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Post by roland on Oct 12, 2008 0:50:01 GMT
Hi Everyone,
I've noticed that we're getting quite a few posts from parents so I've created this board especially for you to use as you like.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2008 15:05:11 GMT
Hi I'm a parent and spouse of adders and although I don't think I have it myself I sometimes wonder how I got myself in this position so perhaps I have. I visit this site in order to get a better understanding of my children's behaviour and to discover the best ways of helping them through their traumas so they can go on to have happy and fulfilling lives. I would be interested in hearing how other parents have coped with the 'poor parenting blame' and the 'they just need to pull themselves together' comments from family, friends and professionals to myself and to them. There are days I start to believe these comments and yet the more I understand about the condition the more I feel I could be helping them more. Anyone in a similar position?
Whirlwind
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Post by annie on Nov 10, 2008 20:03:13 GMT
Hi Whilrwind
Lovely to have you on the forum.
Yep all these comments from so called"experts" do leave you feeling "they just have to pull themselves together" although I never accepted anything about "poor parenting" I always knew I was a good enough parent.
We have 2 children dx aged 15 and 17 (very late in the day) It was only when they got into secondary school did we realise there was something different about them (that's not quite true, for some reason I always felt anxious about leaving them at school 'cos no one would understand them the way I did). Unlike their friends, they didn't seem to "get" the importance of education :they just didn't get this homework thing or trying to please their teacher!!
When I did find out why they had the difficulties they had, it was an enormous relief. I always knew they weren't horrible children but their behaviour tested me to the limit. With the knowledge of why they behaved the way they did, I did change the way I reacted to them. However the fact they wouldn't co-operate with treatment, left me dealing with the same bloody awful behaviour, but at least now there was an explanation!!
Until I knew why they struggled I too went along with "have to pull yourself together mode" My children are now 21 and 23 so I don't get the same opportunity to stand up for them. However whenever someone tells me they should be getting their act together, I bore the pants of them, about adhd. Doesn't change the other person's point of view but I don't allow them to frame my child as "lazy and could do better" That's not what they are!!
Look forward to hearing more from you
annie
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