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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2009 14:39:14 GMT
A man was walking along a road and heard some chanting coming from behind a fence. He listened carefully and could hear several people saying thirteen, thirteen, thirteen over and over and over. He got close to where it was coming from and the thirteen, thirteen kept on going. Finding a small hole in the fence right by where the chanting was coming from he couldn't resist putting his eye to the hole and OW!someone stuck a sharp stick in his eye and the chanting started fourteen, fourteen, fourteen, fourteen
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2009 17:49:55 GMT
just comming
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2009 14:19:42 GMT
some ones just told me they have fantasys about smaking people when there bending over i mentioned it to some one else and they said they fantasised about streaking in the shower i wan a get a book like one of thoes dreem books to work out what these fanasys stand for.
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Post by laura on Jul 25, 2009 15:44:07 GMT
hi i just wanted to say i love this thread i havnt laughed so much in ages. monty pyphon and the holy grail is one of my favourite favourite films, i need to watch it now
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2009 18:26:19 GMT
I also have a friend called icurus dickerus
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2009 13:13:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2009 13:42:19 GMT
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Andrew. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an arsehole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'arsehole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an arsehole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'arsehole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an arsehole!" One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window ...so, I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first arsehole, (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW arsehole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an arsehole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two arseholes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Arsehole #1. "Hello." "You're an arsehole!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me!," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Arsehole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, arsehole." Then I called Arsehole #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, arsehole," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are.." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your ***," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, arsehole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two arseholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew. NOW, I feel better....... Anger management at it's very best!
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 26, 2009 14:20:29 GMT
That is epic beyond belief although definitely a little bit unbalanced of "andrew"
I mean, the men could have been killed.
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Post by boo on Aug 26, 2009 17:19:50 GMT
cor, thats taking the not letting things go a bit to the extreme isnt it
dave, is that actually a true story or has it been stretched out along the way?
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Post by haydreamer on Aug 26, 2009 19:38:12 GMT
yeah, I 2nd boo- is that true or false?
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Post by laura on Aug 26, 2009 19:56:38 GMT
planet dave lmao, a tad extreme but whatever works for you! ;D
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Post by haydreamer on Aug 26, 2009 22:33:30 GMT
this is weird, but am listening to five live radio with Richard Bacon, this eve, as usual, and a man Alan was telling your same joke about 30 mins ago- what a coincidence- very spooky!!!!!!
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 26, 2009 22:42:04 GMT
Planetdave, it's been 7 hours and that damn link still is not loading.......... Bt says it's my internet connection but I told them that the wires are all plugged in so it must be connected and they just laugh and hang up........... I presume most of you have heard of snopes......... Story collected in 1998 (ahem).................It's about some bloke who sets up 2 men to fight each other, calls the police, and news channel and tells them there is a gang war going on.. www.snopes.com/humor/jokes/jerks.asp
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Post by laura on Aug 26, 2009 23:16:26 GMT
a ha! i thought it was real but then im a tiny bit gulible and beleive most things ;D
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 26, 2009 23:30:19 GMT
It might have been real in 1998......
You might not be gullible, you just like to believe people and don't think they should lie/exaggerate.
I have told you a million times.......
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2009 11:21:40 GMT
Did you know that the word 'gullable' isn't in the dictionary?
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 27, 2009 12:02:07 GMT
orly?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2009 12:38:08 GMT
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Post by laura on Aug 27, 2009 14:10:59 GMT
love the cats! ;D
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2009 14:17:00 GMT
BTW - that story about me being asleep in the car that got stolen......
100% true.
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 27, 2009 17:33:13 GMT
orly?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2009 20:49:50 GMT
I used to call someone everytime I was having a bad day as well btw, sometimes I just did on it a Friday to cheer myself up. I always used to try and sell him stuff, or Id tell him that there was a tonne of sand being delivered to his house, where was it to be put. PMSL. I really cant remember what started it all but I do remember it being fun.
Just the calling though, not the big drama afterwards, sounds fun though
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 28, 2009 0:24:37 GMT
orly?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2009 9:54:46 GMT
isn't orly an airport in paris?... don't know what yarly means though!...
are those ping-pong cats, some kind of puzzle to be worked out?...
"Riddle me this, Batman!..."
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2009 10:01:46 GMT
Quick translation for Matt. The cats are saying 'Oh really' and 'Yeah, really'. I hope this explanation isn't too patronising. You know - talking down to you.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2009 10:22:36 GMT
not patronising in the least!... i genuinly didn't have the foggiest! ;D
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2009 10:45:41 GMT
Be insulted, damn you!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2009 11:07:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2009 11:08:36 GMT
-is that better? ;D
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Post by andy12345 on Aug 28, 2009 12:10:06 GMT
Handbags at dawn. I'll bring the camcorder. Just try not to bloody forget!
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