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Post by mccutcheon on Nov 16, 2011 11:50:59 GMT
do we have a rant thread? I couldn't find one. I need to rant though. today sucks. decided not to go to school tonight I'm a little ashamed about it but my anxiety today is off the charts. and I've never had anxiety before. I just don't want to go outside, I guess. But I've taken some magnesium which seems to help. and I hope that in the afternoon I'll at least get started on an exposé I have to get done by friday. and in the morning I was woken by a text telling me that our favourite couple friends have broken up. actually, they're our only couple friends and we love them each AND together. and I feel like a selfish prick for this because I should be more worried about them than about us losing our couple friends. what a shitty day
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Post by dizzydumpling on Nov 16, 2011 23:27:59 GMT
Any thread becomes a rant thread when I'm feeling like that! Sorry to hear you're having a crappy day. Anxiety's horrible, and if you're not used to suffering from it, it must feel pretty disturbing (not that you ever really get used to it! ). I know there's plenty of people who say things like, "You just need to get out there and face up to it" etc etc, but as long as it doesn't turn into something longer term, there's nothing wrong with hiding away and giving yourself an easy time for a day or two. Why create more stress for yourself than you need to? I don't know about the ritalin side of things really as I'm not on any meds myself, but I gather it's quite common to suffer from anxiety at first. Have you checked out the med threads to see if you can get some idea how long this usually lasts for etc? As for feeling like a prick - don't! If you're already feeling anxious generally, then your friends breaking up is going to be hard to deal with at the moment - after all, it changes the dynamics of the friendships which is quite a complex thing to deal with emotionally at the best of times when it comes to people you're really close to. It's not selfish unless you couldn't give a shit how they're feeling in all this - which I'm quite sure isn't the case! Hope tomorrow's a better day! x
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Post by mccutcheon on Nov 17, 2011 11:20:23 GMT
thank you, dizzy!
My day got a little better because a friend of mine dropped by (I asked for help, wohoo! success!). and I realised the anxiety goes away when I'm busy and not obsessing about adhd and meds etc. Now I know it really IS only in my head and I can stop it. maybe I need to hang out here less...
My friend and I even went out to buy some hay for the bunnies yesterday and today I'm meeting her again for a writing session.
The strattera is not working yet but it's a definitely a good thing that I'm off the ritalin. feeling much better today. the key is knowing that it's "all in my head" and stopping myself right then and there.
You're right of course, I do care about my friends. In fact, I'm rather worried because the one that was dumped has an eating disorder :/ I know I'm basically a good person, but in that moment I just felt like a prick for thinking about me first. but I'll try to take care of my friend, if she lets me... so far she's withdrawn.
quick question: are you not on any meds by choice? and how are you treating your adhd instead?
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Post by dizzydumpling on Nov 22, 2011 0:15:51 GMT
Hey mccutcheon, Sorry I've not been on here for a few days to reply. I'm glad the anxiety feels a bit better, and yes I agree that keeping busy definitely helps! It's when it's accompanied by depression that anxiety becomes a real bitch because that tends to leave you too unmotivated to keep busy so it becomes a bit of a vicious circle! Perhaps I'm just an incredibly selfish person, but I really don't understand why you should feel bad for thinking about yourself first - after all, you are you ! Therefore surely instinct must drive you to consider the way that something's going to affect you, before imagining how it might affect others. Well that's how I see it anyway - I would have thought that was normal as we're designed for survival - but that's not to say that you're uncaring as you then go on to think how the situation must be affecting others involved and do your best to help etc. Perhaps it's just that other people try and pretend that they don't think of their own needs first for fear of being seen as selfish! As far as my own situation goes, I'm not on meds because I'm not dx with ADHD. The psych who assessed me decided that I had HFA/aspergers rather than ADHD, which I'm going to continue arguing the toss about with the general psych that I've been referred to, but as far as the specialist goes, it's an autistic spectrum disorder and that's that! Some people have been able to get meds to help with the innatentiveness caused by their aspergers & this is something I'm going to try and appeal for as an unnoficial trial of ritalin has shown me how much I would benefit from it, but I think the chances are slim. As for treating it - I'm not! Have failed in college last year and am pretty much failing in life at the moment! In the past I have got myself organised by keeping wall planners and filofaxes, combined with a regular work routine etc, but at the moment there's no routine, loads I should be doing and I'm completely all over the place! I'm on citalopram for depression and take guarana, choline and spirulina supplements which I thought were helping my alertness a little bit, but that seems to have tailed off now too! But I seem to be slipping back into my default mode of me me me here......(see - I'm definitely selfish!! ) What I meant to say was that I hope you're settling into the Straterra now and that the anxiety's wearing off. Having read about yours and others' experiences of Ritalin with regard to anxiety, I'm starting to think that perhaps I'm better off without it anyway! It seems that most people here have to spend some time getting to grips with which is the lesser of many evils when it comes to balancing meds/symptoms. Hopefully you'll hit the right formula quickly.
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Post by mccutcheon on Nov 22, 2011 11:30:46 GMT
holy shit, dizzy! I'm beginning to think I've really hit the jackpot with my psychiatrist, he's a gem! At my last pdoc I was misdiagnosed with first adjustment disorder and then sort of (because I kept complaining that I was not getting any better) depression. well, at least I was given anti-depressants. I ended up simply telling her I felt we couldn't work with each other and she referred me to my current pdoc who as I said is wonderful. he happens to be a specialist for adhd, spotted it right away and put me on the right path. see, I can be all me me me me too OK, so I don't really get the British health system but it sounds to me like you guys can't choose your pdoc yourself but are automatically referred or something? Right? Wrong? Because if I'm wrong, can't you just go see a different one who will dx you correctly? as for the meds - it doesn't have to be Ritalin. And I'm definitely better off WITH meds than without. Strattera seems to be working for now at least. I really hope you get proper help soon because it sucks to feel like one's control on life is slipping out of one's hands. For three years I've felt like the reigns were simply slipping from my fingers but the dx helped a lot. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you x
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Post by dizzydumpling on Nov 23, 2011 2:24:05 GMT
Thanks! No there's very little choice, especially as I live at the very arse-end of the country. Specialist psych's are few & far between around here (I think mine was supposed to be the only one in this county!) and a general one wouldn't have a clue! To be honest, I don't even know if it is ADHD or ASD as some reports I've read seem to indicate that they can mimic each other pretty well. I don't really care what they want to call it to be honest - I just want the opportunity to experience life on a level playing field if you know what I mean, now that I know it may be possible! I'm not really whinging though (believe it or not) as to be fair, life could be a lot worse! I'm not terribly unhappy or anything (at least not now the PMT's nearly over!!), just feel 'so near and yet so far' if you know what I mean since getting this weird dx - it's frustrating! I'm really glad you have a great psych - sounds like the Strattera's working out - and like the Austrian system's a lot more efficient than ours!!
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Post by mccutcheon on Nov 25, 2011 7:46:49 GMT
Worst night of sleep in a long time. Didn't drink enough fluids yesterday and that always makes me sleep badly. I guess I'll get up now...
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Post by mccutcheon on Nov 25, 2011 14:51:02 GMT
Why does she always have to be right? Always! To the point where I end up doubting my mental capacities because I'm the one with adhd who keeps forgetting things. And now I'm stuck with her fleece under my jacket bc she took mine, convinced it was hers. But she's smaller than me and now I feel like the Michelin man.
And the noises and the dumb people on the tram are driving me maaaaad.
Phew. That's better.
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