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Post by magicnick1990 on Jan 10, 2010 2:02:29 GMT
I know just from the title alone it makes me seem like a very weak-minded person but I really don't care.
I had a £2k business loan last month and it's all gone. I've made no money back oh I did actually, £330 other week, gone too now.
All on drugs and now I'm having to try and sell drugs to make money back. Just had it out with my parents because they can't understand where it's all gone.
They don't really believe ADHD, my mum just said to me stop using that as an excuse. I got told by a general physc who admitted he doesn't know ADHD that I don't have it the other week. So now I just feel trapped. I have no help, I can't handle life. To even get that £2k loan was a miracle, it took a lot of spiel on my part, it's a business overdraft.
I'm fucking up my business. I have a job to be completed well, should be already done. I have to re-do it, don't know where to fucking start. I just can't handle life. I now have days of... Like 3-4 days of just utter uncontrollable depression. My brain just feels totally starved of energy, I stay in bed all the time, I can't talk to people.
Anytime I go out I just blow money on drugs or gambling. I want out, I'm no fucking good at this. I'm a wreckless person.
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Post by laura on Jan 10, 2010 3:39:57 GMT
hello nick or jon
im sorry to hear your not doing too good at the moment.
ive had to give my bank card to my mum to stop me spending money, i managed to spend 3k in 2 weeks only some of it on drugs.
when i saw the general psch she didnt think i had adhd either and didnt know about it, but at least she reffered me to a specialist. will yours reffer you? you have the right to be seen, if he wont, take along the NICE guidlines
in regards to the business try not to worry too much, clear your head and relax. try and make a list writing out each step and cross them off as you finish them. it makes you realise youve completed something.
i often feel like i cant cope and have a son!i cant beleive im actually allowed to look after a child sometimes.
hope you feel better soon laura
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2010 15:56:50 GMT
Hi your not alone i feel like that to as you may have gathered. But giving up and feeling sorry for self not answer i do it and it makes me and everyone around me feel worse. Lauras advice is good. It will get easier dmand to be taken seriously you will get there. At least age is on your side.
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tigger
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Post by tigger on Jan 11, 2010 20:29:39 GMT
Hi Nick Jon. I also have a business.What is it u do? To get business loan u must have done a business plan? If so then u must have IMPRESSED the bank other wise they would have not given u one? Look at this as an acomplishment.I know its hard to think in a posotive manner. OK so u have a business How long have u been running this .if its more then one day then thats better than no days at all!!!!!!!!!!. All my relatives have there own business.My Dad filnaly accepted me as his sone now i have my own business T***T lol If u need some direction message me and ill try give u some help . i visit these boards most nights when my wife doesnt feel neglected.
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Post by phil on Feb 3, 2010 0:33:11 GMT
hey nick, why would you post that you're selling drugs on a fooking message board? how much for a nine bar? how much is coke? whats you e's go for? nick what drugs are you taking ffs? i was out at a reggae night in cardiff just a social thing meet old friends ect; and i was given off an old friend about half a gram of putty gratis now when you've had a few you're hyped up the last thing you're going to refuse is some speed! but this has a knock on effect with respect to diagnosis with the DSM-vi you must be drug free for two years or you will get a cyclothymia diagnosis like i did! so i got to wait until november to be drug free for two years
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 4:29:10 GMT
How on earth did you buy 2.3k's worth of drugs in a week?
Edit: sorry i didn't read your post properly- month.
I really Don't wanna seem harsh as i have been in slightly similar circumstances before, and am a bit sympathetic (spelling?).
At some point you do have to start accepting at least some personal responsibility, ADD or not its still something that you and only you can deal with and until you accept that you wont be able to help yourself.
Parents can be a pain in the arse especially if they're old-school. bottom line is you need to get off drugs at least until your on your feet, they're not going to help your cognitive problems at all, they fuck with the chemicals in your brain, your eating habits, your sleeping habits let alone your home environment. If you drop the drugs or at least cut down to say once a week/fortnight/month put the effort in to what your supposed to be doing you might find your parents might listen a bit more.
I personally don't think that some ones drug consumption is anyone Else's business. but if its affecting you with that much of a hit in the pocket you need to deal with that - especially if still semi dependent on other parents (I've been there so I'm just assuming its that sort of set up)
A psychiatrist will talk to you about it and if you tell him you spent 2k in a month on drug consumption then he/she is going to be hard pressed to not conclude that you have a drug dependency problem, regardless of weather self medication is the prime reason or not.
it is difficult, it took me a good year to get my head sorted when i was getting off class A and then another year to get off weed. alcohol is still a problem for me but I'm trying to be very strict about it with myself.
sometimes in life you have to let yourself get raped by reality in order to learn from it. - ie its not going to be easy but if you want your parents and psche to take you seriously your gunna have to show them your trying to help yourself.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 8:08:13 GMT
BTW A good book to read is "the human mind" by robert winston - its not to full on but is still quite comprehensive. reading it has helped me understand myself a little better. its an overview of current sciences in brains etc you might find it usefull also.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 8:51:42 GMT
Nick or Jon, hi, and I'm sorry you are suffering like this. It sounds as if everything is all tangled up and you can't see where to start to untangle it. It is really tough to do that on your own. One thing I would seriously recommend that you start with the Samaritans, especially just at the moment when you feel like buying drugs or perhaps using drugs. My personal experience is that they are terrific, and not only when one is suicidal--it's immediate, you don't need to satisft any criteria. I've found they really do what it says on the tin. Longer term, you are going to need other help and the support you get here can be part of that but something more intense like some form of therapy can also help.
But if you can, do something right now. Good luck. I'll be thinkig of you.
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tigger
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Post by tigger on Feb 3, 2010 9:17:58 GMT
Hi i have been clean for 7 yrs now after going to na. it helped for a while then i just found all the ppl really needy. all i know is that i have trained my brain in that if i have more e or coke then i will prob kill my brain. not only that all matter if shit happened whna i was on it and my mum died and i thought god was punishing me for it as i come from a christian bk ground. all i know is that its bad bad stuff . thing is u have to accept u have a prob in the first place. ring up and find out where ur na meeting is and go do it.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 9:19:07 GMT
Hi nick or john. Sorry to hear about your situation. Having never taken recreational drugs other than alcohol it's difficult for me to understand what you are going through and I can only imagine. I once trained for the Samaritans and they do not give you the answer you are looking for. What they do actually do is provide an empathetic ear to speak to and it's this listening to others which allows one to create your own answers. These might not be the answers you are looking for but they could put you on the road to solving your problems. Please do take the advice to call them on 08457 90 90 90 or visit there website. They will not judge you nor offer advice but remember. Just being listened to without any kind of judgment can often lead you to a better understanding of you and how to sort yourself out. I don't think ADHD is your only issue. It seems to me that you need someone to listen to you and let you rant on. GO ON CALL THEM
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Lame44
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Post by Lame44 on Feb 3, 2010 10:02:59 GMT
On another note, when I called the Samaritans once, I was laughed at down the phone. I've never foned since, so hopefully when people try, they wont get the same bitch that I got!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 12:10:03 GMT
Hi Ryan & Nick or Jon.
If that's the response you got Ryan then you should have reported her. They take this kind of treatment of clients very seriously.
I have to go through 6 weeks of training and I failed the test because I was not empathising enough with the client. (This was because I was feeling very low due to a really bad cold). I had not opportunity to resit the test at that centre so that's how serious they take it.
Samaritans have their own down days like everyone else and if this is the case then they have line managers above them who they can confide in and the line managers have managers they can confide in right up to the top so there is no excuse for poor treatment of clients.
Nick or jon.
Don't be put off by the singular example Ryan has discussed. They really want to help people and have a good track record.
icky plush
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 12:11:23 GMT
That's such a shame Ryan. I've always found them really good when I've been at the limit--much as Icky describes. The training is supposed to be pretty good: one of my friends is a Samaritan and I can't imagine anyone less likely to laugh at anyone because of the difficulties they are having. Perhaps a rogue one can get through.
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Post by phil on Feb 3, 2010 13:05:24 GMT
nick, are you trying to say that you spent 23 ton on drugs and gambling. and now to dig yourself out of the hole you put yourself in a bigger hole? so you've got drugs on tic off a dealer to make money? this is what you have to think about can you handle being locked in a cell for 23 hours a day for the 12 months (maybe) depending on the quantity and class of drugs they will find on you? nothing is easy but the options that appear the easiest are often the hardest in the long run. there are more risks involved in dealing than you think not everyone appreciates drugs or having their family plied with them. or you could get tucked up someone says they want a high amount you think you're debt worries are gone in an hour tick more drugs then you meet in a car park hand over the drugs and they put a shooter in you're face go see you're g.p get a sick note at least for depression, drug addiction, gambling addiction. claim sickness benifits and get the bank to freeze the intrest on the loan and pay back in instalments! or if you was wise enough to get insurance claim off that! this is how things work deep in you're sub consious you think if i gamble i could win and my problems will be over! you lose the affect of this blow gets gets you down then you think i need drugs to perk me up or take me from reality! you're on the path to ruin. when i was 22 years old i had more than you owe on a credit card. i never paid off my over draft in the end they just wrote the debt off! it took me years to get a bank account but i lernt my lesson the hard way but i would say i'm more money wise now and don't borrow unless i can pay it back! i got a bank account and i can get credit but it was annoying for years as i could not pay things by card or direct debit, or send a cheque! nick for you're 2k debt what can they do get a debt recovery agency on to you and you just say i can only afford to pay you £5 a week ;D taking drugs will give you swings in mood affect you're brain make you depressed so if you really wan't to know if you got ADHD or bipolar disorder you really have to knock the drugs on the head! and if it needs be to change you're circle of friends so be it! Ryan you're still here so maybe that bitch laughing at you just made you angry at her and took you're mind off the problem you phoned the samaritans for in the first place phil!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 13:05:38 GMT
I'd agree with the sentiments about The Samaritans - it's easy to damn a worthy organisation on the basis of one bad (completely bloody outrageous!) experience where they normally do a stirling job with a staff of volunteers.
Contrast that with the NHS where psychiatrists regularly play professional games with us and we still go back for more!
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Post by phil on Feb 3, 2010 13:17:35 GMT
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Lame44
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Post by Lame44 on Feb 3, 2010 16:13:38 GMT
I guess most Samaritans aren't trained to deal with trannies, and it was a transitioning thing that nearly caused me to end my life that night, but I thought, hey I'll try the Samaritans. I dont even know why she bothered to try and stifle her laughter at one point, when it was clearly obvious she was laughing at me in my hour of need. She even whispered things to someone else her end, but see...thats just the kind of shit I have to put up with daily. And people have the cheek to ask me why I'm so angry all the time. Anger management went well today by the way, lol, but it does not stop me feeling very angry when I think about this episode with someone who is/was supposed to be trained to empathise with others. It makes me think of all the crap I have to go through, ie with GP's telling me I'm bad, and wrong to be a transsexual and to do the things I'm doing with hormones and the surgery I've had so far! Grrrrrr, I better stop before I boil up some more!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 19:12:34 GMT
Ryan gthats awful i cant believe someone from smaritans was laughing, just shows you how small minded and pathetic she is. Perhaps shed feel different if her son or daugther had to go through this very painful experience in order to feel at ease with self. It must be awful A womens body with a mans mind and feelings absolute toture on earth. No wonder you get angry with the world. You will find people laughetc cause they are insecure with the issue and dont know how to react, and laugh cause they are tense. But its no excuse to hur and belittle someone. No one deserves that. I think you are a remarkably strong minded person to still be here it would have seen alot of strong people off what you have gone through. I admire you.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2010 23:33:02 GMT
Sorry to hear your bad news Jon
i did the drugster thing in my late teens and saw the light but I can see how people get pulled in by your not alone we have all spent to much dosh at one time or another on drugs. Just learn from it and move on dont go back to, think you need alternative method for cash, could you not transfer your debt to a intrest free credit card or some other technique cant you just negotiate a managable sum with the bank, rather than running the risk of getting in even more debt trouble. Sounds like your on a slippery slope, negotiate with bank dont carry on down the same fucked up path as could lead to even more strife!
Be carefull Jon watch your step dont want to end up in worse state!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2010 12:33:16 GMT
Hi jon.
I hope you are still reading our comments and you are starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Come back and lets us know how it's going.
Samaritans is one thing. Try your local CAB for options regarding your finances because there are always solutions to problems, after all most problems we face from outside us are man made so man can undo them. It just requires guidance and support. (Not easy with ADHD & Depression).
Don't despair. I know it's easy for us to say this but maybe the only way must only be up surely.
isky-plush
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Post by phil on Feb 4, 2010 13:56:49 GMT
that call service does it all with one call! as nick or jon is in the vale he is in the catchment but if you're out of wales click the link and text help and they will phone you back just make out you live somewheres in wales and its gratis ;D
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