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Post by Mouse on Aug 21, 2011 9:45:27 GMT
Just trying to get the guilt off of my chest and feel less sh*t.
I posted on another forum and made comments about a ‘celebrity’ –one other person on that forum replied and we batted comments back and forth and the post was steadfastly ignored by everyone else (though my ‘oblivious’ mind did not register that). Then the thread disappeared and the admin team pm’d me to tell me that my post had been removed due to it being a personal attack. I felt sick (really pukey sick) when I read that… as in hindsight I realised why they would view it that way… but of course never twigged when typing away. I also felt I had exposed myself as small-minded and stupid and because of that I feel incredibly deflated and ‘down’ and ashamed.
I can’t even word an apology so haven’t been back on that forum since. I have done the mental equivalent of slinking off with my tail between my legs.
I don’t have any excuses – the only reason I have is that, after months of being vigilant about what I was thinking or saying I failed to moderate myself.
I still want to visit that forum as I have learned much about that particular interest from the help boards, but I feel I can’t as even if I were to register again, they would know it was me.
Ah well, onwards and downwards.. (of course I know I'll bounce back.. just not sure when at the mo.) This is my little pity party - indulge me!
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Post by twix on Aug 21, 2011 9:49:12 GMT
Don't forget it takes 2 to tango! It wasn't just you. Try not to worry about it, you made a mistake, you can learn from it, its easy to get carried away on the internet.
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Post by kakema on Aug 21, 2011 12:48:59 GMT
I don’t have any excuses – the only reason I have is that, after months of being vigilant about what I was thinking or saying I failed to moderate myself. Oh, thank god it's not just me! After trying to moderate myself for ages, I've just slid back into my old ways, too, and been a cow to one of my best friends. I took huge offence, completely unreasonably, at something he said, went waay over the top in what I said back to him, and generally was completely selfish and over-emotional when I knew he was having a properly hard time himself and didn't need me playing silly buggers. I'm so ashamed of myself. Full of resolve, for all of ten minutes, that I'll never do it again, and then full of despair, because I just know that I will. Don't know about you, but I feel like my self control is a house of cards - the more successfully I build it, the more it becomes imminent that it'll come crashing down. Sharing this doesn't fix how you feel, mouse, does it; just letting you know you're not the only one who fails this way. I know it makes me feel rotten when I do it. I should know better, but there's something very broken inside me, just underneath my merry, polished veneer of civilisation. I just have no idea how to fix it, other than to gather my wits and try again. And apologise. Gotta repair the damage. quote author=mouse board=lounge thread=4406 post=44171 time=1313919927]I can’t even word an apology so haven’t been back on that forum since. I have done the mental equivalent of slinking off with my tail between my legs. I still want to visit that forum as I have learned much about that particular interest from the help boards, but I feel I can’t as even if I were to register again, they would know it was me. [/quote] I really understand that feeling of mortification! Blimey, how many of us have run away rather than face the shame we feel after letting our mouths run off. That's a very human emotion - try not to feel bad about feeling bad! But I think that it's important to have a go at reconciliation, when you've caused offence or hurt. It's the healthiest, most 'grown-up' thing to do. The only way, really, to get some good out of the bad, and it feels so good when it works. I wonder if they really think as badly of you as you do yourself? It's their job to keep the boards straight, but you're not a troll, and they must get that people can step over lines from time to time. If it was me, when I was ready, I'd kick off with a short but sincere apology and say that you hadn't intended to cause a problem. See what happens. If you do nothing, nothing will happen, but that's unlikely to make you happy. Fixing the damage will make you feel like you've recovered a measure of control.
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Post by Mouse on Aug 21, 2011 14:54:56 GMT
Thank you Twix and Ooh Shiny!
" I'm so ashamed of myself. Full of resolve, for all of ten minutes, that I'll never do it again, and then full of despair, because I just know that I will."
I can feel this!! Also agree that I feel my self control is as finely balanced or as 'treacherous' as a house of cards. You cannot be off your guard for one moment.
"I should know better, but there's something very broken inside me, just underneath my merry, polished veneer of civilisation. I just have no idea how to fix it, other than to gather my wits and try again." These words perfectlydescribe me too.
One of the things I am grateful for is that I do still still have some resilience left, though at times like these it feels rather like the stuffing is a bit depleted!
re making an apology I am thinking about that. (I realise I do have the words as I PM'd someone on the board and the wordsI used accurately sum up my remorse). I'm not sure admin are too bothered about an apology as it might remind people who saw the post of our discussion and stir up enquiries from people who didn't.
Ah well, I'll procrastinate a little while longer!
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Post by phil on Aug 21, 2011 15:33:23 GMT
mouse you got booted punishment forget about it ;D lol
i can't put a picture of myself on facebook ;D lol
because someone will say thats the t*** who ............................ LOL ;D
you get carried away in the heat of the moment when someone is being opisitional ;D
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Post by boo on Aug 21, 2011 21:39:55 GMT
if you PM the apology, no-one else needs see it, so it wont stir up any curiosity.
I hate the aftermath feeling of knowing full well i have run my mouth off, the sicky lurching feeling of not being able to turn the clock back, just a little bit, to the time just before it happened.
an apology wont change that it happened, but i am sure the other person will be open to it and it will clear the air
i find too, in these situations, the sooner i bite the bullet, the sooner its all over and done with and if i dont, it just churns over and over, causing far more anxiety than it ever really should do in the grand scheme of things
take care, hope it all gets sorted soon x
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Post by dizzydumpling on Aug 22, 2011 0:55:22 GMT
What can I add to what twix, ooshiny, odat and boo have said?......... ditto! ditto! ditto! ditto!.....and I'm sure there's plenty of others on here thinking the same thing!
As for what Phil said - I think in some ways he's lucky to have developed such a thick skin, but imho that carries with it the risk of losing the sensitivity that's driving you to want to make this better.
When this sort of thing happens to me, I just try and remember the countless times that it's happened before and the fact that 9 times out of 10, I'm able to look back after a while with neither guilt or cringing as it usually gets resolved in the end - and what's not resolved is still often healed by the passage of time! (Doesn't stop me running away with my tail between my legs when it first happens though)
Try not to beat yourself up over it any more - and if you were a bit 'small-minded' as you claimed, we all see the world through wonky specs sometimes - but now you're seeing it from a different point of view - I would imagine it happens to most of us at times! Good luck!
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Post by phil on Aug 22, 2011 11:14:01 GMT
there is a saying there is no use crying over spilt milk! sometimes you act on impulse. if you breath before you post walk away from the pc then post when you are feeling a bit calmer then that may help! if addicus and roland wanted to be anal about things we would all get booted and thats the great thing about proboards theres times where i've wrote things and had to delete them as i would have been booted ;D so thats another good tool someone gets on you're tits let them f***ing have in in the post box but don't post it make a cuppa detach go back and read the post and you will think i'm so glad i did not post that and delete! it gets anger out anger is a great thing as long as you get it out in a controlled way! when i'm impulsive i go on facebook and generally get it out by cracking funnies joking and winding may mates up like a mischivious child ;D so you get to swear cuss bang you feeling in that moment down name call basically go into a frenzy let it all out ;D ignoring the issue don't get the anger out just bottle it up the next person to annoy's you cops it lol when you read you're rant think how the person on the other end is going to feel, and how other folks are going to see you as a bully, nut job, troll lol i went to the beach with my nippers and this guy i knew was working on this lucky bag stall my kids wanted a go of! i paid a tenner for crap not worth £2 so i felt like knocking the guy the F*** out just put him to sleeps! but i still had the rod hook thing so i grabbed another bag behind his back ;D small victory i felt i had tucked him up like he tucked my children up and there was no violence this time! a bloke kicked my boy because he was drunk i saw my kid limping and said wheres you're bike? he said in the house? i asked why are you limping? the man kicked me! that was it for me i was out of it that guy was getting a beaten no matter what! i have been s*** on all my life taken systematic abuse school, police, government, all failed me but it's all my fault they gave me oppertunities i did not take them! bull! i can deal with abuse i can't deal with my kids getting it!
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Post by christvswarhol on Aug 22, 2011 11:57:01 GMT
;D Hey!!! Look i am new to all this...i don't try to control anything yet lol Kidding (?)....so you went on a forum and shot a momentary load!!!
I'd have felt exactly the same as you...but i feel it is as simple as...everyone loses it some point....i know its easy to say that, and doesn't help at all, but you just made a mistake, all you can do is go back and try your best to explain, apolergize and take it from there.
Hope you decide to go back.....
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Post by ChaosLily on Aug 22, 2011 23:42:00 GMT
Can I add a short but multi dittoed response too?!
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kreate
Member posts quite a bit
Posts: 190
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Post by kreate on Aug 23, 2011 17:41:36 GMT
what who when where why? ? where was i ? lol
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Post by mavster on Sept 2, 2011 18:55:14 GMT
Who was the celeb . Spill
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Post by Mouse on Sept 3, 2011 14:10:23 GMT
I'm not 'spilling' as they might turn out to be not all sweetness and light but the most litigious thing to walk this earth.
And I nearly penned an apology this morning, as I have come to the end of my self-imposed Coventry /punishment and not posted on that forum for 2 weeks. (Was not a totally harsh punishment as I did allow myself to read the forum posts!) It felt like a personal crisis when I first posted and now 2 weeks' later I just think 'wish I could remember the words to my parting ditty, which I thought had been rather witty'. So my contrition was a short, and self-imposed, condition!
I think the reason I can't bring myself to say sorry is that possibly two weeks' later I not quite as sorry as I was. And I think I still have a residual streak of ODD running right through me!
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