Post by incarcosa on Oct 27, 2022 3:30:37 GMT
Hello all. So before I start I feel I should be honest and say I've not been formally diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and a diagnosis is not what I'm here for, but the criteria match me very well. I did have a diagnosis of mild Asperger's when I was a wee lad and in my reading, I've discovered there's a fair bit of overlap. I just don't want to be perceived as doing the mental health equivalent of stolen valour (is there a specific name/phrase for that?)
So recently I fulfilled a years-long ambition and finally escaped the misery of retail and got myself a nice cushy office job. While overall I'm much happier, the work is more agreeable, the commute is literally a third of what it was before, I have much more free time and generally, I'm not vaguely miserable 60-70% of the time. There have been some issues that have been causing me a fair bit of anxiety.
I've been struggling a lot with attention to detail and remembering certain small details (I've never been blessed with a good memory, I can remember some things very well but I'm quite absent-minded and things slip my mind very easily), which are important however small. I genuinely want to do well at my new job and I have been putting effort into bettering my performance. However, it's hard to keep it going for extended periods and oftentimes throughout the day, I'm finding it hard to keep this level of concentration going.
To add to this I get the distinct impression my line manager doesn't much care for me, I don't think its active dislike or antipathy but I feel like I get a more frosty, almost aloof vibe from her compared to how I've seen her interact with others. I also get the feeling like my mistakes are usually pointed out to me ( I don't have a problem with that in and of itself, it's the best way to get better) but I rarely hear positive feedback. I also get the feeling that I get the entire blame for things that aren't entirely my fault.
That being said whenever one of my more egregious mistakes is pointed out I feel like it really puts me off kilter for a good portion of the day, an analogy I like to use is when you're playing a racing game and you take a corner too aggressively and have to compensate as aggressively, then compensate from that and so on. I've not raised my concerns to her as of yet, and frankly, I'm not entirely sure how well they would be received. I'm willing to chalk a good part of this up to my history of less-than-exemplary managers, ranging from the incompetent to the toxic, but I can't shake the guy feeling that the answer I'll get would be something along the lines of "just do better" or "no-one else has trouble with these things so why do you". I also have somewhat of an aversion to opening up to just anyone, it's not a reluctance to open up in general, it's that I feel opening up in that way to someone who doesn't know you that well or in that way can be a little presumptuous/invasive. I don't want to make someone uncomfortable by offloading all my problems with the tacit implication that I expect them to help me.
Things aren't all bad though, I've started seeing a therapist (only 3 sessions so far, early days) and working on some strategies that might help these issues and my wife is amazingly understanding and patient with me. I'm sure many of you know how good it feels to have someone accept you as you are and don't attempt to change you into someone you're not.
That being said it's hard not to feel down when I mess up, even though I suspect (as I said a the start, I only strongly suspect I have ADHD though I have started the process of attaining a formal diagnosis) that it's just how my brain is wired and I can do no more about it than I can about the fact I have brown eyes (I know I can do things to mitigate it, was more to make the point that it's an intrinsic part of me). I can't help but feel like I've been given a Ford and am expected to keep up in a race with Ferraris.
Is anyone else struggling with something similar? It does wonders to hear that I'm not alone, not in a misery loves company way, more in a "someone else gets it" way. Also, any tips or tricks that you guys found helpful would be much appreciated, they may not work but you never know until you try. I also wouldn't mind a "Hey, you're doing okay" or a similar sentiment, nothing wrong with needing a little boost from time to
So recently I fulfilled a years-long ambition and finally escaped the misery of retail and got myself a nice cushy office job. While overall I'm much happier, the work is more agreeable, the commute is literally a third of what it was before, I have much more free time and generally, I'm not vaguely miserable 60-70% of the time. There have been some issues that have been causing me a fair bit of anxiety.
I've been struggling a lot with attention to detail and remembering certain small details (I've never been blessed with a good memory, I can remember some things very well but I'm quite absent-minded and things slip my mind very easily), which are important however small. I genuinely want to do well at my new job and I have been putting effort into bettering my performance. However, it's hard to keep it going for extended periods and oftentimes throughout the day, I'm finding it hard to keep this level of concentration going.
To add to this I get the distinct impression my line manager doesn't much care for me, I don't think its active dislike or antipathy but I feel like I get a more frosty, almost aloof vibe from her compared to how I've seen her interact with others. I also get the feeling like my mistakes are usually pointed out to me ( I don't have a problem with that in and of itself, it's the best way to get better) but I rarely hear positive feedback. I also get the feeling that I get the entire blame for things that aren't entirely my fault.
That being said whenever one of my more egregious mistakes is pointed out I feel like it really puts me off kilter for a good portion of the day, an analogy I like to use is when you're playing a racing game and you take a corner too aggressively and have to compensate as aggressively, then compensate from that and so on. I've not raised my concerns to her as of yet, and frankly, I'm not entirely sure how well they would be received. I'm willing to chalk a good part of this up to my history of less-than-exemplary managers, ranging from the incompetent to the toxic, but I can't shake the guy feeling that the answer I'll get would be something along the lines of "just do better" or "no-one else has trouble with these things so why do you". I also have somewhat of an aversion to opening up to just anyone, it's not a reluctance to open up in general, it's that I feel opening up in that way to someone who doesn't know you that well or in that way can be a little presumptuous/invasive. I don't want to make someone uncomfortable by offloading all my problems with the tacit implication that I expect them to help me.
Things aren't all bad though, I've started seeing a therapist (only 3 sessions so far, early days) and working on some strategies that might help these issues and my wife is amazingly understanding and patient with me. I'm sure many of you know how good it feels to have someone accept you as you are and don't attempt to change you into someone you're not.
That being said it's hard not to feel down when I mess up, even though I suspect (as I said a the start, I only strongly suspect I have ADHD though I have started the process of attaining a formal diagnosis) that it's just how my brain is wired and I can do no more about it than I can about the fact I have brown eyes (I know I can do things to mitigate it, was more to make the point that it's an intrinsic part of me). I can't help but feel like I've been given a Ford and am expected to keep up in a race with Ferraris.
Is anyone else struggling with something similar? It does wonders to hear that I'm not alone, not in a misery loves company way, more in a "someone else gets it" way. Also, any tips or tricks that you guys found helpful would be much appreciated, they may not work but you never know until you try. I also wouldn't mind a "Hey, you're doing okay" or a similar sentiment, nothing wrong with needing a little boost from time to