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Post by mavster on Apr 9, 2010 12:59:30 GMT
I had a ding dong with my mother today who accused me of using adhd as an excuse for my behaviour . It's always nice when you have supportive parents
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Post by Atticus on Apr 9, 2010 14:11:06 GMT
Parents often dismiss their children's ADHD because they have at least some of the symptoms themselves. There is a genetic factor in ADHD.
Sometimes parents don't see that their grown up child has it because they've managed to deal with their own symptoms (or didn't as the case may be...) and of course there is the "Well it wasn't like that in my day, just pull yourself together young man" aspect.
The thing is, you've now been diagnosed and, hopefully, will be getting treatment. Also, you know a lot more about ADHD than your mother.
I know this sounds a bit 'ninja' but there is a point in your life when the pupil becomes the master. Rise above your mother's criticism, grasshopper, for she knows not of which she speaks...
[He leaves to find a shop that sells very long silk dressing gowns and black pyjamas...]
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2010 15:16:45 GMT
BLESS !
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Post by andy12345 on Apr 9, 2010 23:38:11 GMT
Rofl, plenty of funny people on today. Must be the extra sunlight.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2010 22:15:29 GMT
Oh God i'm still spoken to by my mother like a 5 yr old. Everything's my fault lol, i don't reckon there's an adhd'er anywhere who isnt??
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2010 15:22:52 GMT
I had a ding dong with my mother today who accused me of using adhd as an excuse for my behaviour . It's always nice when you have supportive parents Try talking to your mum, I know I get frustrated with my kids and I am sure some of them have it aswell as me, I just dont want them to find life as hard as I do sometime. You could say something like, "Mum I know my symptoms try you mad at times, they drive me mad too, but I never do the things I do to annoy, hurt or make your life any harder than it is". She will feel better knowing that your on her side and I know her behaviour sounds like she is not on your side but believe me she is. No matter what you and you mum will sort it out, Your mum loves you no matter what I promise you that. Ailsa
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2010 16:20:07 GMT
My mum certainly doesn't love me, I can promise you that.
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Post by mizmog on Nov 3, 2010 16:50:18 GMT
I was gonna say the same thing about my Mum Stephen, but I thought actually maybe its a rarity for some Mums to disown there kids and maybe cgg is right... you gotta try everything to put things right first because in some cases it will work, just not in mine or yours lol!
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Post by snickerz on Nov 3, 2010 16:55:09 GMT
I get on with my mum, but jesus christ those teenage years were horrific I blamed her for everything
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2010 0:20:03 GMT
I despise my parents with a passion and wish them a slow and painful death. I can't even speak to my dad. Just got diagnosed and have sent a few Dr Barkley (3 minute) Youtube videos to point out my problems, I find him scary as he knows my brain better than I do! Anyhow, thought I was being a bit educational there and we could move on as parents and offspring. Sorry, another torture thought went through my head - my parents are total scum - what a thing to say?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2010 0:29:22 GMT
Don't know what happened there, maybe I ran out of space. Anyhow, the Youtube clips, which I find painfully interesting (wish I was a psychiatrist) by Dr Barkley, I sent about three to my wanker of a father in a bid for him to understand. I sent these because the man is so utterly at the forefront of his field I felt he would convey some kind of authority on the subject. I am now genuinely murderous in my head. They live in France but the cost would be worth it. He truly disgusts me, to the extent that I would be happy to cause him physical harm and this is my dad, I sent him Dr Barkley videos and he responded VIA a friend not to "bombard him with propaganda!" Anyone want their address? Puke! Puke! Puke! I hope there is a Hell!
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Post by rachel2050 on Nov 4, 2010 0:35:30 GMT
Ah parents parents - you gotta love em, im quite grateful for mine as they make me feel normal - and that my friends is no mean feat. ...just googled no mean feat as have a tendancy to use the wrong quote and according to wikipedia it means "A laudable triumph of great difficulty" - sums it up nicely ;D
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2010 0:55:34 GMT
Parents in small pieces is still appealing and I am lucky enough to be on meds but still feel like this - not good.
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Post by mizmog on Nov 4, 2010 9:02:08 GMT
Its not good to feel like that but i really do understand... I finally cut ties with my family in September this yr because it became to hurtful to keep trying with them... I am one of 5 kids all in our 30's now and not one of my siblings have ever dared to move away or even stand up to them, but in true ADHD style I don't hold back so i was kicked from the family 6 yrs ago for asking my Mum not to speak to me like a child... The funny thing is my Dad is classic case of ADHD but they don't believe in it!! It did me a favour though, because i was so ill mentally and physically that it made me finally speak to the doc and get the diagnoses. I haven't even bothered telling them and the way i think now is that when i am on top of the world, my kids are all doing great and life couldn't be better, they will not see it, because i wouldn't give them the satisfaction now of using ADHD as an excuse for their appalling parenting skills! I live 150 miles away and I don't think they even know my number so that suits me fine!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2010 14:40:52 GMT
I can't imagine not loving my kids. I also can't imagine not trying to understand there point of view. Both my parents drive me mad and we often have very different opinions but I just accept who they and often laugh at their foibles. I realise it's not always like that though, but in general the majority of mums do love their children unconditionally
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Post by mizmog on Nov 5, 2010 10:08:10 GMT
well, I have to change what I said earlier in the thread... I cut my parents off in September as u know and then out of the blue last night My Father rang.. i was shocked to say the least, he had a quick chat, how are you? how are the kids? that sort of thing then passed me to my Mother who just kept talking like nothing had happened! I sat dumbfounded because she didn't even mention the last time i saw them! just acted like we had been in contact and nothing was wrong!! After a while i decided to give the diagnoses of ADHD thing a shot so i told her quite bluntly about it and all she could say was "oh that again, well i new you were like my sister" and when i told her they were going to medicate me she was horrified! she just brushed it off and said i don't see why you need medicating there's nothing wrong with you!! She said she had been talking to her friends about me and said she didn't understand why i am like i am but wont accept that theres anything other than 'naughtiness' to blame.. I did suggest she read up on it but like always she doesn't need to apparently! I just felt like once again they were not listening... and now i cant not speak to them because they think they have done nothing wrong again so i have just got wait until they decide to attack and cut me out and screw me up AGAIN!! aarrrggghhh i don't know why i couldn't have just told them where to go last night but sadly i just wasn't brave enough its so much easier when they just don't contact me
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Post by snickerz on Nov 5, 2010 10:19:16 GMT
tell your mother in no uncertain terms if she doesnt want to believe that you have adhd then could she limit contact as you find her denial distressing, have they go no owere to go at christmas and are hedging there bets
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Post by mizmog on Nov 5, 2010 10:22:31 GMT
i think i must be so weak.. i try and tell them that every time but end up just keeping my mouth shut.. I guess its the child respecting parent thing in my head I think I am still 10 and my dads hand bloody hurts lol... The last time they bothered making the journey up from Kent was 4 yrs ago they haven't even seem my new house so i wont hold my breath for Xmas!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2010 15:50:44 GMT
well, I have to change what I said earlier in the thread... I cut my parents off in September as u know and then out of the blue last night My Father rang.. i was shocked to say the least, he had a quick chat, how are you? how are the kids? that sort of thing then passed me to my Mother who just kept talking like nothing had happened! I sat dumbfounded because she didn't even mention the last time i saw them! just acted like we had been in contact and nothing was wrong!! After a while i decided to give the diagnoses of ADHD thing a shot so i told her quite bluntly about it and all she could say was "oh that again, well i new you were like my sister" and when i told her they were going to medicate me she was horrified! she just brushed it off and said i don't see why you need medicating there's nothing wrong with you!! She said she had been talking to her friends about me and said she didn't understand why i am like i am but wont accept that theres anything other than 'naughtiness' to blame.. I did suggest she read up on it but like always she doesn't need to apparently! I just felt like once again they were not listening... and now i cant not speak to them because they think they have done nothing wrong again so i have just got wait until they decide to attack and cut me out and screw me up AGAIN!! aarrrggghhh i don't know why i couldn't have just told them where to go last night but sadly i just wasn't brave enough its so much easier when they just don't contact me I aint told my dad about any of this and I wont be telling him, I did ask him to do a tick sheet with all the symptoms on and to tick the ones that he felt I did, he did but never asked me why and I aint told him why. I am pretty sure my dad would not accpet that A) Adhd was real and B) if he did that I have it. My dads my dad but and for me I love him warts and all he can be very closed minded about lots of things but then he can be amazing about loads of others, never gives me a hard time about the mess of my home ( my mum who tottaly believes I have ADD give me a hard time daily!) and he buys me shopping to help me out. If you can and i understand there may be a million reasons that I know nothing about, it can be good to accpet them for who they are, if they have good points that you can build on and make a relationship around then it can be rewarding to do so.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2010 11:20:19 GMT
It breaks my heart to see and hear of parents not accepting their children for who they are and help them deal with the problems they have been dealt My children are my life and even though dealing with their problems can be hard I could never imagine pushing them away. I have also brought them up to accept people the way they are, unless they are harming another. With a house full of various 'special needs' it can be very manic here and there are times it gets to much. I lock myself away have a cry and then remember all the good bits. My own parents have found it much harder to come to terms with the difficulties the children have. Maybe it is a generation thing? Any parents reading this may feel I'm not up against what they have to deal with and maybe I am not. However, the thought of pushing my children out of my life is unbearable. As I am a newbie and, as yet, other members will not know my situation, so here is a small breakdown of my tribe: 23 yr old son - dyslexia, ocd, asd and multiple health problems. 21 yr old daughter - asd, ocd, depression and self harm 18 r old daughter - Unique chromosome disorder, turners syndrome variant, asd, adhd, ocd, self harm, dyspraxia, hyper- mobile joints, speech, language and communication problems, violent mood swings and substantial learning difficulties. 14 yr old son - asd, ocd, mears irlen syndrome, sad, dyspraxia and home educated. That leaves me and hubby. I am a full time wheelchair user with multiple health problems and hubby gets to look after us all while dealing with his own asd. I'd add all the animals, but would be here forever Keep smilin Elly
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Post by kakema on Dec 5, 2010 21:57:35 GMT
Respect.
Puts my life well into perspective.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2010 12:23:40 GMT
I bet the worst bit is the amount of time you spend in waiting rooms.
I can get my head round family meltdown but waiting rooms are the devils work
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Post by kakema on Dec 6, 2010 18:30:58 GMT
The ordinary koff! hack! variety yes, def one of the seven circles. But ADHD ones, I've found, seem to be a bit more.....festive.... ;D
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2010 18:48:05 GMT
Ah - well
My first diagnosis was private so it was knee deep carpet, hot and cold running dollybird receptionists and comfy chairs. The five minute over-run was barely registering on my ARGGGGHHHHHH meter.
The second was at SLAM and it's a bit odd there - grumpy receptionists, peeling walls and strange geometric room dividers for the waiting area, which serves several departments (you can play spot the ADHDer). It's entertaining in it's own right but I don't think a delay would be too wonderful. A good job they were timely.
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Post by kakema on Dec 6, 2010 19:21:01 GMT
I had a series of strange and at times rather sad people shuffling in and out of the clinic to pick up their meds and generally remonstrate with the staff. That was the 'mainstream' psych clinic. Then I had the specialists - that was more pre-school style, but still the keypad entry and reinforced glass at reception...plenty going on to keep me interested though.
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han3617
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Post by han3617 on Dec 11, 2010 8:43:41 GMT
My mum has always preferred my brother to me - because I was a 'difficult' baby and child! But by contrast, I am extremely close to my ADHD daughter - and we understand each other completely! I am positive that my mum has ADHD too - but she just rubbishes the idea. Doesn't believe there is anything wrong with my daughter, and prefers to believe that I was just naughty / lazy / immature! Oh well - as the saying goes, "There's none so blind as those who will not see"!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2010 15:13:27 GMT
I guess perhaps for a mothers it may at times, just be too hard to accept ,that they did not seek help for you as a child. They may be defensive .....admitting to them selves that they" messed up" in not recognising the difficulties and seeking help and then to finally admit they were wrong etc is hard Its easier to blame some one else than look within. All members of families play roles with in that family and behave in certain ways and certain behaviour is then expected by others . When there is a change in the family dynamics often there is real resistance to these changes etc. It can take a long time for these new roles to become accepted and certain family members can really dig heals in. Googling Family scripts / Rewriting family scripts by John Byng-Hall may be interesting to you . tc
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Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2011 21:53:45 GMT
When I was wee (my age is a closely-guarded secret, but to give you a clue, I'll be 43 in July), information on ADHD had made few inroads even among health professionals, never mind the general public. But my parents weren't unsympathetic - the worst I got, and mum's stock term of address when I was having an ADHD moment, was "dream" - I assume she meant it as in "daydream" rather than "perfect"... My party-piece, which I used to manage regularly, happened when mum asked me to switch her electric blanket on if I was going upstairs. In the five seconds it took me to run upstairs, I nearly always forgot about the blanket; I sometimes forgot why I was upstairs at all actually. I never properly discovered ADHD myself until last year, and when I mentioned it to mum she was quite interested. I suspect it explained nearly as much to her as it did to me.
I had far more problems in my 20's with other authority figures (to use the term loosely); one or two line managers at work in particular. I suspect I'm not the only one there...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2011 19:55:10 GMT
I had a big humdinger with my mum this week, while trying to find out who may have adhd in our family, she told me it doesn't exist, I was so angry that I swore at her, My friend thinks it's probably because if she admits its real then she'll have to feel really bad about how she treated me growing up (and that she may have it too).
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2011 22:24:53 GMT
I was having this convo with a friend this avo about how my mother effects my moods with her comments on aspects of my life! Very close to telling her to shove it tbh... She never has anything nice to say to me unless its a put down about something or other, my parenting (which I try my dam hardest at given the circumstances). I have no plan to tell her about the ADHD as it will be brushed under the carpet like everything else has with my past, never had the support and never will do! Cant have shame on the family... I resent her, I hold such a grudge for my upbringing and even the way she has spoken/treated me way into my 30's, oh the list is endless that im getting worked up about it now and dont want to go to sleep feeling bitter and angry! So shall leave it at that Parents hey! xx
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