Post by slangking on Sept 13, 2018 11:11:12 GMT
Hi, I would just like to share with you what my situation, advice and comments all welcome.
I'm 30 years old and have been unemployed 50% of the past ten years. Of that other 50% I worked in various different types of job. I had a "f--k it, that'll do" type of attitude towards job selection and towards life in general. Think adolescent punk. This resulted in me doing bar work, office admin, telesales, cafework, throughout this period I was always doing music, gigging and rehearsing in bands. In my mind in didn't matter what I was doing as a job as sooner or later I would become a successful musician and even if I didn't become one at least I was doing what I could do become one. A year and a half ago I grew tired of playing in bands, it all felt very shallow and I didn't get enjoyment out of it, the fun had dissipated and I decided to stop doing it. Another big decision was that I quit drinking alcohol (been sober for nearly 600 days) as my drinking sessions were getting out of control and I realised that couldn't moderate my drinking, the only choice was to abstain all together. At that moment when I gave up, I had no job and hadn't worked, I was 28 and had achieved nothing, heavy drinking and series of terrible jobs that I absolutely loathed but at least had the dream of making it as a musician (i know it sounds pathetic but hey). I didn't know what to do, my CV was destined to put straight into the bin and I applied for a painting on building sites. The best thing about this job was that it kept me sober, I had early starts everyday so I knew couldn't drink and after six months I was diagnosed to my surprise I was diagnosed with ADHD. After a year of doing this I finally thought fuck it, I quit, I walked out and didn't come back, I'm in a privileged position as I live with my mum who is okay with me not working, plus I have inheritance money that was left to me that I am currently living on (due to run out in a few months). I had a sort of plan that I would work for myself doing self employed work, i've done three jobs and hated working on my own, I don't really know what I'm doing to be honest and the job simply isn't for me. I worked for a guy one week who didn't pay me the full amount as he realised I was still an apprentice and not a skilled worker. I'm not good enough to do this line of work on my, I don't know how else to put it, I just want to do something else. I'm now completely and utterly lost as to what to do. I'd like to do a job helping people in some capacity, this is the only thing I think I could do, it would have to a sort of charitable job. I'm always wracked with social anxiety and generally hate work all together, I've never really enjoyed any job I've had and dread the future as I don't think I'm frightened of where I'm heading in life. I don't go out and socialise anymore as I'm too embarrassed to see people in case they ask me what I'm doing with my life, my confidence is all gone. Everything is going sh-t in life basically and i feel like a complete screw up and don't see any future as I always sabotage everything. So everyday I don't do anything, sometimes I just catch a bus to anywhere for something to do feeling like some insane outsider, listen to a podcast and think "is this really my life?". It's depressing and I think about suicide quite often, i don't have the guts to do it but the idea is always there. Has anyone else screwed up as badly as me? The ADHD diagnosis (this was in December last year) made me think I should be doing more with my life, I applied to get onto a foundation course to start Uni but didn't get in due to my poor job record so I am doing a year of studying one day a week in order for me to get onto the foundation, at least this will give me something to do and will get me out of the house.
Thanks for reading
I'm 30 years old and have been unemployed 50% of the past ten years. Of that other 50% I worked in various different types of job. I had a "f--k it, that'll do" type of attitude towards job selection and towards life in general. Think adolescent punk. This resulted in me doing bar work, office admin, telesales, cafework, throughout this period I was always doing music, gigging and rehearsing in bands. In my mind in didn't matter what I was doing as a job as sooner or later I would become a successful musician and even if I didn't become one at least I was doing what I could do become one. A year and a half ago I grew tired of playing in bands, it all felt very shallow and I didn't get enjoyment out of it, the fun had dissipated and I decided to stop doing it. Another big decision was that I quit drinking alcohol (been sober for nearly 600 days) as my drinking sessions were getting out of control and I realised that couldn't moderate my drinking, the only choice was to abstain all together. At that moment when I gave up, I had no job and hadn't worked, I was 28 and had achieved nothing, heavy drinking and series of terrible jobs that I absolutely loathed but at least had the dream of making it as a musician (i know it sounds pathetic but hey). I didn't know what to do, my CV was destined to put straight into the bin and I applied for a painting on building sites. The best thing about this job was that it kept me sober, I had early starts everyday so I knew couldn't drink and after six months I was diagnosed to my surprise I was diagnosed with ADHD. After a year of doing this I finally thought fuck it, I quit, I walked out and didn't come back, I'm in a privileged position as I live with my mum who is okay with me not working, plus I have inheritance money that was left to me that I am currently living on (due to run out in a few months). I had a sort of plan that I would work for myself doing self employed work, i've done three jobs and hated working on my own, I don't really know what I'm doing to be honest and the job simply isn't for me. I worked for a guy one week who didn't pay me the full amount as he realised I was still an apprentice and not a skilled worker. I'm not good enough to do this line of work on my, I don't know how else to put it, I just want to do something else. I'm now completely and utterly lost as to what to do. I'd like to do a job helping people in some capacity, this is the only thing I think I could do, it would have to a sort of charitable job. I'm always wracked with social anxiety and generally hate work all together, I've never really enjoyed any job I've had and dread the future as I don't think I'm frightened of where I'm heading in life. I don't go out and socialise anymore as I'm too embarrassed to see people in case they ask me what I'm doing with my life, my confidence is all gone. Everything is going sh-t in life basically and i feel like a complete screw up and don't see any future as I always sabotage everything. So everyday I don't do anything, sometimes I just catch a bus to anywhere for something to do feeling like some insane outsider, listen to a podcast and think "is this really my life?". It's depressing and I think about suicide quite often, i don't have the guts to do it but the idea is always there. Has anyone else screwed up as badly as me? The ADHD diagnosis (this was in December last year) made me think I should be doing more with my life, I applied to get onto a foundation course to start Uni but didn't get in due to my poor job record so I am doing a year of studying one day a week in order for me to get onto the foundation, at least this will give me something to do and will get me out of the house.
Thanks for reading