Post by crimelovinfunster on Oct 1, 2017 16:55:14 GMT
Relationships have been very difficult - I find it so difficult to maintain communication with someone, especially if I start to like or ‘fancy’ them. It takes me quite long time to get to trust somebody and work out what my feelings are, and more often than not if they are single at the time I get to know them, by the time I’ve figured out that I like, trust and have feelings for them, they had started a relationship with someone else.
This has been compounded by this excruciating shyness and intense fear of rejection - in my early thirties it got to the point that I was in regular communication with the samaritans who helped me get things more into perspective - it turned out I was in love with someone who was in an abusive relationship and I was being used as a prop to hold her relationship together with him.
So I need to work out what’s going on with me now. I have a friend who I really like and care about - however I sense that I’m leaning on her a little heavily emotionally and she's wanting some distance. She's in a relationship with someone else and I know that - however she's someone I feel a strong connection with.
Being single long term is often awkward because I feel like I always need intimacy and affection and when I’m with someone I like I’m putting them under that kind of pressure, which is not always wanted. When I’ve been in the relationships, that’s not such an issue because my needs for physical intimacy are taken care of, and I don’t have to grab little snippets of it to feel like a human being.
The relationships I’ve been in - the first 2, the first starting in my early 30s were with married women undergoing divorces and I was a kind of in-between buffer, and although they were kind of alright to start with in the first month or two, they were not in any way suitable for me in the long run. My next relationship wasn’t really my choice - she was in love with me and I went along with it because I needed the company, even though a lot of the time I was walking on eggshells. I know that's not an entirely fair assessment, but...
I hardly see my feelings as being real and therefor don’t take responsibility for them. Without taking them seriously and seldom communicating or resolving them go from something that bring happiness and fulfilment to mine and someone else’s life, feelings of love make me isolated and, in some cases putting me through excruciating pain.
I live in a state of presumed rejection with the occasional flutter of hope which is not particularly healthy. Rejection is something I need to learn to work with as something positive - it doesn’t mean I’m going to be single forever and never find love - rejection can be seen as a form of acceptance which means I can become less self absorbed and focus on forming stronger connections with different people.
I’ve been finding myself pushing people away, or not making connections - forgetting their names, not asking for phone numbers, when I get to that stage remembering their names and obtaining their phone numbers taking forever to arrange to meet up, and when I get to meet up my brain starts running through the entire relationship that it might be even though it’s non existent. That’s the bit where it all seems to go wrong.
A lot of couples start their relationships with kisses and I find that kind of intimacy very difficult unless I know them pretty well. However by the time I know them well enough for intimacy I'm planted bang in the middle of the 'friend zone' and there feels like a marathon to run either way to get out of it.
I have spent a large chunk of my life being in love with someone but not been in a relationship with them and I have been experiencing a diverse range of different feelings from total happiness and joy of someone's company, even if it's just been for a few hours or an afternoon, but more often than not I'm overwhelmed by the feeling of being kept at arm's length and I'm left to deal with a confusing rollercoaster of emotions.
One thing that would really help is having something to talk to so I can figure out what's going on - too much of the time I have to second guess whether or not someone who doesn't call back is or isn't interested and what's actually being said with a plan that's not followed through? Is that me being bad at making plans or is it them saying they're not interested? Or are they genuinely busy and I'm being impatient?
My mind is trundling on because there's lots of unresolved stuff so I should pause now and switch my radar from transmit to receive.
This has been compounded by this excruciating shyness and intense fear of rejection - in my early thirties it got to the point that I was in regular communication with the samaritans who helped me get things more into perspective - it turned out I was in love with someone who was in an abusive relationship and I was being used as a prop to hold her relationship together with him.
So I need to work out what’s going on with me now. I have a friend who I really like and care about - however I sense that I’m leaning on her a little heavily emotionally and she's wanting some distance. She's in a relationship with someone else and I know that - however she's someone I feel a strong connection with.
Being single long term is often awkward because I feel like I always need intimacy and affection and when I’m with someone I like I’m putting them under that kind of pressure, which is not always wanted. When I’ve been in the relationships, that’s not such an issue because my needs for physical intimacy are taken care of, and I don’t have to grab little snippets of it to feel like a human being.
The relationships I’ve been in - the first 2, the first starting in my early 30s were with married women undergoing divorces and I was a kind of in-between buffer, and although they were kind of alright to start with in the first month or two, they were not in any way suitable for me in the long run. My next relationship wasn’t really my choice - she was in love with me and I went along with it because I needed the company, even though a lot of the time I was walking on eggshells. I know that's not an entirely fair assessment, but...
I hardly see my feelings as being real and therefor don’t take responsibility for them. Without taking them seriously and seldom communicating or resolving them go from something that bring happiness and fulfilment to mine and someone else’s life, feelings of love make me isolated and, in some cases putting me through excruciating pain.
I live in a state of presumed rejection with the occasional flutter of hope which is not particularly healthy. Rejection is something I need to learn to work with as something positive - it doesn’t mean I’m going to be single forever and never find love - rejection can be seen as a form of acceptance which means I can become less self absorbed and focus on forming stronger connections with different people.
I’ve been finding myself pushing people away, or not making connections - forgetting their names, not asking for phone numbers, when I get to that stage remembering their names and obtaining their phone numbers taking forever to arrange to meet up, and when I get to meet up my brain starts running through the entire relationship that it might be even though it’s non existent. That’s the bit where it all seems to go wrong.
A lot of couples start their relationships with kisses and I find that kind of intimacy very difficult unless I know them pretty well. However by the time I know them well enough for intimacy I'm planted bang in the middle of the 'friend zone' and there feels like a marathon to run either way to get out of it.
I have spent a large chunk of my life being in love with someone but not been in a relationship with them and I have been experiencing a diverse range of different feelings from total happiness and joy of someone's company, even if it's just been for a few hours or an afternoon, but more often than not I'm overwhelmed by the feeling of being kept at arm's length and I'm left to deal with a confusing rollercoaster of emotions.
One thing that would really help is having something to talk to so I can figure out what's going on - too much of the time I have to second guess whether or not someone who doesn't call back is or isn't interested and what's actually being said with a plan that's not followed through? Is that me being bad at making plans or is it them saying they're not interested? Or are they genuinely busy and I'm being impatient?
My mind is trundling on because there's lots of unresolved stuff so I should pause now and switch my radar from transmit to receive.