Post by tarknassus on Aug 20, 2021 19:36:14 GMT
TL:DR - happy to be here, a small history of how I came to consider ADHD. Some random thoughts and concerns about it as I approach my assessment date.
Hello everyone! Glad to be here. It seems there's very few spaces online for specific adult ADHD and UK centric discussion or support, so finding the AADD-UK site was a real blessing.
As made obvious by my title, I'm not yet diagnosed. I'm currently booked to have a private assessment (next week!) as my local welsh NHS board has zero provisions for adult ADHD diagnosis, and barely minimal treatment available.
Fortunately I have an excellent GP and they're already committed to doing a shared care agreement should it come to it.
I can say with quite some confidence that I probably have ADHD, although I'm just waiting to make that 'official' and don't want to come across as a self-diagnosed 'wannabee'. Lengthy discussions with my wife of 13 years and my parents regarding my very early childhood, along with supporting documents from school all seem to point to ADHD being present from my very early years onwards. The fact that my parents were very young when they had me, moved away from friends and family because of work meant they had little reference point for my 'quirks' as a child. Always interested in something that was going on outside the window to being so focused on playing with my toys they had to physically rouse me from it to eat - a trait my parents valued as it meant I was pretty much wherever they left me a lot of the time!
School life was marked with poor homework, failing to follow instructions, creative thinking beyond my age, often late and unreliable - college was worse. So bad I quit after a year. I tried again after moving to Wales, only to experience the same difficulties and quit again.
Work life was steady in that I held a job for a long time, but that was more down to having to pay my debts, as I was already living beyond my means by the age of 19. Performance reviews stated I wasn't reliable with admin and paperwork, forgetting client orders altogether, and personal hygiene was mixed. I'd improve from these reviews, to the point of being up for promotion, only to blow it again. I've not had a steady "career" though - I've done everything from warehouse packing to being an online auction manager. My current job is manageable, as I'm self-employed in a small business partnership with my wife, who handles the admin. We use my skills of good thinking because I develop systems to make the admin easier. Systems I fail to use ironically.
My mental health throughout most of my life has been marked with breakdowns, depression, anxiety as well as self-harm at times. I've tried numerous medications, been to a ton of counselling sessions (where I was told I was doing "so well" despite making no progress at all) and all to no avail. I've also had to battle alcohol addiction and managed to keep sober for a little over six years. Even so I'd jump back to drinking in a heartbeat if I could. I don't have the restraint to moderate. People observed I was a more 'friendly and normal' person after a couple of beers, but I don't have a concept of stopping once I start drinking. So there's that.
So how did I get to considering ADHD? Well, it started with a row. An argument that pointed out my social failings. So I went on a social skills group, and a general consensus was actually autism. I read into it, and for sure, a lot of symptoms seemed to hit. I got a referral done after some self-testing. Had some forms to do, had to include my parents and sent them off. Now it's important to note my parents were kind of dismissive of autism as the root cause of my mental health and life's issues, but were willing to help.
The results came back that there wasn't enough clinical criteria in early childhood - but the psychologist noted that I 'exhibited signs of autism having a different cause'. More reading lead me to ADHD repeated everywhere - but I would ignore this as I considered it the cliched "kid bouncing off the walls" than anything else. However, at some point I just decided to look into it as it was commonly associated closely with autism, so I had to see why.
I opened up the NHS description of adult ADHD. I could not believe it. Almost everything on that list resonated. Flashbacks of my early life, my teens, my adult life up to now all made sense. So I had to do something. I "blind tested" my wife, who has known me closely for 15 years now. I didn't tell her what it was about, but wanted her to see if she could see or relate or demonstrate experiences on the symptoms in my life.
At the end of it, she was desperate to know what it was that had described me so well. I said 'ADHD'.
So I find out that my long wait for secondary mental health care was coming up. I gave them a call. Spoke to the clinical lead, explained my situation as above. I was told "You can't have ADHD. I sometimes find it difficult to concentrate at work and think I have ADD sometimes." I was dumbfounded to say the least. I tried to counter this - I'm struggling with addictions, I struggle to focus on things at least a few times a day, I can put something down and lose it instantly. I live my work life by a series of checklists. But nope. "We won't do a diagnosis" was the reply. I cancelled my appointment a few days later.
My wife and I knew we were on a right path. I spoke to my parents, opened up about ADHD and was pretty apprehensive. However, they were open to this. They started talking more about my early life, which further reinforced my increasing belief that I could well have ADHD.
So we opted to go for a private assessment. Got recommended somewhere by a support group for my health board (remember the ones that aren't diagnosing adults and not really treating them either), made some enquiries and got my appointment.
I've since learned a lot, my mind has cleared a little with the prospect of having ADHD - although there will be a lot to deal with too. I've started using some techniques for ADHD to help - such as externalizing things to remember, appointments, work schedules, etc. I've tried reminder systems, calendars, timers (I'm lousy with timing painkillers which I have to take regularly as I'm having a lot of dental work done) - all these have mixed results but feel like small steps in the right direction.
There's also been a lot of doubt. Am I really possibly ADHD? Am I wasting money and time getting this assessment? Surely my life isn't that bad (it is apparently). What if I have ADHD? What if I don't? It's been a rollercoaster of emotions, overthinking, thinking, worrying, etc. as I wait for the appointment.
Anyway, that's all for now. In 5 days time I may well know for sure. It might as well be 5 years for me There's probably so much more I could write, but I've got to stop somewhere. If you made it this far, thank you for reading.
Hello everyone! Glad to be here. It seems there's very few spaces online for specific adult ADHD and UK centric discussion or support, so finding the AADD-UK site was a real blessing.
As made obvious by my title, I'm not yet diagnosed. I'm currently booked to have a private assessment (next week!) as my local welsh NHS board has zero provisions for adult ADHD diagnosis, and barely minimal treatment available.
Fortunately I have an excellent GP and they're already committed to doing a shared care agreement should it come to it.
I can say with quite some confidence that I probably have ADHD, although I'm just waiting to make that 'official' and don't want to come across as a self-diagnosed 'wannabee'. Lengthy discussions with my wife of 13 years and my parents regarding my very early childhood, along with supporting documents from school all seem to point to ADHD being present from my very early years onwards. The fact that my parents were very young when they had me, moved away from friends and family because of work meant they had little reference point for my 'quirks' as a child. Always interested in something that was going on outside the window to being so focused on playing with my toys they had to physically rouse me from it to eat - a trait my parents valued as it meant I was pretty much wherever they left me a lot of the time!
School life was marked with poor homework, failing to follow instructions, creative thinking beyond my age, often late and unreliable - college was worse. So bad I quit after a year. I tried again after moving to Wales, only to experience the same difficulties and quit again.
Work life was steady in that I held a job for a long time, but that was more down to having to pay my debts, as I was already living beyond my means by the age of 19. Performance reviews stated I wasn't reliable with admin and paperwork, forgetting client orders altogether, and personal hygiene was mixed. I'd improve from these reviews, to the point of being up for promotion, only to blow it again. I've not had a steady "career" though - I've done everything from warehouse packing to being an online auction manager. My current job is manageable, as I'm self-employed in a small business partnership with my wife, who handles the admin. We use my skills of good thinking because I develop systems to make the admin easier. Systems I fail to use ironically.
My mental health throughout most of my life has been marked with breakdowns, depression, anxiety as well as self-harm at times. I've tried numerous medications, been to a ton of counselling sessions (where I was told I was doing "so well" despite making no progress at all) and all to no avail. I've also had to battle alcohol addiction and managed to keep sober for a little over six years. Even so I'd jump back to drinking in a heartbeat if I could. I don't have the restraint to moderate. People observed I was a more 'friendly and normal' person after a couple of beers, but I don't have a concept of stopping once I start drinking. So there's that.
So how did I get to considering ADHD? Well, it started with a row. An argument that pointed out my social failings. So I went on a social skills group, and a general consensus was actually autism. I read into it, and for sure, a lot of symptoms seemed to hit. I got a referral done after some self-testing. Had some forms to do, had to include my parents and sent them off. Now it's important to note my parents were kind of dismissive of autism as the root cause of my mental health and life's issues, but were willing to help.
The results came back that there wasn't enough clinical criteria in early childhood - but the psychologist noted that I 'exhibited signs of autism having a different cause'. More reading lead me to ADHD repeated everywhere - but I would ignore this as I considered it the cliched "kid bouncing off the walls" than anything else. However, at some point I just decided to look into it as it was commonly associated closely with autism, so I had to see why.
I opened up the NHS description of adult ADHD. I could not believe it. Almost everything on that list resonated. Flashbacks of my early life, my teens, my adult life up to now all made sense. So I had to do something. I "blind tested" my wife, who has known me closely for 15 years now. I didn't tell her what it was about, but wanted her to see if she could see or relate or demonstrate experiences on the symptoms in my life.
At the end of it, she was desperate to know what it was that had described me so well. I said 'ADHD'.
So I find out that my long wait for secondary mental health care was coming up. I gave them a call. Spoke to the clinical lead, explained my situation as above. I was told "You can't have ADHD. I sometimes find it difficult to concentrate at work and think I have ADD sometimes." I was dumbfounded to say the least. I tried to counter this - I'm struggling with addictions, I struggle to focus on things at least a few times a day, I can put something down and lose it instantly. I live my work life by a series of checklists. But nope. "We won't do a diagnosis" was the reply. I cancelled my appointment a few days later.
My wife and I knew we were on a right path. I spoke to my parents, opened up about ADHD and was pretty apprehensive. However, they were open to this. They started talking more about my early life, which further reinforced my increasing belief that I could well have ADHD.
So we opted to go for a private assessment. Got recommended somewhere by a support group for my health board (remember the ones that aren't diagnosing adults and not really treating them either), made some enquiries and got my appointment.
I've since learned a lot, my mind has cleared a little with the prospect of having ADHD - although there will be a lot to deal with too. I've started using some techniques for ADHD to help - such as externalizing things to remember, appointments, work schedules, etc. I've tried reminder systems, calendars, timers (I'm lousy with timing painkillers which I have to take regularly as I'm having a lot of dental work done) - all these have mixed results but feel like small steps in the right direction.
There's also been a lot of doubt. Am I really possibly ADHD? Am I wasting money and time getting this assessment? Surely my life isn't that bad (it is apparently). What if I have ADHD? What if I don't? It's been a rollercoaster of emotions, overthinking, thinking, worrying, etc. as I wait for the appointment.
Anyway, that's all for now. In 5 days time I may well know for sure. It might as well be 5 years for me There's probably so much more I could write, but I've got to stop somewhere. If you made it this far, thank you for reading.