Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2010 11:04:26 GMT
Things were going along okay, like they do for a bit, new job etc. Then wednesday asked to do 6 mornings and 4 lates a week, rather than say no I said yes even though worked day off already. Then about 15 minutes after saying yes, I thought this is gonna be too much as already feeling tired already, first time I worked prperpaly in monthsjust started to find feet and confidence after diagnosis and meds. Anyway I said it would probably be to mkuch to do thes hours a only want 35 till im more sorted. The boss then said you either want the job with the hours or you dont I work everyday etc etc. This got me very upset as I couldnt assert self properpaly or get self understood. I thought at time this is it, ive had that many jobs in life and im always the problem ill never settle. I thought the world was better off without aloser like me, so I took loads of cocodamol, i then passed out, luckily someone found me in house and rushed me to hospital, where I was sick and had to be put on drkps etc. Luckily im okay, but 2 days on still feel like rubbish. I dont know where to go from here all I want to be is normal, have a job stick with it and pay my way in life, I cant seem to achieve it. My boyfriend is still sticking by me, god knows why. The crisis team saw me and said they will now put me on waiting list for cbt. I just dont know anymore, just feel usless and a waste of space
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2010 11:48:53 GMT
im really sorry to hear that, im glad some one found you, i belive cbt is meant to be really helpfull
i hope this dosnt sound patonising and if it does im sorry, ive given up on trying to live up to others expectatrions and am now trying to carve out a life that makes me happy it may not be the full time job and family with 2.4 children that the other 90% seem to strive for and the media shoves down or throats i may be broke and im still not sure what it its is im looking for but it helps me to not get so down, meanwhile ive gone to collage at the age of 36 and started a furniture making course something pratical, hands on and enjoyable illl never make my fortune but hopefully it will make me happier
and if u do feel like trying again pls talk to your boyfriend or someone close about how u feel
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2010 12:24:54 GMT
Oh meggie99 I'm so sorry to hear this.
No one should have to go through this and it's about time that the powers that be did something about it. Maybe we should all turn up at 10 Downing St with Stanley knives and threaten to slit our wrists to get something done.
It's simply appauling but I hear this morning that local councils can find the money to put micro chips in our wheelie bins. They should divert it to a more worthy cause like ours.
All the best and try to keep smilling.
xxx
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2010 12:55:51 GMT
Meggie hang in there. God when are we going to get the help we deserve and are entitled to. Please talk to someone about how you feel I promise you will feel at least a bit better for it xx
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2010 15:55:36 GMT
Thanx guys. What I meant to say, that even in my darkest hour when I wanted to be out of it, I new really it wasnt the answer. No one will ever make me feel bad about self again. Im not gonna do anything I dont want to. When I was throwing up he tablets and had drips on me and leads all ovewr the place, it was a lightbuld moment. I can either live a life hatingmyslf and self lothing or I can start liking myself, for who I am. So what im never gonna have a well paided job or a size 8 figure, but I know deep down Im a nice person who deserves to be treated with respect. To be treated with respect I need to respect myself and start liking self for the ecentric adhder I am, and if people dont like it tough. Its gonna take time, but im not gonna go through the stomach pumping vommiting of taking an overdose again it was absolutely horrible and Im glad im still here to tell the tale. Life ishard with adhd and it is a rolercoaster, but I need to accept that and accept me ,we all do. I think thats why I wroite this thread to say nothing is worth this, 48hours after and im still shaken from it all. Please anybody on here dont ever go down this route.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2010 17:55:01 GMT
Vick,
What the fook ?
sorry to hear so hard to forge a path with this, mid life, like so many groups get positive discrimination, all we get is negative, so in the dark ages, SOS SOS
I have same concerns when finally get CRB if this career doesnt work out again going to be hard to keep on going. But TBH dont know what am suited to if anythink???
be in touch
|
|
|
Post by roland on Mar 5, 2010 18:39:11 GMT
Hi meggie99, I am truly sorry to hear this and if ever you feel so low again, please do talk to someone, you are a lovely caring person and the world would be a lot poorer without you. I can't say the same about that arse of a boss and what he said btw is a complete violation of your rights! That's the right attitude ;D and anyway the people who might not like it wouldn't be worth knowing! They're people like your boss and the numpties on the crisis team who after you tried to kill yourself then said they would put you on a waiting list for CBT for gawd's sake And meggie I agree with what Manx said and I too am trying to carve out a life that makes me happy doing the things I like doing. I won't get rich and I'll have a lousy pension, but life is a lot more interesting these days, and sometimes it's even fun! Anyway, meggie that's enough about me, I'm not very good at saying the right thing at the right moment but please do hang in there, we might be virtual but we're friends and we're here!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2010 23:53:45 GMT
Meg hugs xxxx Thank god i was told bout this, i haven't been in here properly for a while. I understand your desperation with everything, i'm pretty much the same, but please hang on in there, i'll talk tomorrow, just got back from hideous shift? Chin up hun xx
|
|
emily
Member's posted somewhat
Posts: 98
|
Post by emily on Mar 5, 2010 23:57:45 GMT
ah, i only just read this, i hope you are feeling better. im so glad you were found, ive learned this week to look at the good things i have, your boyfriend must be a good man and love you dearly x
im sure some of us have all thought about doing something similar, but you need to have hopes and dreams and you cant have them if you arent here!
tell your boss to go f**k himself, you do what you are contracted to do and if you need to tweek it, go higher! what a nob jockey....
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 8, 2010 2:10:04 GMT
!!! I know I haven't been on here much but Meggie99, I had no idea you felt that bad. That is so awful, you must have felt so really really terrible to have contemplated what you did. My God!! Why haven't you been offered some counselling immediately! That is so f..king crap of the health service. I have never seriously considered ending it, but, I have considered disappearing loads of times, and the thing that gets me into that state is when I think things like it must be me, I am the problem, I am the one thats crap, and everyone would be better off if I wasn't around. The kids would be better off with their Dad and my husband would be better off with any f..ker else as long as it wasn't me! And I SHOULD be better. But like the others have said, i too have given up trying to be what I think I SHOULD be. I am what I am and thats that. I hope you get some help to build up your self esteem, someone to help you see the good stuff about you. You don't have to be something you are not. There WILL be a way to be your own person in this bloody judgemental society we live in. Please don't be offended if I have missed the mark. I am just trying to add to the support already shown. I know what its like to feel crap about yourself.
|
|
|
Post by haydreamer on Mar 10, 2010 23:22:01 GMT
Hi Meggie, not been here for a while, but Im deeply sorry for what you have been through, your a god send for this forum and you have helped so many people here, keep chatting to us all here, thinking of you and things will get better, hold on , we'll break down walls soon xx
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2010 22:08:43 GMT
Thanx everyone. I posted he thread to say nothing or noone should make you feel so bad to do what I did. I feelt so low that I didnt deserve to be on this earth. Because my confidence and self belief had crumbled to pices. So much so people could talk to me and manipulate me and I would just agree and do what eve they said. It came from years of trying and having hopes and aspirations dashed. However I know now that its not me its is my adhd, and I have to not ove complicated life. Otherwise I do inevitably set myself up for a fall by over obligating self and takig to much on. Thats when the low self esteem and confidence sets in. I know now that I may never have the career I always wanted, because the stress of trying to achieve that will and has been too stressful as organisation and resonsibility is too much. This resulted in my obsessive spending as I lothed myself. Its not worth it, my quest for happiness from now one, is one of being contented with who I am and what ive got, not being some thing I cant be. I also need to deal with stress and problems alot better and try to keep a sense of perspectrive rather than let it manopolise me. I have also learned not to plan to much and become obsessive with it as things dont go to plan in life Im going try and look more than a week in advance, si I dont get disapppointed. This is not meant to sound negative, its me trying to make sense of things, as the future is looking forward not beating self up by past mistakes. We are all here for each other and I feel I really can express self on here thanx eveyone Virtual hugs.
|
|
Lame44
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 207
|
Post by Lame44 on Mar 12, 2010 22:01:55 GMT
Oh hon, no. Thank fuck you were found. I thought something was up as I hadn't seen you about here or on Facebook. Yes we are always here for you, n maybe next time you feel like that you could give me a text and we could meet up. You are welcome to pour it all out. I might not have answers as I'm generally a bit thick like that, but at least you can vent. We really must meet since we are not that far apart. Maybe we could set up a thread here for those who are willing to be an ear or shoulder for those of us who get into your situation and are feeling like ending it all. We could just leave a simple message saying we are there for those who need us at bad times, so send a message and include a fone number/e-mail in a pm if they wish us to call them or e-mail them back etc. I'm really glad you seem to be a little happier Meggie, and I do hope you dont consider doing anything like that again. Please do feel free to get intouch if you ever do. I think you have my number anyway hon. I'll PM you aswel now, as me n Zee have more free time now too
|
|
|
Post by .... on Mar 14, 2010 13:14:15 GMT
Haven't been about in a while. But this not gd! Am very grateful to find you survived Meggie! Life is dark, and I hate the thought of anyone feeling that they are out in that dark alone. From a more selfish standpoint.. I'd hate to lose the bit of light you shine across my life when I'm on here Meggie. So keep your chin up x x
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2010 19:05:04 GMT
Dearest Meggie
So glad your here to tell your tale ! I can relate to how you felt but am pleased that you had that light bulb moment and I'm sure you will now go from strength to strength ! Just want you to you know how special you are as are we all with ADHD !We are different for a reason even although sometimes its a burden ! Keep shining your light Angel as we need your special talents !
Love Light and Angels Sheena xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
|
|