Post by blobby on Mar 10, 2020 17:54:10 GMT
Hi all. I think I joined before, but then forgot. Anyway....
I got diagnosed at 47 in 2014. Nearly severe ADD (not very hyperactive, though maybe my chums would disagree). I had always joked I had ADHD, but didn't think of getting myself checked out. I even remembered a couple of drug 'dabblings' when I tried speed years ago and felt rather calm and able to 'concentrate', which wasn't what I expected.
Maybe I thought I didn't want to be thought of as looking for an excuse for my 'oddness'. Anyway a friend (who happened to be linked to specialist adult ADH services) insisted I was tested. And '>VOILA<. Has been a bit of a relief really. Luckily no particular delay in seeing specialist.
Variously treated with pills, now on Lisdexamfetamine 50mg. I nb the first time I took prescription methylphenidate (which was what I started with) . I felt rather calm and quiet. 'Is this what normal people feel like?' I thought.
I am slightly amazed that it wasn't picked up before. It wasn't really considered as diagnosis much even when I was a child in the late 60s and beyond. Not being very hyperactive probably helped. I was told that my IQ may have helped (136 when I was tested as a child). Also the unfortunately experience of what I would now call abusive schooling/bullying and parental emotional 'inadequacy' made me quite self-reliant and 'UNentitled'. SO...didn't bother people with my inabilities. I just tried to be jolly, which maybe helped too.
Lots of close shaves with failing, but I staggered through education (lots of encouragement in my teens at a smashing school which also kept me away from my parents). A flukey A level result found me in in medical school. It took a little longer to qualify than normal (failed exams and retakes) - not helped by too much pop and being useless with girls (too shy), and not really fitting in - though I had lots of friends 9that sounds bizarre, but I think some of you will get that).
Once I qualified I ended up doing psychiatry and dragged myself up the ladder. Exams seemed to get easier as I was able to attend as I was mostly interested in more of what I had to learn. I also learned I think lots of coping strategies about how to concentrate and boundary myself....e.g. ''Do two hour revision an THEN go to the pub''....or less specifically ''you can have the reward AFTER you do this or that''. Also 'got' where a load of the patients were coming from. They sometimes made more sense than 'normal people'. Certainly their struggles and 'not sure what's going on' self-doubts were familiar.
My bosses and then 'colleagues' thought I was weird, but sometimes being weird gets stuff done better, which is a theory on why ADHD can have its advantages (or so I a told by some researchers). That was fine until the NHS 'institution' went after me for minor 'whistleblowing'. I now realise I was discriminated against for my 'disability' (I use this term in it's legal sense - under employment law my employers did not make 'reasonable adjustments'). I got out of medicine (and psychiatry) for while and followed various other activities including painting and other creative stuff. Got diagnosed and treated. I got persuaded back into psychiatry and now work part-time for a nicer organisation. I still do the creative stuff and have a much more balanced life.
That does not stop my house from being cluttered and relaxingly chaotic. I have a thousand projects on the go, and I ntice that I have been over attending on this new forum rather than responding to the email about getting me referred to private specialist (as my local NHS won't fund me to go to the NHS specialist service down the road anymore). That's ADD for you!
No luck in romance. In love a couple of times, but I was too shy (odd) and I would imagine 'difficult' to live with. Maybe if I had known sooner...Ah well.
Now having too much fun on my own (had to get used to that which wasn't fun at the time) and likely rather set in my ways to be looking for a girlfriend....I think they'd have to be very independent (or odd) themselves to cope.
I would imagine that my life's brief resumE is as 'typical and unique' as many others in the difficulties and sometimes joys of this weird thing we have.
Overall I'm quite pleased - despite the often deeply unpleasant experiences. especially as I now have some clue what the hell is going on in my head.
On a professional note I am saddened by some people's experiences of psychiatrists and adult ADHD services. Like any profession there are some bad eggs, but there are lots of nice ones too. We all have a lot to keep up with and mental health services are struggling so there just aren't enough resources (including time) to cope very well (only about 3% of NHS resources go to mental health).
I think it gets really difficult to identify adult ADHD as people get older. The biggest problems include:
- as suggested by many - the lack of recognition and resources. When I was at medical school I was told that ADHD fades with time. Later the evidence followed what was suspected that firstly it ws often missed in childhood and secondly that a very significant minority of it carried on into adulthood.
- the high attrition rate of falling out with society, relationships which in turn can contribute to
- co-morbid mental health problems (so often contributed too by blaming oneself ''I am useless - ''I just need to try harder'', not being able to manage one frustrations/cope - being labelled 'psychopathic or useless)
- the likely self-medication (including alcohol but especially with illicit drugs) cloudying the picture (and making it practically impossible to be even eligible for assessment and treatment).
- and maybe not a popular thing to write here....hose who abuse the system - people wanting an excuse for their bad behaviour and demanding they or their children be diagnosed and ...and...less than moral doctors prescribing inappropriately (what is a controlled drug) for profit and turning a blind eye - both giving the diagnosis a 'bad press'.
I do look out for it and occasionally have diagnosed it in those usually not looking for the diagnosis (and excluded in it in an increasing number of people who wanted it, but didn't have it!). Goodness what a difference it makes for the sufferers to have answer (and some more solutions) for what's going on. It is lovely to see lives made easier or transformed (eventually).
I m aware of two other psychiatrists who are diagnosed with ADD (two psychiatrists - maybe we drifted towards jobs where we would be tolerated?!) - and I don't have a long list of doctor acquaintances - so maybe there is increasing hope in just that.
One of them said a rather wise note of caution to me: ''....But remember we can also be lazy, selfish, useless and unpleasent at times too'' (i.e. unrelated to ADHD)
Much positivity to you all.