Tryingtohelpbutfailing
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Post by Tryingtohelpbutfailing on Apr 16, 2018 7:32:20 GMT
A member of my family was diagnosed a few years ago with adult ADHD. It wasn’t picked up in his youth although with hindsight all the obvious symptoms were there. Although he takes medication for ADHD and anxiety and depression, he hasn’t received any other support or treatment by way of CBT or counselling (this may well be because it has been offered but it has been refused). He worked in a number of jobs informally but is now unemployed and has been for a while. He is wonderful and it is so hard to see him without purpose and I really want to try and help. I looked into coaching as I wondered if that would help but I can’t get him to engage with the idea. I am at a loss at to how to help; I’ve read information on most of the relevant websites how to support people with ADHD but I’m stuck. I don’t want to force help upon him. Please can anyone who either has ADHD and can identify with this or someone who has helped a friend or family member with ADHD in this way offer me some advice? Thank you in advance.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2018 10:34:09 GMT
He'll ask for help when he hits rock bottom. Help him get there as quickly as possible.
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Post by easilydistracted on Apr 16, 2018 11:17:48 GMT
He'll ask for help when he hits rock bottom. Help him get there as quickly as possible. While there is *some* logic to this, I'm not convinced that in a world of turmoil, anxiety and depression having someone you trust push you over the edge in the hope you bounce back is completely wise... Hope and trust can be in short supply at the best of times, while your intentions may be understood on the bounce back, it may not be understood on the way down... He'll need someone he can trust to come back to. Maybe think twice about betraying that trust.
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Tryingtohelpbutfailing
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Post by Tryingtohelpbutfailing on Apr 16, 2018 19:12:30 GMT
I think he’s been close to rock bottom. I can’t push him there - do you mean be cruel to be kind? Is it impossible to reach someone unless they want the help?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2018 21:18:28 GMT
Not the cruel to be kind approach.
The 'stop doing everything in your power to save them' approach. With at least one person who clearly loves him, I'm leaning towards extreme frustration/anger at the world over suicidal ideation. Adjust as you see fit, though. No two situations are ever quite the same.
Some people are just millimetres from rock bottom. Sometimes, we'll see this and summon our super human to help them avoid perceived catastrophe. Sometimes we even manage to elevate them a few millimetres. What really needs to happen is a sort of character rebirth. By stopping people from failing, we sometimes deny them this rare epiphany moment.
We, unintentionally, halt their emotional growth.
Not only is it unsustainable for us, it's not particularly helpful to them.
Nod. Smile. Be available. Avoid unsolicited intervention, though, perhaps.
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