ftm42
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Post by ftm42 on Mar 7, 2017 23:17:25 GMT
Recently had 19 yr old son diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, which I have accepted with relief after years of wondering what the issue was. He has had problems since he started at infant school when teachers noted there were problems. We had been fighting for an autism diagnosis, but no-one ever mentioned ADHD. I feel now at least we can move on, knowing what the problem is and making a plan for his future. He is currently on ritalin which I'm OK with for now, but once he's stable, I would like to pursue non-drug intervention, if possible.
I am reading a book that describes non-drug methods to treat ADHD, but have only just dipped into it, so not formed any conclusions yet. After 19 years bringing him up with all his associated issues, even he felt like it was the first time someone had really understood him when the psych gave her diagnosis. I re-read a book I'd bought years ago with fresh eyes and to me, it all fits.
Add to the mix that my husband decided to have himself assessed and has had a positive diagnosis too. We have been together>22 years, so not much is going to change as I have 'managed him' all this time. However, he is now coming out with "I have a high sex drive - that's down to my ADHD"; "I don't see the mess in the house as quickly as you do - that must be down to my ADHD too". My friend has put all that down to his ability to twist things to his advantage and is now using his new label to make excuses for his bad behaviour [he does have history, and we do have quite a volatile relationship, in that we are always arguing about something].
She is not at all sympathetic. She is now making me doubt myself all over again, as she is of the opinion that he has just been dosed up on ritalin, as it 'pays the psychiatrists salary' and 'makes their figures look good'. It's all down to bad parenting apparently and not pushing my son hard enough. Dare I ask "does ADHD really exist and does it need medicating or do we just need to be better parents"?
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Post by roland on Mar 8, 2017 11:20:32 GMT
Hi ftm42, Welcome to the forum You can tell your friend that ADHD does really exist and that it has been described in medical manuals since 1775, and that's not a typo, 1775! In 1775 Dr Melchior Adam Weikard published a book in Germany in which he described "attention disorders" and in this book he thought about how best to treat the inattentive person. Then in 1798, Dr Alexander Crichton published a book called " An Inquiry into the Nature and Origin of Mental Derangement: comprehending a concise system of the Physiology and Pathology of the Human Mind and a history of the passions and their effects". In this book, Dr Crichton included a chapter called "On Attention, and its diseases" in which he describes what we now know as the inattentive subtype of ADHD. In this chapter Dr Crichton has written the following: He goes on to say that the inattention gives " him or her an unnatural degree of mental restlessness" and also that the people affected by this give it a name, they say that " they have the fidgets." So as you can see the disorder was described before the use of Ritalin. Not everybody with ADHD needs medication, or wants medication but it helps many of us. Since your husband has just been diagnosed he may still be going through an adjustment period during which he will be wondering about himself and ADHD and its consequences. And of course I'm not overlooking the impact this has had upon you, and your son, and the adjustment periods you and your son too will also be going through. Maybe once you have explained all this to your friend she will become more supportive as all of you learn more about ADHD and learn how to cope and start afresh.
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Post by blaze on Mar 8, 2017 11:30:52 GMT
Are you calling yourself a bad parent?
Adhd Def exists. If we know about it some parenting methods can help us understand and manage adhd somewhat better. That's true.
It's not a women's job to 'manage' a man its his job. And at 19 it's your sons opinion on meds/alternative therapies that matters, unless for some reason he doesn't have capacity which doesn't sound like the case.
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fardale
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Post by fardale on Mar 8, 2017 19:15:38 GMT
"Many people notice that all the symptoms of ADHD are problems that everyone has sometimes and that those with ADHD can focus well for activities that interest them. On this basis, they assume that those with ADHD are no different from anyone else except that they are lazy or simply lack “willpower.” Studies have shown that there are measurable differences in the brain development and functioning of those with ADHD in comparison to others of their age. Most of their brain development is similar to that of their peers. However, certain areas of the brain--that are critically important for the brain’s management system--may be delayed in maturation by three or more years. Many also have problems with development of “white matter” fibers that provide interconnections from one region of the brain to another." Long story short. Its proven science. its accepted by almost every medical body. The problem with a late diagnosis in my experience, is you start linking the symptoms to every day things you've avoided all you're life, and it makes sense. Imagine you've been tied to a bungee cord all your life, you have to make a ton of effort to get anywhere, and if you relax for even a second, you're right back where you started but all the more tired for it. After a while I tended to not bother with the effort. Its tiring. This then becomes 'cognitive behaviour'. I've essentially trained myself to make my life easier. Now that i've been diagnosed with adhd, things make sense, but i'm so used to dealing with these things a certain way that its hard to break the habit. Adhd causes the problems, and we learn to deal with them as best we can. Diagnosis and medication is half the battle. Which is why good parenting or non stimulant aids such as exercising and cognitive therapy is so important. yes i have adhd, its held me back, i've dealt with it the best i can, now i have a diagnosis and (soon) medication. Now that my effort will take me further and I can do more for myself, i have to break those habits i've sank into since i've been a child and make the most of it. Otherwise, the diagnosis by itself means nothing. In my opinion
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Post by marionk on Mar 11, 2017 11:27:23 GMT
Excuse or explanation, I think only the person him- or her- self can really know, and not even they can always be sure.
Long before I realised I have ADHD, I wondered if I was just lazy and making excuses, or if there was a reason why I found it so hard to do homework. I actually did find a couple of reasons that explained why it was so hard, basically I had already learned it in class or by reading about it, so reproducing it just to prove to the teacher that I knew it, was boring.
I eventually bucked the idea of laziness when I realised that laziness involved not caring or trying, and that actually caring about something important is important in itself. I am almost past middle age, and I haven't even managed to scratch the surface of how the modern economic system is ruining the planet, but just because I don't wave banners or fund raise for greenpeace, and once in a rare while I do fly, doesn't mean I don't care deeply, nor actually that I haven't done as much as I can, nor that I haven't tried to encourage others to live more carefully, it just means I can't get organised enough to do as much as I would like to be able to do.
I'm not sure that anything can (or should) actually be done about ADHD per se, but the dopamine depletion that so often goes with it, that can be helped with, and that's what the medication is aimed at.
Good or bad parenting doesn't prevent or cause ADHD it just helps shape the problems that ADHD instigates. Obviously, bad parenting can make them into very bad problems, but good parenting/schooling can only go so far. Medication is not a complete answer either, but IMO if it weren't for human diversity, and especially ADHD, the human race would have died out eons ago.
I'm massively in favour of non drug treatment, or at least, only using 'natural' remedies that have centuries of experience for their effectiveness and safeness. That said though, modern pharmacology developed from just such 'natural' remedies.
I think it's partly because it's so very, very difficult to get anything that helps at all, (even with a diagnosis and prescriptions, I still have to argue with the pharmacist over dates and see the doctors involved in the dx and px on a regular and frequent basis), that I am determined to find some way of treating the problems that is readily available.
I have to some extent been successful, too, but like the medication, it only helps with low dopamine, and the main thing was simply discovering and remedying my protein deficit which may not even apply to anyone else.
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