Post by shiningbright on Jun 21, 2016 16:15:20 GMT
I just spent ages writing a long rant about the past few days but then I deleted is 'cos there is no point.
Events of the past two days:
- baby got his finger stuck in a toy and how has a nasty looking (but okay really) friction burn.
- the toddler gave the baby soap to eat (I got it off him before it got past his teeth - no harm done)
- OH has had a go at me several times about my lack of housework prowess, the words 'if you can't handle a two bed house with 2 kids, how're you gonna handle more kids and a bigger house in the future?' have been repeated many times (he's not being hurtful, though it does hurt, he's just trying to motivate me, he means well).
- Oh and I also have the joy of added task of 20/30 exam papers that I have to mark every morning, 4 days a week for the next 4/5 weeks. Plus registers and databases and emails.
- and trying to cook healthy food for each of my children
- while trying to diet to improve my health and fertility
- and doing regular fitness routines everyday (OH wants to to work up from 20 mins a day to 60 mins a day, he has good reasons and I agree with him)
- oh and a person I thought was a friend is actually a wolf in sheep's clothing and my only friends are none exsistant unless they want something
- I'm meant to be fasting but I keep getting ill every time I try and it's making me sad
- and my hormones are so whacked up now that I can cry on minute over the tiniest of things then laugh another about nothing at all, and I'm feeling angry alot lately which isn't my normal nature
- OH keeps on about me about babys finger, I've been first aid trained and I have experience of burns as I had loads of them as a kid (common occurrence when a 5 yr old is in charge of cooking), and keeps telling me to watch it, clean it, bandage it, etc. Yesterday he insisted I take him to a pharmacist who just told me the same stuff I already knew but also sold me cream and bandages (waste of £5 I don't have to spare).
- and the hoover is blocked so I've got to find the time to dismantle and unblock it without breaking anything and use an older one with no head (just pipe) until then.
- the laundry pile is building up cos i keep forgetting bout it in my ciaos
- I'm super broody
- and this baby (1 and quarter yr) doesn't sleep the night, he wakes every 2 hours for nothing and just screams wanting to be picked up. I'm exhausted.
- and my toddler (3 yr old) keeps sneeking off to eat sweets or biscuits when I'm sleeping or busy doing nappies, or else he's trying to iron or clean the toilet, or cook dinner (stuff I don't mind when I'm there with him but he's way too young to do without me).
I guess I'm just feeling very judged, overworked and unappreciated. I did try talking to OH about some of my issues, not mentioned, and he told me how I am more useful than I think I am and that I help him out loads and he's sorry to put such a burden on me. But I can't seem to explain how i really feel.
I really need to talk to my OH about all this but he just doesn't seem to understand any of it when I've tried telling him in the past.
I just want to focus on house and kids without having to deal with job stuff. I understand why I have too but I just can't juggle that many plates, the more I have too do the less as gets done. Right now I kinda feel like I'm barely keeping afloat in the flood that my life has turned into.
And I really hate myself right now 'cos I should be better at housework then I am. I have the knowledge, I have good motivation and i even enjoy the tasks, yet my house is never clean enough.
Events of the past two days:
- baby got his finger stuck in a toy and how has a nasty looking (but okay really) friction burn.
- the toddler gave the baby soap to eat (I got it off him before it got past his teeth - no harm done)
- OH has had a go at me several times about my lack of housework prowess, the words 'if you can't handle a two bed house with 2 kids, how're you gonna handle more kids and a bigger house in the future?' have been repeated many times (he's not being hurtful, though it does hurt, he's just trying to motivate me, he means well).
- Oh and I also have the joy of added task of 20/30 exam papers that I have to mark every morning, 4 days a week for the next 4/5 weeks. Plus registers and databases and emails.
- and trying to cook healthy food for each of my children
- while trying to diet to improve my health and fertility
- and doing regular fitness routines everyday (OH wants to to work up from 20 mins a day to 60 mins a day, he has good reasons and I agree with him)
- oh and a person I thought was a friend is actually a wolf in sheep's clothing and my only friends are none exsistant unless they want something
- I'm meant to be fasting but I keep getting ill every time I try and it's making me sad
- and my hormones are so whacked up now that I can cry on minute over the tiniest of things then laugh another about nothing at all, and I'm feeling angry alot lately which isn't my normal nature
- OH keeps on about me about babys finger, I've been first aid trained and I have experience of burns as I had loads of them as a kid (common occurrence when a 5 yr old is in charge of cooking), and keeps telling me to watch it, clean it, bandage it, etc. Yesterday he insisted I take him to a pharmacist who just told me the same stuff I already knew but also sold me cream and bandages (waste of £5 I don't have to spare).
- and the hoover is blocked so I've got to find the time to dismantle and unblock it without breaking anything and use an older one with no head (just pipe) until then.
- the laundry pile is building up cos i keep forgetting bout it in my ciaos
- I'm super broody
- and this baby (1 and quarter yr) doesn't sleep the night, he wakes every 2 hours for nothing and just screams wanting to be picked up. I'm exhausted.
- and my toddler (3 yr old) keeps sneeking off to eat sweets or biscuits when I'm sleeping or busy doing nappies, or else he's trying to iron or clean the toilet, or cook dinner (stuff I don't mind when I'm there with him but he's way too young to do without me).
I guess I'm just feeling very judged, overworked and unappreciated. I did try talking to OH about some of my issues, not mentioned, and he told me how I am more useful than I think I am and that I help him out loads and he's sorry to put such a burden on me. But I can't seem to explain how i really feel.
I really need to talk to my OH about all this but he just doesn't seem to understand any of it when I've tried telling him in the past.
I just want to focus on house and kids without having to deal with job stuff. I understand why I have too but I just can't juggle that many plates, the more I have too do the less as gets done. Right now I kinda feel like I'm barely keeping afloat in the flood that my life has turned into.
And I really hate myself right now 'cos I should be better at housework then I am. I have the knowledge, I have good motivation and i even enjoy the tasks, yet my house is never clean enough.