult not to rush it but your in for the long haul so might as well do it safely and properly!
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 6, 2016 17:32:07 GMT
You so made me laugh there! Shiny hair! Oh God, this is all so amazingly normalising. To be among people do understand that shit. It's really great and such a profound relief. Was it vague and random or you who talked about the brain police? Oh look, I don't even have to apologise for not remembering!
Anyway, I love the idea of the brain police- that is so true. Being able to give them an extended tea break whilst talking on this forum is quite special.
Oh, oh I have remembered what I meant to say. Firstly, today I have tried taking three doses of 10 mg- last one at 4 PM on the basis that it is Friday night and if I don't sleep it doesn't really matter.
The whole headache thing is getting better as you predicted guys :-) it is still a bit around, but not bad.
I cannot help feeling though that I have not noticed any improvement and if anything, I feel I am noticing more fuck-ups. I am all too aware though, that I may just be noticing more.
I am hoping that someone can tell me whether Ritalin ever makes people worse? If I don't get a response here, I will just start a thread – I bet there is one somewhere already, but I'm not sure what to search for.
I did wonder for a nanosecond whether The Ritalin was working at all because I am still at work and, to be totally honest, I would be quite happy sitting here for hours doing all the bits of paperwork that I haven't quite done this week. However, I think that is not that unusual for me and when I do not have the kids (the only reason I am going home now), it is not uncommon for me to work until midnight sometimes. I think a lot of people like working with no one around, don't they? The lack of distractions, even in an office with a closed door is a bit irresistible. And of course, we all have to work a bit harder than everyone else because it takes us longer to get from a to b!
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 8, 2016 8:50:44 GMT
Just said this in a pm and wanted to say it in public because it's so profound for me...
Is this really cheesy... I feel I've finally met my tribe. All these years of living amongst strangers; sometimes lovely strangers, but people who just did life very differently and now there's people out there who understand my world. Omg, it's amazing and liberating and wonderful!
I decided a long time ago that I didn't care about never fitting in; in fact I've rather enjoyed it and made a point of not trying to blend. Turns out that fitting in somewhere feels really good - I've just never known what it felt like before:-)))
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 8, 2016 8:56:07 GMT
Oh and I'm trying 20mg. Not impulsively this time; talking to consultant tomorrow re increasing and slightly worried that I might get a bit bouncy and be too scared to try it at work (& obviously couldn't wait until weekend!)
Turns out that I'm not too bouncy, I don't have any side effects I can see - but I don't feel any different either. I know it's early days, hard to tell and I'm not at work which is where I'd prob notice most, but I'm just so *desperate* for meds to work. Makes me realise how much stuff I've been deliberately not thinking about for years. The memory, the unfinished projects, the good intentions...and don't let me even start to think about relationships...
To be able to improve things seems like a total holy grail...incredibly desirable and illusive.
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 21, 2016 14:43:04 GMT
I reckon bf is right- we've somehow both got sinusitis or something. Not nice. Anyway, despite my commitment to take 3x20 religiously and evaluate, feeling rough got in the way. I have taken 2x20mg most days - no difference. I was trying to be good...but then I read something written by a medic on additude saying that adults could go up 5mg a day and be titrated in a week. I didn't think that was a good idea either, but it was what I wanted to hear..;-) So I tried 25mg this morning. No headache, no nothing. 30mg four hours later. Despite taking anticongestants which are supposed to give you a 'mild unpleasant buzz' when taken with mph , I feel nothing either way. So... New self imposed plan is to try 30mg X 3 a day, take my blood pressure regularly and monitor any therapeutic impact. Anyone know an app for that? The agreement with my consultant was for 20mgx3 times- but I'm not talking to her for a week; it's my last scheduled phone call (i Will Of course pay for more if I need to) and I'd really like to have a sense of whether mph is for me or not by then. On the bright side, I talked to my adorable gp on the phone yesterday and yes, if and when I get dosage sorted, he's happy to prescribe and yes,if I want to officially tell him my dx (currently It's off the record), he'd refer me out of county for specialist oversight of meds/calibration to preserve my confidentiality. Thing is I reckon that could take months (dx will be a priority, not titration I suspect) and I remember what happened to you, vague and random. Any thoughts people? Am I being silly to up myself? I got the impression last time that a) my consultant couldn't remember what she said and b) she sort of expected me to do this..;-)
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ishara
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Post by ishara on May 21, 2016 14:47:25 GMT
Finally read BNF - usually first port of call, so feel a bit stupid taking so long. Recommends increasing mph weekly...doesn't say by how much, but lowest tablet is 5mg, I think.
Having done two weeks on (mostly) 20x3, logic suggests 25mg X three for a week. And I'll monitor my bp and any therapeutic impact.
It has only been a month or so. Ironically I just feel more impatient and def more impulsive than ever where meds are concerned!
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