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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 15:16:27 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 15:16:27 GMT
who here doesn't like talking on the phone?
i don't like talking on them but i wish i did.
i'm fine talking on them for short calls to my bank or something, because i know they're going to be short and easy but i don't like calling people. my boyfriend asked me to call him last night, we always msn or text usually, but i said not at the moment, maybe tomorrow. he knows about my ADD so i explained that i can't keep up my concentration on the phone and i'll just say yeh a lot, not knowing what he's just said. he said that's ok, coz he's lovely, but i did intend to call him today but now i just...don't want to. i guess i do have anxiety attached to the phone. it's just on the phone you have to keep the conversation constantly flowing and there's those awkward silences and argh.
anybody got any tips to help with this? i'd like to get more comfortable with phone calls.
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 15:53:40 GMT
Post by Ravendarque on Mar 16, 2011 15:53:40 GMT
Hate using the phone. Never answer it and avoid making calls like the plague. My stomach drops out it I have to.
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Post by kakema on Mar 16, 2011 15:59:14 GMT
I never call anyone for fun. Do duty calls to my mother and cut her short mid-sentence when I get bored - ooh, gotta go now!
Have to do interminable conference calls for work, which, with no visuals to stimulate me, I zone out of completely. Get very flustered when it goes quiet and I realise someone's asked me a question. Also forget i've muted my headset so they can't hear me snoring, so I get halfway through my answer before realising they can't hear me...
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 16:16:23 GMT
Post by Ravendarque on Mar 16, 2011 16:16:23 GMT
Haha I do that! At least, I did before the meds, haven't put it to the test since. It gets really embarrassing to keep asking 'sorry, what was the question?'. Oddly, I don't mind calling into a conference, although it's weird if there's only one other person on. Like standing in a lift with them with nothing to say.
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Deleted
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 16:26:50 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 16:26:50 GMT
i'll only call if there's a point to the call. so when that question has been answered or whatever, the call has ended. i don't call people just to chat, like my boyfriend wanted to. i feel bad though, i want to talk to him, but not on the phone =/ it's just me i guess
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Deleted
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 18:13:36 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 18:13:36 GMT
A friend of mine with ADHD is like that. Hates talking on the phone. It's a real pain in the arse because arranging anything with him involves a long-winded exchange of text messages which could easily be obviated by a 20 second phone call.
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Deleted
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 18:29:36 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 18:29:36 GMT
Yes me too. I only phone people for practical reasons, if there's no other way, and will often get irritable, especially with family. I cut ppl short, often for really poor reason, like "oh I've got to go, someones just walked in the room", as I don't feel able to carry on (and I can't quickly think up a more normal sounding excuse).
Luckily I'm hardly on the phone at all with my job, but things like transferring calls to other phones makes my mind go blank, I'm a nervous wreck and I lose the ability to put coherent sentences together. It feels like its something to do with having to converse with / manage 2 different ppl, in 2 different contexts. It can't be a techno-phobe thing because I work in IT/programming.
I am better on the phone if I am alone, and pacing up and down - If I have to stand still (eg landline) I also have this weird thing where I kind of squirm around, mess with my hair, and touch my back a lot (often actually putting my hand down/up the back of my clothes. Don't ask me why).
+ I'm always doing that thing where there's a silence, then you both start talking at the same time, then you both stop and wait for the other person, then you both start talking at the same time.... and it gets stupid. I've been doing that a lot with my GP's secretary recently.
I often find phone calls really REALLY exhausting. I've really p*ssed off friends over the years by keeping my mobile on silent.
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 18:47:50 GMT
Post by mizmog on Mar 16, 2011 18:47:50 GMT
I hate talking on the phone on a personal level... i never have those conversations I just use txt.. I cant bare it when i ring for a reason and they want to waffle without ever actually getting to the point!! When hubby rings to say he's on his way home my response is "whats up? ok see you then" lol poor thing but he knows its just me!!
yet at work where my job is to ring customers and chat... I dont hv a problem! I can give all the 'oh really's' and the 'oh thats a shame' and do it all day! I dont really hv to listen and i dont hv to make small talk cos its all business so its easier some how...
Cookie my only advice is when i hv to make 'those calls' to doctors/banks etc I put myself in work mode and pretend its business! but i still struggle sometimes...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 18:48:39 GMT
Have to agree with what's been said.
I only phone people for practical reasons. Phoning for a chit chat drives me crazy.
I have really bad anxiety when it comes to answering my phone. So overwhelming.
Also, I'll be talking to someone and my phone will ring. The person normally stops talking, waiting for me to answer the phone...
Never understood why people deem a ringing phone, more important than the real life conversation they're having?
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 19:07:10 GMT
Post by andy12345 on Mar 16, 2011 19:07:10 GMT
OMG, this is one of the subjects I never asked others's about.....phones.....
It's like I hate the sound of my voice, or there is some feedback loop. Then again, I always have the issue of feeling outside of myself whilst talking in general anyway. I don't know if that's normal or not........
QUOTE I am better on the phone if I am alone, and pacing up and down - If I have to stand still (eg landline) I also have this weird thing where I kind of squirm around, mess with my hair, and touch my back a lot (often actually putting my hand down/up the back of my clothes. Don't ask me why). END
I have to arrange objects. I think they call this, stimming, in the autistic world..
EDIT Also, I have a solution to returning calls to relatives or making that once a month call.
If they chew my ear, then I just end up not phoning them at all........
EDIT 2. Once I'm in the call, then I'm okay.........
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Deleted
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 20:08:24 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 20:08:24 GMT
Andy, you can just press quote instead of doing that quote end thing haha.
thinking of trying to call him later. he's gonna do something that's difficult for him so i feel like i should do the same.
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 20:53:21 GMT
Post by andy12345 on Mar 16, 2011 20:53:21 GMT
I couldn't do quote because I did quick reply......lol
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 21:09:41 GMT
Post by sherry on Mar 16, 2011 21:09:41 GMT
I have to use phones for my job, unfortunately. I like quick calls, not ones that go on and on. At work I put on my polite, I am really interested, receptionist style voice. I sound really sincere, then I put down the phone at the end of the conversation and usually say Fookin Wanker, Twat and hurl further abuse at the phone. One day I am not gonna put the phone down properly and they are gonna hear me. My colleague says I am like Jekyll and Hyde. ;D
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 21:17:08 GMT
Post by kakema on Mar 16, 2011 21:17:08 GMT
Me too! I'm famous for cursing the phone after a conversation, and have alarmed colleagues who think I'm still live and on air!
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trigger
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 21:58:45 GMT
Post by trigger on Mar 16, 2011 21:58:45 GMT
omg i do hate talking on the phone. girls really twist my mellon w their endless phonecalls and yeah i do end up going "yeah, uhuh,yeeeeah" after a while. still i have really obsessive behaviour around 3 objects: keys, wallet and mobile. These are the thing i obsolutely mustn't lose or leave at home, so i always find myself holding my mobile and staring at the screen for no good reason. my manager goes nuts! to make matters even worse, now i got internet on my mobile, so my attention drifts into my phone soo easily and i often get told off by mates, during meetings or at work. I think its a complex thing i got going on w my phone...
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Deleted
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Mar 16, 2011 23:04:50 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 23:04:50 GMT
Begin-Quote: It's like I hate the sound of my voice, or there is some feedback loop. Then again, I always have the issue of feeling outside of myself whilst talking in general anyway. I don't know if that's normal or not........ END-Quote Yes I get that too. What the hell is it? 'Stimming': I'll go and look it up. If I end up paying for a private dx (highly likely as my GP says PCT will say "No" to out-of-area refferral), I'll have to make sure they know about ASD too, so I get my moneys worth. Are you dx'd with ASD Andy
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Deleted
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Mar 16, 2011 23:13:54 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 23:13:54 GMT
i think that's called being self conscious.
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Phones
Mar 16, 2011 23:14:30 GMT
Post by Ravendarque on Mar 16, 2011 23:14:30 GMT
Organising things is also an OCD thing and OCD is made worse by stress or anxiety. I organise stuff while on a long call (which is rare) if I'm sitting down, but then I do have OCD apparently, so I may be biased there. On the other hand, sometimes I leap around like a big hairy ballerina if I've got too much energy to be talking on the phone (usually to my parents who are the only people to phone my up for a chat and usually get monosyllables for their efforts).
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Deleted
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Mar 16, 2011 23:16:43 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 16, 2011 23:16:43 GMT
i didn't phone him =/
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Deleted
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Mar 17, 2011 17:17:13 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2011 17:17:13 GMT
I love talking on the phone, am I the odd one out here?
Though I must come across as very rude due to my impulsivity so constantly interrupt.
Worst time ever was rearranging an appointment for the ADD Center, though they must be used to it! ;D
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Phones
Mar 17, 2011 18:07:53 GMT
Post by seahorse on Mar 17, 2011 18:07:53 GMT
I hate using the phone, used to be terrified of it as a kid/teen! Overcame that but still don't like using it. I try to avoid answering it at work but too much of that just pisses my colleagues off so I have to answer a fair number. My ex used to sound so confident on the phone, and when I mentioned it he said he was as scared as I was. So now if I'm feeling nervous I just "channel" him. Official stuff I manage ok, there's a question to ask and I can ex-channel, personal calls depend who I'm calling. My mum is reasonably chatty and I phone her most weeks, but my dad is quite quiet and I find it a bit awkward to chat to him at times because "small talk" really doesn't come naturally to me and I feel awkward when I do it.
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Phones
Mar 18, 2011 0:25:51 GMT
Post by andy12345 on Mar 18, 2011 0:25:51 GMT
As for all situations, if I have zero perceived stress or threat, then I'm fine, but as soon as I got disturbed I become an awkard b'stard who gets well ahead of himself and misses the points that are made and couldn't reason his way out of a paper bag .
ANGLE, I met all of the inattentive adhd criteria easily on paper and at interview, but couldn't really relate them in childhood so easily (apparently) I probably just epicly failed to clarify myself...... As a result, my adhd consultation result from the maudsley last year, was to consider pursuing an ASD consultation due to meeting the criteria and mentioning the symptoms etc...through questionnaires blah blah.
However, I still think my easily disturbable and therefore distractable nature is partly adhd with asd, but I don't really want to argue with "experts" and I can't be bothered either.
I could easily be classed as PDD-nos
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Deleted
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Mar 18, 2011 0:31:50 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2011 0:31:50 GMT
I can talk on the phone for hours. Try stopping me;).
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Deleted
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Mar 30, 2011 19:59:45 GMT
Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2011 19:59:45 GMT
this is annoying me a fair bit now. my boyfriend doesn't have his laptop so if i want to chat i have to text (most of them don't get through anyway) or call. he's really ill at the moment and i know i really should and i really want to call him, but i just can't. why can't i just pick up the phone!
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Phones
Apr 3, 2011 23:53:52 GMT
Post by christvswarhol on Apr 3, 2011 23:53:52 GMT
OMG, this is one of the subjects I never asked others's about.....phones..... It's like I hate the sound of my voice, or there is some feedback loop. Then again, I always have the issue of feeling outside of myself whilst talking in general anyway. I don't know if that's normal or not........ . yepyepyep agree!!!!
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Deleted
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Apr 4, 2011 16:25:57 GMT
Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2011 16:25:57 GMT
Wow, I find this a really interesting point; I'd never figured that my dislike of talking on the phone could be a ADD symptom? At work, I have to be 'cajolled' (sp?) sometimes into calling people back as I'd much rather e-mail them instead. I find text/e-mail easier but maybe it's because people can respond when they have time and vice versa? I could happily work in an office on my own and not see/speak to another person again!
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Phones
Apr 4, 2011 16:54:16 GMT
Post by ChaosLily on Apr 4, 2011 16:54:16 GMT
Yep - me too. Hate to make calls and generally don't and my stomach ends up near my knees when my phone rings. I'm generally ok once I'm in the call though - weird!
Bullshit bingo's good for those conference calls (google it) - I used to do them at work! It means you kind of listen, even if it is only to get a house!!
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Phones
Apr 5, 2011 7:19:34 GMT
Post by boo on Apr 5, 2011 7:19:34 GMT
Yep - me too. Hate to make calls and generally don't and my stomach ends up near my knees when my phone rings. I'm generally ok once I'm in the call though - weird! know just where you're at with that one........ short calls at work are ok, cept they interrupt my train of thought and i usually forget to pass on the messages, they're never for me, so i wish i never had to answer them tbh i hate the ones where you say, can i pass on a message, and you expect them to say, can you get him/her to call me...... and they go on to give you a blow by blow account of what theyre gonna be telling the person they really want to talk to.... i mean really? ? just give me your number will ya! (and then i'll forget to pass it on for you )
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Post by kakema on Apr 5, 2011 7:39:05 GMT
Yep - me too. Hate to make calls and generally don't and my stomach ends up near my knees when my phone rings. I'm generally ok once I'm in the call though - weird! i mean really? ? just give me your number will ya! (and then i'll forget to pass it on for you ) Harsh! At least write the number on a sticky first, so you can leave it on your desk for a week with the others, add other unrelated info to it over the course of the week and then look at it before you chuck it, wondering whose the original number was....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2011 20:45:49 GMT
I love this thread.
Nearly always hate talking on the phone. Never answer home phone.
Always have mobile on silent unless in private or it is work mob at work (but even then I usually forget to take it off silent at work until prompted to do so!)
Really really hate leaving voicemail messages.
Always sending emails rather than just picking up phone. Nowadays most of my team just delete my emails without reading them.
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