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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 5, 2011 16:45:08 GMT
My son has been diagnosed with OCD, although I believe he has ADHD as well.
He showed all of the classic ADHD symptoms when he was a child and into adolescents and although he could drive a saint to drink I could identify with him, and he was after all a lovely kid with a good heart. When he was 16 he caught measles (my daughter who was 14 caught it too) and this probably sounds completely daft but his personality seemed to change after that.
He became really manipulative and could turn really nasty if he didn't get his way, and he seemed to thrive on causing trouble and arguments within the family. From then on everything was a battle he would argue about every little thing and when he'd reduced me to tears of frustration he would look so smug, with a sly smile on his face. He said that there was a creature who stood in the corner of his room telling him to do all of these things but he was aware that the creature was in his mind and not real. He was never very good at taking responsibility for his actions but it got to the point where he was damaging peoples property and blaming other people, friends etc.. If my husband or I, disciplined him in some way we would co-incidentally find something broken like a lamp or the shed window or the car would be egged on a hot day. When a relationship he was having with a girl broke down he went and vandelised her fathers car and van!
He has also run up a lot of debt which we paid off for him, hoping that he would make a fresh start but he's done it again. He's 20 years old and thinks that we are unreasonable expecting him to work so he left home to live with a relative who he says doesn't expect anything from him. He was taking Venlafaxine for about a month at the beginning of the year and within a few days of starting he was a different person, it was like i'd got my son back. But he decided that he didn't want drugs interfering with his thoughts and stopped taking them.
Firm friends he'd had up to the age of 16 are really concerned about him (the ones that have stuck around) as he seems incapable of telling the truth. I am really worried about what the future holds for him.
Has anyone else had any experience of this?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2011 20:47:23 GMT
Have you read about ODD, oppositional defiant disorder? Read about that and see if it makes any sense. I only ask as his behaviour changed so suddenly. xx
Can be diagnosed co-morbid alongside either ADD and OCD
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 5, 2011 21:01:12 GMT
Does ODD come on really quickly then Simone?
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2011 12:57:08 GMT
Sorry i shouldnt have said that, I didnt really mean suddenly, but i should have been clear in comparing it to ADHD which has to have early, childhood symptoms, ODD can be developed later on in teenage years, especially co-morbidly.
It can be present at a very early age like adhd, but alternatively symptoms can show later. Apologies, i need to be careful how i say things!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2011 14:08:41 GMT
Optimistic hun, I am so sorry to hear what is going on with your son.
Knowing what I know about people who have experienced difficulties with their kids, the thing you need is support/coaching yourself on how to set boundaries and deal with your own grief about his behaviors. Unfortunately there is little/none available in the UK in my experience, but some people benefit from going to either Al-anon groups (for family members who are affected by someone else's drinking) or if you are lucky CODA (codependants anonymous). Not saying you are in either of the targeted groups for these organisations, but rather that the skills they teach are invaluable.
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Post by boo on Jun 6, 2011 19:39:11 GMT
optomistic, does your relly realise they're probably really not doing him any favours? are they someone you would be able to have a quiet word with and see what the situation really is there? i think 16 is one of those ages anyway what with the end of statutory schooling looming and exams and adulthood suddenly bearing down them, i think you can chart definite growth spurts, but in personality rather than height and shoe size and 16, i think, is one of the spurts. my lad has had one in the last few months and i can really see the difference in him, my dd has just had another spurt, she's gonna be 21 in a couple of months, dont they say its roughly 7 years-ish between each major change in our outlook and emotional growth? so give or take that would be 7-14-21-28-35 etc etc and i know 16 aint 14 but add the whole end of school and into the big bad world into the mixing pot and i reckon i would peg 16 as a mid adolescent spurt, like a mid life crisis but for teens ;D sorry, i am really waffling with whatever is running through my mushed brain now, and on reading this back will probably wish i had planned what i was gonna say better, but i as my brain cant get anything more than.... blugh... as a thought process, i am gonna leave it and be damned....... sorry...... hope its not erring too much on the side of complete bollocks.... xx
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 7, 2011 9:16:08 GMT
Thanks very much for the advice ladies.
Yes, Kiwihelen when someone changes their personality you really do have to grieve for the person you have lost. My husband and I are at odds with how to deal with my son's behaviour. He comes round to our house to collect his belongings, refusing to talk to me, refering to me as "that f'ing bitch" to my husband, slamming doors and kicking the walls. My reaction to that is not to invite him in again until he behaves civilly and is prepared to address me, but my husband won't back me up on it.
And I had forgotten about the 7 year cycle for emotional and spiritual development Boo, that's a very good point.
The relatives he is staying with is my half sister and step mother and they are not helpful. To cut a long story short, when my father was diagnosed with cancer a few years back my stepmother effectively cut me and my siblings off from him telling him that we were being unkind to her (which was a lie). I had no contact with my father for the last 10 months of his life. When he died it transpired that during that time my stepmother had arranged for my father to cut us out of his will. We took legal action and my stepmother caved before it got to court and the previous will that we were named in was re-instated. My stepmother and half sister have made it clear that they want nothing to do with myself or my siblings, but strangely enough they are trying to court favour with all of our children through facebook etc. My son remained in contact with my half sisters son, as they were close in age and good friends and it was through this friendship that he came to live with them. According to my son he has been told that he is not allowed to talk to me if he wants to live there.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2011 10:43:42 GMT
Thats so bad of them, I really feel for you.. When my step-father died his will was contested in a reverse situation to yours and it was very stressfull.
It just angers me to think of your step-fam trying to gain the trust of your son in this very vunerable time, they should be trying to support him without taking sides. Its making your situation so much worse, and i wish i could give you good advice about them!?
All i can suggest is you write to him explaining everything going on from your point of view. It may be easier than talking in person while emotions are high. It may or may-not work, but he cant moan youve not tried to stay in contact? xx
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Post by dizzydumpling on Jun 8, 2011 18:00:56 GMT
Hi Optomistic, sorry to hear you're having such a bad time.
Your post made me feel so sad and really touched a nerve for me. Partly because I can't imagine how awful it must be to have the son you love turn against you like this - it must be heart-wrenching, but also because I was so vile to my own mother from the age of about 13 or 14, and although I wasn't utterly obnoxious 24/7, I said and did some terrible things to her, fuelled by a totally misdirected and irrational rage that I couldn't control. (I think I was very well behaved until about 11 or 12 and then got steadily worse until my 20s) I know this is different from the sudden change you've experienced with your son, but I guess all kids and the triggering factors will be diferent. What Boo said about his age..... I think boys often mature a bit later than girls and therefore go off the rails a bit later too. Also, I'm not sure that it's so far fetched to see the measles as a triggering factor, as if he was ill for a protracted period, could this have led to some kind of post-viral depression? - and this might lead on to behavioural problems, and then a cycle he's stuck in? I don't know...rambling a bit there maybe - sorry!
One thing I do I know is that my own father who I only really met at about 11 or 12 seriously exacerbated the hatred and resentment I felt towards my mother. When I went to visit him, he'd tell me stories about what a harridan she was, totally slag off the way she was raising me - generally pick her to pieces as a human being, whilst all the while giving me as much booze/dope/fags/money as I wanted. I went to live with him for a bit, as I was so awful to my mum she couldn't cope, and I was chuffed to bits as I thought the sun shone out of his arse. The only rule he made was that I attend school - apart from that I could come and go as I pleased & there were no parental boundaries. Anyway, what I'm trying to say by this, is that angry/hormonal/confused teenagers have a habit of turning against those who have loved them the most and put the most boundaries in place over the years - and also of switching their affections to those who'll give them whatever the hell they want...
BUT..........the point I think I'm trying to make here, is that I worked it out in the end. With maturity, I realised that my mum was only ever doing what she believed was best for me (even if sometimes misguided), whereas my father on the other hand, just found it a novelty to have an easily impressed daughter around now and again whom he could use as a stick to beat my poor mother with. She was driven by a mother's love, and he by his own selfish whims and a huge dollop of spite. By my late 20s - early 30s I had rebuilt my relationship with my mother, and by the time she died I was probably the closest I had been to her since young childhood. My father on the other hand was out of the equation for good.
I really really hope it doesn't take your boy that long to come back and be the boy you knew before (my emotional development was somewhat arrested by drug use - I probably would have woken up and smelled the coffee much sooner otherwise)
I don't think it'd do him any harm for you to continue to try and set the boundaries regarding how can behave in your house - I don't know why your husband objects to this, but whatever happens - hopefully he'll appreciate you for your efforts in the future and work out who the real wan*ers were with hindsight. Stay optomistic! x
p.s sorry, I meant to say that like him I also ADD traits (minus the Hyper though) and OCD throughout childhood and became exceedingly manipulative from about the age of 13.
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Post by boo on Jun 8, 2011 19:39:11 GMT
Dizzy, i dont know how many times i have read your posts and thought, bloody hell that sounds just like me, and i know we all think that at times, but when you talk about some of your earlier years, i just relate so much to what you say, i really could be writing great big chunks of it myself..... anyway, optomistic, i agree with alot of what dizzy says there, i was pretty horrific to my mum from early teens onwards and just couldnt get any kind of decent communication going at all,between all the confusion and the rage and then input from folk who didnt realise that they really werent helping when they joined me in my anti-mother mind set. mostly, whatever we said to each other usually ended in sniping, (on both sides) and the more the relationship deteriorated the harder communicating on any civil level became. Sometimes it gets to the point where its impossible to break the horrible cycle and really needs intervention, which in you case, (in an ideal world), would come from your rellies or your hubby I truly sympathise with your predicament, its a horrible situation to be in, my DD went completely anti-me for quite some time and i didnt know which way to turn at all, al i could see was history repeating itself from my own youth and couldnt find a way to stop the thing from spiralling out of complete control...... somehow we have managed to come through it though, and my relationship with my own mum is also very strong now (even if she does drive me bananas at times lol) If it does help you any, I have had 2 seperate occasions in my life where I was completely cut off from my mum/family and somehow we have managed to come through the other side, not overnight obviously, but we got there eventually I think its made harder for you with your rellies having their own agenda, i wish there was a simple solution but from my own personal experience, both from the 'childs' and the 'parents' perspective, (as i have had the pleasure of both), sometimes letting things run their course for a while can be the only option, i know when i was having a hard time with my DD, i just wanted to fix it, and all i did for a while was drive a wedge further bewtween us as she just wasnt ready to listen, actually, thats could be said for the other perspective too, i think i needed to be at the right place in my own life before i could/would hear my mums point of view or acknowedge that her feelings did actually count for something and she actually make some sense (sometimes anyway ;D) blimey, i think i am erring on bollox again.... sorry... anyway, i hope that things start to settle down for you soon and he can start to see whos really on his side and not just scoring points on the back of his current mis-direction xx
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Post by andy12345 on Jun 9, 2011 13:42:08 GMT
Nothing worse than inter family global thermonuclear war all because one person misunderstands the meaning.
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 11, 2011 12:03:05 GMT
Simone, Dizzy, Boo and Andy, thank you for your kind advice.
Dizzy & Boo, it' s a relief to hear that you could empathise with your mum in the end. I have thought that maybe my son would change when he has his own children, but with the way he is he can't maintain any kind of relationship.
My son has always been very materialistic, even from a very young age and can easily be bought, that's the allure of my stepmother as she is minted. The only time he comes to see us is to get money of us, as he knows we are keen for him to work he will say it's for train fares for interviews, but he never goes to the interviews and spends the money on? I can't stand the manipulation, the way he figures out what our weaknesses are and exploits them. We end up feeling so used.
We had private health cover and he was booked as a day patient at the Priory, but he never used to turn up, so the health ins were billed over £450 each time, for nothing. I warned him that these sessions wouldn't be funded forever there were limits but he wouldn't listen. Then my husband was made redundant and we temporarily lost our health ins cover, suddenly therapy at the Priory was really appealing to my son and tried to get my husband to pay for it out of his redundancy! Of course he refused so my son goes off to my stepmother with a sob story that we don't care about him and she steps in and funds a day session at the Priory.
The thing that most disturbs me about my son is his complete lack of empathy, he can be cruel to the extreme and seems to enjoy inflicting emotional pain. I was rebelious and could be a little bugger in my teenage years but if I thought I had upset someone I would be mortified.
My aunt died recently (my fathers sister) and I didn't ask my son or daughter to go to the funeral as they hardley knew her, I didn't have very much to do with her either. I was really in two minds whether to go or not as my fathers family had been fed the same bullshit as my father in that my siblings and I had been unkind to my stepmother whilst my dad was dying from cancer. I decided to go anyway as I thought, these people are my family and if I don't go i'll be buying into the lies. I was really surprised to see my son at the funeral, when my husband went up to say hello, my son quickly ushered him to one side saying that he didn't want either of us talking to him at the funeral. He said he had been asked to attend by my stepmother so he could support his cousin. I sat across the church from my son who sat between my half sister and my stepmother, during the wake my stepmother was introducing my son to everyone, it was a choker, he wouldn't even look at me.
I believe my stepmother and half sister are the only two people that encourage the poisonous attitude I know his friends are really saddened by it.
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Post by phil on Jun 11, 2011 17:13:08 GMT
Optomistic, I'm sorry to here you are having problems with you're son and I understand that you're son is at the age when most kids usually are a pain in the arse! But things you have mentioned are causing me concern and this is the delusional aspect seeing a monster in the room but it's not really in the room it's in his mind? With the mood swings, stealing, breaking things, lieing, this seems more like bipolar disorder than ADHD!
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Post by boo on Jun 11, 2011 20:39:39 GMT
bloody families optomistic, my heart totally and utterly goes out to you. we have a family rift on my dads side, one which i dont think, infact i know wont, ever be healed and when i think about that, i wonder if there was ever a time when it could have been fixed before it got to the point of no return, maybe there was but in my heart of hearts i feel that there are some things that just cannot be resolved and this was one of them, i hope that this is not the case for you guys The situation must be unbearable for you, and that behaviour at the funeral has left me completely shocked on your behalf, what an absolutely vile woman she must be to be able to have the front and audacity to do that so unashamedly and with such blatant disregard to.... well everybody elses feelings really..... wow.... I wonder, if your step-mother felt she were no longer competing with you for your sons affection and in turn would not feel like she was getting one up on you, would she stop trying so hard? and if that were the case, how long do you think it would be before she got fed up with it all, with your son having no work, no money, taking her for granted? dealing with the various fallouts from his behaviour, having her things broken smashed and generally having to keep picking up the pieces? I dont know, i dont obviously know the situation well enough to be able to say that this would happen, or how long it would take if it did....... but the rift on my dads side of the family got me asking the same questions (to myself of course) about the family members that seemed to have all the answers and the judgements without ever really knowing what it must have been like, the old saying about walking a mile in someone elses shoes and all that...... and perhaps, as phil says there may be other things going on medically, or on the other hand, he may be trying to hurt you under some misguided belief (helped along and fuelled somewhat by cruella) that he has an axe to grind with you, it sure sounds like he is fully aware of his actions even if he doesnt necessarily understand the devastating impact they are having. I think there is so much you are having to deal with in this situation, so much more than 'just' your sons difficulties and it may be a while before it starts to untangle itself ..... i could arrange a hitman for your step-mother, if that would help at all.... for the right price of course....... disclaimer - I AM KIDDING ;D
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 11, 2011 21:08:56 GMT
Hi Phil,
Yes, I can see he does have bipolar traits.
I saw the creature as his conscience, where he dumped thoughts and parts of his personality that he didn't like. This creature resembled a character from Zelda, a game that he was playing excessively at the time. It made me really angry that they allowed him to have his PS3 when they admitted him into the Priory, their main concern was that he could hang himself with the power cable!
I think there is a clue to his condition in the medication that has worked for him and the medication that has been a disaster.
When he went into the Priory they put him on Citalopram, Olanzapine and an anti anxiety drug (can't remember which but it wasn't a Valium type drug). And he was like a zombie, apart from the odd display of agitation and aggression. It took away his positive qualities, dogged determination and very motivated. These drugs also made him very sick and he couldn't anything. The last drug he was put on Venlafaxine, the whole family noticed a positive change in him within a few days, he was agreeable, co-operative, not spoiling for a fight and not finding fault all the time. He didn't like the effect of the drug had "controlling his brain" and he stopped taking it, which is where we are now.
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Post by phil on Jun 12, 2011 1:04:11 GMT
is your kid aware of the facts that if he stops the medication that there would be a kindling effect meaning say you're sons mood levels at a few cycles a year he will start to rapid cycle untreated this is both in frequency and severity. the only thing you can do is wait something will happen with him not being medicated and he will be back on you're door step. but with bipolar disorder you have to understand that stress and stressors will make his illness much worse nagging at him to get a job is no good for him if that is going to cause stress. i wish there was somthing i could tell you to do but there is nothing you're just going to have to wait for him to make up his mind :/ his head will be split he wont even know if you are a friend or foe and will be totally indicisive i mean agree with one thing for a few minutes then be totally against it five minutes later! you're just going to be paitent and wait for him to make up his mind thats all and the liklyhood of incidents happening where he is now is high and when he starts playing up where he is living now they will show him the door then he will turn to you
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 12, 2011 8:59:26 GMT
Hi Phil,
he has shuffled back and forth a few times between our's and my half sister's. The last time he came here it was because she was expecting him to get a job. Whilst here he spent most of that time playing computer games and going out with friends on their holiday's from Uni. To get us to agree to him coming back to live with us when he jacked in university, when he returned last time he said that he really wanted to sort himself out go for therapy etc. I arranged for funding for the therapist and gave him the phone number but he always had an excuse why he hadn't made an appointment. Then he went to the Dr who put him on Venlafaxine and as I said before the change was remarkable something we weren't expecting because of the horrible side effects he'd experienced on meds before.
He stopped taking the drugs because his behaviour before he took them wasn't really affecting him, it was everyone he lived with that suffered. I'm not sure if i've made it clear that he is 20 years old now, yet he still does childish things like bounce the dogs ball off the walls in the lounge leaving dirty marks on the walls, breaking a wall light, a vase, a picture frame he thinks it's funny. He's an adult now this isn't on.
So he's gone back to my half sisters and got a job and appears to be keeping the job although he doesn't like it. This shows the inconsistencies in his behaviour, he can hold down a job and show consideration for the people he lives with if he wants to. He feels because we are his parents that we should put up with all the crap and he's actually come out and said this.
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Post by dizzydumpling on Jun 12, 2011 21:08:57 GMT
Hi Optomistic,
I'm afraid I don't know much about delusional behaviour or bipolar really, and I guess I glossed over that aspect of your original post to some extent, assuming this monster to be more metaphorical, but obviously Phil's made a good point there - just seems a shame that the Priory didn't pick up on this issue as if not just a metaphorical monster, it would certainly be pointing in the direction of some kind of psychosis - although from what little I've read on the subject that seems more consistent with schizophrenia I would have thought - but Phil has probably read a lot more than me!!
The situation at the wedding must have been absolutely unbearable. I'm sorry, but your stepmother sounds like one twisted bitch, and all I can say is well done for not actually killing her - you must be a master (or mistress) of self-restraint! Small comfort I know, but at least you will always hold the moral high ground, while she continues to scrape the bottom of the barrel with her vile behaviour.
To be honest, the one thing that came into my head when I read your post fom yesterday was 'what is he getting out of his behaviour?' You say that as a kid, he had a good heart, so it doesn't sound like psychopathy. So I just wondered, if he seems to like causing you emotional pain now that he's an adult, what the pay-off is for him. He must get something out of it. Perhaps if you can work out what this is, you can break the cycle by ensuring that it's not reinforced. Could it be that he's 'enjoying' the negative attention he gains from it, or that perhaps your response to his emotional cruelty then gains him sympathy and material reward from the evil stepmother? Obviously, I don't know anything about how you cope with his behaviour, but I guess he must be getting something out of it to keep doing it. As diffcult as it may be, I think I might be inclined to withdraw completely, and practice a bit of tough love, but I know this is easier said than done, and of course it can backfire on you.
Oh yeah, I meant to say the other day, have you looked at conduct disorder? I haven't looked into it recently, but I came across it some time ago when I was looking into what could be causing my boy's difficulties. I seem to remember that the general gist was that ADHD is linked with ODD, which then as the child grows older can turn into conduct disorder. But don't quote me on this as my memory's a bit shite. Just thought it might be another one worth looking up.
Sorry I can't be of more help Optomistic - my heart really goes out to you - I have up & down relationship problems with my 23 year old - thankfully not this extreme - but I know how much it hurts when someone you love so much throws it back in your face; and like I said, I have been the thrower as well, so I hope you can take heart from this - and the fact that he used to be sweet and kind as a little boy, I'm sure means that he can be again in time. xx
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Post by andy12345 on Jun 12, 2011 22:35:31 GMT
I would always try and find out what the majority psychology of the person is. Are they mostly pleasant/trying to be pleasant? Or, are they just greedy, selfish 24/7 etc etc? Venlaxafine is only an ssri, but you state it changed him completely, which would point to him having serious serotonin based issues with mood etc.? He sounds like he has a bad attitude and thinks he is top dog, like some sort of narcissistic behaviour. Probably not really a nice person at all when he's in "bad mode" www.maritalhealing.com/conflicts/angrychild.phpThere's a lot of information ^^. Obviously, I skimmed it, but was interested in any connection with anti depressants and conduct disorder. QUOTE Medication Medication has been helpful in decreasing ODD while uncovering the causes of anger and working on growth in virtues. A 1999 study reported that stimulant medication produced significant improvement both in ADHD-related and oppositional behaviors (MTA Cooperative Group, 1999.) Other research has provided evidence for the effectiveness of mood-enhancing medication (SSRIs) in children whose oppositional behavior is associated with obsessiveness and irritability (Garland EJ, 1996.) Atypical anti-psychotics have also been useful in some highly disruptive children with ODD. Patients with ODD and CD with severe aggression may respond well to risperidone, with or without psychostimulants, (Turgay, A. 2009.) A major concern in regard to medication in children is that from 1992 to 2002, the prescription of atypical antipsychotics for the treatment of aggressive and disruptive behaviors in children increased seven fold, (Correll, CU, et al. 2006 and Olfson, M, et al. 2006,) This research clearly demonstrates both the growing problem of excessive anger in our children and the need for alternative approaches for addressing this serious difficulty other than through medication.
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Post by phil on Jun 13, 2011 13:34:12 GMT
Andy SSRI's have been known to make people manic! Dizzy schizophrenia is easier to pick up on and the delusions are quite different the difference is optimistic's son knew it was in his head! This may not even be delusions there could be another precursor causing visual and audio hallucinations lack of sleep, drugs both prescription and street drugs, Optimistic being more directed at you with the egg's on the car playing ball in the house could this not be rebellion for pushing him to do well academically?
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 13, 2011 14:14:58 GMT
Hey Boo, so sorry I didn't see your last post. I'd like to say i'm appalled by the offer of a hitman but I would be lying as it's a very appealing suggestion ;D
My stepmother is a piece of work. She came into our lives as our au pair girl when I was 4 years old. Aparently it was my behaviour that alerted my mother to the affair between the "au pair" and my father as I started stealing money from them both and no one else. My mother would leave money out on purpose to see if I would take it but I never did, in the end the family Dr said to my mother that maybe she should look more closely at their relationship as I was trying to tell her something.
My father left my mother and eventually married the "au pair", my mother never got over it she was very bitter towards my father and my new stepmother. Now when your a kid you don't like to hear one parent slag off the other and far from poisoning your mind it can have the opposite effect and I think I gave my father the benefit of the doubt when he didn't deserve it. I don't do bitterness, I don't see the point in it, I watched it eat away at my mum, but then again she was treated appallingly badly. I've gone over all this because I am well aware that to be contentious towards my stepmother will only cause me harm. When my son has come back here and slagged my stepmother and half sister off I have never supported his views and normally end up telling him to be more appreciative of people trying to help him. I think that's the thing that really grates me the most about my son, he appears to have no moral code and no sense of loyalty to anyone. He will say what he thinks will curry favour with you to get you to give him what he wants.
Although I agree he has some Bipolar traits, they are traits that are also present in a lot of disorders and he hasn't had cycles of behaviour he has been this way for a few years now.
Dizzy, I can't for the life of me understand what he is getting out of behaving this way. To put it into some context he was voted school prime minister (head boy) by his peers during the last year of school, he was really popular and well respected. Now only a handful of those friends want to know him because he has changed so much and lies all the time and the lies are so stupid!
I have always questioned the OCD diagnosis, then I saw a documentary about a pioneering OCD treatment at the Maudesley. There was a boy about 9 years old who had a creature (like my sons) who told him to do stuff, or that bad things were going to happen to him or his family. Aparently this is caused by an extreem state of anxiety. The thing that has always got me is he can control his behaviour when he wants to when he has stayed at other peoples houses he is fine.
Andy, my son never tries to be pleasant unless he wants something from us, he treats us like were peasants. He is selfish but if you ever tell him that he goes balistic. When he lived here he would have three baths a day, insist on a fresh towel each time, one for his body and one for his head that's 6 towels in all and he would change his clothes 3 times a day aswell. When I would cook him food he would never come to the table to eat it with the rest of us, he's leave it half an hour get his plate walk to the bin and tip his food in untouched. This would even happen when he had specifically asked me to make him something that I know he really liked.
One sunday dinner time just before he went again, I insisted he come and sit with everyone at the table as my daughters boyfriend was round for dinner, after a lot of swearing and arguing he finally came to the table but sat with his forehead on the table and his arms dangling down to the floor, not speaking for the duration of the meal. I thought you stupid prat! I can't get over how a 20 year old man can behave like that?
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 13, 2011 14:29:33 GMT
Hi Phil, yes from what I understand schizophrenics think their delusions are real, my son has never thought the "creature" is real.
The egging of the car could have been for any number of reasons I suppose, he was about 16. But the playing ball in the house was only a few months back.
He lies about mostly everything but I think it's true when he says he doesn't take any drugs, he wants to be so rigidly in control I think he'd be afraid to try and he did have a bad experience with the drugs from the Priory.He is very disaproving of his cousin who is a real smokey bear, my son thinks he's a loser for smoking so much. He does drink a lot of red bull type caffeine drinks though and then wonders why he can't sleep!
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Post by andy12345 on Jun 13, 2011 15:56:59 GMT
It sounds very complicated, optimistic.
Good luck.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2011 16:22:12 GMT
sorry if you've already posted this (i have read the whole thread but you know) or if it's a stupid question, but what does he say when you ask him why he behaves like he does?
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 13, 2011 16:40:50 GMT
Hi Cookie, he just says it's because he's ill.
After he was diagnosed with OCD he used it as an excuse for all his bad behaviour and acted as if it was unreasonable to expect anything else from him.
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Post by phil on Jun 13, 2011 16:51:55 GMT
So just lack of sleep could have caused seeing this monster 1 time! As for the bath ritual of 6 towels that must be a nightmare! Haved you tried telling him that you start with the hair and end with the privets lol You're son definitely has OCD there is a good chance he also may have ADHD! But he is at an age where he don't understand he is out cast branded everyone is on his case! Back to me as a teenager I would never steel of my mother that was my brothers trick but shops, other people, where fair game, people don't understand what they where like at that age and view life through rose tinted glasses! I was probably getting arrested at your sons age! I faced a lot of police harassment my mood was all over the place back then I did not know the why's? I do now! just by coming here but all my life I have had the why's? Why did you this? Why did you say that? If someone comes to my house and says why is you're gaff a mess? I have the answer and it's not why don't you go and fuck off and mind you're own business! ;D Now I can say listen I don't want to live like this I want everything perfect and gleaming shiny but..... So basically one way or another you're boy is lost and probably don't even know the reasoning behind the way he acts as he acts! Him living with you're step mum must save you a fortune in washing powder and fabric softeners lol Are you the biggest authority figure in you're sons life? And about red bull I have been ask by a shrink in the passed if I excessively drank red bull LOL ;D I don't drink it as it tastes like sherbet lol! I would not rule out ADHD and could this monster in his bedroom be put down to him being sarcastic! Due to him not being able to express the why's?
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 14, 2011 8:10:15 GMT
Hi Phil, There is evidence that excessive computer gaming can cause hallucination type reactions, caused by the lack of sleep and intense unremitting concentration! I suggested this to my sons carer's at the Priory and they virtually laughed in my face. Yes I am saving a fortune from not washing his clothes ;D espescially as he insists on tumble drying everything even when it's hot outside. When he turned 18 he went off to live at his girlfriends mum's house for a few months, within 2 weeks of being there the poor woman's washing machine had packed up.
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Post by phil on Jun 14, 2011 9:35:59 GMT
I posted here somewhere about my brothers excessive gaming and a link that says it could be ADHD I'm sure that mentioned hallucinations too!
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Post by optomistic65 on Jun 14, 2011 12:49:47 GMT
I'll have to find that, thank Phil
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Post by boo on Jun 14, 2011 20:36:16 GMT
optomistic, do you find there are still decent glimpses of your son as was? (towards you in particular i mean there) or has the relationship hit a total wall at the moment?
I ask because there are definite times when I feel I am talking to a complete stranger with both of my 2, and then what seems like the same conversation at a different point in time can have a totally different outcome.... it confuses the hell out of me sometimes, but i am sure that my own approach changes at times without me being aware of it, which in turn changes how they respond to me..
not to mention they may just be on a different mood plane as well (if you know what i mean)
if there are glimpses, then it may be something you can try and plan around to shift the direction its currently going in, if its hit a total brick wall, then patience may be your only option in the immediate future, if that makes sense.....
you must feel so tired of it all though, why cant life ever be nice and simple and uncomplicated eh ::
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