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Post by shiningbright on May 26, 2016 7:59:09 GMT
So I have to sort out my OH's work for him else he'll not get paid! That gives me until tomorrow morning to do: these are all student observation sheets Set 1 - 32 learners x 4 weeks worth of Obv sheets = 128 Set 2 - 32 x 4 = 128 Set 3 - 32 x 5 = 160 Set 4 - 32 x 5 = 160 Total of 576 sheets - by start of work hours tomorrow. All sheets must have hand written tutor comments (my OH had broken his hand - hence why I'm now doing it), tutor signature and correct in session and next session dates over a 4/5 week span. I've vexed with his bosses for putting all this on him this week when they'd previously told him not to worry about it - hence the back log as he was just informed that not only did he now have to sort it out but also that he had to back date it. I've done about 200 sheets so far - trying to focus on the others now but really struggling - and I've got another 200 sheets going to be delivered either midnight tonight or wee hours of tomorrow! And I've not slept in nearly 3 days and my house is a mess which is bringing me down and distracting me. Also in and out of hospital to sort OH hand/arm out. My poor baby is strapped into his pram so he can't climb alL over me (OH is sleeping so can't watch the kids) and my 3 yr old is running everywhere and asking me tons of questions every second! I know I have to do the work (plus I'm running late on next sessions resources that it's my job to create) but I just can't focus on it, the more I try the harder it seems to do it Now I'm panicking cos I can't remember if I sent OHs invoice in!!!
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Post by shiningbright on May 26, 2016 8:00:32 GMT
Oh good - I did sort the invoice out in time Oh the relief ...
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Post by shiningbright on May 26, 2016 10:10:57 GMT
2 hours later and still not made any progress as had to sort out insurance and cortosy car then spent a short age on the phone tween two hospitals trying to find out A who's looking after my OH and B what he's meant to do next as no one told him and his in pain (I hate him being in pain but it's a little bit funny as he once told me he can handle any pain and that he knows what child birth is like pain wise - apparently not lol). Took ages but got there. Now my babays woken up and the boy's are hungry so gotta cook and feed them before I can get back to the sheets I'll get it done eventually. Oh said I can put the boy's in the bedroom while he rests to help me focus. I might well take that offer after lunch - I can't believe I wasted a whole ten minutes earlier googling rainbow cupcakes cos in my brain it was suddenly front and centre >_<
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Post by clubby on May 26, 2016 14:04:11 GMT
Keep going shiningbright I am not replying to any of your masses of comments, because I don't want to distract you. Let us know when you have finished
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Post by shiningbright on May 26, 2016 23:56:50 GMT
Thanks clubby :-)
I'm finished at last- it's 00:40 am and the emails have been submitted to the officeready for them to read in the am.
I'd still be at it if I hadn't informed the office that my oh would be in hospital tomorrow so they said they'd do the ones they were going to send to us tonight (amazing how they are suddenly able to do them after saying that the only option was for us to do them!)
I made a few mistakes and got stressed a few times (my poor lads couldn't play with me as I had to work soly on this :-( ) I paused at 5 to make and serve dinner for the boy's and oh then got back to work just before 6.
Wouldn't have taken so long but the office insisted that each sheet be scanned indevidually and a personal name and learner code assigned to each one which was fiddly as heck.
And writing the comments was a trick asthere are only so many ways to say 'learner completed all tasks' and we not meant to repeat anothing.
My feet hurt from tapping them so much lol.
But I'm glad it's done and I managed to clean the kitchen as well (I didn't eat so found the time that way - fair trade off I think) :-)
Anyway, I'm beat and so I'm off to bed. So relieved it's done but not looking forward to tomorrow's pile of work lol
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Post by clubby on May 27, 2016 8:33:18 GMT
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Post by marionk on May 27, 2016 10:02:15 GMT
Congratulations!
I wrote a long post sympathising and suggesting names to call them, well not quite that but anyway, deleted it as I realised I don't have all the info to give genuinely helpful suggestions, and it was clear you didn't need distracting!! I'd still be inclined to write them a stern letter complaining about saying it was ok to leave them, then suddenly dumping four weeks worth on you to be done in one day. It seriously looks like they were trying to set you up to fail, and that kind of cr** REALLY pisses me off.
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Post by shiningbright on May 27, 2016 22:00:02 GMT
Thanks everyone - I'm free from the heavy paperwork load for today but, oddly enough, seem to be even more busy lol.
Spent the morning in hospital, the afternoon shopping then cleaning then cooking.
I've got to remind oh to take his meds and I've also got a teething baby and we have ohs older children (from ex) having sleepover - love it when they're over. Plus my cowife is coming to spend the night also so been sorting out bedding and rearranging furniture and such. Busy busy lol.
I'm kinda glad though - I love when I'm so busy doing physical things that I don't have ti worry about prolong focus. I can think freely while i cook and clean without feeli ng stressed by it.
Still got to sort booklets and such out.
I've spoken to one of his bosses today and he assured me that oh job is secure while he rests up and that he's pay will be sorted until insurance covers difference. But it's not a certain dispite what boss says as boss2 doesn't seem to like my oh - I tthink that he thinks my oh will try taking over the company. My oh has brought a Lot of revenue to the company and they kind of get 2 workers for one wage as my oiih and I work as a team (I make the resources and then he teaches them lol) and we let the company use our resources as they're better for the lower level learners. As B oss1 puts it 'were a valued part of the company family' but boss2 keeps saying things that he then goes back on and leaves my oh in the lurch with extra workat short notice. II've spoken to them in the past but oh does get fair benefits in return. At least it's B oss1 in charge log wage payments lol!
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Post by shiningbright on May 28, 2016 15:58:26 GMT
Update - I've had a busy but happy morning.
Cooked a large healthy breakfast for 7 people, played with kids but also had time to have a chat with oh and cowife just about life in general, thoughts and hopes etc. Which is nice because it brings us all closer :-)
Done loads (I mean loads!) Of dishes lol and cleaned the kitchen 3 times - still got to do the oven inside but I'm avoiding that :-( plus standard of nappies and hoovering and such.
Oh and co wife made a mess in the bathroom (water everywhere) but the floor needed cleaning anyway so no harm there (I told them to put a bag on his arm/cast but they didn't want too lol).
Then I made a packed lunch for oh and cw with healthy things like salad and eggs but also some stuff that oh likes like nuts and sausages lol (please both of them lol)
Now everyone but my kids are gone. Oh is staying at cw until his operation next week. Older kids have gone back to their mum's and I'm left with a grumpy baby and sad 3 yr old (he hates when everyone goes home and wants everyone to stay together always - all thekids want that, adults I find often aren't so willing to share)
Anyway my o h told me to rest today andget back to paperwork tomorrow. Advice I plan to follow lol. But now I'm kinda feeling lonely and sad and wish I had someone to talk too as I can't talk to oh when he's with cw :-(
It's too quiet with just the two kids (I don't count the noise baby makes when crying as noise lol)
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Post by Mouse on May 30, 2016 9:02:19 GMT
Crikey - I'd have gone under I'm sure, with all that workload and your other responsibilities! Congratulations on being a SuperWoman WonderStar !! Can I ask, what / who is a co-wife? I often think I'm not very worldly, and this is one of those times.
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Post by shiningbright on May 30, 2016 9:14:55 GMT
My ghhusband calls me supermum sometimes and its a title if otfen dont feel i deserve but sometimes I really do lol
My husband has two wives to wjom he is responsible for. My cowife is his other wife, she leaves 4 hours away from us and I love her like a sister :-)
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 13:58:15 GMT
Struggling to focus again and hating myself for it.
My OH is coming home tonight and I had so much I wanted to have done before he gets here but I can't focus enough to eat let alone do anything else. My head feels like mush or fluff or something else all together, lie fog maybe. I don't know.
At the very least I want to get laundry, orgnaised (or at least half organised) living room and finish booklet six for my OH work.
His boss wants me to do some research for the company, two smallish research tasks, shouldn't take long but I feel overwhelmed and trapped.
I know I have a choice but I don't feel like it. My OH can't work just yet, he can but he can't drive to work, so to make sure he still gets his wage we arranged with his bosses that I cover what we can for the time being by doing admin or research work. But I'm not thrilled about it.
I feel so useless and frustrated with myself. I can't believe I wasted my weekend, yet I can't think what I wasted it on. It's alike I've done so much but I have so little to show for it.
I'm not unhappy as in depressed. I'm just frustrated with myself, and confused (why can't I ever do things in an organised fashion? Why do I always end up surrounded by mess? And why does trying to focus give me headaches?)... sigh ...
I don't want to let my family down. I take my responsibilities seriously. I want to be better and I'm full of self doubt and frustration and anger at myself for being such a waste of space...
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Post by vagueandrandom on May 31, 2016 14:28:49 GMT
Hi shiningbright you really shouldn't be expected to do your husband's work for him. He should be able to take time off sick and get sick pay. It's the company's responsibility to get the work done, and they could PAY a temp, if other people can't cover his workload. OR the company can pay for a taxi for him to get to work, if he's so valuable to them. You have enough to do already with two small children. If they want you to work for them, then they should employ you and pay you for your work. You are not a waste of space.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 14:51:21 GMT
He safenemployed. 0 hour stuff. He only gets paid if he does the job. His rate I pay is based on how many learners passtheir exams in each course programme. They calculate based on predicted learner outcomes and if extra pass he gets a bonus or if less pass he pays it back or it comes out of the next programmes wages.
So to cover the wage someone, him or I, need to cover the hours he would normally be working. Luckily the bosses value skills about man hours but no one, not even my oh, realise how much effort goes into one task on my part.
I know rationally that I'm n ot a wsdre of space and that I must just deal the cardsI'm delt so to speak. I'm at peace with that. But I know I can be so much better then I am. Everyone seems to think me so amazing at everything I do, I'm super mum or super woman, I can create stories and worlds inside my head, I caaa write curriculums for schools on a wide variety of subjects, I can understand the minds of children and adults alike (within reason- profiling was a hobby of mine), and I can do so much more that everyone sees in little bursts and think I'm like that constantly and can't understand that it's just nine half of my nature. That the other part of me is confused and foggy and vague and so so so easily distracted. The world has so many amazing things to see and do and I can't just stay still and do one thing. I've tried and nearly killed myself.
I just want tk be the kind of person that my family deserves. They love me so much I want to be worthy of that love. They admire me and I want to be worthy of that admiration rather then feeling likeI'm hoodwinking them. I Its just a bad day and a bad weekend. I try to be so optimistic but some days I get so scared. I'm what keeps my family floating, in know that, and without me the family would struggle, but I feel so overwhelmed and overburdened sometimes and i feelj like im letting my family down. They deserve so much better.
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Post by vagueandrandom on May 31, 2016 15:01:11 GMT
The curse of the zero hours contract! I recently left one of those! We all have bad days. . you're doing fine
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 15:59:31 GMT
I feel like I'm coming back too normal- well not normal, still emotional but in a less hyper way.
While I was cleaning the bathroom and put my boy's to nap I was thinking away as i normally do when cleaning. A nooise finally reaches my brain, light banging in the kitchen. I go in to find my 3 yr old has climbed onto the work surface by the toaster (that God I always turn that thing off at the plug-in my oh insists on it), he's gotten loads of different masala from the cupboard and put it in the toaster. Along with broken up bits of dry pasta and water.
When I went in I nearly had a stroke. Then as I was cleaning that I lost track off time and my 1 yr old woke up. Instead of asking to be picked up like he used too he now gets climbing out the cot. I've got pillows in the floor in case but I try to be there when he waks s up so he doesn't try to climb out. Well I m issued that timing after my 3 yr old and I heard a small pop sound and then cryingbaby. He landed on the pillow but still banged himself. Just a red mMark on his arm, nothing dangerous, but it's hard enough looking after kids with adhd let alone when those kids keep getting themselves into dangerous situations.
Idont normally clean the bathroom on a Tuesday, I already did that yesterday, but when brushing teeth this morning my 3 yr old opened his dad's mouth wash and spilt it everywhere! Lovely smell but sticky when dry. So needed to clean that up.
It's been a crazy day.
Also turns out my lad thinks that Windows are like letter boxes. I wanted to go on the treadmil after lunch but couldn't find the safety magnet that was on there last night cos I used it after I oout the boy's to bed. I ask my lad and he said it was outside. So we went outside. By the kitchen window were some mints. By the lovingroom window was his dad's memory stick. And by the second bedroom window was the safety magnet. I asked when he'd done this andhe said when I was sleeping!!!
I love my boy's and their curiosity is much like mine (when I was 1 my mum and dad lost me inside the house only to find I had crawled through the cat flap and into the outside coal shed!). I was very good at exploring and evading adults when I was a kid but I put it down to inattentive and lazy adults. My boys are my life. I'd do anything for them. If my lad wants to climb and explore I won't stop him, so long as I'm there to help If needed. If he wants to cook he just has to ask and he can help me to cook. He doesn't need to sneak off and do it himself. But he does.
I'm amazed but also horrified and scared. Maybe I should attach a bell to his clothes lol.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 16:03:00 GMT
Oh Gosh I sound like such a horrid mum
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 16:05:43 GMT
They're sat drawing on the floor (on paper! ) by the kitchen door while i cook now. Calmest they've been all day.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 16:12:35 GMT
The curse of the zero hours contract! I recently left one of those! Aye, we don't want him to be stuckn in this job for long. I totally feel like they're taking advantage of us all the time anyway (the basically get two staff for one set of pay and wages and taxes) and we want to open our own business but I can't find the time to do that around this job and kids and house. Well get there eventually but sooner or later I'll have to put my foot down with his boss. Trouble is I'm not scared to tell the boss what I think but my oh is in case he looses his contract as he has two families to provide for and this job pays better then others he's been able to get
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 16:14:55 GMT
Now the kids are running around again. Like bullets. They're not naughty. They're just so full of irratic energy... i get tired just watching them lol.
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Post by shiningbright on May 31, 2016 18:41:05 GMT
Since my last post here I've cooked and fed the boy's. Cleaned dishes from that. Given them snacks. Washed them and even played with them. I've also cleaned the kitchen and bathroom. Cleaned and semi organised the living room (nice to have one shelf where things look neat and have a place - still got to do the printer table, behind the sofas and the 2nd shelf and I want to sort out the toy box and clean the toys but I can do that later in the week). I've also Cleaned the pram, which really needed a clean, and done some laundry. Also put bins out and sorted out moth repellents :-)
The boy's spent the time running around loads, jumping and climbing on everything (beds, sofas, tables), they even turned the pram frame into a climbing frame. They have so much energy it's mind blowing.
I guess I'm not as useless as I think I am.
I just wish I could be this productive more often. I really enjoy times like this and the boy's like me when i m happy and productive.
Next order of the day - boys to bed, eat something and finish booklet for work before oh comes home :-) then I can relax with him for a bit before bed.
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