Lame44
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 207
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Post by Lame44 on May 2, 2011 23:45:06 GMT
I was having a nose reading a few threads here catching up and reading some posts got me thinking of how different I am to some of you in certain ways. Mainly it was the answering fine calls etc that someone mentioned in a recent thread.
I'm rambling sorry, but you see, I don't answer my landline.......ever! For the past God knows how long my mobiles have been on silent and I rarely answer my door if it knocks unless i am waiting for a parcel to come and am sure it's that turning up.
I moved in January and there was a few things the Housing Association needed to fix etc and I wasn't happy about letting the workmen in but I had no lights in half the flat so had to let them in and a plumber over a few days.
We all had the new digital aerials put up weeks and weeks ago too and they needed to come into the flats and fix a little box thing on the wall so that we could watch digitally as some of ours were turned off. I was in the front spare room on my pc when they knocked but I just didn't want anyone to come in, didn't want to be seen by anyone or see anyone.
It would have meant talking first of all, then trying to act like I am friendly and trying to make conversation. I hate talking to people and to try and copy others, to make out I'm into the same things as others, to make out I understand others, it just wears me out, it grinds me right down and I've had enough. Im always tired as it is but that's because of a few other health issues but it's getting so tiresome that I feel like giving up talking altogether.
I used to talk as a kid, but growing up and getting older I never talked to anyone unless it was at home. I rarely looked at anyone and still find it hard to now because it feels like I'm being stabbed inside me by peoples eyes, but I was trying. I made myself talk to Tim my psychologist but there gas been so much stuff going on that I forget half the things to tell him.
Anyway, it got me thinking are any of you like me in that you don't let people in your home, don't answer phones or doors etc. I could quite easily not speak again outside home, but then again I'm doing it less n less anyway. Much to the annoyance of my nosy neighbour!
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Post by phil on May 3, 2011 0:48:23 GMT
My gaff is a mess at the month so I don't wan't to let anyone in I'm social but don't like people in my home unless they are old friends!
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Post by laura on May 3, 2011 8:42:29 GMT
im not really that social it wears me out, i like spending time on my own, i find it hard to understand how people make and keep lots of friends, i also have social anxiety so want to be able to speak to more people but find small talk and speaking to new people very hard. i hate answering my door when im not expecting anyone, but usually do because if i dont i will be wondering who it was for days but im ashamed at the mess my house usually is so am very aprehensive when answering it. it depends what mood im in wether i answer my phone, i have an answering machine and my friend i have had from school is suprised when i answer because she usually has to speak to the man on my answering machine she has even named him bob because she usually speaks to him more than me! i would be quite happy with minimal contact with the outside world much to the annoyance of my boyfriend, but would also like the chioce of speaking to people and going out when i want to but the anxiety holds me back. im having cbt now and hopefully this will improve things. you are not alone im sure there are many of us on here that are like this
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Post by andy12345 on May 3, 2011 13:00:54 GMT
If a hermit is 10 and a hollywood actor is 1 then I am probably 8, with regard to social interest.
I consider myself totally apathetic in many ways, including socially. I have realised recently that I have no real interest in the complications of society and most of what goes with it.
However, if I am caught in a social crossfire, then I will try and act somewhat akin to a human being.
meh!!!!!!!!
I don't really even know my parents', grandparents, cousins etc, bar very few of them.
When I say I don't know, I mean I don't ask them questions about life before I was born and started torturing them.
I live in the same house as them, but I certainly not what would be considered a family member, in my opinion and due to apathy and the technicalities of autism traits and other shit, I'm far too tired to start now.........
Thats the short answer.
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kreate
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 190
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Post by kreate on May 3, 2011 18:13:28 GMT
I am very social, but if im anxious i go very over the top, exhaust myself and crash lol. I do like alone quiet time, which suprises alot of my friends.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on May 3, 2011 22:36:03 GMT
i am sociable if i get the opportunity. i don't usually answer the landline phone but i can just look out my window to see who's at the door and decide if i want to answer it lol
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Post by phil on May 6, 2011 15:14:38 GMT
If my door knocks and it's a politician, jahovas witness or sum utility supplier claiming to save me money then I can't say it fills me with joy ;D
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Post by dizzydumpling on May 6, 2011 15:24:50 GMT
I am very social, but if im anxious i go very over the top, exhaust myself and crash lol. I do like alone quiet time, which suprises alot of my friends. Yeh that's me now! I enjoy socialising and meeting about 30% of people (as long as it's 1 - 1) - those who I feel I 'click' with. Some click & some just don't - it seems to be about personality type rather than age or occupation or anything. But regardless of whether I click with someone or not, I always get carried away & end up chuntering on & on & on at people - and then that whittles down the list of people who may choose to socialise with me again to about 10%! After knowing me for a few months, most people give up. I think I just infuriate them. Luckily there's a handful over the years I've clicked with and remained very close to, which is a real blessing! Ryan - regarding your original post, I used to be exactly like that in my mid twenties. There was about 18 months when I barely left my home, and I can remember hiding behind the bathroom door (which was next to the front door) and waiting for people to go away - and even then waiting for ages in case they came back and saw my shadow dart out!) I also didn't answer my phone. I think the main problem was not knowing who would be on the other end - fear of the unexpected 'hostile' person. I had no answer machine, but I had a couple of friends/family who would do a sort of secret ring and if I knew it was them I'd answer it. It was a horrible time as although I didn't want to see anyone, I was also lonely. Looking back I can now recognise it as social phobia (although I was diagnosed with agoraphobia, which it wasn't because if I actually made it out of the door, nothing made me happier than walking on open moorland with no-one else in sight!) Not answering the door/phone is kind of you're last line of defense in this situation. After all, you're home is supposed to be your castle (fortress!!) and if you can't feel safe there, where can you feel safe. I still get very angry at door-door salespeople, charity workers, Jehova's witnesses etc who have the cheek to pester me in my own home! Eventually I got a referral from the CMHT to an organisation who provided someone to come out with me, and I got better at doing it by myself in the end, but it did take longer for me to start answering the door - to be honest, I still sometimes get a feeling of dread, and send my other half to answer it if he's home. I totally understand the eye contact thing: for years I had a panic attack every time someone walked past me in the street and hated anyone looking at me (not so bad in busy places as I felt less like the focus for others' attention then). I didn't know whether I was supposed to look at them or not, whether my mouth was supposed to be open or closed, whether my arms were supposed to be swinging like they were etc. I would try so hard to look 'normal' that I must have looked like a total wierdo!! I'd be holding my arms stiff, trying to keep my mouth shut even though I couldn't breathe, and I'd either stare straight down to try and avoid eye contact, or my eyes would be darting backwards and forwards, trying to find the appropriate type of gaze. Again, it got better over time, but I still don't like it, and on a particularly bad day the panic attacks can still be an issue. I don't know if this is the same kind of problem you have with eye contact - my son is autistic and has similar problems - just finds it plain uncomfortable, so I've told him to look at people's noses when he's talking to them instead & it seems to help. I was going to say that we differ on the sociability side of things as I crave company some (but definately not all) of the time. Having said that though, you socialise on the forum, so you're obviously not antisocial! I wish the internet had been available when I was in my 20s as it seems like a really good safe (ironic, I know) way to make connections with people if you do have issues with socialising in person. Only you will know if these issues with answering the door/phone etc are a problem for you. For me they were a real problem and I wanted to get over them, but if you don't feel that they're isolating you or causing you increasing anxiety, you have a right to shut the world out of your own home. However, for me it was a really bad downward spiral which led to increasing anxiety & depression and prevented me from being the kind of parent/person I wanted to be. If it's causing you problems DO seek help with it. CBT might be a good start IF you're the kind of person it works for - unfortunately I'm not, but I know people it has worked for. If you're stuck in certain patterns of behaviour and fixed beliefs, it may be worth a try?? Also why don't you try and write stuff down as it occurs to you to raise with Tim when you see him? (Oh if only I could practice what I preach!! ) Take care anyway. You're definately not alone on this one - I reckon there's thousands like it!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2011 5:15:14 GMT
I like seeing my friends, and too much time on my own.. well no.. BUT.. alone the thought to go to a party with a lot of people and strangers and strange place... freaks me out big time.. No chance..
Yet, I do not have a problem to ask a stranger, if I need help or just do small talk to a stranger, as long it is just one person.
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Post by boo on May 8, 2011 9:31:42 GMT
i avoid asking for help for as long as possible, but not necessarily in an anxiety related way. my mum has always asked for help, to the point of asking before even trying to sort it herself, and then proceeds to treat the person like they are best friends. i think for this reason i sub consciously 'trained' myself to not ask at all if i can help it.
my sis always said she 'envied' how sociable i was and the fact that i was able to walk into any situation and be able to just get along with anyone when she was so uncomfortable and awkward. tis funny thats how i come across when i feel so awkward on the inside too... and yet, she is probably more consistent in how she interacts with people, i can be quite erratic, swinging from super excitable, to super dont-want-to-say-a-word-to-anyone-able.
funny what vibes we give off not really reflecting how we are feeling inside sometimes isnt it.
and one of the things that struck me with that quiz we've all been doing, was the question about feeling exhausted after social events and needing individual re-charge time, or however it was phrased, i cant remember now.... anyway, that is something that i totally related to but never really understood it, and certainly never thought anybody would ever 'get' it if i tried to explain it.
edit: also going back to that quiz, i scored a much lower score on the social side than i expected and it did say a low score could indicate social phobia. i knew i could be socially avoid-ant but didn't think of myself as a social-phobic (((shrugs)))
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Post by andy12345 on May 8, 2011 15:21:19 GMT
maybe just socially apathetic
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Post by boo on May 8, 2011 15:51:42 GMT
or a pathetic sociable
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Post by andy12345 on May 8, 2011 16:15:55 GMT
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Post by boo on May 8, 2011 16:20:27 GMT
actually, i have decided i am a sociabilly ;D
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Post by phil on May 8, 2011 18:06:49 GMT
I am a socialite/recluse
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Post by kakema on May 8, 2011 18:17:52 GMT
i avoid asking for help for as long as possible, but not necessarily in an anxiety related way. my mum has always asked for help, to the point of asking before even trying to sort it herself, and then proceeds to treat the person like they are best friends. i think for this reason i sub consciously 'trained' myself to not ask at all if i can help it. my sis always said she 'envied' how sociable i was and the fact that i was able to walk into any situation and be able to just get along with anyone when she was so uncomfortable and awkward. tis funny thats how i come across when i feel so awkward on the inside too... and yet, she is probably more consistent in how she interacts with people, i can be quite erratic, swinging from super excitable, to super dont-want-to-say-a-word-to-anyone-able. funny what vibes we give off not really reflecting how we are feeling inside sometimes isnt it. and one of the things that struck me with that quiz we've all been doing, was the question about feeling exhausted after social events and needing individual re-charge time, or however it was phrased, i cant remember now.... anyway, that is something that i totally related to but never really understood it, and certainly never thought anybody would ever 'get' it if i tried to explain it. edit: also going back to that quiz, i scored a much lower score on the social side than i expected and it did say a low score could indicate social phobia. i knew i could be socially avoid-ant but didn't think of myself as a social-phobic (((shrugs))) I could have written this post (except I don't have a sister ;D ). People think I'm v sociable but except with a few close friends it's a total performance - I can't bear big gatherings, esp for work, and need at least as much time on my own as I spend with people or I feel like I'm going mad.
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Post by boo on May 9, 2011 7:05:30 GMT
People think I'm v sociable but except with a few close friends it's a total performance - I can't bear big gatherings, esp for work, and need at least as much time on my own as I spend with people or I feel like I'm going mad. i wonder if this is why we can feel so exhausted?
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andy12345 laziest login
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Post by andy12345 laziest login on May 9, 2011 12:59:56 GMT
When I do think about the subject of recovery from socialising, I really wonder why it is so fatiguing.
The underlying turmoil in the brains of those affected, must be quite prevalent.
There is the highly sensitive person construct touted by some authors, but surely this is just another part of autism "spectrum"?
I've been looking at the ASD test charts and it's clear to see that most people doing the test, are clearly shifted to the right side (aspie).
I suppose its time to do that test again and post my newest result, whilst objectively thinking about each answer.
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