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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2011 15:46:50 GMT
Hey Folks, just wondered. I am very materialistic. Not in the way that I will only go for a reach BF or stuff like this, but I seem to be unhappy if I cant have certain things. I am working hard for stuff what I want, I have an inner urge to buy stuff. My credit card, well I try to pay off.. lol only about £3000. I would want to change the whole house here, Furniture everything. I want to buy a house in a few years time to myself, I am at the same time totally into cars, meaning I could spent my whole money on buying cars. Luckily I have a well payed job along being a student and I dont have to pay rent at the moment so I can afford to keep 2 cars. But thats not enough.. I dont feel fullfilled.. not sure whether this is the right wording. I hope someone understands what I mean. If you are like this, how do you deal with it? The urge is on somedays really bad and usually comes along with a short depressive phase. Thank you for your time.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2011 16:37:10 GMT
I dont feel fullfilled.. not sure whether this is the right wording. i think you just nailed it right there. are you trying to fill the empty space you feel with buying things? when you buy something you get a short high that temporarily fills that gap, but obviously doesn't last very long. then you're onto the next thing. you don't sound materialistic to me, you just sound like you're trying to fill the empty space in your life. i've watched programmes on this before, with people who sound like you. they got themselves into terrible debt but couldn't help but spend more and more to try and fill the emptiness they felt. temporarily filling it is better than not filling it at all is how i guess they looked at it. good news is with therapy they managed to address it and stop spending and start thinking of positive ways to address the emptiness they felt.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2011 17:32:47 GMT
canesmum have you considered coaching? I'm recently started and it is giving me a real focus to ADDapt following dx.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2011 17:57:33 GMT
Thank you for your answer. I was thinking about Coaching, but I cant afford it. I have seen the prices for that.. :0(
I think you could be right with your assumption that I just try to fill a gap. But what is the gap? I have partly put this behavior down to my ADHD. But not sure. I am able to safe money as well, so its not that I cant do this. I know that I am unhappy the way the house is where I live at the moment. Its my BF of 8 years House and he wont let me change anything really. He is very set in the way to keep everything even though its broken. The furniture is really really old!! I dont like coming home as there is nothing what I like, what I feel comfy with. So the thought of what I could do and want to do gets stronger and stronger.. I am so far to actually split up with him, if he further will not let me change the furniture to something newer and nicer and not broken! The relationship is otherwise fine. This problem nags on me constantly, every day. Sorry that I just throw a whole load out here.. :0(
Anyway.. I also was wondering, what would happen if he would let me do (with my money, not his) and then I am finished at one day and then? Would I be unhappy again?
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Post by sherry on Apr 24, 2011 18:12:53 GMT
I like buying stuff for a buzz, but I don't place any importance on these things above emotional needs, so no I am not materialistic.
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Post by dizzydumpling on Apr 25, 2011 14:37:14 GMT
Hi canesmum, Two quick points (as I really MUST get back to my stydying !!): 1. I don't think it's really materialistic of you to want to replace old and knackered furniture - I think most of us dream about what we'd do with our houses etc if money was no object (or most women anyway - most men seem less bothered I think!) 2. Could it be that you're feeling the need to express your own identity if you have no control over your physical surroundings? Don't know about the buying stuff/splitting up dilemma though - that's a tricky one! Diz x PS I'm not really the right persion to give any kind of advice on this sort of thing - you should see my credit card bill!!!
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Post by boo on Apr 25, 2011 15:09:55 GMT
PS I'm not really the right persion to give any kind of advice on this sort of thing - you should see my credit card bill!!! yeah, mine aint pretty i think theres a definite difference between materialstic and spend-too-easily without thinking/planning whether its to fill a void, alleviate boredom, impulsivity, i think any or all of these replace the fact of it being a truly materialistic trait, its not the things so much, as getting the things that seems to be the magnet
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Post by phil on Apr 26, 2011 19:34:46 GMT
I'm really pissed with my house and I can't say I'm truly happy with anything the decor, furniture, the mess! If I had the cash things would change but impulse buy's and living constantly in my overdraft is causing a cycle of annoyance with ones self how do you define a person who is materialistic?- Someone a lot like mr trebus of the life of grime that surrounded himself with shit or someone that would not be seen dead in a pair of £4 tesco jeans?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2011 20:50:26 GMT
Good old Mr Trebus. He had a Honda Cub moped that he referred to as a sporting type. I would have loved to see his less sporty model.
I like spending, but am not overly materialistic, I will quite happily wear clothes that are comfy, regardless of brand.
I will use logic to justify my purchases, rather than peer pressure.
I like the anticipation of a parcel arriving, regardless of what it is.
I think I like the buzz of buying things. Thankfully, because I'm not a brand snob, I can fulfill my desires for buying stuff without spending over the odds.
John
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Post by kakema on Apr 26, 2011 21:27:50 GMT
I have a feeling that the act of purchasing gives a healthy stimulus that is pleasurable for ADHDers.
I impulse-buy a lot, usually for my daughter. Suffer from massive buyer remorse when I buy for myself.
Also get a massive kick out of taking crap to the dump, though. Freud would have had something to say about that, no doubt...
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2011 10:25:56 GMT
buy buy buy!!!
love buying, love researching, love buying!! LOVE LOVE LOVE
BUY BUY BUY!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2011 13:23:30 GMT
I love researching too, almost more than buying!!!
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Post by kakema on Apr 27, 2011 13:41:44 GMT
...the thrill of the chase! First, select your target victim.... ;D
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2011 17:34:21 GMT
I love researching too, almost more than buying!!! researching? you mean you think about things before you buy them?! (new concept to me ) noooo, making sure you buy the best
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Post by Deleted on Apr 27, 2011 20:38:46 GMT
Canesmum, google Afluenza and see if it resonates.
I am pretty much non-materialistic - my faith community encourages simplicity, so whether that is cause or effect I am not sure - but I know I still struggle with feelings of insecurity that I don't own my own home.
As for researching - again my former partner (the one who we are trying to get diagnosed despite stupid psychiatrist saying he couldn't be ADHD), could be on the British Olympic team for research prior to shopping. He loves it. I still get him to do things like research which lease car I should get for work because it keeps him happy for hours. We joke that my only requirements are working and red, and he can deal with the rest
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2011 10:57:45 GMT
Sorry Folks, I could not answer before now as I had a stressful time with my Exams. And last night I could not log in, there seemed to have been a problem with the server. I thank you all for your answers, they are very much appreciated. It all brought a bit more light into my dark in understanding what I am or better how I am. I always thought I am materialistic. If you would see me now in my comfy clothes.. Nothing fancy. But I love money (who doesnt?) but this would be then not because I am materialistic but trying to be happy, trying to get a buzz and all that. It makes sense to me.
By the way.. I love looking for ages on the Internet for the best deal before I buy something, I love to haggle about the price where I can.. ;-)
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Post by Deleted on Apr 28, 2011 11:01:06 GMT
@kiwihelen
Thank you for the Affluenza thing. Just had a quick look into it. Not sure whether it totaly fits me, as I dont come from a wealthy family at all. But as soon as I bought what I want, the buzz is gone and I look for something else, thats why I wonder whether this would be with me when I would be finished doing the whole house.. lol Very interessting.
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Post by dizzydumpling on Apr 28, 2011 21:25:24 GMT
I'm guessing you guys all have ebay watchlists as bunged up as mine then?! The good thing with ebay is that, if you're really skint you can have almost all the pleasure of buying the stuff...just minus the parcel arriving! (Yeah, I know that's kind of the important bit, but beggars can't be bidders!!) The browsing can still go on into the wee small hours, and there's always that little thrill of knowing you could theoretically, throw care to the wind and press 'bid now' in the last 30 seconds!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2011 7:18:46 GMT
Before I was diagnosed and medicated I was addicted to ebay ran up £4.000 of debt on basically cr**p . Its the bus you get and its an impulsive persons dream. Ive learnt to stay away only get somthing I really want. I used to be very materialistic always wanting expensive holidays designer clothers and expensive things for my home. But it never made me that happy. You have to be happy with yourself and appreciate what youve got around you. Ive come full circle good career expensive hoildays etc. To a lower paided job shopping wisely and saving for the first time. Im alot happier now that I'm in a job which I can do easily which isnt stressful or tiring. It means when I come home Ive got time and eneergy for self to do the things I enjoy. Its all about peace of mind and realising whats important to you. That for me is my partner, my family and friends , cats, hobbies and doing a job that I love.
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Post by dizzydumpling on May 1, 2011 8:26:18 GMT
Before I was diagnosed and medicated I was addicted to ebay ran up £4.000 of debt on basically cr**p . Whhoooaaa.....I thought I was bad!!! ;D I'm getting better - I guess it's a form of self CBT...If I manage to resist bidding for stuff, quite often a few weeks later I go back, look at what I nearly bought, and I find myself thinking "well that's crap, what the hell did I want that for anyway?" Thing is, there's always those items that are going to keep calling you forever cos they consistantly seem like an amazing idea - I recently bought a really knackered out Transit van/camper from ebay, because I'd convinced myself it was going to change my life - well it has, I'm now 2 grand more in debt but haven't managed to even sort out enough front seats in the damn thing to take the family camping !! As fort the materialistic thing - my E reg emulsion painted rust-bucket's definately not gonna help me keep up with the Jones's, (I won't even be keeping up with the mopeds) but in my mind, when I bought it, it was a Winnebago!! ps Canesmum, hope the exams went well and Meggie, glad u got a less stressful job - I've heard such a thing existed, but was starting to assume they were mythical! Time to chill with kids/family is more important than anything IMHO, but hardly ever seems to happen!
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2011 21:40:10 GMT
dizzydumplingThanks for asking about exam. I think i mocked one up as there was one bit of information i did not read... :0( so don't know yet. I was so happy the way how it went because wit the help of ritalin i was able to recall things. And then it was still like wrong, i might still have past, but chances are very very small... It was such a upsetting day for me in the end. When i read what materialistic means.. Well i really can say i am not. Its strange to get all this new insights into myself. I also have to watch the money though, sorry if i repeat myself.. Lol... eBay.. Was at one point a danger to me too. Have now every now and then a time where i let rip on eBay, mainly for shoes.. Lol think too tired and hungry to write more.. Very happy about all your input here. Thank you all !
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Post by dizzydumpling on May 2, 2011 23:01:15 GMT
Sorry the exam went badly - you never know, you may have done better than you thought - I've been pleasantly surprised by exam results before (believe it or not!) Can you put in for extenuating circumstances or something - failing to read a vital piece of information that's staring you in the face sounds like an ADHD symptom to me!!
As for Ebay, I wonder if it's equally common for the rest of you to have as much trouble selling items on ebay as NOT buying them - I'm only asking because I've had a pile of clothes sat upstairs waiting to be sold for 3 months now and I once had a brand new coat hanging from the picture rail on a coat-hanger for a year and a half waiting to be sold - I'd even got as far as taking the pics! - In the end it faded down one side, so I beat all the dust out of it and stuck it in the clothing bank!
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Post by seahorse on May 3, 2011 17:37:48 GMT
As for Ebay, I wonder if it's equally common for the rest of you to have as much trouble selling items on ebay as NOT buying them Absolutely - I had some camera bits waiting to be sold for ages, but couldn't seem to get it done. Eventually my b/f started listing them for me and we are finally down to the last few bits now
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Post by kreate on May 3, 2011 18:16:09 GMT
If i have money in my wallet, i spend it! Its a nightmare. I have to divide money into envelopes over the month lol.
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2011 21:01:46 GMT
dizzydumplingThank you for your lovely words. I can put in a extenuating sheet. I still can do this after I found out whether I failed or not, I went and did ask my Disability woman at Uni. And yes.. I missed this info because of my ADHD. lol ... well.. whats done is done.. I am the same bad with selling stuff on ebay. Done it a few times with most of time no luck. Have loads of stuff here what I was going to put on Ebay. But it never went along.. lol.. I usually end up to stuff it down to charity shop..
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2011 22:50:01 GMT
As for Ebay, I wonder if it's equally common for the rest of you to have as much trouble selling items on ebay as NOT buying them - I'm only asking because I've had a pile of clothes sat upstairs waiting to be sold i'm looking at them now... it's just so laborious and BORING.
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Post by dizzydumpling on May 6, 2011 14:12:38 GMT
This is why I love it here - I feel NORMAL! Glad you're going to get the extenuating circs canesmum - and yeah, I usually end up bunging the bin-bags of clothes intended for ebay in the charity shop too - we may be lighter in our pockets, but we'll be richer in our hearts ;D ;D Kreate - I do the envelope thing but online with different bank accounts - the plan was to organise my finances...but then I just end up borrowing from one account to pay a direct debit coming out of another etc, which leaves not enough for food blah blah.....don't you just end up tearing all those envelopes open early?
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2011 21:12:09 GMT
dizzydumpling..
I manage to use the weekly money in the envelopes just as it comes, not to open the next one before its time.. but sadly every now and then my credit card has to funktion on top of that. I am so proud of myself, that I have not been yet to buy the wished for new black fridge freezer and the new cooker and the new couch and the new... well.. you get the hint.. ;-)
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