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Post by roland on Sept 15, 2009 15:26:20 GMT
Thanks laura for alerting me to a missing option
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Post by laura on Sept 15, 2009 16:23:02 GMT
your welcome and thanx for adding the option ;D
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2009 18:35:07 GMT
I ticked the Unemployed by Choice box, which is something of an exaggeration given as I left my last place of work during what could certainly be described as a breakdown. Still, I took the opportunity to take a few months/up to a year off and sort out the problems I have been having for years, to write, and to take a well-deserved break.
For years I was close to cracking up. When I am working I have no mental resources to do anything else, and certainly none to look after myself. That's what I'm doing now. I'm working hard on a collection of short stories, I'm working hard on myself, but, for the moment, not actively seeking work. I was brought up to work hard, and sometimes feel bad about that, but the kind of work I could currently land, would do nothing for the moment but cause a lot of stress, and I've had plenty of that.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2009 19:30:20 GMT
I think you're wise & lucky to be able to do that, i think you'll really sort yourself out & have the mental capacity to let your writing take centre stage for a while!
I'm absolutely desperate for some head space right now, even two weeks would be beneficial! Not going to happen just yet!!
Make the most of your time, i'm glad u're getting on well..
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2009 20:38:10 GMT
Cheers Yeah, things came to a head for a long long time. I got into some difficult situations that hung around at work constantly making trouble for me. An emotionally abusive relationship and God knows what else and it was hell. It's been a long time coming but yeah, I'm making good use of it. Hope you find some headspace soon!
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Post by andy12345 on Nov 17, 2009 22:23:31 GMT
Nervous breakdown, for some reason, I know that would not happen to me.
I'm not saying you are weak or anything, but some people just are not disposed to that. (he thinks to himself........)
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Post by Deleted on Nov 17, 2009 22:55:04 GMT
It's one of those vague phrases that means different things to different people and I resisted using it for ages. Basically in this case it describes everying going to shit, but, a lot of it for reasons outside of myself that would more or less have been unsustainable for anybody. In a way I use the phrase out of laziness. It doesn't feel quite right, but with everything flying around from depression to social anxiety it's an easy catch all.
In that sense - admittedly its widest possible sense - I think it could happen to anybody. I'm pretty sure of that. Including people who have no prior experience of mental illness.
I've been through worse and stuck it out. I probably could have again. So in a way it was more of a choice than I make out. But just because there have been times in your life when you have had to learn to deal with phenomenal amounts of stress, doesn't mean you should do it day after day for years for little enough respect for what you do.
Fuck it, breakdown, shmeakdown, whatever it was it wasn't great and I'm glad I'm out of it. The place I worked was fucked up too so no regrets.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2009 9:15:25 GMT
Gav, do u mind me asking, i'm interested..What is a breakdown like?? A gradual deteriotration in coping, or complete mental shutdown.. how bad do you 'appear' while going through that from the 'outside' perspective? Can u function normally but feel despairing.. Or are we talking, not eating, washing, cleaning, looking after yourself on a basic level, having psychiactic intervention/care? I'm wondered about this..My mums colleague had one a few yrs ago, had to stay in hospital for a while, i regularly feel like i'm going to combust but somehow bounce back(!!) Must be just mood swings in my case lol, Simone x
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2009 16:21:08 GMT
Hi I think ive come close to breakdown few times but like you Simone seem to breakdown. Once my boyfriend described me as 'broken' which is apt cause thats exactly how i feelt after try and failing in nursing for the fourth time. My head was permantly down i hardly had motivation to get out of bed and id cry every night as well as binge eat for england. It was an awful time it brings tears to eyes thinging about it. I panick and think shouldnt be in debt, should do this, should do that, like get married have a baby etc. Cant afford to get married also worry be able to afford baby, although have loadsa love to give.
Sorry being pathetic
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2009 18:00:27 GMT
AWww Meg Hugs..It's behind u now, u've come a long way & u will get married & have a baby in the not-too-distant future..(Save for the baby not the wedding), baby is by far more important!!!
Weddings generally make me feel sick, they're vulgar affairs!! (Have a nice day tho, sorry lol), I just have a picture in my mind!! I had a huge catholic 'do' completely taken over by the witches, sorry mothers, they ruined it!!!
Oh & if u're broody u can borrow my kids, they'll give u good training & give me a break!!! xx
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Post by Deleted on Nov 18, 2009 20:38:23 GMT
Oh Meggie, You have been through it - life really can be a bitch. You have so much love to give, and you will be a wonderful mum to your very lucky children when they come along.
I agree with Simone - the wedding is just one day and will probably be hijacked by others. My father is a atheist jew, my hubby is catholic - his mother really is the MIL from hell so I zoned out for most of the wedding day. The next morning I slipped as I tried to elegantly walk down a spiral staircase in bare feet and broke two toes, dislocating one as well! My hubby phoned for some ice - it came in an ice bucket complete with a bottle of champagne!!
We still laugh about spending the first morning of married life in A&E - mind you we do laugh a lot.
I've been married for over 25 years but still think the day we met is worth celebrating much more than the day it was made "official".
I'm currently having a really bad time but I do try and take time each day to find at least three things that make me smile or feel there are some lovely people and or things in the world.
I wish you love and laughter but remember the bad times because they will make you even more appreciative of the good times.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 19, 2009 18:51:31 GMT
Hi Simone,
Sorry, been thinking about this cos I figured it's not so easy to explain and I wasn't sure I was using the word breakdown with anything approaching precision. Kind of dodged out of answering this one cos I often jump on and off the forum, write a bunch of Bleegh and go and do something else..
I think that most psychological terms mean something even though put 5 psychs in a room with a patient and you'll get 3 and a half different diagnoses. Breakdown doesn't. I think people just tend to use it to mean that whatever direction their life was going in, that had to stop.
I used it in part out of laziness to be honest. I have a complicated diagnosis, it seems to me, with a lot of elements to it. I think at work and with everything else that was going on in my life I found it increasingly difficult to function socially, but this was - as it often is with me - pretty much restricted to certain contexts. Yes, I had been beat down by my ex a lot, punished for every social error I made so that every one had not only the half life in my own head of my own interminable analyses, but also the (much longer) half life of her memory so that every argument - and they were often, she had major issues of her own - brought up every charge against me. I became pretty reclusive. I didn't want to deal with people. I wasn't cooking much. But then I don't like cooking for myself. I wasn't dealing with money and bills and cleaning. But on the other hand I was having a laugh and a joke with some people, feeling comfortable in some places, and so on and so forth.
Unfortunately my social circle was so restricted to peopel at work etc that when a relationship broke up with my ex (also at work) all the gossip and nonsense came out, and because she was very talkative and I was very private, and because she had every kind of imagining about what I had done and what kind of person I was - a result of some very abusive relationships she had had and sexual abuse/rape in her past she had never dealt with with therapy etc. - the story a lot of people got, and a lot of people wanted, was very one sided, very malicious, and that led me to be fairly paranoid. Having social anxiety anyway, this got worse until I was completely out on my own. Sometimes I like that, perversely. And I went in every day with my back to the wall and something of a "fuck you" attitude, just doing my job and not speaking to anyone but a handful of trusted people I still see.
So, no, calling it a breakdown is lazy, to be honest. It was a thoroughly shitty time, but the difficulty was at least as much in the situation as in my head. in fact, much more so.
No, I think I have an exceptional ability to handle stress, and I have got out of I don't know how many impossibly difficult situations because I come up with the goods when my back is against the wall. Actually, I left that place because of a a lot of reasons, matters of principle, philosophical disagreements with how the management dealt with ADHD & Asperger's, or didn't, more to the point, and not because of my state of mind, which was shoddy, but it had been shoddier many times before.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2009 13:29:47 GMT
God i don't think calling it a breakdown is lazy, i get what u mean..
I had a really destructive relationship when i was late teens/early 20's, we shredded each other mentally, i couldn't be myself socially without an analysis of my behaviour at the end of each event ..It turned to violence & was soul destroying..& can take many years before you're rational with yourself again..It strips your confidence..You sound very forgiving to me..
Give relationships a break for a while & find yourself, thats all i can recommend from my mistakes.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 20, 2009 16:36:19 GMT
SOunds rough Simone!
Yeah, I think I can be TOO forgiving, which doesn't always then do me any favours. I usually understand another person's point of view and the reasons why they do something, even if it's pretty ugly. That's good, usually, but sometimes I ought to be less objective when it's something that hurts me. I could really do with understanding less.
Because she had a shitty past, but I sometimes didn't see that she was making any effort to curb her own instincts to rip into me. And she was asking a hell of a lot from me to curb my instincts every day.
But, yeah, I've definitely been giving some time to myself. And it's definitely been necessary and very healing!
Sorry to hear you had such a rough relationships. Anything with violence involved must take a long time to heal.
The only violence in our relationship was I broke my hand beating up a door one day when she had pushed me and pushed me and pushed me. You don't see it at the time.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 12:48:40 GMT
Its a long time ago, i'm fine, (she says through gritted teeth)!!
When u say having to curb u're instincts, what do u mean?? Being careful what u say to friends? My ex twisted everything i said to mean i was flirting with everyone, then would come back & say; go ahead, flirt with people its good to be yourself? wtf, I didn't knowingly flirt, but anyway, being that age u shouldn't be worrying about suppressing your personality? Then u become ultra aware of everything u say, being terrified of offending everyone, Its all head-games to make u paranoid..Anyway i think men are complicated!! Glad i'm not young again!!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 13:03:34 GMT
Yes I know what you mean Simone, If heaven forbid i separated from partner id stay on own too much hassle, id just live my life with my cats.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 14:55:57 GMT
That kind of thing. It was a diffcult situation I got into. My ex had been abused when she was young, and her personality changed around completely. She started pushing people away and trusting nobody. She wanted to get rid of her parents and sought adoption etc. She went as far as putting the papers in. Went to live with drug dealers etc. Then got beat up by two successive boyfriends just before me.
Consequently, yes, she would twist anything I said. But it also became fun for others at work to go to her with gossip. (They were always awful with gossip at our place.) Because she would fly off the handle, they got a right kick out of it.
So not only would I be working with hyperactive kids with challenging behaviour, I was also answering her texts that drilled into my head every day about the latest thing that had got into her head.
So for instance I once took the students out to go horse riding. One of the women there fancied me. She asks a few questions, I move on and get to asking the kids. My ex worked at the same place as me and had taken them previously, so they knew her. They said something about her and I said yeah she might be back another time. I don't talk about my relationships with people I don't know, and neither did I much talk about my relationship around students. Keep it professional in the day.
But some woman also at work goes horse riding. She's told I'm a nice guy. She's told I'm showing all this interest in what the kids are doing - that's what I'm paid to do as far as I'm concerned; I don't drop kids off and then push them on to other people to deal with - and all of a sudden I'm an arse because I'm flirting with these women and I'm not saying I'm in a relationship etc etc.
But it was all the time. These deep conversations about what an untrustworthy bastard I am every second day going on into the night, and then going in to work unrested the next day. She drained me every day. I treated her like a princess. She treated me like shite.
Consequently single. Loving it.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 20:22:36 GMT
Wow dont blame you gav sounds fuckin awfall. Some stuff puts you off for life. Thing is how to screen these things I am going to listen to my intution a lot closer as it is so rite.
For those who dont know am not working but am looking forward to a fresh start that I hope will be more straight forward.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 20:57:12 GMT
Yeah, a year or so of constantly thinking everything through like a chess move. Must have done wonders for my sodding intellect. And probably improved my social skills to be fair. I've got asperger's so social life is not easy at the best of times and I had to monitor myself for everything and think everything through so hard. But fuck it I'm out of it now!
Appropos of f all made the most kick ass apple pie in the world today and can't eat it cos its gluten, sugar and everything that sends me loony lol. I've had a week or so of feeling great for eating well. Cooking for other folk is my way of making peace with gluten and yeast and everything that messes up my head. Now I just eat junk vicariously.. Not that my pie is junk you understand lol
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2009 21:35:40 GMT
I went gluten free for a bit and did feel better but ended up on holiday and was hard so went back to gluten have noticed the odd time when eat like load of bred mood can go down if I had the time I would eat less gluten dont know about gluten free though as to hard was so glad to find out wasnt celiac would have been a pain in the arse.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2009 18:51:47 GMT
Meg i would do the same!! Mad cat ladies!!
Gav,it all sounds familiar......but..
You're lucky..You're single with no commitments, you've learned a great deal about yourself lately & i can see u making more positive choices in the future!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2009 23:35:30 GMT
My friend broke her wrist and had to have an operation to put a metal plate in it after punching a door ! Her boyfriend was mentally abusing her and pushed her too far ! She has her medication now and is much calmer ! They broke up for a while but are back together and he has been trying much harder to make their relationship work !
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2009 23:42:23 GMT
Spelt bread is much better if u can get it ! I have problem with dairy, wheat and peanuts !I use soya milk /ewes or goats cheese /rye and wheat mix(rye is too heavy) or spelt and I dont touch peanuts ! We are very sensitive people !
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Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2009 23:44:36 GMT
Let's hope he manages to control whatever it is that leads to the abuse. My guess is that for a lot of people it's not mainly malice that leads to the abuse but confusion and emotional distress, and unresolved issues they have forced so deep down into themselves that they cannot approach them. That's how it was for my ex, and I understood that. Paradoxically, it was because I understood it that it probably went on so long. Unfortunately, if she doesn't address it sometime in her life, she will carry on pushing people away, often hurtfully, and often getting deep down inside somebody and hurting them exactly where they are most vulnerable. Maybe he has started dealing with his own issues.
It's always hard to say what's going on with other people isn't it.
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