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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2008 13:20:24 GMT
I hope that more people will start using this board as I am really looking to meet other Mum's who have ADHD as I am finding things a real struggle at the moment. I have only recently being diagnosed after years, (well all my life) of feeling like I am not a "normal" person. I am a single Mum to two boys and a little girl and some mornings I just don't want to get up because my life is so stressful at the moment. My eldest two son's, (7 and nearly13) fight CONSTANTLY and I mean CONSTANTLY and I feel like I spend every day being walked all over by them both. My three year old daughter is becoming more demanding as the days go on and I am struggling with this horrible syndrome and I say horrible because that is how it feels to me. I have never been able to hold down a job, I am constantly frustrated and restless and generally don't like myself that much. I am just started on Concerta XL but am not entirely sure as to whether it is working or not, (I live in hope).
Please drop me a line if you fancy a chat!
Louise.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2008 17:29:42 GMT
I just don't want to get up because my life is so stressful at the moment. My eldest two son's, (7 and nearly13) fight CONSTANTLY and I mean CONSTANTLY and I feel like I spend every day being walked all over by them bothi feel the same just a bit 2 worn out 2 tlk about it at mo
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Post by Deleted on Nov 2, 2008 18:32:05 GMT
Glad there is somebody out there who feels the same as me, are you on Facebook? Lou
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Post by pinkbeauty on Nov 2, 2008 20:05:45 GMT
I'm quite scared that I'm losing control of my 3 year old son. He already knows how to get the better of me and I totally lose it with him and then feel so guilty. I either smother him with love or am very angry with him, everything with me is so extreme. I really worry about it.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 3, 2008 12:54:34 GMT
Hi there, I am having a really tough time myself. I feel so damn lonely it's unreal- I really need to go to my GP and start the ball rolling on getting diagnosed but I just dont know how to do it. I feel that my Mum, Sister and Auntie all have some form of this ADHD but even though we are really close I cant talk to them about it. I'm staying at my mums at the mo with my little one as havent been well and I just dont know how to go back to living on my own just dont know how i will cope as there is so many things that i need to do and sort out i just dont know where to start
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2008 16:32:53 GMT
I have a three year old daughter and my feelings towards her are exactly the same, I either go over the top with my affection and love or I am totally snappy and I can't tolerate her behaviour. It is such a taxing time anyway when they are three and dealing with it for anybody is pretty hard work but the ADHD really does make it so much more difficult for us because we are constantly trying to deal with our emotions as well as their outbursts! My two older children are 7 and 13 and that is a another story altogether! My 13 year olds mood swings are in competition with mine at the moment, very stressful atmosphere in general at the moment!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2008 16:35:01 GMT
In response to Pippa's message, I really do feel for you as I know how it feels to be in that situation. I was really lucky to see a psychiatrist who recognised my symptoms straight away pretty much but I do know that I was lucky. Just be brave and persevere about this because once you are diagnosed it really does take a weight off of your shoulders.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2008 19:48:04 GMT
Thanks hun it's so nice to have this forum and to feel like I am not the only one going through this is so wonderful for me. I know I need to find the strength to go to the Doctors it's just doing it-i'm even finding it hard to pick up the phone and actually make the appointment! I must be so weird! Can somebody who has been through this help me with what I should say and also has anyone got any links for stuff that I can printout and tick which symptoms I have? Any help would be absolutely great and if ive got everything there then there is no excuse for me to make the appointment xx
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Post by roland on Nov 4, 2008 23:34:50 GMT
Hi Pippa,
We'll help you through this one step at a time so here goes:
Tomorrow morning (or shortly after you read this post) telephone your GP's office and ask for an appointment with your GP.
Just tell the receptionist that you want to ask your GP about something and that you only need a 10 minute appointment.
Keep this call short and simple, there's no need at this point for explanations about what you want to ask, because that will be between you and your GP.
As soon as you've got the appointment, come back here, and we'll help you with the second step which is pulling together all the information you will need for the appointment.
So look forward to hearing from you tomorrow, and remember we're backing you up!
All the best, Roland
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2008 20:13:38 GMT
Thankyou so so much for your help in this, I really appreciate it soooo much- you just seam to know what I need right now. I will book the appointment on Friday as I am away tomorrow and then I will come back on here and let you know x
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Post by Deleted on Jan 29, 2009 21:42:31 GMT
hi new to this but after reading your post, my life much the same.
It was thru a friend of mine (who dx and seem to be the only one who understood me) that i started looking at adhd.
I not officially dx, waitin for assessment, but i went to my doctor and asked to be put on concerta, just for the interim. Having a full time job and 3 kids and trying to do all is hard work for a "normal" person. The doctor kept saying it depression etc and the prescription written for that, but i never completed the course (as i never seem to complete anything) as i never felt it was either of these things i had.
After starting the concerta, a few days later it just felt that someone finally switched a light on. It just felt like when has all those years gone. It right when they say it like a fog lifting. The clarity of everyday now is better, my judgement calls are better,
I can understand how doctors get it wrong, it may come across as depression, not wanting to get up, to hide, as opening your eyes in the morning just to face another battle.
Prior to meds, every sunday night i would go to bed and decide next week things will be different, but by middle of week it all falls flat on its face, as i started so many things and finished none. Stressing out over things not done, the list of things to do is long forgotten about as i have gone off in so many tangents. Constantly tired, that exhaustion takes its toll.
I consider myself a positive person, but have had to struggle so hard, and external situations (things beyond your control only adding more to your pile) dont help.
I have been disorganised for too long now and want my future to be organised, settled and normal. Meds help, but are not the complete answer, this old dog needs to learn new tricks, I feel I need retraining, re programming to start/finish tasks, structure my time and energy, and still set a bit of time aside for myself.
Like you i have been 10yrs on my own, its not easy, is lonely, frustrating and stressful. But very hard to explain to ordinary people without them thinking your mad.
hope i helped, but reading all the messages it has helped me.
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Post by annie on Jan 29, 2009 23:06:10 GMT
Hi cats20010
I replied to your other post without having read this one, so i hope I haven't confused you.
When you said you went to your doctor and were given meds for your adhd - was this your Gp or was it from a Consultant Psychiatrist?
I' m glad you've seen an improvement in your ability to cope with the day to day problems but it is quite unusual for someone to be given this drug without a formal assessment.
Look forward to hearing how your assessment goes.
annie
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Post by shelalovescharly on Jan 30, 2009 9:24:00 GMT
aaaaw this all takes me back in time... When my oldest girl.(now 21) was about 18 months/2 years..I feel so guily as I often think about how up and down I was.. either on the floor playing and being this great fun mum..(we would turn the sitting room into a zoo for the day..) or screaming my head off at her..(she must have been SO scared!!) There were just days I used to think .'I can't do another day of this!!' She was nearly 3 when her brother came along but my first marriage was almost over my then...They were very close and I did not put her to school the year she was meant to go as at the time i said i thiught she was too young for school but on hind sight I did not want to let her go.. We had such an unconventional life.. I would take them out of school if it was a good day and dissapear to the beach or river to swim..If it snowed I would get them out of bed at 2 in the morning to ski incase the snow was gone in the morning. They used to tell me that I was a great mum 'cos we always did stuff other mums wouldn't do..I think when i got down they stuck together and they remain very close to this day... By the time they were 5 ans 8 i had met another man..I was pregnant within 4 weeks and he moved in with us..This was the start of 10 years of pure hell..He was an ex drug dealer and user and had paranoia and moodiness in abundence. He completly over indulged our little girl to the point that no-one in the house liked her.. He bullied my son and my foster child..(yes that is right, in the middle of all this chaos i managed to fool the social work services into letting a child live with us!!). (that's another hell story!!) In the end the 2nd husband left, but not untill he had traumatised the whole house...The guilt i feel over introducing this man to my children is immeasurable.. What I want to say to you though is that when my kids get together they remain positive about their upbringing..They laugh and recall storis of camping in the gardem under the trampoline..turning the sofa over and making dens..baking together and making steak pie..me meeting them for school with ponies and riding home..the day we sprinkled glitter over the whole house to cheer it up and painted sunflowers all over the house walls... My daughter is creative and a lovely caring mum to my 2 wee grand daughters and my son is training to be a Dr and going to discover a cure for what he calls my ...sh*t house madness!!??.. He is dyslexic and one day I will tell you all is story to encourage everyone who is struggeling...My foster daughter is very close to them all and a wonderful help to my daughter and wee ones..She adores my son and wee girl.. I am sure that your children will be ok. Remember that in our heads it is always 10 x's worse than it really is? Can you get a granny or auntie to take them and give you a rest? I say this but even when I did that i could never get myself motivated enough to do something and would just wander about not getting on with the house work or achieving anything!! Anyway, good luck and sorry this is so long...
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jules
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You can conquer almost any fear if you wish - fear doesn't exist anywhere except the mind
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Post by jules on May 27, 2009 22:21:19 GMT
Hello loumas, Being a single mum with ADHD as you get older = Lonely. Everyday so much happens ... at the end of the day we sit alone wondering who we can talk to someone who understands - we have so much going on in our heads we need to talk it out to gain order and reassurance. (if we just can't keep moaning to people who don't understand these people will distance them selves from us eventually, they feel helpless - unless you have a supportive family etc..) I have a 10 year old boy with ADHD and Austism and live in South Liverpool. I was diagnosed ADHD two months ago and take Equasim 40mgs (spelt wrong!!). I find it difficult to read large chunks of text and don't log in to the forum as often as I would like even though I work for an IT company! And yes I would like to chat, Jules
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Post by Deleted on Jun 12, 2009 9:35:27 GMT
I know its an old saying but its best to take one day at time with kids. Is there anyone in your family who can help?
My son is 12 this month and is turning into Harry Enfield's Kevin! Your 7 year old won't understand why so maybe you could talk to him about why his brother is argumentative/angry/grumpy etc? As there are 6ish years between them, they probably like doing different things so its good to spend time with each of them in turn, but if your family cant/wont help, then perhaps you really should consider trying to get support from social services but its an uphill struggle. Ask for an assessment and for help to complete it as you have Adult ADHD. The questions are boring and repetitive but if it gets you help it's worth doing.
After years my kids only now get "An enabler" who takes each of them out for 4 hours once a fortnight. Its not much but it helps. Dont feel bad though, all we can do is our best and the fact that you are here says that you are desperately trying to do your best. With ADHD we are trying to struggle on with one hand tied behind our backs!
Remember you are not alone. Best of luck. T
P.S. Incidentally, I recommend internet dating. I've been single since 2000 and tried every few years to date, but only met (I think the polite word is) timewasters! I had become quite a confirmed cynic of men.
Finally though, I've met a really genuine, nice, kind, wonderful man and am very happy. I think the thing is, there are so many to trawl through, even if you only want to 'window shop' it could make you smile or even feel that love could be possible. But remember though to follow all the sensible guidelines.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2009 14:07:22 GMT
Hiya, have seen your messages and thought i might have a little vent lol x I'm 27 yr old single mum with a 4 yr old. I work full time for social services and plodded along o.k. Things changed when i had my son, so much more stress and more organising required, where previously i was just called lazy/imcompetent etc when it appeared i didnt bother to do things now it feels like i am failing fast. I have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and started medication last week, ritalin. I dont think this is helping or am not sure although realise they are probably going to adjust the dosage till its right, although the psychiatrist and Gp are battling out who does what as we speak which just feels brilliant! i'm on the verge of quitting my job, i'm missing appointments, double booking. Work are understanding to a degree but I have never felt like I really fit in and now is another reason for them to discuss me over the photocopier! I recently missed my sons open evening, this was soul destroying as it was his first ever and he is my little boy. How can I explain this to his teacher? They probably think I’m one of those parents that don’t care. If I did mention it to her she wouldn’t understand and would just nod and think I was making excuses. Am I? Is this just a personality trait or the disorder? Sorry for waffling on but I am feeling very low at the moment. I have just had a telling off from an angry family member of one of my clients because I forgot to inform him a visit was cancelled and he travelled miles for it. I apologised but its wasnt enough which is fair. I'm irritable and simply feel i am failing in every aspect and everyone is just watching and waiting for me to muck it up. All I want to do is lay in bed and not get up, although I cant do this because my bills need paying, just had recent phone call about something going to court, though I’m not sure exactly as most of my letters lie unopened in various cupboards around my home! I really feel that my son and I need some quality of life and I would love for these pills to work and suddenly everything become easier, please tell me this is what happens!! The funny thing is that tomorrow I will probably feel completely different and wake up with another days worth of fight in me ready to try to ‘sort it out!’ Its just the damn low points seem to get that little bit harder each time.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2009 13:22:29 GMT
Hello ALL
I am new to this site, and am a single working mum ( working full time, trying to finish a postgraduate degree and being a good mum to my 8 year old).
I have only recently been diagnosed after making the observation myself after lots of mis-diagnosis and thousands of pounds of debt later I realised I had to do something in order to be more balanced and less break neck if you know what I mean. I am in the very early stages of a referral to specialist centre but to me having the support that I finally need instead of CPN's ( who I end up counselling ) or phsychiatrists telling me I have clinical depression or epilepsy it feels strangely liberating to final be acknowledged as a sane creative individual with a slight wiring problem that means I never switch off.
My only regret at this moment in time ( and I have read through all of your comments and am picking up the same ) is the consistency i give my daughter if Im not working on my computer I am flitting around, can never sit and just watch a film as she asks and have to set my phone to remind me when its time for us to eat....nightmare so am thinking of asking specifically for some coaching or CBT to help me with management techniques so my daughter can spend time with her mum and have her much deserved un -interupted attention.
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Post by pinkbeauty on Jun 27, 2009 0:16:22 GMT
Hello ALL I am new to this site, and am a single working mum ( working full time, trying to finish a postgraduate degree and being a good mum to my 8 year old). I have only recently been diagnosed after making the observation myself after lots of mis-diagnosis and thousands of pounds of debt later I realised I had to do something in order to be more balanced and less break neck if you know what I mean. I am in the very early stages of a referral to specialist centre but to me having the support that I finally need instead of CPN's ( who I end up counselling ) or phsychiatrists telling me I have clinical depression or epilepsy it feels strangely liberating to final be acknowledged as a sane creative individual with a slight wiring problem that means I never switch off. My only regret at this moment in time ( and I have read through all of your comments and am picking up the same ) is the consistency i give my daughter if Im not working on my computer I am flitting around, can never sit and just watch a film as she asks and have to set my phone to remind me when its time for us to eat....nightmare so am thinking of asking specifically for some coaching or CBT to help me with management techniques so my daughter can spend time with her mum and have her much deserved un -interupted attention. Hi Nottinghamshire I totally agree, I am a single mum to a 4 year old boy and am constantly berating myself as I don't feel I give him enough time. I sooo need help in this area. I've always found it difficult to sit down and play with him, I think its getting slightly easier as he's getting older but its horrible as I feel so guilty all the time, but as you know, there are always things to do and the computer just draaaaaaaws me in. I also worry about my moods and my temper. Fortunately for me, I have the most lovely natured little boy (most of the time!) and I totally adore him and love him with all my heart. He is my life, I just always feel he deserves better. PB
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Post by pinkbeauty on Jun 27, 2009 0:19:59 GMT
Hi Roisiin as well, it seems like we're in a similar boat as I am a single mum with a 4 year old very energetic very lively little boy! Its very difficult to juggle a million things especially when I could never manage my own life before I had him!! I must say, I think I'm doing far better with him though than I was before him! Maybe its because my life finally has direction!
Roisin, I have days like you mentioned too, but then other days are better. I really hope the pills help you, I would love to have some kind of CBT to go with them!
PB
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Post by twix on Jun 27, 2009 10:15:23 GMT
it feels strangely liberating to final be acknowledged as a sane creative individual with a slight wiring problem
That is such a wonderfully good way of putting it.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2009 20:40:58 GMT
Hello to the mums
I am a daddy to two girls of 4 & 2 i found out i had ADD after second child and just feeling consumed by the whole experience and recently diagnossed. I look after the girls alot as mum works shifts and i have one job after another. I found concerta helped with my patients for them i used to give them such a hard time and trying to find half an hour after work to calm down before picking them up from nursery was surgested and it really helped along with trying to plan activites for whilst cooking T helped.
The first time i tried this you could hear a pin drop in the house all evening.
I know some of you have it way harder than me and it is an inspiration to me. It's just aswell I'm a good cook and my kids love me for that. ;D
I too have feelings of guilt unlike some of you i somtimes dont even know i am doing it and my partner has to sound me out about taking off on the kids. I think more and more i am becoming self aware and catch myself and try to turn it around tone it down. Its like the meds allow me to take a step back an out of body experience and look at what am doing. Atleast we are on track to sort it out some people dont even know they have this condition and are walking all over there kids.
The bottom line is things can only improve. ;D
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2009 16:36:41 GMT
Roisin717 dont give yourself such a hard time, its obvious to anyone who looks that you try your hardest, esp with your son. The only reason you feel guilty is cos you care so much and there are plenty of parents out there who dont care about their kids but should.
Regarding work, it might be an idea to get some advice about what kind of job would suit you better, or else what statergies and aids could help you where you work now. It sounds good that your collegues are so understanding, but that is not enough. Unfortunately, I dont know who to suggest you speak to about work, but perhaps your job centre might know who to suggest, they might be a start.
When you say you want to hide in bed it does sound rather like depression, which I gather is common for us Adult ADD's as we fight to fit into a world that doesnt understand us. It wouldnt be supprising when you have so much on your shoulders.
Just remember, you are only a human being not flippin Superwoman, so give yourself a well deserved break. You are probably doing amazingly well considering you have a 'wiring issue'.
Also, I have accidentally missed quite a lot of my son's school evenings, but his school are really good about keeping me updated. If I miss one, I get annoyed with myself, but I try to see his teacher or his LSA (he is ADHD too!), and nowadays there is also email to communicate with teachers etc.. Have you explained to school that you have attention and memory problems, they will probably be understanding if you do?
You are not alone, its not just you. Take care. T
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Post by Roisin717 on Jul 7, 2009 14:34:40 GMT
Hi all thanks for the messages they really helped. I've spoken to my doctor and my boss and am taking a couple of weeks off. This helps with home life but the thought of returning is still looming! I'm always considering looking into other areas of work, one day i'd like to be a mid-wife and the next a beauty technician I think that is one thing i enjoy about myself-always open to new ideas and i do think 'outside of the box'. I've tried CBT in the past prior to diagnosis but this wasnt specialised enough i since realised(apparently i was a bit agoraphobic!). Following diagnosis @ Maudsley ADHD Clinic my Gp within the mental health team has referred me back to them with regards to ongoing support so i'm positive about this even though its quite a distance. I havent discussed these issues with my sons school, I've considered it but its a bit like 'outting' yourself!! I think this would be helpful though so after reading the post i've booked an appointment with my sons teacher. Thank-you. Its really good to chat to people. How do others find their extended family respond to the diagnosis? Rosheen
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Post by laura on Jul 23, 2009 4:31:48 GMT
Hi, im new to all this and ive noticed no=ones posted anything for a while, but i need to let it all out my mind is going crazy and i cant sllep. i feel like this is the only place i will be understood. i am a single mum to a 5 year old lovely little boy. however hes always had problems concentrating and ive took him to the drs a number of times to get his hearing checked although im assured hes fine so he just doesnt listen. hes been having problems at school with his gross motor skills, writing and concentration he is intellegent likeable boy but has low self esteem and seems to be progtessing slowly in any subject other than art and design. he is also very moody and gets upset easily and hits him self on the head when hes angry. so i found ADHD and when i read the adult symptoms the penny dropped it was me!! that was a week ago im feeling more confused and upset by the day now i know evetybody isnt like me, my messy house with piles everywhere, always late, missing appointments, losing everything (i currently cant use the pc coz i lost the cordless mouse 2 weeks ago and still cant find it!) its making me think even more and i didnt thik that was possible! ive just started having cbt because of my anxiety problems, usually in social situations coz i cant think of anything to say then i get thinking about what i could say which makes me miss out on half the conversation so then im totally lost so keep quiet unless some really stupid peice of useless information pops into my head that i just have to get out even if its not relevent to the conversation at all sorry just realised i went off what i was saying anyway so ive got an appointment with him on friday so im going to speak to him then. it made me feel so much better reading the posts because i always feel guilty for not spending enough time with my son but i really cant sit down and play with him for long and we forget to eat on a regular basis, i could also count on one hand the amount of times hes got to school on time anyway sorry for the long post i know ull probly get distracted half way through but it just feels so good to find some people like me, ive never felt normal ive always knew something wasnt quite right and i think this is it! i feel like ive finally found people who understand im not alone anymore
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Post by andy12345 on Jul 23, 2009 4:56:06 GMT
Good morning laura, welcome to this very helpful website. I woke up about 10 mins ago and thought I would see if anyone posted anything since the last time I checked (about 2.5 hours ago) which is terrible, but then you know how it is... In fact I am fading away again lol. Your story will no doubt be very familiar to those who are officially adhd with children (whether they be old children of 40 hehe or just children of childlike age). I dont have kids but I know that your story would be mine exactly if I did. My talking capabilites are good in my comfort zone/safe locations etc but otherwise I am a bit guarded. It's painful to even talk about sometimes. Still, you should have some more useful responses soon. damn, I need to go back to sleep but the bed is too far away, maybe I should use my keyboard as a pillow?
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Post by roland on Jul 23, 2009 5:53:56 GMT
Hi Laura, Welcome to the forum, and I'm sorry I'm a bit late with the welcome I meant to say in response to one of your previous posts that I too have restless legs syndrome (diagnosed in a sleep disorder clinic), and that it apparently frequently occurs with ADHD, and in fact can make the symptoms worse because it can interfere with getting restful sleep. But I've found that my ADHD meds, once I got up to the higher dosage made the restless leg symptoms almost disappear. Who are you seeing tomorrow? Are you going to ask for a referral to an adult ADHD specialist for an assessment? Are you also going to ask that your son be assessed as well?
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Post by laura on Jul 23, 2009 6:08:30 GMT
hello, thanx for replying, im still awke! ive started having cognitive behavioural therapy so ive got my weekly appointment tomoro so im going to talk to my therapist and see what he thinks hes a really nice guy so i hope he understands, i have also made appointments for myself and my son for next wednesday and intend on taking the list of syptoms as suggesstd on another post (if i dont forget them). i made myself sit down and make the appointments yesterday as i really cant take much more, im 23 and felt this way as long as i remember. i live in nottingham and not sure what the services are like if there are any. if there anything like the depression and anxiety services its going to take forever!
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Post by laura on Jul 23, 2009 6:17:16 GMT
oops sorry i meant to say, mine and my sons appointments next week are with the gp
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Post by roland on Jul 23, 2009 6:25:28 GMT
Hi Laura,
In some places, the therapists have been able to make the referral requests for people, so hopefully yours will be able to, but if not you can ask the GP to do it for both of you.
Anyway, good luck tomorrow, and let us know how it goes.
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Post by laura on Jul 23, 2009 6:32:27 GMT
thankyou, i will
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