Post by jr28 on Mar 24, 2021 9:52:38 GMT
Hi all,
Im just in need of a huge vent about the fact I feel like Im failing as a parent all the time at the moment. My son has adhd aged 9 (I think he has ODD too but this is not yet diagnosed as he cannot control arguments and rage at home but is OK in other places) and my daughter hasn't got it diagnosed but is displaying some symptoms though this could be learned behaviour exaggerated by lockdown when she only has her brother as a refference (she is 6).
My son's rages and arguing have always been the issue... but this past month has been complete HELL. Lets just take this week so far as an example. Friday lunchtime school calls to say my son has been injured in a row with another boy. Monday afternoon I am called to the gate by my daughters teacher to say her behaviour since returning from lockdown has been really bad and that all of that week she had been rude to teachers, not listening, answering back, distracting others, not focussing on work or sitting still. They ask to see me Monday, then message to say the Head also wants to join and can I bring my partner. Monday in the meeting it's intense and I cry but we make a plan of action. Tuesday morning my son kicks off about not wanting ham in his packed lunch.. within a few minutes he is physically pushing me and saying he hopes I die, Ive ruined his life and Im a fat old hag - this goes on for 40 minutes. He comes home and is all apologetic and we hug and I say its fine and I understand and he says he won't do it again but at bedtime I say he can have 10 extra minutes and he is thrilled but then when I say OK time to go up, he starts punching the sofa and freaking out. I crawl into bed and sleep but am woken this morning by my daughter screaming, literally at the top of her lungs, that someone should carry her down and she doesn't want to get up.. I had to move her behaviour weather chart to cloudy having been asked by school on Monday to mirror their behaviour chart in class. I then had to ban ipad time for the 3rd day running. We eventually get downstairs and I decide to check her temperature to see if that's why she has woken up freaking out. My son immediately goes 'we need to stay home. Im not going to school. We all have Covid so cant leave. I wont see my Dad for 2 weeks because of Covid now...' we just say 'get ready for school' to him repeatedly but he wants to stand over me while I check the temperature, my partner says to him thats enough go get dressed (my daughter is fine no temp) but by then he is in a huge rage and again starts slamming doors, screaming in our faces.. I get to school and have to tell his teacher about his terrible morning AND message my daughters teacher about HER terrible morning then tell the headteacher who came over to tell me their useless and abusive Dad has complained to the school that he wasn't told by them about the meeting on Monday, even though I emailed him straight afterwards with all the details of what was said and the action plan.
I have been referred to CAMHS by the GP but told it can take 6m to 2 years!!!! I have the paediatric referral and DR but they will only advise about meds which Id like to avoid if I possibly can as he isn't really an issue at school and has been able to make friends etc. The local kids mental health team havent got back to me about self referral which I did over a month ago. Private family therapy costs £145 for 40 mins and I cant afford it.
I feel like all I do is fight and fight and fight for help and get nowhere. I feel like all I do is fight with my kids and their behaviour gets worse. I have tried reward charts, timetables, positive parenting, threats and punishments (mainly TV/ipad time or toys being taken away for a bit of time), bribery, 1-1 time... I don't have the strength to keep this up. My hair has started falling out at the front, Ive lost about 1cm off my hairline in 3 months and Im 38. I am also bipolar but medicated so I've always been OK and able to work and cope and I think I'm pretty grounded but I need to ideally have calm in my life but this is nothing short of being on a rollercoaster with the kids. My relationship with my partner is suffering. I feel like everything is imploding.
Sorry for the rant.
Im just in need of a huge vent about the fact I feel like Im failing as a parent all the time at the moment. My son has adhd aged 9 (I think he has ODD too but this is not yet diagnosed as he cannot control arguments and rage at home but is OK in other places) and my daughter hasn't got it diagnosed but is displaying some symptoms though this could be learned behaviour exaggerated by lockdown when she only has her brother as a refference (she is 6).
My son's rages and arguing have always been the issue... but this past month has been complete HELL. Lets just take this week so far as an example. Friday lunchtime school calls to say my son has been injured in a row with another boy. Monday afternoon I am called to the gate by my daughters teacher to say her behaviour since returning from lockdown has been really bad and that all of that week she had been rude to teachers, not listening, answering back, distracting others, not focussing on work or sitting still. They ask to see me Monday, then message to say the Head also wants to join and can I bring my partner. Monday in the meeting it's intense and I cry but we make a plan of action. Tuesday morning my son kicks off about not wanting ham in his packed lunch.. within a few minutes he is physically pushing me and saying he hopes I die, Ive ruined his life and Im a fat old hag - this goes on for 40 minutes. He comes home and is all apologetic and we hug and I say its fine and I understand and he says he won't do it again but at bedtime I say he can have 10 extra minutes and he is thrilled but then when I say OK time to go up, he starts punching the sofa and freaking out. I crawl into bed and sleep but am woken this morning by my daughter screaming, literally at the top of her lungs, that someone should carry her down and she doesn't want to get up.. I had to move her behaviour weather chart to cloudy having been asked by school on Monday to mirror their behaviour chart in class. I then had to ban ipad time for the 3rd day running. We eventually get downstairs and I decide to check her temperature to see if that's why she has woken up freaking out. My son immediately goes 'we need to stay home. Im not going to school. We all have Covid so cant leave. I wont see my Dad for 2 weeks because of Covid now...' we just say 'get ready for school' to him repeatedly but he wants to stand over me while I check the temperature, my partner says to him thats enough go get dressed (my daughter is fine no temp) but by then he is in a huge rage and again starts slamming doors, screaming in our faces.. I get to school and have to tell his teacher about his terrible morning AND message my daughters teacher about HER terrible morning then tell the headteacher who came over to tell me their useless and abusive Dad has complained to the school that he wasn't told by them about the meeting on Monday, even though I emailed him straight afterwards with all the details of what was said and the action plan.
I have been referred to CAMHS by the GP but told it can take 6m to 2 years!!!! I have the paediatric referral and DR but they will only advise about meds which Id like to avoid if I possibly can as he isn't really an issue at school and has been able to make friends etc. The local kids mental health team havent got back to me about self referral which I did over a month ago. Private family therapy costs £145 for 40 mins and I cant afford it.
I feel like all I do is fight and fight and fight for help and get nowhere. I feel like all I do is fight with my kids and their behaviour gets worse. I have tried reward charts, timetables, positive parenting, threats and punishments (mainly TV/ipad time or toys being taken away for a bit of time), bribery, 1-1 time... I don't have the strength to keep this up. My hair has started falling out at the front, Ive lost about 1cm off my hairline in 3 months and Im 38. I am also bipolar but medicated so I've always been OK and able to work and cope and I think I'm pretty grounded but I need to ideally have calm in my life but this is nothing short of being on a rollercoaster with the kids. My relationship with my partner is suffering. I feel like everything is imploding.
Sorry for the rant.