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Post by marionk on Jun 17, 2016 16:16:19 GMT
I am in self imposed semi-exile from my Mum's place atm.
A certain member of the family has arrived to stay with Mum for a couple of weeks. We had been expecting him some time later this summer, but when he phoned with final dates she/we only had a couple of weeks to tidy up etc.
Why is she so bothered about the house being absolutely spick and span, for a close relative? Because last time he was here, for a month, after a couple of weeks, he went through her kitchen cupboards and threw out anything 'out of date' and I do mean anything, or rather everything, regardless of the fact that there was absolutely nothing wrong with any of it. Honestly, if there had been a bag of sugar out of date, he'd've binned it.
And he has the cheek to lecture her about how dangerous it all is.
Ok he's never going to read this . . it's my brother . . . telling his mother how to eat 'properly' . . .
This time she cleared out her cupboards and had a cleaner in to do the worktops and bathroom, also bought a new cooker in a bit of a hurry, as she hadn't really found one she really liked, but the old one was on the blink, and then there were problems fitting it and it had to go back and a whole bunch of other stuff, all in all it's been pretty hectic, plus I had to tidy my place enough to take away my crafty things that tend to live round hers.
I also keep a few things in her fridge, as it's handier that way, so as a last minute thing last night I looked through my stuff in there and scoffed the ham that was just on date . . . unfortunately I didn't think to check through her stuff, and Mum herself was utterly pooped from all the last minute tidying . . .
He only arrived this morning, and he needed to go to the shops, so did Mum, so they both went, and when they got back . . . he went through the fridge . . .
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jun 18, 2016 10:30:52 GMT
Families, eh?
My sister's a nightmare too. . when she visit's my mum, she takes over and tells her everything that she's doing wrong.
My mum likes to plan what to eat and my sister will decide that she doesn't want it and makes her own, which she'll eat
at a different time. . possibly eating a vital ingredient that my mum has planned to use in a meal the next day. .
My sister thinks that the world revolves around her and her needs. . .
If we visit her at her house, she doesn't even buy in basic foods and doesn't offer anything to eat. . .and it's a long drive. .
I've avoided seeing my sister and her child unless it's absolutely necessary because they're both so awful to everyone. .
me in particular. . because I'm weird. . .and useless. . and don't try hard enough. . they often make me cry. . then they laugh at me. .
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Post by marionk on Jun 19, 2016 12:07:03 GMT
My Dad wasn't too bad, and me and Mum are very much on the same wavelength, my kids are ok too, it's just him. Mum is much better at putting up with him than I am, and while I'm clenching my teeth and screaming inside to keep my mouth shut, she says nothing to him. I really wish she would tell him to mind his own business, and does he really think she's going to eat slimey spring onions? I'm possibly over analysing things here, but I see it as a dig at me too, I'm here all the time real close, but there's all these out of date and mouldy things in her fridge, that took him five minutes to throw out. . . And now he's planning to rent a cottage and take Mum off for a few days to our old holiday stamping ground. I've been trying to do exactly that for years now, but there's always something gets in the way, bad weather or Mum not feeling up to it, or me having too much to cope with, or, and this comes up a lot . . . especially when trying to plan ahead a bit . . . 'but your brother is saying he's coming over, so we can't book it until we know when' and sometimes he comes and sometimes he doesn't but he's always saying he's coming over 'next summer' or 'later this year' So, now he's here, and there's talk of going off for a few days, and I think 'Yay! at last we'll go.' and while he's upstairs looking up stuff, I find somewhere, fairly handy. Mention it to Mum. Mum says brother has found somewhere so just leave it to him. So, then the gardener arrives, and I go outside to show him what needs doing and so forth, and a bit later, Mum comes out looking a bit peeved and says, "Don't say anything, but 'brother' says he wants it to be just me and him. He want's *time alone with his Mum*." WTF? No wonder I'm getting paranoid. Am I pissed? you bet I'm f***ing pissed! Not that I want to spend any more time with him than absolutely necessary, just that it's his f***ing fault that whenever everything else has been ok to go, HE's been the reason we haven't gone and now at a couple of days notice they're off, . . . Except they're not. HAHAHAHA The place he found is fully booked. The place I found isn't though. And he's not having any luck finding anywhere else. My place is definitely available I checked the dates. LMAO I gave in to Mum's persuasion and told here where it was again. Mum passed on the info to brother, and he still can't find it!
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Post by easilydistracted on Jun 19, 2016 21:03:10 GMT
marionkSounds like your brother is playing the "look how organised and efficient I am compared with Marion" game... And possibly can't bear the thought of booking a holiday and having to admit that you sorted it for him! So his not being able to find it actually because he hasn't looked for it. Also sounds like you are there for your Mum a lot more than he is else that fridge would never have anything past date in it (aside - I cleaned my fridge last week, found a bottle of fresh orange dated best before Aug 2015 - it tasted fine, drank the lot, no ill effects) So yes, it must be infuriating that he waltzes in out of the blue and starts trying to "fix" things when by the sounds of it you and your mum have been muddling along quite happily together all this time!
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Post by marionk on Jun 20, 2016 1:13:40 GMT
marionk Sounds like your brother is playing the "look how organised and efficient I am compared with Marion" game... And possibly can't bear the thought of booking a holiday and having to admit that you sorted it for him! So his not being able to find it actually because he hasn't looked for it. Also sounds like you are there for your Mum a lot more than he is else that fridge would never have anything past date in it (aside - I cleaned my fridge last week, found a bottle of fresh orange dated best before Aug 2015 - it tasted fine, drank the lot, no ill effects) So yes, it must be infuriating that he waltzes in out of the blue and starts trying to "fix" things when by the sounds of it you and your mum have been muddling along quite happily together all this time! You've got the gist of it except it backfired 'cos yeah, I've shown him up now by finding somewhere when he failed to. Since that he's raised his game another two notches. I did a long post about what happened next but I lost it while trying to edit it. He's also doing the 'look how calm and reasonable I am, while Marion stomps off'. And the 'I'm fecked if I'm going to book the place she found, but I'll make it look like it's her fault.' heh yeah you guessed that one right You do need to be careful when trying out of date stuff, but Mum is far better at using her own judgement than he ever will be, and is even more cautious than I am. e.g. I'll eat slightly sprouted potatoes, as long as they haven't shriveled noticeably, but she won't. From that, and the rest, I know that she's not in any danger of eating anything 'off', and while he isn't around to know that, he shouldn't assume that just because there's something out of date in the house that she would ever actually eat it. Nor that his judgement is somehow superior to hers. The only inferences anyone should make from there being OOD stuff around is that we don't waste time and energy going through stuff just to chuck it out, or at worst, they could infer that some food is likely to go to waste because we aren't hyper careful to keep track of the dates of everything and use it up on time. We don't have a corner shop, the nearest shop is over 2 miles away, so we both have to keep a stock of food, or we'd have to take the car out every day. It's not his fault he's not 'here for her' more, and quite frankly we're glad he lives so far away. Most of the time we get on like a house on fire. Continuing on from previous post: I was a bit surprised that he couldn't find it, so I check the name of the house and pass it on, finally he finds it, but he says it's not available. I check, yes it is. Turns out he's on some buggy site and can't highlight the dates, even though it shows them as available. So, I look up the exact website I found it on, and tell him the name. Nope it's not available, he says. I look again, and see that it is still available, what's the problem? It's only available for arrivals on Fridays. Well, I had seen that it looks that way, but as there was a block of dates available starting on a Monday, I figured you must be able to arrive on days other than Friday, and found a drop down menu where you select your arrival date. I told him about the drop down menu. N o, still not available. Ehh what?? Turns out it says 'enquiries' where it usually says 'book now'. Even Mum is losing patience now and says, "Enquire then."
He says, but then we have to wait for them to get back to us. I'm a bit hazy after that, I've had it up to here* *indicates a level nearly a foot over the top of head
As I leave the room he says something about have I tried to book it? And allegedly after I was out of earshot, he said something else, but I'll leave that for the mo.
Anyways, as he's so unwilling to even ask if it's available or not, I fill in the details on the 'enquire' form myself, and up pops another form asking for 'party details' with a phone number at the top!
Great, now I can actually ask someone if it's available, and it's immediately obvious that it is, as the chap on the phone asks if I want to book it, I tell him it's really for my brother, and he starts asking me for details, so I run back to Mum's with the phone and ask my brother if he still want's to go? I was intending to hand the phone over to him, but he says "No."
So, in my head, I'm like what the fffing eff! I apologise to the guy on the phone, and hang up.
I said something like, so you don't want to go after all?!? My brother then says, ever so patiently,and superior like "Well, Marion, if you hadn't've gone off in a huff, you'd have heard me say 'Don't book it. If anyone's going to book it, I'll book it.'"
A few more words were exchanged as I left.
A bit later I saw Mum was alone, so went in and asked if he had finally booked it. No. Why not? He *says* he couldn't find the phone number. Huh?!
I find the site on Mum's computer, and this time manage to find the phone number without even putting in any details, as I'm doing that, Mum says, It's ok I believe you. I say, yeah, but I might as well write it down for you so he can book it. I kind of realise it's pointless but write it down anyway.
So, now I'm wondering, at what point did he start setting me up to be all snide and superior? Did he ever actually intend to book anywhere at all? I found that place in maybe a few minutes, maybe half an hour, not long anyway. Did he really draw blank in well over 24 hours?
Hah! OMG! I figured it out! When I found it, I was checking prices thinking it was for the three of us, so it was ok. And when Mum said not to bother, he'd found somewhere, I pretty much forgot about it, what with the gardener arriving and all.
Then when Mum said I wouldn't be going, I looked later in the year for just me and Mum. Still ok after the peak season. . . So, when Mum asks what was that place I found, I didn't think about how much it would be for only the two of them, but this time of the year is nearly peak season, so with only the two of them, it works out too expensive.
He never said anything about price though, just availability. So I figure 'can't find it' and 'it's not available' were just excuses, rather than say he couldn't or wouldn't pay that much. Pretentious git!
So, he was stringing me along right from when he looked it up and found it was too expensive.
Gah! I wasn't going to go around to Mum's again until he's gone, but I doubt I will be able to sit on this that long. It's going to eat away at me until I burst.
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Post by marionk on Jul 1, 2016 11:13:20 GMT
Mum has a big mat inside the back door so that you can get inside and shut the door without having to put wet/muddy footprints on the kitchen floor. My gardening galoshes that I wear for nipping between my place and Mum's stay on that mat while I'm there . . . I've actually lost count of how many times he's cleaned the kitchen floor, and he's only been here two weeks. I keep going round and finding the mat not there. At least one time he put the mat back, possibly because I asked where it was, but he left my galoshes outside, and it rained . . . So I'm kind of getting used to the mat not being there half the time, taking my galoshes off outside and carrying them through to the front door, and so I didn't notice until I went round this morning, that he'd left the mat outside . . . and it had rained. As it was already wet, I figured it was a good time to wash it, and stuck it in the machine lol. Giving up on the big mat, and fed up of traipsing through the house carrying muddy galoshes all the time, I fetch a small mat and put my galoshes on it by the back door, still doing the same thing of stepping out of the galoshes and into the kitchen with bare feet, then picking up the galoshes. At least it's not raining. So later this morning, it turns out he's taking Mum out for coffee. Ok, slight change to her Friday routine, no biggy, bro says he'll just do the dishes, and they'll be off out and I realise it's nearly coffee time already, and I need to fetch something from next door before they go. Coming back, as I'm about to hop out of the galoshes, I realise the mat has gone . . . he's only washing the bleeping floor AGAIN! So I swear and go round to the front door forgetting that I left the keys indoors. While I'm trying to remember where I had them last, Mum has quietly opened the door and gone back to the dining room. I notice the door is on the latch and go in. I say, very quietly, "What the hell is he doing the floor for, again, now. I thought he was taking you out! He is Crazy!" Mum whispers back, "If he keep on like this much longer I'll end up telling him to get a life!" God, I wish she would!!
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Post by marionk on Jul 4, 2016 11:38:01 GMT
Hah! I knew it! Everything is my fault, his clearing out the cupboards and fridge, his not booking anywhere to take Mum away for a few days, EVERYTHING. I don't care if he HAS got PTA, there's no way he'd ever accept that even if I could figure a way to broach the subject that wouldn't send him straight into denial. And if he's happy the way he is, and he obviously is, then he's just a manipulative control freak, that likes being nasty, anal, and blaming others for his failures and bad behaviour.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 4, 2016 12:02:30 GMT
Hah! I knew it! Everything is my fault, his clearing out the cupboards and fridge, his not booking anywhere to take Mum away for a few days, EVERYTHING. I don't care if he HAS got PTA, there's no way he'd ever accept that even if I could figure a way to broach the subject that wouldn't send him straight into denial. And if he's happy the way he is, and he obviously is, then he's just a manipulative control freak, that likes being nasty, anal, and blaming others for his failures and bad behaviour. Wow Marionk, bless you, you sound like you're discribing my brother. I feel for you and would like to say 'don't let him get to you' but as I know that wouldn't help me with my brother I don't expect it to help you with yours. Only thing that worked on my brother is cutting contact, last time I spoke to him he was thratening me. My OH is a big man that my bully brother wouldn't want to have to face off against, so that helps me too lol. You're in my prayers :-) *hugs*
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Post by marionk on Jul 4, 2016 12:38:37 GMT
That's one of the things about PTA, they know just how to get under your skin when they want to. You're right about cutting contact. I can just about stand him when he's in Australia, when he phones, I say hi, and hand him over to Mum.
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