Post by jhob on Aug 27, 2021 10:52:23 GMT
Hi everyone, I'm new here!
I'm a father to a 10yo daughter who earlier this year was diagnosed with ADHD which was a relief to all as we'd known she was in some way different pretty much since birth.
In the time since diagnosis, and particularly recently, I've done a lot of reading about ADHD and the more I read about it, the more I realise that I share many traits with diagnosed ADHD people and the coping strategies that I've arrived at independently and that actually work are exactly those most recommended for ADHD brains.
For example I had pretty bad anxiety about 18 months and did CBT, which uncovered that a lot of my anxiety comes from feeling overwhelmed, particularly at work, and that I struggle to plan long term and end up over-committing myself which ends in stress and anxiety. The methods that I found actually work and that I find I can stick to are bullet journalling and pomodoro. Pomodoro is particularly good for making a start on new projects or work that I class as hard as it forces me to make a start where without it I can sometimes procrastinate for literally days. Even still if I end up with too many things on the go all at once it causes anxiety that I can't shake until I've got the task list down to something more manageable.
When I think back through my past there's a lot I can link with ADHD. I was always 'a dreamer' at school. When reading Sarah Templeton's (therapist with ADHD herself) 'How Not to Murder your ADHD kid' she described how she used to steal from her mother's purse, but only subtely like she wouldn't take the last 50p, only take money that wouldn't be noticed or missed which is exactly what I used to, same thought processes and everything. Also went through a shop-lifting phase, which I didn't need to do for any reason other than the thrill.
I'm also someone who over my 43 years of life has had a lot of hobbies. And when I pick up a new hobby I get madly passionate about it and it becomes all consuming and I tend to take it to extremes. But a lot of those hobbies fall by the wayside after a while. Bass guitar, badminton, running, cycling, spoon carving, beer brewing, guitar, ukulele, singing, music production, ukulele/cigar box instrument making, squash, rock climbing, guitar pedal building, orienteering, bushcraft, photography, gaming, DJing, yoga, club night promoting, live music, classic car ownership, bread making, saurkraut making, wildlife activism etc....
None of the sports I have done are currently 'my thing' so I've not got that motivation to get out. Running is what I do most and earlier this year was doing great at it, ran an ultra, hilly half marathon every weekend, but even then I was struggling with motivation to get out. Only times I could do it were when I first woke up - I joked that I do it then before my brain has had a chance to decide that it's a bad idea! Or when I was doing the weekend halfs I did it with a friend and so had accountability. But I got injured and had to really knock back the distance and now I'm struggling to restart. When I know I should go for a run and don't I find it really stressful. Or before I actually go out for a run there's at least an hour of feeling anxious about it. I always enjoy it when I actually get out there. Not sure if this is an ADHD thing or not.
Top billing for hobbies at the moment is guitar and singing. I've been learning to sing since beginning of the year and practice every day with little charts in my bullet journal where I can tick off when I've practiced etc to hold myself to account. That's worked well for me.
Apparently a lot of ADHD people are self employed due to not liking taking instruction and orders for people whom they don't respect (from Sarah Templeton's book). I'm self-employed and this is exactly the reason I give for going self-employed.
I feel like I always have loads of thoughts buzzing round my head and that my brain never switches off. I've learned to meditate which does help with that, and has been a help for falling asleep. I do want to do everything in my head now and find it frustrating when other important tasks have to wait. Such as writing this post, I have some work to do next that I'm looking forward to doing but I want to do it all now. It does cause me anxiety when I have too many tasks on my to-do list, even if there's an element having when I'm going to do them planned out.
I used to be pretty untidy, but then most kids seem to be. Although I do remember one summer at university when I was in my student house on my own and I didn't do the washing up for that long it went mouldy. A housemate turned up unexpectedly and I was pretty ashamed. I'm now actually pretty tidy and don't struggle too badly with keeping things in some kind of order. My wife is very organised and I think a lot of that has rubbed off on me.
I also recall at university I was only just scraping by and it was only in my final year where I got a girlfriend who made me go to the library with her to study that I actually did a bit better and managed to pass. I realise this is the 'buddy system' that tends to work well for ADHDers.
I did ok academically through school but was often the one in the class who would prat about, but only to the point that I just avoided a detention or getting into serious trouble. I never got into any big trouble at school.
I dislike queueing and if there's any way to avoid a queue I will. I often don't quite finish tasks (painting our front room I had done save for maybe one hours worth of touching up that took another 6 months for me to get around to finishing - too many things to do before I could start - get paint and paintbrushes from loft, dust sheet from shed, put scruff clothes on, and all the throught of all the clearing away afterwards...) or rush them at the end just to get them done.
I'm generally pretty even tempered, but do have a point, quite high up, or if something just triggers me, where I'll go into a rage that I take a while to calm down from.
But then there are some traits I definitely don't have. I don't tend to forget things. I can make myself do boring stuff, like washing up.. although then I always put on music which I enjoy listening to so it becomes a music listening or singalong session. I'm good with time keeping and never late, almost always early. I don't like disorder and keep the house reasonably tidy without too much bother. I don't interrupt and can wait my turn. I don't fidget too much these days, but do have to be doing something else if I'm on the phone and when I was a kid I doodled in all of my exercise books and constantly twizzled my hair. I'm not hyperactive in any way but I also don't rest much, I'm always doing something. I'm never bored, I have too many interests for that to happen.
I now know that ADHD is hereditary (only learnt that a couple of weeks back) so the chance of me having it is stronger. I also think my Mum might have had it - known as daydreamer in childhood, clearly had anxiety, overweight her entire life and had an alcohol addiction problem that she eventually succumbed to.
Other than the anxiety I feel that I cope pretty OK with life in general and because of the coping strategies that I now have that actually work I'm not sure I would actually tick enough boxes to be diagnosed. I'm not really sure if seeking a diagnosis would be a useful thing to do or not.
I'm also not entirely sure what the point of this post was. Possibly just to give me the impetus to get all of my thoughts about my possible ADHD down in one place. Does it sound like I might have ADHD? Anyone else in a similar position to me?
I'm conscious that a lot of my experience could also be applied to a normal brain (I think). One thing it would be useful for me to know if I have it or not is so that I'm able to help my daughter better. From thinking I had a totally different brain type to her I'm now considering that we might share more similarities which would be great as I can then draw on my own life experience of what worked, what didn't, the struggles I had to better help her.
Thanks for reading this post that went on a bit!