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Post by shiningbright on Jul 25, 2016 23:58:48 GMT
Does anyone get this?
Whenever I get ready for bed. I have a kinda idea, plan maybe, in my head of how the next day will go.
For example- tomorrow I intend to clean the kitchen and bathroom, organise the living room and find out what's wrong with my tumble dryer...
But these ideas rarely come to anything and afterwards I'm left flat and disappointed in myself for not doing what is so simple to others that they don't even need to think about it like I do.
But I tell myself - well you did xyz and such n such, So have a pat in the back. And I get to sleep another night.
But there is always that part of my brain, whomich appears to be typing right now, that tells me how stupid I am and that I'm never gonna be the person I want to be.
I'm extremely stubborn (he's my positive side coming back lol) and I'm highly optimistic even when I feel my worst I find something to smile about, it's a thing I do... So I will keep planning and keep trying and keep beating myself up then defending myself then going through it all over again.
Because I pray that one day, when I'm old and my work is finished, that I'll be able to look at my kids and say I didn't give up on them. The derseve me to be the best I can be, we all have limits, for whatever reason (health, habit or hearth), but it when I stop trying that I will really have failed.
Lol so what started as a self hate message has turned into a motivational one lol. Typical. See- always the optimist :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 26, 2016 9:48:30 GMT
Hey marionk thought I'd let you know that I'm going to see a DR today about my possible mastitis (if it's that) because things have gonna rather bad overnight and today. I hate seeing Drs for any reason, but needs must and my kids come first. I can't care for them if i'm ill :-) hopefully things will work out fine and I might be able to get advice on a bf issue I have with my lad.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 26, 2016 15:18:37 GMT
Yep, Dr says I've got an infection - she's given me a 10 day, 4 tables a day to be taken an hour before food, strong course of antibiotics and instructed I get a check up with GP later this week. I also got told off for not going in sooner cos of my temprature goign to 41.2oC on Sunday - I said I thought that rule only applied to kids.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 28, 2016 9:48:47 GMT
Oh these tablets are irksome lol. I have to take them at least and hour before food and two hours afterwards, 4 times a day - that's a lot of planning and time management for me lol. I keep taking them at rather random times (and sometimes only and hour after food) - but my pain has gotten much better. Still getting fevers mind but much better then the other day. Seeing Dr again tomorrow for a check up and review of the tablets (they want to make sure I'm on the right ones)... A part of me in thinking to ask about ADHD support groups in the area but I'm worried she'd write it on my notes.
I'm popping to the next by town center tomorrow, they have a surestart center that I trust, I might pop in there and ask about. then again, most likely I won't because I don't let people making assumptions about my mental health...
Well, this morning I had a jolly fun zone out session: when I was putting sausages in a frying pan with hot oil in it. I remember feeling a painful heat on my finger and instead of moving it away, I held it still for a bout 3- 5 seconds while I tried to figure out why it was painful. I then realisied that I'd put the tip of the finger in the hot oil. Only then did I take it out. I'm always burning myself so it's no big deal but still - zoned brain isn't always a logical brain lol. Now got a very sore finger lol :-)
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Post by vagueandrandom on Jul 28, 2016 10:31:41 GMT
Ha ha! Tablets. . yes, a logistical nightmare for ADHDers . . I'm fine with taking one in the morning when I wake up, but then others at regular intervals, with or without food!! Grrr. . I'm glad you're feeling better You could do a Google search to see if there's a support group in your area. . I did that thing with an electric fence once. .didn't let go, because I couldn't process why I kept having funny jolts . .
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 28, 2016 10:42:06 GMT
I did that that but the results confused me, mostly private consultants claiming to be able to diagnosis ADHD or children's support. I tried messaging Surestart near mine and asking but they wanted personal details from me before they'd answer my question and I didn't feel comfortable with that - my local surestart has proven untrustworthy by reporting my attendance and teh things I talk about to my old health visitor - a manipulative bully type lady.
Oh, I've done that before also lol - with the laptop. I actually kept letting it zap me for a few minutes and my OH asked - what's wrong, I said the laptop is electrocuting me. He said to put it down, I said 'oh yeah, I should do that shouldn't I' then did. I then said, 'that's weird, my hand's numb.' and he replied with 'I can't think why.' lol
and one fo the reasons I never do ironing is cos 'll burn myself as often as not lol.
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Post by marionk on Jul 28, 2016 11:43:10 GMT
Yep, Dr says I've got an infection - she's given me a 10 day, 4 tables a day to be taken an hour before food, strong course of antibiotics and instructed I get a check up with GP later this week. I also got told off for not going in sooner cos of my temprature goign to 41.2oC on Sunday - I said I thought that rule only applied to kids. I'm not at all sure that a fever and a red area are sufficient to dx infection, but as the massage etc. hasn't sorted it then it's certainly a possibility. Antibiotics alone won't clear the blockage though, so keep up with the massage etc. (I hope doc told you that too). I hope it clears up soon. You mentioned a bf issue; that could be the root cause (with or without infection). I'm pretty sure it was my babe's fussy feeding that set mine off, but there are other bf issues that can do it. I hope that it can be resolved simply. Watch out for it possibly recurring when you wean him, or he misses feeds. Prevention is better than cure! Does anyone get this? Whenever I get ready for bed. I have a kinda idea, plan maybe, in my head of how the next day will go. For example- tomorrow I intend to clean the kitchen and bathroom, organise the living room and find out what's wrong with my tumble dryer... But these ideas rarely come to anything and afterwards I'm left flat and disappointed in myself for not doing what is so simple to others that they don't even need to think about it like I do. But I tell myself - well you did xyz and such n such, So have a pat in the back. And I get to sleep another night. But there is always that part of my brain, whomich appears to be typing right now, that tells me how stupid I am and that I'm never gonna be the person I want to be. I'm extremely stubborn (he's my positive side coming back lol) and I'm highly optimistic even when I feel my worst I find something to smile about, it's a thing I do... So I will keep planning and keep trying and keep beating myself up then defending myself then going through it all over again. Because I pray that one day, when I'm old and my work is finished, that I'll be able to look at my kids and say I didn't give up on them. The derseve me to be the best I can be, we all have limits, for whatever reason (health, habit or hearth), but it when I stop trying that I will really have failed. Lol so what started as a self hate message has turned into a motivational one lol. Typical. See- always the optimist :-) Yeah, most of that lol. Especially the evening plans for the next day, which disappear with the morning mist the next day. And the stubbornness.
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Post by shiningbright on Jul 28, 2016 14:24:19 GMT
Thanks :-) im not sure id it is mastitis dispite what dr said the otherday. Today its been leaking like a tap, rhe red has gone a soft pink, still swollen and niw lumpy around the areola. Most likely from engorged. I'll pick up some cabbage next time I'm out, it helped withthe eenforcement I got with my first. But my nipple and areola feel like they're getting attached my neddels. Driving me bonkers.
Had a fever all day today, not yesterday, it's mostly around 38.9 since 10. Vauge headache also, like an early migraine and pain killers aren't helping.
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Post by shiningbright on Aug 1, 2016 7:26:56 GMT
So much to say so little time. My oh surprised me last night by booking a caravan in lake district for the week :-) super excited as it'll be great to go away for a bit. It's not quite a holiday as I still have work to do while there (we're taking the laptop - my ball and chain lol- I can never be free of it lol). But well also go for adventures during the day which is exciting :-)
My OH watched limitless which I told him was like my brain but without the excuse of nzt lol. He got rather confused by the idea, maybe well talk more about it today. I realised this will be our first holiday just us without friends of extended family along. Only time it was just him and me was our honey moon- now we've got the two babes of mine buttthey're young. Not got the older kids this time around which is sad but maybe we'll get some much needed couple time:-)
Spoke to my Dr when I saw her on Friday. I asked her, off the record, abou adhd ssupport or such that can be off record. She said if od want it off record I'd have to go privately. But she also adviced me that there is so much hype and misconceptions around adhd and mental illness that if I can go without dx it'd be easier for me in the long run, otherwise everyone who meets me will always judge me on my broken brain. I'm simplifying her terms but at least she was honest :-)
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Post by shiningbright on Aug 3, 2016 6:17:06 GMT
Well this holiday has been interesting. My youngest had a sudden fever yesterday, just came out of nowhere, followed by a febrile seizure that scared the life out of me. Lucinky there was a walk in clinic next to where we were parked, just around the corner, so we got him seen very fast. He's fine by the way. I spent most of last night beating myself up about it - thought logically I couldn't have predicted it as the fever had just started. But my oh pointed out that had I not been used to seizures (andwhat position to put him in) then things could have been very different.
His fever started coming down last night, he's under close observation to be safe. Once his observation time has passed then we'll take them to a play area for some fun poor lads. My eldest alsso has a dry cough that keeps waking him at night, good job I always travel with calpol lol
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Post by shiningbright on Aug 26, 2016 15:41:39 GMT
Hi, I'm back lol.... Hope everyone is well, got lots of reading to catch up lol :-)
I've had a crazy few weeks, seems like one thing after another and I hate how crazy and overwhelmed I feel but it'll pass. I wanna kick myself for my last stupid thing I've done. I took a day of work last week and option to do something hobby wise. I felt like drawing a house (architecturally) and then thought it'd be nice to give myself a challenge and design a town instead. Which would take a lot longer then a single day. Now I can't unfocus from it and keep thinking about landscapes, materials, positions of landmarks, road widths and how the sewer pipes would effect the river plant and how to design the industrial district to be attractive and not just boring and depressive factories. It's a super fun hobby, but now I can't switch it off lol. Got a note pad just for it while I'm free (or on the loo) I'm researching on my phone or sketching in the pad lol.
I'm meant to be organising the house lol. But I do feel happier this week, nice to spend some time on something I enjoy sometimes - other recharge by sitting with a cuppa, I recharge by researching factory designs lol.
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Post by shiningbright on Sept 1, 2016 21:23:52 GMT
I think I might be having a random life crisis - I'm too young for a mid life crisis and too old for 1/4 life crisis.
I'm just so emotionally all over the place. Happy and sad, calm and yet I'll flip to anger then back again like I'm blinking. It's crazy. I'm overwhelmed by work but loving it to, I've finally orgnaised the house yet feel disorganised still.
Been doing lots of inner mind exploration lately and I'm not happy with what I found, yet I love myself more for being honest with myself.
Just feeling so - hmmm right now. I have no word for it, I'm not numb, not happy, not sad, just am. Yet I also feel very hopeful but I don't know why lol.
sorry, useless post I guess. Also kinda lonely - don't have any friends except those aynonamous online ones :/
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