Post by andy12345 on May 19, 2010 14:21:22 GMT
Argh, 3 hours 40 mins of it.
I never answered so many questions in my life, well tried to answer because I seem to have to define exactly the answer but tend to forget what the question was.
So, as most of you will know I have always maintained that I have symptoms of ADHD, being clear that I am aware that perhaps a depressive issue or just perhaps luck of the draw is actually my problem with the resulting side effects of ADHD.
I've used terms like analysis paralysis, prisoner of my mind etc.
In my quest (started about 1.5 years ago) I've covered everything and anything as a cause of my life problems, whilst getting to this point.
I also wrote to the Miriad project at the Institite of psychiatry doing my usual questions questions lark about whether I even have what is currently labelled as ADHD- PI (predominantly inattentive) and should I even attend the ADHD clinic in the first place...
In the end I agreed that I should go, so the preliminary results seems to be.......and I do tend to agree on the results below (particularly as I took an Autism spectrum disorder quotient test online - an oldie but produced by cambridge university staff at the time)
I got about 30 on the scale. whereas at the time, those on this site (who took the test and were already ADHD certifiedTM) scored between 2 and 5 I think......However I'll probably start a crusade on the most reputable and up to date ASD questionnaires now.
The next day after my appointment I took the test again online and was more thorough, it took me 25 minutes to rate 50 questions between 1 and 4...(think think think think) One question took me 5 minutes becuase my mind wandered. SCORE 22. not really much different but more accurately rated.
________________
Anyway, enough of the preliminaries, the actual appointment.
I was an open book, like a robot, being interrogated. I don't know why, but when I deal with the "experts" who have a good attitude, it's quite easy for me to talk about everything and anything. As we went through it all I realised that I certainly had a sort of perhaps needless analysis issue....perhaps.
I mentioned things related to mood etc. sensitivity blah blah.
The first thoughts, which I accept as a fully open minded robot is that I am inconclusively adhd inattentive at the moment with perhaps a good possibility that I have some Autistic traits that make me too aware, too self-conscious (leading to concentration issues and eventual frustration - repeat cycle) not insecure however, and a real tendency to act like a behavioural mirror towards people with also a sort of 1 or 0, black and white thinking...Things must be precise etc.
My other main issue is my "why bother" or "it's too hard to bother" attitude. I'm really not sure if this is a result of depression or adhd+ depression etc.
I look to all possibilities and my one advantage is that I am sane, rational, logical and it's not over yet lol.
The autistic traits may explain my difficulty with any relationships, be it friend, family, love etc.
So, if you are thinking that you have adhd but you're not sure, then perhaps look to autistic/sensitivity traits as well as all of the other potentials, because, at the end of day, a sensitive personality may have trouble concentrating with some ADD symptoms, particularly emotional issues or even feeling like you are just observing from a distance.
This appointment has made me realise even more so that as the years go by, the ever dis-entangling ball of wool that is the sum of all mental neurodiversities or ailments etc, may eventually unravel and yield a better understanding of the symptoms of each of the ailments. (wow, its like an epic statement innit gov!)
I need to go back, if I can be bothered (lol) sense the apathy!!!!for some more specific adhd testing on working memory etc.
So, summing up, I am sort of intending to get to the root cause and understand it.
The way I see it, the core problem of ADHD is that its end result causes an undesirable (even to the sufferer) finish to all things or obviously, some things never get started like decorating etc.
Executive functioning issues etc abound causing a lack of positive regulation of acceptably functioning behaviours, tending to lead to frustration, depression, reinforcement of negative thinking etc as well as problems with self-medication attempts etc etc and all the total shit that goes with it.!!!!
However, I try to be precise and calculating on many counts, perhaps its worn me out, perhaps I have adhd, autistic traits and an element of depression but it may take some work to be sure.
The concern for medication is that I may become even more analytical but I think perhaps it would be a good idea to really
I hope I've made myself totally unclear........hehe Phew I'm tired now. or am I bored? I'm not sure that I even know?
One thing is for sure that train journey was borinnnnnnng.
Yours confusedly.
Any thoughts on my thoughts would be rather welcome at this time.
ADDITIONS - 1 min later.
Obviously, its important to remember what most proper psychiatrists are trying to establish. What is your level of functional impairment?
Before the labels came around, people with adhd would be known as "novelty seeking, intolerant of boring things, not finishing, always doing more than one thing, never finishing properly," Then again, the person just might be a sloppy git who does not care for some reason.
I am what I am, and if I can moderate it slightly somehow, that would be quite desirable, particularly the damn bloody annoying self-conscious, too aware of things nonsense.
Edit 2.
I think perhaps I've always been susceptible to this problem below...
I sometimes go so overloaded mentally from stressed working conditions (whereas some people might not think its stressful at all), or I feel like that is case, that I just need to close my eyes and lie down.
It's only been happening in the last 3-4 years but as I get older perhaps the ravages of this pointless existence are chewing me up more. Maybe its the harder stages of an atypical depression. I really am wondering......Need more data, input input!!!!!
I'm not really aware that I'm on thinking overload, but perhaps my sub concsious is whilst my aware self is not and it flakes me out? pffffft. At least I still have possibilities so onwards and upwards .........for the time being.
ADDition 3....
DRiving.
For me, learning to drive (something I never really mastered at all) was fraught with feelings of an inevitable possible accident resulting in deaths etc, but I was not so concerned about myself lol, it just seems like my brain entertains the idea of any possibility like a sort of quantum possiblity device. Instead of worrying only when (hopefully not) an incident occurred I was possibly already living the accident.?
Does this sound mad or what? Total concern with what-ifs and butS?
Addition 4. Even though I think I'm trying to be precise, I will still fail to write every example down. I'm a wannabe precision writer arghhhh. Oh well who cares !!!! Oh yeah, and of course, I always jump the gun as they say......Before I can blink I'm on conversation alert and shields up but I've sort of learned to act more average. Still, robots are good at that......
ADDition 5 - I really have so many questions, but then that's my nature......
I never answered so many questions in my life, well tried to answer because I seem to have to define exactly the answer but tend to forget what the question was.
So, as most of you will know I have always maintained that I have symptoms of ADHD, being clear that I am aware that perhaps a depressive issue or just perhaps luck of the draw is actually my problem with the resulting side effects of ADHD.
I've used terms like analysis paralysis, prisoner of my mind etc.
In my quest (started about 1.5 years ago) I've covered everything and anything as a cause of my life problems, whilst getting to this point.
I also wrote to the Miriad project at the Institite of psychiatry doing my usual questions questions lark about whether I even have what is currently labelled as ADHD- PI (predominantly inattentive) and should I even attend the ADHD clinic in the first place...
In the end I agreed that I should go, so the preliminary results seems to be.......and I do tend to agree on the results below (particularly as I took an Autism spectrum disorder quotient test online - an oldie but produced by cambridge university staff at the time)
I got about 30 on the scale. whereas at the time, those on this site (who took the test and were already ADHD certifiedTM) scored between 2 and 5 I think......However I'll probably start a crusade on the most reputable and up to date ASD questionnaires now.
The next day after my appointment I took the test again online and was more thorough, it took me 25 minutes to rate 50 questions between 1 and 4...(think think think think) One question took me 5 minutes becuase my mind wandered. SCORE 22. not really much different but more accurately rated.
________________
Anyway, enough of the preliminaries, the actual appointment.
I was an open book, like a robot, being interrogated. I don't know why, but when I deal with the "experts" who have a good attitude, it's quite easy for me to talk about everything and anything. As we went through it all I realised that I certainly had a sort of perhaps needless analysis issue....perhaps.
I mentioned things related to mood etc. sensitivity blah blah.
The first thoughts, which I accept as a fully open minded robot is that I am inconclusively adhd inattentive at the moment with perhaps a good possibility that I have some Autistic traits that make me too aware, too self-conscious (leading to concentration issues and eventual frustration - repeat cycle) not insecure however, and a real tendency to act like a behavioural mirror towards people with also a sort of 1 or 0, black and white thinking...Things must be precise etc.
My other main issue is my "why bother" or "it's too hard to bother" attitude. I'm really not sure if this is a result of depression or adhd+ depression etc.
I look to all possibilities and my one advantage is that I am sane, rational, logical and it's not over yet lol.
The autistic traits may explain my difficulty with any relationships, be it friend, family, love etc.
So, if you are thinking that you have adhd but you're not sure, then perhaps look to autistic/sensitivity traits as well as all of the other potentials, because, at the end of day, a sensitive personality may have trouble concentrating with some ADD symptoms, particularly emotional issues or even feeling like you are just observing from a distance.
This appointment has made me realise even more so that as the years go by, the ever dis-entangling ball of wool that is the sum of all mental neurodiversities or ailments etc, may eventually unravel and yield a better understanding of the symptoms of each of the ailments. (wow, its like an epic statement innit gov!)
I need to go back, if I can be bothered (lol) sense the apathy!!!!for some more specific adhd testing on working memory etc.
So, summing up, I am sort of intending to get to the root cause and understand it.
The way I see it, the core problem of ADHD is that its end result causes an undesirable (even to the sufferer) finish to all things or obviously, some things never get started like decorating etc.
Executive functioning issues etc abound causing a lack of positive regulation of acceptably functioning behaviours, tending to lead to frustration, depression, reinforcement of negative thinking etc as well as problems with self-medication attempts etc etc and all the total shit that goes with it.!!!!
However, I try to be precise and calculating on many counts, perhaps its worn me out, perhaps I have adhd, autistic traits and an element of depression but it may take some work to be sure.
The concern for medication is that I may become even more analytical but I think perhaps it would be a good idea to really
I hope I've made myself totally unclear........hehe Phew I'm tired now. or am I bored? I'm not sure that I even know?
One thing is for sure that train journey was borinnnnnnng.
Yours confusedly.
Any thoughts on my thoughts would be rather welcome at this time.
ADDITIONS - 1 min later.
Obviously, its important to remember what most proper psychiatrists are trying to establish. What is your level of functional impairment?
Before the labels came around, people with adhd would be known as "novelty seeking, intolerant of boring things, not finishing, always doing more than one thing, never finishing properly," Then again, the person just might be a sloppy git who does not care for some reason.
I am what I am, and if I can moderate it slightly somehow, that would be quite desirable, particularly the damn bloody annoying self-conscious, too aware of things nonsense.
Edit 2.
I think perhaps I've always been susceptible to this problem below...
I sometimes go so overloaded mentally from stressed working conditions (whereas some people might not think its stressful at all), or I feel like that is case, that I just need to close my eyes and lie down.
It's only been happening in the last 3-4 years but as I get older perhaps the ravages of this pointless existence are chewing me up more. Maybe its the harder stages of an atypical depression. I really am wondering......Need more data, input input!!!!!
I'm not really aware that I'm on thinking overload, but perhaps my sub concsious is whilst my aware self is not and it flakes me out? pffffft. At least I still have possibilities so onwards and upwards .........for the time being.
ADDition 3....
DRiving.
For me, learning to drive (something I never really mastered at all) was fraught with feelings of an inevitable possible accident resulting in deaths etc, but I was not so concerned about myself lol, it just seems like my brain entertains the idea of any possibility like a sort of quantum possiblity device. Instead of worrying only when (hopefully not) an incident occurred I was possibly already living the accident.?
Does this sound mad or what? Total concern with what-ifs and butS?
Addition 4. Even though I think I'm trying to be precise, I will still fail to write every example down. I'm a wannabe precision writer arghhhh. Oh well who cares !!!! Oh yeah, and of course, I always jump the gun as they say......Before I can blink I'm on conversation alert and shields up but I've sort of learned to act more average. Still, robots are good at that......
ADDition 5 - I really have so many questions, but then that's my nature......