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Post by speedy1 on Jan 27, 2020 12:23:30 GMT
I've got a week off work so figured I'd do some experiments on myself
Just because I don't think ADHD meds r a good idea but I realise that I self medicate with nicotine & caffeine
So my plan is I'm gonna document my day on here and read it 2morrow
I think I should of written my aim earlier coz I'm really struggling 2 concentrate
I'm pacing more than normal and fidgeting
I definitely want a cig haven't had 1 since 1.30am
This whole experiment mite only prove that withdrawal is a bastard
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 27, 2020 14:44:09 GMT
My pacing has calmed down thanks to sweets and Doritos and garlic dip also music really helps
Really going 4 tangy sweets
Keep walking into rooms then asking myself what did I come here for?
My eyebrows feel like a cavemans and I've got a fire burning in me that could easily turn 2 anger if I let it
Adverts on the music channels r pissing me off 2 fold coz I'd normally go 4 a cig when ads r on
Plus they're ads they're just annoying!
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 27, 2020 16:18:10 GMT
I'm actually quite calm at the moment but it's like reality is confusing as in did my phone just ring or was it in my head
Think I've gone into my own head and I'm not that fussed about coming out
I'm not pacing right now I'm more spaced out
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 27, 2020 16:37:46 GMT
Think I know why I've decided 2 do this
Coz I'm thinking it'll be like when I'm drunk
I'm mega charming when I'm drunk but sends me hyper
It's not like when I'm drunk coz I'm not dancing on tables
What I mean is more outgoing but I don't think that's happening
I'm feeling more introverted I've got badminton at 7 should I call it a day b4 I have to interact with people?
Or should I c how it goes? I mite be feeling introverted coz there's no 1 here 2 interact with
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 27, 2020 16:55:10 GMT
Top tip write the key words down and then write around them
Otherwise u write the filler/linking words then totally 4get the whole point u were making
This experiment is totally flawed coz how do I know I'm not having a sugar crash?
Except I'm not having cold sweats or anything
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 27, 2020 17:02:37 GMT
Gonna try explain why realities confused
I couldn't remember what I had 4 dinner or even remember making it but I know I did
I have absolutely no concept of time coz now it's dark
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 27, 2020 18:18:53 GMT
My sister said I'd probably get a headache doing this
I said no chance I've never had a headache in my life
No headache but my head does feel heavy maybe that's my equivalent of a headache
Woohoo badminton soon I'm going 2 get ready I pitty the fool at the otherside of the net
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 27, 2020 21:18:51 GMT
Tuck this shit kettles on & I'm going 4 a cig!!!
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 28, 2020 13:55:44 GMT
Conclusion to my flawed and pointless experiment:
Yesterday was very abstract
I had moments of clarity when I was about 2 go 2 badminton and when I was playing
But when I was sat on the bench making conversation I kept rambling
I'd 4get what I was saying and I mean worse than normal
normally I do alright until something interrupts my flow like a text alert or a good shot in the background then I 4get that I'm even having conversation
But yesterday I just couldn't make it through a single sentence but I just kept talking in the hope I'd stumble on the original topic
I was slightly worse at keeping score than normal normally I'm pretty amazing which is shocking coz nobody relies on me 2 remember anything but usually I'm shit hot at remembering the score during the match (not after)
It was pretty much like sleep walking through my day yesterday
I just walked round the house without purpose occasionally stopping at the radiator to warm my bum constantly thinking what was I doing?
So I'm saying not unexpectedly that without caffeine and nicotine my concentration is non existent
What I did find when I did have a couple of cigs and a coffee I had that fog lifted effect that I've heard u get with meds
So basically I'm saying that I self medicate with nicotine and caffeine
Which has made me think who am I?
I consider myself 2day as the real me yesterday's me is just not me
So does that mean that the real me is a me with a bloodstream full of stimulants?!?!
Does anyone get what I mean?
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Post by speedy1 on Jan 28, 2020 15:41:45 GMT
I've just realized that I've had another result from this experiment
I'm currently eating my way through a sugar crash the full on shaking cold sweats I need 2 sit down b4 I pass out kinda crash
I ate boat loads of sugar yesterday and didn't have 1 single sugar crash
I've always managed my sugar crashes by not eating sugar first thing only have sweets after a proper meal
I do suffer alot with this and am considering going 2 the doctors
I think caffeine and nicotine must play a part in it too
Something I need 2 look into so I can manage it better
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Post by addingtonbear on Jan 31, 2020 20:39:28 GMT
Thank you for sharing your experiment and your day. Made me think about what I do - especially music, food (cheese, bread, butter, bread, cheese) to handle the stuff sloshing around inside my head. How do you feel about your experiment now a couple fo days later?
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Post by speedy1 on Feb 1, 2020 15:34:26 GMT
I'm wondering if I would get through everyday life without the aid of nicotine and caffeine
Am I a crazy person I consider myself quite normal although my best friends tell me I'm totally nuts but in a good way
Have I done untold damage 2 my brain
I mean when I can't make sense of things I automatically reach for the stims
This is a learnt behavior
But does it matter? If u r struggling 2 see u'd wear glasses
But glasses don't change your personality
So who's the real me?
I'm a bit afraid that actually I'm not as outgoing and charming as I think
I mean I'm popular now but I was a bit of a loner when I was at first school
And that's before I discovered smoking and coffee
I'm not scared of anything I've wrestled a Rottweiler, I've smashed my bike up on a race track 2 c how fast I could go
But what if I'm disappointed by the no stims me
Although I'm certain I opted for adrenalin as a youngster (it started with a skateboard)
I think I always have And probably always will search 4 ways to fill my dopamine void
I guess it's just a case of choosing the best option
Adrenalin is probably going 2 cost me my life or at least my driving license
Smoking probably gonna catch up 2 me in later life
maybe it's like everything in life u need a balanced diet
As in maybe a bit of adrenalin, a bit of exercise a bit of stimulants a full and varied lifestyle
So in other words I'm still thinking about it that's what happens when u have time off work u think too much!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2020 9:29:36 GMT
Yep. Quite a few people in the meetings used to be like, 'I don't agree with taking stimulants...' but you know they're tanked up on every possible alternative
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mamadedos
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 31
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Post by mamadedos on Feb 26, 2020 22:26:05 GMT
Thanks for sharing your diary here. How much of your experience that day might have been "withdrawal"-like symptoms? Not clinical withdrawal, but maybe "addictive cravings" would be a more accurate way to put it.
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Post by speedy1 on Feb 28, 2020 17:13:32 GMT
Agreed totally flawed experiment am probably not going 2 do it 4 a long enough period of time 2 get conclusive results
Pretty sure I'm never gonna do it again
Pretty sure I'm addicted to coffee, coca cola and nicotine
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loner
Member's not posted much yet
Posts: 2
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Post by loner on May 30, 2020 13:25:34 GMT
I sometimes smoke on and off and it makes me anxious. So I quit. I can't get off caffeine though. I'm not gonna get my prescription refilled until next week and caffeine keeps me functional.
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butterfly01
Member's not posted much yet
i have been diagnosed with adhd now
Posts: 11
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Post by butterfly01 on Jul 31, 2020 16:37:20 GMT
i have just done four days without cig and coffee been up and down with moods as well as restlessness so i do totally agree with what you have all been saying that simulates are giving us a chance to self medicate when we run out of meds or waiting for diagnoses
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