ananse
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 73
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Post by ananse on Jun 21, 2016 18:04:20 GMT
I'm afraid I lost interest in this thread when I realised that it (eta PDA) wasn't relevant to me or anyone I know, but now I'm not so sure that it doesn't apply to someone I know. Can they appear perfectly normal? (Allowing pushy, dominant personality as normal.) How noticeable is the anxiety aspect in practice? In the case study I read before, there was precious little mention of it. None in fact other than interpreting getting cross at losing a game as anxiety. They can probably appear very normal. Role playing is part of the concept. I recognize that part. Although nobody would ever cathegorize me normal, I have a role where I appear un-normal in a totally different way than I actually am... The anxiety would probably in most cases be perfectly disguised into something completely different from anxiety. I'd never imagine that I could possibly have any streak of anxiety in me, but those descriptions made me think and wonder - if anxiety may perhaps actually be the single most important factor that's been forming my life. Or maybe not. But any way, disguising anxiety seems like no big deal.
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Post by marionk on Jun 21, 2016 18:31:52 GMT
Even in childhood? 'cos i have known him that long.
Assuming he is, what would be the best way to broach the subject? (He's a *mature* cough, adult.)
I need to know because his behaviour towards his elderly mother is beyond the pale (unacceptable), and he needs to mend his ways.
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ananse
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 73
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Post by ananse on Jun 21, 2016 20:58:01 GMT
Even in childhood? 'cos i have known him that long. Assuming he is, what would be the best way to broach the subject? (He's a *mature* cough, adult.) I need to know because his behaviour towards his elderly mother is beyond the pale (unacceptable), and he needs to mend his ways. Most likely. I think most children have that ability, they notice what people like. If you're clearly different, this can become a big issue. I believe I remeber from childhood that certain expressions were not tolerated. Every thing I did spontaneously was regarded unnatural, it wasn't ME, it was roleplaying. Any thing hyperactive - or at all active - was me being nervous or something. Me was the pre-mature little asperger proffessor. So I started acting instead and then people accepted me more, then I was natural. Maybe I appeared to be stiff and flat. I may have been told I should let my feelings out more. Be more spontaneous! Yeah, right. So I learned how to simulate true emotional expressions too, which had nothing to do with my own actual untrue emotions. At least the art of expressing them was - and still is - no more than acting, playing a role. This still upsets me... My behavior towards my mother is perhaps unacceptable too. But I really don't know how to handle that thing. It's the same thing still going on, I have to play that same old role after all these years. Obviously I can't say anything about that guy you know and his mother. But it's interesting any way, that my first reaction when I read that line was something like 'payback time, old cow'. But really: I'm not believing that I can say anything about that specific relation, but my unfair reaction was at least a bit interesting. If you want to discuss it with him, try meeting him halfway. Ask if there is something in their history. Try to be honestly curious even if there's no fair reason for his behavior. Tell him that his mother always appears to be so sweet or whatever. Ask him if she has a dark side or something that most people never see. This may actually be true - any way, that's probably how he sees the situation. Then ask him to tell more. If you get him to talk about it, hopefully you can say that you have a completely different idea about his mother, but maybe you can still acknowledge experience of his history with her. Either way it's appearantly some kind of communication problem between them. Maybe he can agree on some kind of compromise? She's old... No point in trying to turn her into a more understanding person now. She probably did what she believed was right. And revenge won't change the past. Etcetera...
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Post by marionk on Jun 21, 2016 23:24:25 GMT
No, sorry, but you are completely mis-guessing the situation, I'm partway through a long post but I've got that 'it must be perfect' editing thing going on so figured I'd start again and be brief as I'm too tired to finish the full version tonight.
One thing you have part way right it that there is a communication problem, but it's not 'between' anybody, or rather, it's between him and everybody else. He never ever talks about whatever has upset him, he just acts out, gets his revenge (or takes it out on someone else) then acts like it never happened.
In fact I recall him being in complete denial of some of the things he did as a child.
That's why I need to figure out a way to broach the subject so that he won't/can't pretend that it's all our imagination and never happened.
btw I don't think you can have PDA, you are too communicative!
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alien
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 76
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Post by alien on Jun 22, 2016 9:58:24 GMT
Hi again. Just popped up to say I don't feel I can really comment on any of the stuff about the person you're speaking about, marionk, without more information, but in my experience, people with PDA can certainly be communicative. My daughter started speaking at around a year old and has barely stopped since (she's eight now) and is very eloquent, and with support and the confidence that others accept her perspective, is able to express herself exceptionally well. There's a really good blog by a mum with PDA that was started recently: dragonriko.wordpress.com/And another by a girl who's just working through her school exams: teenagestressesblog.wordpress.com/They might be of interest. And ananse, I don't know if you spotted already, but there's a Facebook group for adults with PDA – might be worth a look: www.facebook.com/groups/AdultPDASupportNetwork/
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